Chapter 4! Sorry it took so long to update. School was being evil—we were having finals for the trimester. How evil…

Disclaimer: If I were in a patient mood, then I would explain, using short words because anyone who can't understand that I don't own Harry Potter can't be very intelligent, that I don't own anything related to Harry Potter or anything else. However, I am not in a patient mood, so I hereby proclaim that I renounce any ownership of the award-winning series known as Harry Potter, or the person/movie bearing the same name, and that anyone who thinks that I do own it is a numbskull. No offense.

To those who were expecting me to use longer words for the geniuses among you: no comment. I simply meant that I would use even shorter words. If possible.

---------------------------------THE STORY------------------------------------------------------

The three were alarmed. Very alarmed. Wouldn't anyone be alarmed if Draco Malfoy randomly showed up and blew up their house? Especially considering that he seemed to be randomly floating in the air and that he was wearing very, very strange garments.

Strange indeed. Over black and silver wizard robes, he wore a bright blue cape. He wore furry, neon orange gloves and matching boots. His wand was even stranger: it seemed to glow with a strange luminescence and had a very, very, VERY bright hue of the lime green sort.

"Who are you?" demanded Harry Potter, as Voldemort suddenly realized:

"You're wearing a cape!"

Malfoy frowned at the book. "Of course I'm wearing a cape."

"You can't wear a cape!"

"Yes, I can."

"No, you can't."

"Can so."

"Cannot."

"Can."

"Can't."

"Can."

"YOU CAN'T BECAUSE I SAY YOU CAN'T, SO SHUT UP!"

"Well then, WHY can't I wear a cape?"

"Because only I can wear a cape! I am the one and only Dark Lord! And only the Dark Lord can wear a cape!"

Malfoy seemed to consider this and pondered out loud. "Of course I'm not the Dark Lord. Am I? No, I'm not. It's too clichéd… But I'm wearing a cape…a very nice cape it is too. Do you like blue?" He asked Harry suddenly. Harry was slowly backing away. However, Malfoy did not seem to notice. "I like blue a lot. Am I the Dark Lord? No, because You-Know-Who's the Dark Lord. And I'm not You-Know-Who. Because I don't even know who. And if I don't know who I am, then you can't know who. Probably. So I must be someone else. You-Don't-Know-Who? No, because once I tell you that I'm You-Don't-Know-Who then you will know who and I won't be You-Don't-Know-Who anymore, but then you won't know who, so then I will be again, and then… IT'S TOO CONFUSING! MAKE THE VOICES SHUT UP!" At this point, he hit himself on the head with his wand. Harry, Dobby, and Voldemort shrank away noticeably. "The Dark Lord Two? No, I don't like that. Besides, if I were the Dark Lord, I'd have to wear dark colors. And I don't like dark colors. So, then I must be…" his voice trailed off and he stood there silently. (Oh, dear, Malfoy seems to have serious issues. Poor, poor Malfoy. Multiple personalities, perhaps?)

Dobby was having trouble telling what this rant was about. He had, however, deciphered the one sentence that had been asked of his master. For some reason, Malfoy wanted to know if Harry liked Winnie the Pooh. Or was it just poo? He didn't think that Malfoy had randomly started making the noises of a certain farm animal, so that left poo or Pooh.

Harry was frightened of this strange individual and was sweating like another farm animal that was not the one that Dobby thought that Malfoy might possibly be making the noises of. He squeaked slightly, wanting to be far, far away.

Voldemort was worried as well and wanted Malfoy to get rid of the cape and the gloves. Orange was Voldemort's least favorite color and he didn't like other people wearing capes. It made them seem to commonplace. And what if he took away Voldemort's name? It just wouldn't be the same with a second Dark Lord. And what was that about his title being clichéd? So unfair…

However, Voldemort put aside his thoughts for a few moments to ask:

"So what are you calling yourself now?"

Malfoy looked startled; he seemed to have forgotten the presence of others besides himself. "Um…" then his confusion cleared up. "I," Draco Malfoy said, flourishing his cape, "am the BLUE LORD!"

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Strange indeed it is. Hopefully the next chapter will be more interesting. However, I sort of need plot ideas—I need to tie in this whole Blue Lord thing with Voldie's little dilemma. Any suggestions are welcome!

Readers of The Ultimate Cross-Over: sorry about the lack of updates. We're currently suffering from computer trouble on that one. Not sure exactly how—inquire of NameWeAreTooCowardlyToSay as to the exact nature of the problem.

However, please REVIEW! No one's reviewing and Asvoria Granger the Thirteenth is very sad! No more updates until I get at least one more review!