Finally, Chapter Five! Sorry about the seemingly indefinite lack of updates. They should be more frequent from now on, hopefully.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't own Dobby. I don't own Voldemort. I don't own Webster's Unabridged Thesaurus. I don't own St. Mungo's. I don't own Malfoy. I don't own anything, okay?
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Dobby stared at Draco Malfoy, who had just called himself the New Dork, feeling sorry for him. "It's okay," he said sympathetically. "You're not a dork. Just… well, disturbed. But that's okay; there are lots of people like you at St. Mungo's."
Harry just stared at his former classmate. Sweat broke out on his forehead.
Voldemort was upset. He was also having trouble formulating coherent thoughts, as he was unable to get through even a single sentence without listing at least eight synonyms of each word that he thought. This tended to result in run-on sentences.
At last, Harry cleared his throat. Malfoy, who had raised his arms to the sky and was cackling maniacally, jumped. "Oh," he said sheepishly. "You're not one of the voices!"
Harry ignored this and inquired, "Would you mind telling me what this is about?"
"Er…" Malfoy considered this. "I dunno… I think that I want to take over the world. Yes, that's right!" He beamed. "And I have just the means to do it. Inside this wand…" he tapped his wand dramatically... "I have placed a number of things. Not least, powdered gravestones. Oh, and a piece of the cauldron that little Webster used to create a potion to restore himself to power. Ingenious!" He smiled craftily, then cocked his head as if listening to someone. "Oh, you think so, too, Bob? You were always my favorite." He patted the side of his head lovingly.
Poor ickle Voldemort scowled. "Shut up, be silent, still your damn tongue, and quit the jabber about the voices! You're insane! Loco! Crazy! Mad! And you belong at a muggle mental institution! Besides, why are you coming to tell us?"
Malfoy looked surprised. "Why, so that you can know that you'll never stop me, of course. So that you'll know that you failed in stopping my plot to take over and eventually destroy the world. What's that, Humphrey?" he was silent for a moment before he smiled. "Why, thanks for reminding me. He grinned widely at Voldemort, Harry, and Dobby. Humphrey, here" he gestured to his head- "just reminded me that I forgot to tell you about my horcruxes. I've got several, not the least of which is my wand. And…" suddenly, he began to chant and gesture at Voldemort with his wand. This lasted for close to a minute, with the threesome who were not trying to take over the world at the moment too petrified to move. At last, Malfoy lowered his wand and staggered tiredly. "It is done. The book's now my latest horcrux." He grinned evilly, as Voldemort grew pale. If that's possible. "You can't stop me without killing him! Toodles!" And with that, he disappeared, leaving Voldiepoo—er, Voldemort—and the others stunned beyond speaking.
A high-pitched scream jerked Harry and Voldemort from their present state of stupefaction. "Poodles!" screamed Dobby. "Nooooo! Save me! Save me! I don't like dogs!" He grabbed onto Harry's shoe and sobbed hysterically. Harry responded by shaking his foot, launching Dobby through the air to crash head-first into the pavement. The house-elf was silent.
Harry was stunned as his none-too-large brain tried to process what was going on. "Uh…" he muttered. "Er… so… what do we do?" He vaguely recalled something Malfoy had said. "I suppose we can't do anything. We can't stop him."
Voldemort seemed to be gazing into the distance with eyes as big as Dobby's. Well, at the moment, Dobby's eyes weren't that big, because they were rolled up into the back of his head. Voldemort said slowly, "Yes, there is. There is a way."
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Review people! Sorry if this was sort of a weird chapter. I was having trouble with this particular part of the plot line. Expect the next chapter to be funny and star mainly Dobby and Voldemort.
Sorry that the Ultimate Cross-Over hasn't been updated recently. NameWeAreTooCowardlyToSay's computer died. Quite literally. Stupid viruses… So, anyway, it deleted what we had of the next chapter. Expect an update eventually, though.