"Contemplate thy powers, contemplate thy wants and thy connections; so shalt thou discover the duties of life, and be directed in all thy ways."
-- Akhenaton (d. c.1354 BC), Egyptian king
I was rushing around to make sure I had all the stuff in order, Ron was coming over today; Sirius and Remus were in the kitchen talking. I had the chess set out; I was looking at the fireplace waiting. The last few days had been okay. I still had the same dreams, and Remus and Sirius aren't tired of trying to pry out what my uncle did. I thought that they would understand that dreams are no big deal. I mean I've been having these types of dreams for as long as I can remember.
I had started dueling with Sirius and to say that he beat every time would be an understatement, he pummeled me every time. I wondered how in Merlin's name I ever survived Voldemort. Remus had gone in to more of the martial arts; his stamina is as good as ever. Really he could fight and beat me without taking one breath. His werewolf strength gave him an advantage. I had mentioned that but he went into this long lesson on how speed and escaping attack is much better than fighting headlong. So I spent the whole day learning to dodge.
I heard someone fall out of the fireplace, breaking my line of thought. I looked over and saw Ron. I then jumped up and smiled.
"Hey Ron!" I said, walking over to him, he was currently dusting the soot off him. He then looked up and smiled.
"Hey! Where's Sirius and Remus?" he asked. I sighed and pointed the kitchen.
"They're talking, probably has to do something with me." I said rolling my eyes. Ron smiled mischievously.
"Now don't get too arrogant Harry not everyone spends every minute of their day talking about you." Ron teased with mock reproof. I laughed, and punched my friend in the arm.
"Want to play some wizard's chess?" Ron asked, I nodded with a look of dread flickering pass my eyes. I wondered why I brought out the chess set.
We played for about half an hour before I lost miserably, Sirius came just a moment later, smiling.
"Hey guys you want to go flying outside!" said Sirius, right then I noticed the three brooms in his hands, two were Nimbus' 2001 and one was my firebolt. We all agreed eagerly ran outside, Remus was sitting on the lawn chairs reading a book.
"Moony, want to fly!" said Sirius conjuring another broom. Remus looked reluctant to part with his book but joined in. Ron and I grabbed are brooms and did a few tricks, I hadn't been on a broom in a week or so, it made me feel free, and helped forget about the past few nights. An hour had past very quickly and Remus called all of us down for lunch. Sirius, Ron, and I grudgingly adhered.
Sirius challenged us to a race and Ron and I both agreed, Of course the big cheater transformed into a dog. Ron and I didn't even come close but we made sure he knew our thoughts. Sirius just shrugged and reminded us that he never set any rules; I wished I could apparate which would give him a surprise.
After lunch I asked Ron if he wanted to go to the forest mentioning I hadn't walked through it yet, Sirius and Remus told us not to wander far and gave us an emergency portkey in case we got lost. I took the portkey with no intent on using the cursed contraption; me and the portkey do not have good history with each other.
As we walked through the forest Ron was telling me about his twin brother's joke shop.
'"It's opening up real soon, they said if I wanted a job they would hire me, I dare say that it will be more than my allowance." Ron said eagerly.
"Are you still their test rat?" I asked teasingly.
"Yes, Ginny and I are stuck with their testing, but they haven't done it recently because they just bought a place in Diagon Alley, and they're sprucing it up a bit." He said, looking forward.
"I wonder if this forest is anything like the forbidden forest, like maybe they have unicorns and things like that." I said looking around to see if I could catch a glance at anything.
"I don't know this forest looks pretty old, I hope it doesn't have all the animals or bugs like the forbidden forest, maybe. So How's living with Sirius and Profes- I mean Remus." He said, changing the subject. I shrugged.
"I don't know I like it but it seems that they're always trying to find out what's wrong every time I'm not smiling. It gets a bit annoying, plus I can't lie because of Sirius' bond." I said.
"Merlin that would make me nutters if my mum could find out if I'm lying just by a stupid bond." Said Ron who shuddered, I smiled.
"I have to learn occlumency in order to block him, Professor Snape has to teach me" I said with a disgusted look on my face.
"No way! You have to have lessons with that git again!" Ron said angrily
"Well I'll endure as long as I can get Sirius out of my head." I said passively.
"I don't know which is worse, Snape Teaching extra lessons or someone reading my mind." Said Ron helplessly. I stopped for a second and looked around.
"Ron do you know where we are?" I ask hesitantly.
"No, but we have that portkey, so I guess it doesn't matter." He said, I shrugged and we kept on walking but we stopped when heard a noise behind us. I took out my wand a turned around quickly. It was a centaur, a very noble looking centaur. I looked it over, I couldn't tell if it was about to attack us or if it was just passing by.
"What are you staring at, have you not seen a centaur before, I'm quite certain you have from my last conversation with the centaur Bane, and get that skinny piece of rubbish out of my sight, I'm not going kill you." He muttered irritably, he sounded a bit like Snape. Ron just gaped; I composed my self and lowered my wand but kept it at my side.
"So you live in this forest?" I questioned. The centaur snorted,
"Me live in this old, ruddy place, no, I was sent here to deliver you a message." He said drawing closer to us.
"What might that be?" I said curiously while Ron drew a step back.
"I, Doren, am the descendant of the Great centaur Chiron, Who was a mighty immortal who trained the highest in the ranks. I have come to deliver you a message before you become of age for you powers to unleash." He said with a great deal of pride. Ron and I just gaped; Ron muttered something about the centaur needing a trip to mungos. I snorted but the centaur didn't look please.
"What is it you find so funny? I am here to deliver a message and disrespect me with half-wit remarks. I am one of the noblest centaurs around I should be honored not disrespected" he said haughtily, sounding like Lockhart. I kept a straight face.
"My apologies, sir, I must mention that me and my friend are a bit shocked to receive a message from such a great being." I said sincerely, might as well be polite, he seems to have an important message.
"Well okay, I'll deliver my message, the stars have whispered a great many things to us and it is said that our savior should unleash his powers at the time of his birthday. The savior is you, you will gain a great number of powers on your birthday, the stars were a bit vague on the second part but one or two people close to you will have their powers unlocked also. I must tell you to be wary of who you trust for the stars say betrayal is in the near future, do not tell just anyone of your powers. There may be a great deal of pain in these powers, but I believe a few beings from different realms will guide your path. That is your message, use it wisely. Oh wait one more thing just so you do not get interrupted when your powers come I'm going to temporarily close off you bond with him until after your birthday. I can only do it for so long, mind you" He said walking over me touching my head, I felt a surge of magic and he smiled but worriedly looked around. "I see it is getting dark, Good evening and goodbye." Doren said galloping off. I stared there for a few minutes and slumped to the ground but my head in my hands. I felt weird for a bit but then the news came crashing down.
"Why me! Why is it always me, I just want to be normal!" I said angrily.
"It's okay mate, maybe it isn't true maybe it was just some centaur joke." He said uncertainly.
I looked at him with a raised eyebrow, and he smiled apologetically.
"Well he did say something that you'll have one or two people being weird with you. Who do you think they'll be? Maybe Sirius!" he said eagerly. Yeah I guess he is right, I won't be the only one.
"Maybe you!" I said jumping up, Ron snorted.
"Yeah, plain old Weasley with dismal grades and average talent become powerful warrior with the boy-who-lived, right Harry." He said sarcastically.
"Hey you never know." I said smiling. We started to banter back and forth until we noticed it was getting dark, oh great, I totally lost track of time, Sirius and Remus are going to go mental.
"Ron, we better head home before Sirius tears my head off" I said. Ron looked around.
"Wow it looks like its getting late. Do you want to walk or take the portkey?" he said, it wasn't too dark, I didn't think that much could happen, and Ron knew my obvious dislike for portkeys.
"Well we kept on the path I'm sure we'll just need to walk straight." I said, Ron nodded and we took the road. Ron and I talked about our summers, I told him about my training and he got excited and said he wanted to learn that stuff to beat the crap out of Malfoy. When we got to the edge of the forest we saw a few anxious people sitting on the porch. One was Mrs. Weasley and the two others were Sirius and Remus. We looked at each other. Was it really that late?
"bugger." Ron mumbled. We ran to the porch and smiled apologetically.
"Where were you Harry? You to Ron!" said Sirius anxiously trying to check us for injuries.
"And where the heck did you learn occlumency, I couldn't mind speak to you at all!" he said angrily.
"Well we lost track of time, and I don't know how I'm blocking you." I said, trying to hide the tone of pleasure from him not being able to read my emotions.
"You had us worried sick! Ron you know better!" said Mrs. Weasley. Ron blushed.
"It wasn't his fault Mrs. Weasley, We should have taken the portkey when we noticed it was dark, but I said not to. Suddenly all glares were on my, I gulped.
"Why didn't you guys take the portkey, we almost went running in there to look for you, what if you were hurt or injured. That was totally irresponsible Harry, your smarter than that!" said Sirius while Remus just nodded, Ron butted in.
"Hey it wasn't his fault we wouldn't have lost track of time if that stupid centaur didn't come!" Ron said in my defense. I glared at him not wanting to mention the centaur, Ron looked at me apologetically.
"CENTAUR! It could have killed you, Ronald Bilius Weasley!" Mrs. Weasley shrieked while Remus, as usual, tried to calm her down.
"What were you guys talking to a centaur for that could've been very dangerous if he was on Voldemort's side?" Said Remus incredulously. I shrugged.
"He said he had a message, about me gaining a bunch of my powers when I turn sixteen, and that I'm going to unlock powers of someone close to me. Then he touched my forehead and said that would block the bond from Voldemort, so I guess it blocked it from you Sirius." I mumbled.
"You let that thing perform magic on you! How- what were you- why did you-, eurgh!" Sirius sputtered looking flustered and flopped on a lawn chair. He was rubbing his temples.
"What's this about your sixteenth birthday, Harry?" Remus questioned. Always the practical one aren't you Remus? I thought gloomily, wanting to evade that part of the conversation.
"Well I don't know if it's true or not. It slipped my mind for a bit when we noticed it was getting dark." I said. Remus furrowed his brow, and mumbled something like, "it lines up." I gave a questioning look to Ron, he just raised his eyebrows.
Molly looked a bit off color when Remus said that and Sirius' head shot up, and he looked at Remus as if daring him to say something. I became ever more curious.
"Well I believe we will have to discuss this later. I believe if the centaur did indeed stop you, I'm guessing that would be a plausible reason for why you are so late. There is some food on the table, Molly would you like to join us" Remus said smiling warmly.
"No, I hadn't intended to stay this long, I don't want to worry Arthur. Well we must be going, come on Ron." Ron looked a bit relieved that she wasn't entirely mad at him, and gave me a grateful look. I returned it.
"Come on Harry get inside and eat." Said Remus, Sirius got up and looked at me strangely as if he was trying to determine something. I walked inside and sat down and started to eat. I had this eerie feeling that I wasn't entirely off the hook.
I was right, right after dinner Remus and Sirius gave me a half hour lecture on staying alert and notifying them when there is delay. The pointed out that I had a wand and could have at least sent them some kind of note or signal, they also said that next time I must use the portkey. I nodded and agreed.
I went to bed silently thanking that centaur that he cut off the bond from Sirius, even if it was for only a week, maybe I could wake up from a nightmare and not have him bothering me. When I went to bed, Remus and Sirius seemed to be speaking quietly to each other about something. The only thing I managed to catch was, "it all seems to fit, Sirius" Sirius nodded but didn't look happy. I walked to my room even me curious. I was little bit disgruntled that they were hiding something form me but I guess they will tell me when the time comes.
I felt a little shameful that I had caused problems for them; Sirius had a headache for the rest of night because he had gotten so stressed. My dreams came back to my remembrance, but I shook them off. I hadn't fully confirmed their suspicions about uncle Vernon, I never told the whole truth of the matter of all I went through. It wasn't that I didn't trust them; it was just so hard to relive. The last time my uncle had hurt me was right before we went to the hut on the rock as the letter had put it. The memory came, it came like a dream, I tried to fight but it came. I drifted into the memory.
: Memory/dream:
I've never gotten mail before, what are those letters for? I thought curiously. My uncle seemed very angry about something, I hated when he was angry, because he usually took it out on me. They gave me a new room, it was much better than that cupboard. My aunt and uncle for some strange reason were packing.
I wished I could read those letters, I wondered what they had said. Then I saw one on the floor, I was eager to get it, no one was around I could just take it and read it in my room. My new room.
I walked over to the letter and picked it up. I stared at it, I believe I stared at it to long because my uncle pulled it out of my hands and look outraged.
"Just what do you think you're doing?" he said his eyes narrowing, he was turning his warning color, purple.
"I- I was going to, err, read the letter." I said quietly.
"Who said you could read the letter" He bellowed, I flinched.
"It- it- said my name on it; I thought it was for me." I said.
"Who would want to send a letter to you, you're just a worthless abnormal freak, a burden to this family!" He screamed, I backed up, my anger was bubbling at the unfairness.
'But- But- it says my name on it! I should- I should be able to read it!" I said with, a tone that surprised even me. I paled at the murderous look on my uncle.
"How dare you speak like that to me, BOY!" he said grabbing my arm and throwing me across the room. I looked at him with pleading eyes.
"After all we've done for you! You're nothing but a burden!" he said while hitting me on the face and the back of my head. He punched me in the stomach. My eyes watered as I tried not to scream out. He picked me up and threw me against a mirror. Glass shattered where my arm was, it cut into my arms and I finally gave in and screamed.
"Now look what you've done, look at that mirror!" he said angrily, "you deserved what you got boy! Make sure you remember that!" he screamed before leaving the room to pack some more.
I looked at my bleeding arm, and my face had red marks, but those would fade, my head had two large bumps, those would go away, I knew I had bruises on my stomach, I sighed hoping no one would see.
I carefully took the glass out my arms and washed it. I wrapped it up; I knew that these wouldn't fade.
: End Memory/dream:
I woke, looking at my arm, I felt tears on my face, I must have been crying in my sleep. I looked at my arm and saw the marks the glass had given me. They were a constant reminder; I had more marks on my back from uncles other methods of tortures. I shuddered. And brought my knees to my head. I didn't bother wiping the tears from my face because more came.
No matter how I tried to ignore it and push it off as nothing, I felt like each word was engraved into me after each punch. The words, worthless, burden, freak, and etcetera affected me so much my uncle would be extremely pleased. They seemed to be tattooed to my subconscious mind. I shook my head wondering if I should tell Sirius or Remus. I looked at my arm, there were even marks on my back, a word was even carved there, and my uncle did that when I accidentally landed on the school's roof. I hid that word very well, it never faded, if you're wondering what that word is, it's "freak." It seemed to be a constant reminder of who I am. I rubbed the bridge of my nose closing my eyes tight trying to stop the tears.
I didn't sleep the rest of the night, I cried half the time the rest I just stared off into space, and it was 6:00 am before I went downstairs. Remus was there as usual, he looked from his newspaper. He frowned in concern.
"Harry did you sleep at all last night, you look like a wreck." I looked away and shrugged silently. I flopped down on a seat; Remus was eyeing me with a look of disapproval.
"Harry did you have another nightmare?" he asked. I looked down at my fingers; I don't know why they keep on asking me this. I'm almost sixteen; I can deal with this stuff.
"Harry?" he said getting up and walking over to the seat near me, "Harry looked at me" he said softly but firmly. I looked at him, he search my eyes for a bit. He looked at me curiously.
"What were you crying about?" ha asked looking me in the eye. My eyes widened slightly, I would guess someone as perceptive as Remus probably could tell I cried half the night I looked away irritated.
"It's- It's nothing, really Remus, nothing to worry about." I said quickly. Remus crossed his arms his frown becoming more discernable. "Harry you know you can tell us anything, right?" he said. I bit my lip and nodded.
"I just don't want to talk about it right now, I'll, err, tell you later." I said quietly. Remus didn't look satisfied but nodded.
Sirius came down earlier than I thought, grabbing some strong tea and sitting down. Something started to blink. It was a pendant; both Sirius and Remus were wearing them. They looked like a phoenix, they were blinking red. Sirius and Remus looked at each other worriedly. They jumped up.
"Harry get ready, quickly, we are going to Gimauld's place. No questions, we need to get there fast." Said Sirius urgently, Remus was already gone getting ready and I hurried to my room grabbing clean clothes and throwing them on, I wonder what the heck was going on.
I brushed my hair and teeth before running downstairs, both Remus and Sirius were already ready. I wondered briefly how they got ready so quickly. We took flooed over to Grimauld's place, when I entered I looked around, the whole order was there, except Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. Bill and Charlie were unusually pale and looked exhausted. Sirius and Remus told me to go upstairs, I wanted to protest because I was so curious, but the looks Sirius and Remus gave me made me run up quickly without a word. I found Fred and George who looked somber and exhausted also.
I didn't see Ron or Ginny anywhere.
"Where's Ron and Ginny" I anxiously asked. They both looked at me with tired faces.
"We were attacked…" said George
"…..Last night that is" said Fred.
"There were 10 Deatheaters…" said George
"….Bill, me, George, Charlie, Mum, and Dad stunned them all..." said Fred.
"…..But not before they put a cutting hex on Ginny…" said George.
"…and a burning hex on Ron…" said Fred.
"And a crucitiaus curse on Mum and Dad…" said George.
"They are at St. Mungos." Said Fred and George.
"But why!" I asked anxiously. They both looked hesitant.
I knew what they were going to say or what they were not going to say.
"They were looking for me weren't they." I said angrily.
They looked at me sheepishly, and nodded slowly.
I ran my hand through my hair, "this is all my fault! If I wasn't his friend he would be fine!" I said angrily.
"It's not your fault!" said George.
"It's you-know-who's!" said Fred. I shook my head sadly and stalked off to anther room. I walked in and slammed the door, and clenched and unclenched my fists. I always cause trouble, why do I exist! Everyone I love is getting hurt because of me! I hit my head against a lamp stand, by the bed. I could gradually feel a bruise forming on my head but I didn't care maybe if knock myself out I'll forget.
I gradually felt myself getting dizzy from hitting my head against the lamp stand before I felt an arm pull me away from the lamp stand. I could feel a headache coming and my vision was swimming, but I knew Sirius enough to know who he was.
"What are you doing? Trying to knock yourself out!" he said exasperatingly.
"That was the idea." I mumbled not really paying attention to whom I was talking to.
"What! Why?" Sirius said watching the bump form slowly. I jerked away from his tightening grip, but to no avail. His grip just tightened.
"Harry you need to stop avoiding my questions! Why the hell were you hitting your head against the lamp stand!" Sirius said in alarm. Right then all the stress just poured out.
"Don't you get it? It's my fault, they were looking for me, and the Weasleys got hurt because of me! You should know that! Why are you here!" I yelled using my free hand to hit the bump even more. My free hand was grabbed by Sirius' other hand. I tried to struggle my hand free, my tears falling.
"I thought we got over this, I told you nothing Voldemort does is your fault! It. Is. Voldemort's. Fault! How long will it take you to get that? And for Merlin's sake stop trying to knock yourself out!" said Sirius sternly. I stared at Sirius for a minute, and then I frowned.
I looked away and muttered, "It's always my fault; don't you understand; it just has to be. Sirius that's all I can believe, everything I did or did not do is my fault. It's been that way all my life, no matter what. It's engraved into my mind like other things." Sirius looked at me with a deep frown. He muttered some unspeakable words followed by "the Dursleys" he looked me over and gave me a small smile.
"Well I guess we had a lot of work to do, don't we Harry?" Sirius said softly, wiping the tears from my face.
A/N: I like ending that way. Lol well this is my longest chapter; I'm trying to write a chapter of seven thousand words. That would make you guys happy wouldn't it? I've decided to add quotes to the beginning of all my chapters; it took a while to add poems so I decided to add quotes. Lol the next chapter is Harry's birthday. YAY! New powers, and unique abilities, more bonding, and Harry reveals the facts of The Dursleys right after they find certain words on his arms. (Can you guess what they say?) I'm glad I got a lot of new reviewers, it's encouraging. I'll try as hard as I can to get the next chapter by tomorrow; I'm not making any promises here. But I'll try! Thanks for reading please review.
Reviewers:
Hey ickle princess! I updated earlier. Lol yeah and the cake thing was just a spur of the moment thing... Lol
Thanks heather! I went into the abuse a little more! Happy? Lol
Thank you amber eyes! That was a very encouraging review! Yeah I like those types of abuse stories also! One of my longer ones... Lol thanks
Thank you luuvgurl! I'm glad my story makes you happy! I hope you like this chapter!