Disclaimer- All things in the Harry Potter books or related to the Harry potter books, I do not own!

"Who will tell whether one happy moment of love or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air, is not worth all the suffering and effort which life implies?"
-- Erich Fromm (1900-80), German-born American psychoanalyst, emphasized role of social conditioning

"Well, this certainly is a new development. How did you come upon this decision, Mr. Malfoy," Dumbledore said his fingers in steeple, glancing over his desk. We arrived at Dumbledore's office, and Malfoy told his story. He seemed really nervous in Dumbledore's presence, well he was nervous in my presence, he looked like he didn't believe that Dumbledore would think he was telling the truth.

"I saw how my father's life turned out, and I decided that I wanted to be my own person, and be better than what he calls great." Malfoy answered. Dumbledore looked pensieve for a bit, and he nodded, and smiled warmly.

"Well Mr. Malfoy, I'm sure we can arrange things, how about a meeting tonight with Professor Snape?" Dumbledore asked, with a familiar twinkle in his eyes. Malfoy looked a little taken aback by this, but he nodded. I was dismissed as they talked further, it was a good thing my teacher was notified, or else I'd have a detention.

I hurried down the corridors to get history of magic, thank Merlin and any deity that it wasn't potions. I hurried in the class, while Professor Binns just nodded and went back to droning about goblin wars. I sat in between Ron and Hermione.

Ron and Hermione looked at me bewildered.

"Where were you?" Ron said, Hermione was writing notes, but she was staring at me.

"I had a little run-in with Malfoy." I said nonchalantly. Hermione put down her pencil, and looked at me curiously, Ron's eyes narrowed.

"I knew he was up to something! Did you give him a few good punches?" Ron said excitedly. Hermione rolled her eyes,

"Honestly Ron, just because he ran into Malfoy, doesn't mean it turned out to be a fist fight." Hermione said, Ron and her glared at each other, I spoke up before they started bickering again.

"No, he was asking me for help, he wanted to turn over a new leaf." I said shrugging. Ron looked at me incredulously.

"You believed him, He's a Malfoy, He's a Slytherin, and you believed him!" Ron said loudly, causing a few students to stare. Hermione looked reproachfully at Ron.

"Yes, he seemed very sincere, and he went to Dumbledore, and Dumbledore believed him." I said.

"Slytherin Harry, S-l-y-t-h-e-r-i-n. Slytherin, you can't honestly believe someone, in the house of dark wizards!" Ron said.

"Well, Professor Snape was in Slytherin and he's working for the light." Hermione pointed out, I looked at her gratefully. Ron just snorted,

"So, he's still a slimy git." Ron muttered, letting the subject drop.

We were eating lunch when the subject of Professor Amstone came up; well my training with him came up.

"Harry, do you want to go on a midnight stroll tonight, just for the fun of it." Said, Ron, smiling mischievously. Hermione crossed her arms,

"Ron, you're a prefect! Neither you, or Harry should be doing anything against the rules." Said Hermione glaring at both of us.

"No I can't-," I was interrupted by Ron.

"You can't possibly be siding with Hermione, out of all the people!" moaned Ron, I was about to finish my sentence, but Hermione butted in.

"He should be siding with me, we can't go against the rules" Hermione retorted. I sighed.

"I'm not siding with anyone, I just can't; Professor Amstone is giving me private lessons at night, that's why he called me over today." I said, Ron looked relieved that I wasn't turning into a "Hermione" and Hermione looked a little put out.

"That's great, was it Sirius who got you it." Ron asked, I nodded.

"Wicked! Man, I wish I had your Godfather, My mum wouldn't even allow me to take one lesson! Will you give me a few pointers?" he asked, I shrugged.

"Yeah I guess so, I don't know if I'll be any good." I said, both Ron and Hermione snorted.

"You really need a confidence booster, Harry, boy-who-lived, downfall of Voldemort." Ron said, saying the last part to emphasize his point.

"Well it's not like I'm all-powerful, I might not be good at some things." I said in return.

"Unless you're name is Neville Longbottom, then you won't get me to believe that." Ron answered.

"Fine, Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you when I do suck at some things." I said. Ron just rolled his eyes and continued stuffing his food in his mouth, and Hermione went to her usual tirade about how gross Ron was being.

It was getting closer to the time of my class with professor Amstone, I was seriously nervous, trying to remember things that might impress him. I was constantly straightening my battle robes, and glancing at my wristwatch. I was supposed to be there at 8 p.m., it was 7:45, I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I was a little early, I headed down to the defense room.

Once I was up to the door, I looked at it, took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

I heard a muffled, "Come in" and I slowly turned the knob and opened the door. Professor Amstone looked like he was grading a few papers; he looked at me and smiled.

"Hello, Harry, have a seat, I'll be with you right after I finish these papers, you'd think the seventh years would have better handwriting." Said Professor Amstone, squinting at a paper. His eyes, lit up with acknowledgement, and he wrote something on the piece of parchment. After a few minutes of quill scratching, and eye squinting, he started to put his stuff away. He looked at me and smiled, leaning back into his chair.

"Sorry about that, being a teacher is a lot harder than I thought. Now let's get down to business." He said, taking out a book, which was labeled auror, techniques.

"I want you to read this after we're done; it's always good to have knowledge on these types of things. I nodded, shrinking it and putting it down in my pocket.

"Now to business, there's been a rumor about me making a new invention, have you heard it?" He asked, a mischievous gleam in his eye, not unlike a certain godfather I know. I remembered Hermione mentioning, something of an invention. I nodded, slightly confused what this has to do with auror techniques, but I was sure he was getting somewhere.

"Oh yes? Good, well yes I have finished my invention. You see it's wonderful, being an auror; I have had a lot of chances to study dementors, how they work and things of that sort. There's been a growing risk of dementors siding with you-know-who, so I cracked down on my studies and made this." He said excitedly, taking out a helmet looking thing. I looked perplexed, what the heck is that, or do I want to know.

"Well you see this is an artificial dementor, you put it on your head, and it emulates the effects of dementor, except the kiss, but it'll keep the prisoners under control, but it doesn't bring them to the brink of insanity, just incase someone is wrongly accused, if you get what I mean. What I'm showing you is something that will make an Aurors job so much easier." Said Professor Amstone, smiling warmly. Wow, I'm impressed, he was a good auror, and I can't believe how lucky I am to have him teaching me.

"You're probably wondering why I'm telling you about this confidential invention," he looking at me, I nodded. "Well I need someone to test it, and I thought you would be perfect!" he said, smiling. I could literally feel my heart stop beating for a split second. I looked at him disbelievingly.

"I- I don't think I would be any good for that, I mean I don't react well to dementors, and I don't think I would do any better with an artificial one." I said smiling shakily, wringing my hands. He looked upwards.

"Oh yes, I heard that for my dear friend Sirius, he seemed a little upset about that." Professor Amstone said. I looked at him incredulously,

"Then- then way are you….I don't understand….how come you're still testing this on me." I said, nervously. Professor Amstone, looked at me, his warm eyes hardened and his voice spoke volumes.

"You honestly think that I would be buddy-buddy with the boy who is the reason Fudge is not minister anymore. I'm okay with everyone else, don't get me wrong, but you no. Since I'm your teacher, I have the power to do this!" he said coolly. I felt like my life was over, I looked at him.

"I'll tell Sirius, I'll tell Dumbledore, I'll tell someone, you can't do this!" I said desperately.

He crossed his arms and laughed, he looked at me with a devious spark dancing in his eyes.

"Have you seen your Godfather, how distraught he looks, how much problems he's gone through just by taking care of you. Now you want him to go through more with accusing me, a friend that makes him feel like his old self again. You've put people through so much, and you want to be so selfish and put them through more instead of enduring a little bit of dementor effects, you did almost cause you're godfathers death, and you did cause Cedric's. You deserve this, I'm not killing you, you know, you have to be strong, not weak." He said his eyes narrowed. He hit a weak spot, many weak spots in fact, he hit the right spots, he knew me, for some reason, all to well.

I looked at him helplessly, trying to grasp something substantial, but nothing came to mind. I didn't want to be a burden, and I guess in some ways I do deserve this, maybe. All of Sirius' lectures were running through my head, Remus yelling at me when I was in the hospital wing, was running through my head. I pushed those away and nodded slightly.

"Good, and if I hear even the slightest mention to a student or friend, I'm sure a certain Weasley or Granger wouldn't mind a few detentions with me, with a certain invention." He said silkily. Now I really couldn't tell anyone, I nodded sadly,

He clapped his hands, and smiled in a way that reminded me of Voldemort. Voldemort sounded a hell lot nicer right now.

He put the helmet on and took out his wand, muttering a few words, I felt coldness reign my body, it wasn't a nice feeling I felt like I was dying, or that I was driven into an ice cube. Then I saw it, the memories, I saw my mom screaming repeatedly, for mercy from Voldemort. I saw her get killed, I was crying for her name. I was trying to save her but I couldn't.

I watch myself get beaten up by Vernon, I watched my horrible childhood. I was so young, I just wanted to leave. I wanted to leave forever.

It brought up the third task, me and cedric, I watched helplessly as he was killed. Hey repeated "kill the spare" so many times, that I wanted to vomit. I watched wormtail cut my arm open, I watched Voldemort be born again. I screamed, I felt horrible.

I watched Sirius fall through the veil by his sister Bellatrix. I watch helplessly, I was falling so slowly, it was like he could be saved, but I couldn't. I wanted so bad, but I couldn't.

All these memories, past through my eyes, repeatedly, becoming more graphic, I couldn't stand it. I wanted to claw myself out. I couldn't scream anymore, I lost my energy to do so, so I just cried, just cried till I couldn't cry anymore. Suddenly it all stopped, I opened my eyes, and I was on the floor shaking more than I ever shook before. My face was wet from crying and throat sore form screaming. I got up, I could barely get up, I looked at the clock, and it was two hours since I entered the room. Almost two hours of watching my horrors,

I looked at Professor Amstone, he was smiling.

"I see it worked, Wonderful." He paused, his eyes narrowed, and his tone cold.

"Five days a week potter, not on weekends, don't want anyone getting suspicious do we. I don't want to hear even a clue that you told anyone. You better read that book I gave you, it wouldn't do good, if I gave the appearance of a bad teacher now would it. Now get out, go to your dorms, and remember, no one should know."

I nodded shakily, and slowly walked out of the room, it was past curfew, but I had permission to be out this late. My breathing was ragged, and I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight, nightmares would bombard me. How was I supposed to even do anything, with these memories playing continually in my head?

After a few flights of stairs, I sat down to rest a few seconds. I could barely walk, it took so much out of me, I don't know how I'm going to hide this from anyone, I had to, I need to show everyone I can make it on my own, I need to show everyone I'm not a handful or a burden.

I heard footsteps behind me, I got up quickly and whirled around, I was more or less happy to see it was professor Snape. I wasn't happy because, I just hate him, and I was happy because he wouldn't give a rat's arse on my current condition.

"Up to mischief, again, Mr. Potter, you know it's after curfew, or is that big head of yours full of air, instead of a brain." He said, sneering. I desperately wanted to roll my eyes. I handed him a note, from professor Amstone, one of the only good things he did to not get me in trouble. Snape read it and looked me over curiously, his eyes narrowed.

"What exactly, did you do, you look like you were attacked by a dozen dementors, shaking like that." He said, handing me the paper roughly. Close guess, but "AAAA," try again.

"Oh, a lot of stuff, just a little worn out I guess." I said nervously, He eyed me carefully, and snorted.

"Guess you aren't all that you thought you were, Potter. Well, stop standing there, go to your dorm." I nodded quickly and hurried off to my room. This was difficult, since I felt like I was going to throw up, from that horrible experience with Professor "I Am Stoned." I smirked at my new nickname for him, I never thought there would be anybody worse than Umbridge, but I guess I was wrong.

I headed to my dorm, whispered the password and entered. There were a few students studying, mostly seventh years, it was getting close to their NEWTS. I headed to the restroom, and looked in the mirror, I looked awful. I was exceedingly pale, and I could see myself shaking. My eyes were bloodshot, and my lip was bleeding slightly, I think I might of bit it. I wiped down my face and headed to a sleepless night.

I woke up to Ron shaking me awake,

"Wake up Harry, or Remus is going to have your head! I can't believe I wasn't the last to get up. Harry wake up!" Ron said, I knew he was enjoying waking up someone for a change, I had a horrible night, just like I predicted; Trelawney should give me an award. I spent the whole night, drifting, waking up from a nightmare, than tossing and turning. The cycle continued, without missing a beat.

I got up from bed, and looked at the clock; I had about ten minutes to get ready. Great, just great, probably going to have to run laps today, I didn't mind anything to get my mind off things, or to do something useful. I looked at Ron, and he looked at me with concern.

"Merlin Harry, you look horrible, what happen last night." Ron said, not really one for discretion, still blunt as ever. Well I must look horrible, if Ron noticed.

I shrugged and mutter, "Bad night." And got dressed quickly, memories still haunting me. I ran down to the field, a few minutes late, Ron was late also, a good friend he is, and he was willing to be late with me.

Hermione looked at me with worried written clearly on her face, figures, if Hermione wasn't worrying about me, then I can walk in hell, because it must have frozen over.

Remus looked like he was about to scold us, but I thing when he saw me, his guardian instincts kicked in.

"Harry what happen to you, you don't look too good. Are you feeling okay?" He said, trying to check if I had a fever, I shrugged and looked away.

"I'm fine." I answered dully, really, I give that same answer so many times, it should be a punch line by now. Truthfully, I felt very dizzy, and wanted to throw up, because Cedric's and my parents' dead faces kept on popping up in my head. Remus must've noticed this because his eyes narrowed, and he crossed his arms as I swayed slightly,

"Harry, I don't want you training today, you look like you need some sleep." He said sternly. I looked at him pleadingly.

"Remusssss, really I'm fine." I said, trying to make it look like I was okay. He grabbed my chin and looked me in the eye, I knew if anything looks bad, it was my eyes, they were bloodshot and had a slightly haunted look to them. After a few seconds of staring in my eye, he let go of my chin and looked at me wryly.

"Harry, go to your dorm, get some sleep, or I'll make Sirius drag you to the hospital wing and make you stay there all day." He said firmly, I knew a losing battle when I saw one, and a concerned, stubborn, guardian, werewolf against a sickly looking, have-no-authority, threatened- to-be-dragged-into-a healing-torture-chamber, teenager, was a losing battle. I sighed and nodded, Ron and Hermione both look like they approved. I glanced at them, and walked, or maybe it was stormed to my dorm.

I knew I looked horrible, but I'd rather be doing something useful than lying in bed all day. I'll look horrible for as long as Professor arse-stone, stays interested in torturing me. I'll have to do something, but what? I spent the rest of the time; I should've been "resting" thinking about a way to make me look better.

I got up an hour earlier than most people do for breakfast. I looked at myself, I look somewhat better. I washed my face, and forced myself to think of happy thoughts. This was more difficult than occlumency.

I was heading downstairs when I felt someone grab my arm; I yelped in surprise and looked around to see Sirius, who looked torn between worry and amusement. I think worry won.

"What are you doing up, I heard Remus order you to be rest till breakfast, and he told me to see if you would follow through. It looks like you weren't going to." He said, glowering. I shifted nervously.

"Well, I'm feeling better, and it is almost breakfast." I said, giving him a winning smile. Sirius just stared at me,

"Well you certainly don't look like you're feeling better, and an hour before breakfast, isn't necessarily breakfast time."

"I do feel better, I look better than I was this morning." I said, imploringly.

He cleared his throat and rose an eyebrow,

"Well you must've look like hell this morning, which I'm not surprised, you have to do a lot to get Moony to threaten to you, And I don't think you're looking too good right now, now go back to your dorm and rest for an hour more, Till breakfast." he said the last part very slowly. I glared at him, sleeping and me were not in good terms.

"But I-,"

"Now."

"But you-,"

"Now."

"Aww c'mon!"

"Now!"

"I'm not-,"

"I said now, I'm not going to say it again."

I sighed dramatically, and gritted my teeth, Sirius look like he was about to go through with Remus' threat. he grabbed my shoulder and led me to my dorm. I was so close; I should've brought my invisibility cloak. I walked inside the common room, Sirius waiting outside, looking like he was guarding the doorway, I rolled my eyes.

I went to my dorm room, and fell back onto my bed,I knew he was just concerned andI did look horrible butI lay therewith one single, comforting thought.

"Overprotective maniac."

A/N: MWHAHA…evil teacher, I looooovvvvveee evil teachers, I mean what's Hogwarts without one. Hmmm….when will I let Sirius and Remus find out, maybe about two chapters from now, so don't worry, Sirius will go mental pretty soon. Yes, just to calm everyone's nerves Draco is serious about going good, I'm so proud of you all, not making assumption…CONSTANT VILIGANCE! Lol. Well I'm going to be gone for two days so I thought I would update before I go…..

Reviews

Ickle-princess: lol, I'm glad you had fun, and that I updated in time! Lol thanks for reviewing!

Luvguurl: I know, totally, Draco is hot! I'll put him in more in the next chapter! Thanks!

Jensindenial3516: Yeah, I know, j/k…thanks, here's you're update:)

ambereyes2873: Yeah, he doesn't seem nice anymore, but he's a great addition to the plot…MWHAHA:)