"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough."
-- Frank H. Crane (b. 1912), American writer, author
Disclaimer- Yadda, yadda, yadda, you know the drill; anything related to Harry potter saga belongs to J.K.
It was Monday again, a week since Professor Amstone's special lessons, and quite frankly I was worn out, even though I had a break from it on the weekend I had to go to this way long meeting about quidditch, and training was twice as long. No one, found out about my whole masking charms, and it did stop Hermione and Ron's worried glances. The seemed pleased with my appearance. It was getting harder to stay awake in class and I wasn't doing so well in training. All my mentors were noticing it, and Daer was being a total prick about it, he was getting so annoying.
Sooner or later I know I'm going to have to get a strengthening potion or something, because my magic was starting to strain. At times at night I grew so tired of drifting and then waking up, all sweaty and my breath ragged, that I would read till dawn. Right now, I'm much too afraid to take off my masking charm to see how I look like. I probably looked like I was thrown in hell and came back again. I was praying and hoping, to any deity out there, that Professor Amstone would get bored and let me free, for I don't get any sleep, I throw up my food most of the time, I over exert myself in all my training, and I'm just losing all my energy. It will only be a matter of time till people start to notice my loss of health, and I'm using up all my lies!
Professor Amstone's lessons, have become more intense, I thought I would gain endurance, but he has great pleasure watching me fall on the floor, crying for my dead parents. He loved to see me walk in his office subdued. I watched him frown as the defiant gleam never left my eyes, at times he would get so frustrated that he would strike me, I just stood back up and glared at him. I wondered briefly if he was one of Voldemort's minions, if he was, Voldemort would be pleased.
I cringed at the thought of Remus or Sirius finding out, they both are REALLY scary when they're mad. That's one of the many reasons I have to hide this! I'll just get a book on energy potions, and all will be well. I nodded to myself, breaking out of my thoughts, it was better than thinking about my dead parents and Cedric, that distracted me so many instances. At times, I would be shivering thinking about them, my eyes in a trance, while Hermione and Ron asking what's wrong. I just shook it off telling them I'm fine.
I dreaded today, another lesson with Professor Amstone. I had him on Thursday, and every time he looked at me he smiled. To a spectator, it would seem to be a friendly smile. To me, it's an evil smirk! It took what was left of my strength to shake off my anger, and I was left drained for the next class, bad luck for me, the next class was potions. Man, we lost a lot of points that lesson.
I slowly headed to the DADA room, trailing behind Hermione and Ron, who were talking about some stupid subject that I really wasn't even bothering to listen in. More often times than not, I would count how many times it took to get to that bloody room, just to get my mind off things, and to see how much slower I could go.
I practically memorized every crack in the floor, and a lot of the times I found money. I was surprised how careless students here are with money. Before I knew it, I was in front of the DADA room. I hated this class, it was worse than last year. I squared my shoulders and entered the room. Keeping my head down, I walked to the back row. I didn't want to even glance at professor Amstone. I took out my book, self-inking quill, and a piece of parchment and laid it down on my desk, not glancing upwards at all.
Some of the students were discussing something about Professor Amstone, while others were talking about Remus, which was strange, that usually wasn't a topic of conversation, unless it was third year Gryffindor telling about what he did in class with the "Great Professor Lupin."
I paid no attention to the jabber, and focused solely on my DADA book. The bell finally rang, and I sighed, bracing myself, for another class.
"Good morning class," said a familiar voice, that definitely wasn't Amstone, my head shot up to see the friendly face of Remus, was I going insane?
"Good morning Professor Lupin," the class answered in unison. Okay, either I'm sane or the whole class has lost a few marbles. I'm leaning more towards the former. I tried not to look too happy, that would result in many questions.
"Professor Amstone will be gone today and tomorrow, due to personal business, so I will be taking his place for the next couple of days." He said, smiling. The class, looked slightly disappointed, but weren't too bummed out, for most Gryffindors liked Remus. I was elated; it was like I was given a slice of heaven. Two whole days without Amstone! OH YEAH!
"Now let's get to our lesson, how many of you know what the imperious curse is?" said Remus, the whole class raised their hands. Remus smiled and nodded.
"Good, good, now how many of you know how to identify someone who has the imperious curse?" he asked, a lot of the hands went down, we were with Hufflepuff, and they're not the brightest candles in the bunch. Hermione's hand was raised high, I wasn't surprised, to say the least. Remus smiled knowingly at Hermione.
"Yes, Ms. Granger?" he asked, pointing his hand at her, she smiled, looking pleased that she was chosen.
"Well, you can identify by their actions, but that would be difficult. The easiest way to identify someone under the imperious curse, or any curse for that matter, is the revealing spell." Hermione said in her scholarly voice. Remus nodded approvingly,
"Exactly, the incantation for the revealing spell is Ostendo, it is commonly used in St. Mungos, when an injured arrives, and it is a common procedure among aurors when their partner is down. It's quick, informative, and a great safety precaution. When using the spell, if you have a curse or a spell around you, it will turn a certain color. For dark curses it's different shades of green, the imperious curse, for instance, being light green, for shields it's usually blue, hexes are red etc., etc." He paused for a second surveying the class, he watched as most took notes.
"Today I'm going to use the incantation on each one of you to show how it feels and how it reacts. After this, I want you all to practice it on your test dummies; you'll see many shades of color on them, if you put many charms and shields on them. So let's get started, I'll start with the front and head to the back." He said, taking out his wand, he cast the charm on a Hufflepuff girl, and nothing happened. "You see, when you have no charms on you, nothing will happen, this will happen to I believe all of you, unless you guys put some shields or something of that sort on yourself." Remus said, heading to the next person and the next. None of the students turned a color, I watched with interest, as the whole class did, most waiting patiently for their turn, and others repeating the incantation to themselves, trying to memorize it. By the time he reached me, my heart sunk, for at that moment I realized that my masking charm would show up, I hope that maybe it was immune to this, I cursed all deities; they tricked me! They made it seem like I was getting a break, instead it was just evil planning for me to get found out.
I watched the purple light slowly approach me, with dread filling my heart, Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap! The whole world was going in slow motion. I watched the unsuspecting Remus, smile reassuringly as I watched with horror. The bloody spell got closer and closer. My first thought was to evade it, but that would gain a lot of questions, so I resigned myself to thinking up many lies and excuses.
The spell hit me, first I glowed dark blues, probably my protection spells placed on me, all million of them. Then it turned yellow, a bright yellow, wow, it was a really bright yellow. The color faded away, and I saw Remus frowning slightly, he looked at me with suspicion, his eyes narrowed, I averted my eyes. He gave a contemplative sigh, and went to the front of the class instructing everyone to practice on their dummies.
I walked to my dummy, too distracted to even cast a tickling hex on it. I avoided all the questioning stares, knowing that they were wondering why I glowed bright yellow. I especially avoided Remus' eyes, who were currently staring at me, obviously thinking hard. The end of class thankfully came, and the familiar chime rang through the school.
Remus stood up from his desk,
"Okay class, homework is to find a spell, and explain it, and tell me what color it turns. You're dismissed, oh and Harry, can I see you." Remus said, in his friendly tone, but I can hear the foreboding tone that underlies, as he said the last sentence. I glanced longingly at the doorway I was about to step out of, Hermione and Ron walked out saying that they would inform my next professor, disappearing with a sympathetic look.
As all the class left, I sighed, and trudged to his desk grudgingly, playing my "It could be worse" game, my first thought was it could be Sirius who found out. Yeah, I'd rather Remus find out first, than Sirius. Remus was writing something, he looked up with a determined look. I didn't like that look at all.
"Sit down, Harry." He said firmly, I looked at him.
"Well, I've got a class to go to and-," I was cut off, by a raised voice of Remus.
"Sit down, I don't have another class for a few hours, and I'm sure you're teacher won't mind. So sit down or I'll body-bind you and tie you up to a chair." He said, seeming incredibly serious. How could he do that? I'd be laughing if I said that. I dragged my feet to a chair, and plopped heavily onto it. Remus grabbed his chair, set it right in front of mine, and sat down, staring directly at me. He crossed his arms and kept silent for a few seconds. He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.
"I'll give you one chance to tell me why you have a masking charm on yourself." He said sternly. Wow, that was blunt. I blinked in surprise, and feigned confusion.
"What do you mean?" I asked, his eyes narrowed, and his voice dropped dangerously.
"Don't you dare to even think about lying to me, Harry James Potter. I'm tired of you hiding things and I'm not going to let this fly-by." He said. I fidgeted,
"It's nothing serious, really. I just looked it up and put it on myself." I said, dancing around the truth, Remus looked at me anxiety filling his eyes.
"You're not cutting yourself, are you?" he asked. I soo would've laughed if this moment wasn't so serious and nerve-wracking.
"No! No way!" I blurted out. Remus looked slightly more relieved but still apprehensive.
"Then tell me Harry, why you have a masking charm on yourself? What are you hiding?" he said mildly.
"I was just experimenting, you know," I trailed off by the look Remus gave me.
"I explicitly told you not to lie to me Harry. If you don't tell me the truth, I'll find it another way" he said sternly. I sat there, staring at him, with a defiant silence, battling all my emotions.
"Fine if that's your choice, Finite Incantum" he said quickly. I was too shocked to move. The spell hit me, and I immediately felt the masking spell fall away. I saw my face morph in the mirror behind Remus.
I stared with horror, as my face turned exceedingly pale. My eyes haunted and a very dull green, bloodshot. I had extremely dark circles around my eyes, and I was skinnier, from the lack of food. I watched as those ten long scars from clawing my face slowly appeared, and large purple bruises from Professor Amstone's fits of frustration came into view. My breath was ragged, and I was shivering again. I covered my face, but I was fairly sure that Remus saw it, for he was shocked out of his speech.
I got up quickly, preparing to run out of the room, but strong arms grabbed me. I struggled to break free but they held onto me.
"Let me go!" I yelled, struggling as hard as I could with a rush of adrenaline,
"Let me go!" I yelled once again, after a few minutes, my energy slowly drained away, I didn't have a lot. It came to the point where I just gave up and the arms loosened their hold. I slumped in my seat, not even daring to glance at Remus.
"Look at me Harry!" he said firmly, I slowly raised my head. His eyes were full of anger and anguish. He drew closer and put his hand on my chin examining my face. I struggled from his grasp, but he held tightly. He let go growling in frustration. He looked me straight in the eyes, his gold with anger; they were piercing through my eyes, like he could see my very thoughts.
"Who did this to you? Why does it look like you haven't eaten or slept for days!" he said in low voice. I looked at him, a little surprised that he figured out someone did this to me, and the fact that I haven't been sleeping and barely eaten. I stared at him, I wasn't going to tell, I can't, I can't, I can't…why can't I? I was starting to doubt my resolve; all the lectures Sirius and Remus gave me were coming back full force. I kept my stare.
"Fine, you won't tell me, I'll get Sirius, maybe he'll get something out of you." Remus said, throwing his hands up with frustration. I wanted to yell no, but that would probably get me in even more trouble. Remus didn't seem like the kind of guy to mess with when his eyes were bright gold. Remus walked to the fireplace, threw some powder into it, and called out "Padfoot quarters" and he stuck in his head. I could only here one side of the conversation.
"Sirius, are you there? Sirius! Hey, Sirius, can you come over here. I don't care if you just woke up! Yes, I know perfectly well that my eyes are gold, and I have a good reason too. No, I'm not playing a prank on you, would you just come over here! Stop calling me grouchy! For the love of Merlin, come over here! Fine, it's about Harry! I was going to "just say so", but you kept on interrupting me! Okay, I'm moving out of the way!" he took his head out of the fireplace, looking flustered, was it really hard to get Sirius to do anything? I thought to myself, I quickly hid my face as I heard the flames rise and someone step out quickly.
"Where is he? Did he do something? Did someone hurt him? Merlin, if anyone did, I'll beat them to a bloody pulp!" He said angrily, "Not encouraging!" I mentally screamed.
"Sirius, he's right there." Remus pointed out, eerily clam. There was a pause, I was sure Remus was mouthing something. I heard footsteps approach me, I kept me head down, and I saw feet stop in front of me.
"Harry, let me see your face." He said softly, I kept my head down, not daring to look up. Sirius kneeled down and grabbed my chin, slowly lifting my face. I tried to struggle out of his grip but he kept his hand firmly there. Why was everyone stronger than me? Finally, I was facing his eyes, they widened, and he paled slightly.
"Merlin, Harry, what have you done?" he got up quickly and walked briskly to Remus, "Remus what happened? Who hurt my godson? My god, he looks like me when I came out of Azkaban! He's sick; he looks like he's been tortured. When's the last time he slept! For Merlin's sake, WHO THE HELL HURT MY GODSON!" Sirius yelled, eyes filling with tears, desperation written all over his face. I was near tears after his reaction; I grabbed my knees and brought them to my chest, burying my head in them, screwing my eyes shut, forcing the tears to go away.
"Sirius, I. Don't. Know. He won't tell me anything. From the looks of it, this spell has been on for days, even weeks!" Remus said frantically, I heard Sirius turn around, and walk in front of me; I kept in my same position.
"Harry!" he barked out, my head shot up in surprise. My heart plummeted in a pit of fear. I looked up to see a face full of anger and deep sadness; my eyes watering, as I forced them not to overflow.
"Who did this to you? And don't hide it from me; I'm not going to stand for it. This isn't a little nightmare that you don't tell us, this is a million times more serious!" he said, severely. I looked at him, shaking. I wanted t tell him, but it was hard. I don't know why, but it was hard. What if I was seen as weak, or stupid, or too much of a burden.
"We love you , Harry, that's why we are so angry. We don't like it when you hide stuff from us, especially stuff that puts you in danger. If you tell us, we'll keep you safe. I mean, Remus and I are head aurors, and Dumbledore is practically the most powerful wizard, and Amstone is an ex-head auror, he'll even protect you." Sirius said softly, at the mention of Amstone's name, I broke apart. I just started laughing, hysterically actually, and the tears I worked so hard to hold just fell down my face, I put all my pain and hurt in my laughter.
Sirius looked like he was about to panic, but I didn't care, I laughed and laughed. Remus, walked over to me, looking reassuringly to Sirius, who probably thought his godson had gone crazy. No, his godson had a breaking point, and too much pressure causes him to break. The laughing it hurt my side but, I couldn't stop. The whole thing was just so funny.
Remus put a comforting hand on my shoulder. After about 15 minutes, my throat was getting sore, again, and I ended up just hiccupping while crying at the same time. Sirius took me out of my seat, sat down, and drew me closer in his arms.
"Shh, Harry, we're here. We'll help you through this." He said softly, after a few minutes of crying, I wiped my tears, feeling embarrassed of my breakdown. I got out of his arms, and sat in my seat putting my head in my hands. I heard Sirius get up, standing in front of me again.
"Harry, tell me, who did this to you, and if you don't tell me I'll follow you all day till I figure it out." He said softly, but sternly. Well, he's going to find out anyways, might as well tell him now, and save the embarrassment.
"'fesor m'ston" I mumbled my head still in my hands.
"What?" Sirius asked, mildly impatient.
"Professor m'ston" I said again, quietly.
"Harry, get you head out of your hands and tell my clearly who did this to you." Sirius said, slowly. I looked up sharply, slamming my fist against the table and standing up with a burst of anger.
"Professor Amstone did! He set up the whole training sessions, he struck me on the face when the defiant gleam in my eyes didn't go away. He used his new bloody invention on me, an artificial dementor, and it stayed on me for hours. I watched my parents die and Cedric die, repeatedly. I watch myself get beaten by Vernon, and I watched you fall in the veil. I watched it till it always showed in my eyes and dreams. 'Till I couldn't eat or sleep, till I tried to claw my eyes out, till all my thoughts were focused on that!" I said angrily, breathing hard, I slumped in my seat again, looking out the window.
There was a deafening silence as my words echoed through the room, I head someone slam a fist against a wall,
"Why didn't you tell us!" Sirius said loudly.
"I wanted you to be happy; I didn't want to burden you with a little pain. Amstone is your friend and I didn't want him to seem evil." I replied softly.
"Seem evil? He's evil itself, and for the millionth time, you're not a burden. It hurts us ten times more when you hide stuff from us and it makes us happier when you trust us enough to tell us when something is wrong. I'm only happy when I see you smiling, when I see you be a teenager, like you're supposed to be. It's the only way I'm happy." Sirius said softly.
"But now that I know who did this, I'm going to burn him alive and throw his ashes in the depths of the ocean to be eaten by fish, the son of a-," he was cut off.
"Sirius," Remus said warningly. I wondered how Sirius could get so gruesome; Sirius looked only a little ashamed. I was getting tired, this talk was so draining, and I didn't have much energy. From trying to hold it in, from trying to struggle from their grasps, from laughing hysterically, to having an outburst of anger, it was all too much. The voices turned to muffled sounds, they were planning what to do; I never felt so tired in my life.
I was nodding off, getting so tired. I was shivering, everything was getting so cold, and the images started to flash by, but I was too tired to let it all go. I heard some worried sound and someone lift me out of the chair carrying me. I tried to struggle, but I was too tired, the hands tightened their grip.
I felt so hot and cold at the same time, and felt someone flooing, well, that's what it felt like. I heard a high-pitched voice, talking something about a fever and a bed. I felt myself be placed on a bed, and two people holding each of my hands. The last thing I heard was "I love you" as clear as day, probably mind spoke, and I drifted off to sleep.
I blinked my eyes open, I still felt tired, but not as tired as I usually felt. I looked around to see white washed walls, and a familiar smell. Great, I'm in the hospital wing. I was about to step off my bed till a voice interrupted me.
"Nah ah! Get back into bed Harry James Potter!" said a voice, it was Sirius, and I felt his hands push me on to the bed. I groaned. If there was anything I hated most it was bed rest.
"Sirius, I'm fine." I said, I cringed as his eyes narrowed. Oh yeah, he's probably stilled pissed, not a good way to start a conversation. I sighed.
"Sure, fine like you've been saying for the past week." He growled. Yep, still pissed. I flinched at his tone.
"Sorry, I was just trying to protect everyone from getting hurt." I answered, Sirius snorted angrily.
"Yeah, while practically killing yourself, great idea, Harry." He said. I rubbed the back of my neck, looking only slightly apologetic.
"Sorry." I offered, in a small voice. Sirius ran his hand through his hair and looked away.
"I trusted you Harry. I trusted that you would come to me when there was a problem. I didn't think you would allow someone to take advantage of you like that. Do you really not love me enough to tell me these things?" he said his voice choked up. He looked at me, his eyes watery.
"I don't know. I was just so confused and shocked. I believed all the words he said, and he hit all my weak points. I'm really sorry, I wasn't thinking straight." I said, practically pleading him to believe me.
"I know Harry. I just hate to see you hurt. I care for you so much, and you're hurt so many times. It's just so aggravating; to top it all off you hide important things. Sometimes I think it's my fault, for letting Tim train you, or not checking up on you. I should have noticed." He said. His eyes filled with guilt.
"It's not your fault; I was stupid enough to hide it. Sirius, please don't hate me because of this, please!" I begged, he looked at me incredulously.
"Does anything get through that head of yours? Who said I hated you! I'm your godfather. I'll always love you. I've told you this a million times. Harry, just because you experienced a family that hated you, that wasn't family. Family loves you, and family trust each other also." He said. I looked at him sheepishly.
"Okay, Sirius, I'll try to tell you when something like this happens." I said softly.
"Family also has consequences when they don't listen to what family says." He said sternly. I sighed and stared at him, bracing myself.
"You put yourself in danger, again, and I don't appreciate that. Remus and I have told you constantly to tell us when something is wrong, and I was always here, and you knew where my rooms were. You should have told me immediately and not wait till you were running a fever, and draining your mass of magic away. So, Dumbledore and I agreed that you will be placed in my quarters for a few of weeks, to recover and for me to make sure you don't over-exert yourself, and so I'll see that I can trust you. Trust me, you need this, you've lost a lot of health, you're training will be postponed till further notice. You'll still have schoolwork, but you won't be going to your classes till I see you fit to do so. You will eat and sleep when I tell you, no buts." He said, firmly. I looked helplessly at him,
"Siriusssss, don't you think that's too much." I pleaded, knowing the answer I was going to get.
"No." he said simply. I sighed dramatically.
"I won't survive!" I whined. Sirius just raised an eyebrow.
"So," He said. 'Hey, he's a poet and he didn't know it,' I thought sarcastically. Suddenly I heard a shuffling of feet, and then someone cutting off my air-supply. I looked at the corner of my eye to see bushy brown hair, Hermione.
"Hermione, you're cutting off my air supply." I said. She let go, looking sheepish, she looked at me and her eyes widened.
"Oh my god, I was so worried, you look worse than I thought!" she shrieked.
"Gee, thanks" I said wryly. Ron came to look at me, and his eyes widened like saucers.
"Bloody hell! Remus only told us a little bit about what happen, but he never told me you looked like you came back from the dead!" Ron blurted out. Hermione stomped on his foot. He looked perplexed at Hermione then looked helplessly at me. I laughed a real laugh for once.
"Well guys, we should let Harry get some rest, he's not feeling well, you can visit him tomorrow." He told them. "No buts Harry." He said quickly cutting me off. I crossed my arms huffing in indignation. Ron and Hermione nodded, Hermione giving me one last hug, and Ron patting me on the shoulder. I was surprised they didn't blow my head off for not telling them. Maybe Remus told them that Sirius and he already had.
Sirius gave me a potion, to help me sleep, and I took it grudgingly, and drifted to sleep, wondering what was going to happen to Professor Amstone.
A/N: okay revenge is next chapter, because this one is already 5,000 words, and I want to break it up some, I know most of you guys probably don't mind if it was a million words, but I got to sleep and eat. Lol, Thanks for all the reviews, I think it's the most I have ever gotten for one chapter. And just for a special mention, Dragon, you're review was probably the funniest I have ever gotten in a looong time! Thanks. I hope all of you enjoyed this chapter, I know it's what you all have been waiting for…lol. I'll have fun torturing Professor Amstone, laughs maniacally so read and review! I really appreciate all of you, you keep me going on:)
Just to let Dragon know, and some of you others, Intertwined hope is hope's Determinations sequel, I'm not sure I made that clear…lol :)
Oh and thanks to my new beta reader, my wonderful sister, who's way better at grammar than me:)