After The End by lyradaemon

Chapter 6: The Battle For Acceptance

Disclaimer: It all belongs to Anne Bishop

Warning: There is an R-rated scene later on, so don't read if your sensibilities will be offended! It's not all fluff – there is a story-line! (There should be anyway…)

A/N: Well, I managed to get hold of a friend's computer so I can update occasionally. There's just one chapter for the moment, but more is definitely on the way! Please stick with me people and send in those reviews! Thank you to avidreader for the last one!

Daemon awoke to find the sun shining in through a crack in the curtains. By the strength of it he judged it to be mid-morning. Jaenelle was already up and about; the curtains fluttered in a gentle breeze coming in from the part-opened door. Daemon buried his face in the pillows, relishing the lingering physical and psychic scents there.

Then his memories of the previous day came flooding back.

He could remember it all; every word that Presence had said to him, every feeling he had in the abyss. All of it. Despite the surprising warmth of the winter sun, Daemon suddenly felt a chill. He tried to burrow further under the covers but that made no difference. The cold wasn't an outward, physical one; he was cold to the very marrow of his bones, and he knew no amount of heat would thaw it.

What was he going to say to Jaenelle? After all, he had discovered her true nature, and it definitely wasn't one which she embraced readily – she had concealed it from everyone all these years – so he doubted she would be happy that he had found it out now. He knew she wouldn't blame him for it because it had been her idea; but he wasn't naïve enough to think that things would be the same between them. Not for a while at least.

Still, he thought, I might as well get up. Lying in bed all day wouldn't solve anything and he desperately wanted a shower. So thinking he hauled himself, shivering, out of bed and made his way quickly to the bathroom and soaked himself thoroughly under the steaming water. It didn't completely warm him, but it was a start.

Dressing warmly in a thick dark red jumper Jaenelle had given him, he knocked quietly on the door leading to Jaenelle's sitting room. Taking the silence from inside as an assent, he opened the door and went in.

Jaenelle was standing by the window with her arms wrapped tightly around herself, staring unseeing out at the white gardens. Hearing someone come in she looked up and her eyes lost their glazed look, but the unhappy, withdrawn expression remained on her face.

"Are you alright?" Daemon asked quietly.

She mentally shook herself. "I'm fine," she replied. She paused for a moment, not quite looking at him. "Daemon, about last night…"

"No," he said firmly. "I know what I saw and what I was told. I did it willingly and you have nothing to apologise for."

"But-"

He cut her off again. "I know what I saw," he repeated, "and I accept it. I know who you are now, and I still love you for it."

"But how can you? I never told you or Papa or anyone who I really was. How can you just accept that and carry on like nothing's happened?" Her eyes bored into his, making him feel as if she was staring straight into his soul.

"I don't give a damn whether you told anyone or not. The fact is, you are who you are and nothing, nothing will ever change that, no matter how hard you try. You've got to accept that Jaenelle, otherwise you will never be happy."
"I'm happy now," she replied stubbornly.

"No, you're not. You can never be happy until you accept who you really are. You might think that you are happy, but I can tell you that you're not. I have known you for a long time Jaenelle, and you have never truly been content with yourself. I can see it in your eyes every day when I look at you. Even at night, when we make love, I can see it in your eyes, feel it in your body. You are unhappy Jaenelle, and that makes me unhappy. It's not fair."

"But, damn you, you have no idea what its like to be me!" She yelled, hot tears of fury and self-pity in her eyes. "You can never know what it's like living how I do and being what I am. I hate being me and I hate everything about me. You don't understand Daemon! How could you? Do you know what it's like, having to put a mask on every day to cover up who I really am? It hurts, Daemon, it hurts so much, but no one can understand." She was sobbing freely now, her self-control gone. It tore at his heart to see her like this, but he couldn't go to her. Not just yet.

"I do understand Jaenelle! I'm the only one who can. I have had to spend my whole life wearing a whole disguise, pretending not to be who I am, not using my Jewels because it would get me killed. Do you know what that feels like, Jaenelle, not being allowed to use your Jewels, a part of you, for fear of being killed? I don't fear death, and I never have, because I knew it would be better than staying alive as some bastard pleasure slave. But I did stay alive, Jaenelle, and I did it for you. So how dare you tell me I don't understand what it's like, covering up who and what you are every day? I know. I want to help you accept what you are, just like you helped me accept that the Sadist was a part of me, and I couldn't be whole or happy without it. Do not tell me that I don't understand!" He didn't realise that he'd been shouting, or that tears were streaming down his cheeks, or that his nails were digging into his clenched fists.

Jaenelle just stood there, shocked by the anger and hurt she had caused in him. She had been so caught up in her own feelings that she hadn't once stopped to think how it would all affect Daemon. Seeing him standing there, the tears rolling down his beautiful face, his golden eyes full of hurt and sorrow and anger, she could only feel revulsion at herself for causing it. It wasn't fair. None of it was.

Daemon could see the range of emotions flickering rapidly across her face. How he wanted just to take her in his arms and hold her and tell her he loved her; that everything would be alright! He knew that she wanted him to do it too, but he still managed to restrain himself. He made himself look at her one more time.

"I can't take much more of this Jaenelle. I want to help you but you won't let me and that tears my heart out. It hurts too much."

And turning, he slowly walked out the door, closing it slowly behind him.

Through the door he could hear Jaenelle's wail of anguish.

Some time much later – it was night time in fact – Daemon woke again. He was lying fully clothed on the bed and the fire had gone out, leaving the room bitterly cold. Shivering violently, he raised himself up and using Craft eventually got the fire going again, as well as heating the blankets and sheets on the bed. Feeling a sharp draft on his face, he realised that the balcony door was still open, so he got up to close it.

At the same time there was a quiet knock and the door opened. Jaenelle stood there uncertainly, not quite raising her eyes to look at Daemon. She had obviously been crying a lot because her eyes were puffy and her cheeks glistened with her tears, but to him she still looked beautiful.

Not saying anything, he opened his arms to her. Without hesitating she ran into them and he felt her shudder as they closed around her. She clung to him and wept bitterly into his shoulder, her whole body wracked with huge sobs and trembling violently. Daemon moved her towards the bed and lay down with her on it, holding her closely to him, stroking her hair and back, and murmuring soothing nothings in her ear.

Eventually she quietened until she just lay there in his arms, hardly moving at all. An occasional sob shuddered through her, but still she said nothing. It was still cold, so Daemon pulled back the covers, used Craft to remove both their clothes then pull the covers and blankets back up. It was some time before either of them spoke.

"I'm sorry Daemon," she whispered, her voice shaking slightly.

"You've nothing to be sorry for," he said gently.

"But I never thought about what I was doing to you – I only cared about myself. It was selfish and I'm so sorry."

"It's alright," he whispered, brushing her tear-dampened hair back from her face.

"All I want is to be with you and have our baby and just live together for ever and be happy," Jaenelle said softly, brushing her hand across her slightly rounded belly.

"That's all I want too sweetheart. But you still have to accept who you are. You can't be happy until you do."

Jaenelle was silent for a moment, as if gathering her courage. "Will you help me Daemon? Will you help me accept who I am?"

Daemon looked down into her upturned face. The trust and love he saw there made his heart skip a beat. "I would do anything for you sweetheart," he whispered. "I promise."

He kissed he lightly, meaning it just as a reassuring kiss, but was surprised to find that Jaenelle wanted more. She returned his kiss fiercely, pushing her whole body against him, seeking his warmth and love and reassurance. Her fingers wound tightly in his hair and lips coaxed his open, her tongue seeking his.

Daemon was taken aback at first at the hunger and need in Jaenelle, but he soon forgot his initial hesitation and returned her embrace passionately. Rolling her over, he straddled her thighs and kissed her with enough force to bruise her lips. Jaenelle's only reaction was to growl at the back of her throat and bite his bottom lip, licking the underside of it. This served as a spark to Daemon, awakening in him an animal-like lust and hunger. Their love-making had never once lacked passion, but it was normally sweet and gentle. Every now and then it would become something more; but never like this.

Daemon's hands were rough on her body, making her moan and gasp. They never lingered long in one place, which left her aching for more. Her hands grasped at his back as she arched her body against him, feeling him hard between them. "Daemon…" she moaned as his lips sucked the silky skin of her neck, his tongue licked her ear and his fingers played with her aching nipples.

She writhed with pleasure when his hot mouth found her breasts, teasing one while his hand stroked the other. But soon the torment became too much; she needed him inside her so desperately that she ached all over.

"Daemon...please…" she gasped.

"Please what?" He breathed in her ear, flicking his tongue.

"I need you so much…"

"What was that?" He teased sensuously, his hand stroking the soft skin of her inner thigh, causing another moan to escape her parted lips.

"Ah! Daemon…please don't…I can't wait any longer," she moaned.

In reply he simply kissed her so sweetly that all Jaenelle could think about were those sensuous lips gliding over hers. The chasteness of that kiss was just about more than she could bear; she made little mewing noises in her throat, desperately needing Daemon.

After what seemed like hours, Daemon broke the kiss and looked in her eyes, smiling that devastating smile of his. Slowly he parted her thighs, revelling in the small sounds coming from her, rejoicing in the way her skin moved under his gentle touch. After a brief pause, he sheathed himself in her; then held her until she was ready.

Soon Jaenelle's world shrunk until all she could think of was Daemon and the feel of him inside her. They moved together so sweetly that when they finally came they both cried out and tears flowed freely down their cheeks

When it was over, Jaenelle was finally content just to lie in Daemon's arms. They didn't say anything because what had gone before was all that needed to be said. They both knew that things would change from here, but were reassured that the other would always be there to help and support them.

"I love you Daemon," Jaenelle whispered finally when she felt sleep coming.

"Mmm," was her only reply; Daemon had already fallen asleep, a slight smile playing on his bruised lips. Jaenelle chuckled then snuggled down further under the blankets, blessing the Darkness that it had given her Daemon.

A/N: Fluffy, yes. Pointless, probably. But I just wanted to have Jaenelle finally agree to accept who she really is – it's very important for the next part of the story (i.e. the fulfilment of the Dream). Hope you enjoyed it anyway, so please let me know what you think! Send in the reviews – and for my other fic. I still haven't got a single review from it, and as I'm rather fond of it, I'm also rather disappointed! I'll try to update again soon, I promise!