Author's Note: Never mind, you get a chapter earlier.
Chapter 2
Love is something I treasured, something I idolized. I lived for it, hoped for it, and cried over it. Love took me by surprise and found me when I least expected. For it took years for him to fall in love with me but only seconds to die. I loved Harry with all my heart, in every single way a person can love another. I loved him as only Juliet could love her Romeo. And just like her, I found him lying beneath my feet. His emerald green eyes staring into mine blank with death.
It haunts me like a nightmare that will never let go. It fogs my vision whenever I stop and allow myself to ponder love. Why is it that fate gave him to me, only to take him away so quickly? Was it tempting me? Intending for me to hurt the rest of my life, while I search for another unrequited love.
Why is it that destiny plays games with me? Here it stands, sending Harry's enemy my way, a love struck bastard who is too late to claim my broken heart. How dare he even begin to try? I loved Harry, and will only ever love him. I feel nothing but rancor and pity towards those that fought against him. A great tempest wells inside of me every time one of them dares to draw near. To me they're all the same, they all killed my love. I was slashed apart with two small words, left to stain the world blood red.
The world has faded to black and white blotting out all beauty, all color has left. It has become a life of harsh extremes hate and love. Death and life. People go by in a haze of grey. Days pass underneath an empty sky. The sun sets into a blackened sky. The world empties before me. How I miss the color green, I long to see the early morning grass sparkling with dew or the calm current over an emerald lake. But it all comes in black and white. Yet I still see red as I sit back to watch my heart bleed.
I would do anything to have Harry back. Some use the phrase lightly, but I would exchange his life for any other on earth, including me or my family. I want him so badly. Every night, without fail, I gaze up into the stars and beg for him to come back. I hear his whispers behind the veil in my dreams, and I long to fall behind it with him. I taste death in my heart every day. I pray to die, so that I may find him beyond this world. But every time I pull a dagger close to my heart I hear him whisper.
"Once upon a time there lived a beautiful girl, Gin. She had locks of the golden sun, and her eyes sparkled with the color of autumn leaves. Her skin, as pale as moonlight, felt like rose petals. She danced beneath the stars, and sang to the heavens. She cried into the sea, and laughed with the sparrows. Her innocent radiance shone brighter then anything I have ever seen. That was the beautiful girl I loved. She was you, she is still you. Don't take her away."
So sweet death is not to be my escape, instead I trapped in this limbo of loving the dead and hating those with life. Always wishing that I could somehow my way out, but I have found that God cannot save me, neither can fate. So I find a way to relive the beautiful past everyday, before he died.
"Gin! Wake up," he said while poking my side.
"Hmmm," I responded groggily.
"Come on."
"Harry I want to sleep, we can make out tomorrow," I murmured and rolled over.
"Really?" he said laughing. "Good, I was afraid I'd miss out. But get up, please."
"Say pretty please," I said, grinning evilly.
He rolled his eyes and then, "Fine. Pretty, pretty please will you get up?"
"If you grab my shoes."
"Nah, you don't need them."
"Fine," I whispered, pretending to be difficult.
Harry led me down the creaky steps of the Burrow. I felt my feet tread upon the soft worn carpet I had grown up with, and then ultimately onto the cool wet grass, fresh with dew. I ran across the yard through the summer fireflies toward the broom shed.
"Let's go for a ride!" I said into the purple twilight.
"Two steps ahead of you," he said from behind me, placing a kiss on my neck.
"Well aren't you clever," I remarked sarcastically, turning to face him. Then with another grin I kissed him.
"I thought I didn't get any until tomorrow," Harry pointed out with a smile.
"Well fine, if that's what you want," I said breaking away. "Prat."
"Hey, not nice Gin," he laughed and motioned for me to get on behind him.
"I'm not going for the ride stupid, you are," I said and got in front of him before he could stop me. "Hold on."
We kicked off and soared upward into the starry night, lit by the moon. He wrapped his arms around me, and pulled my hair out of its tight pony tail. It stretched out behind us, like the tail of a comet in the wind. I felt Harry smile as he lowered his head into the crook of my neck. We flew above the world marveling at the endless beauty of night. It was as if at that moment we were the only ones alive. A sense of power and beauty overcame me. Then another feeling so profound found its way into my heart, in the dark silent sky my life changed before my eyes.
It was as if Harry felt it too. "I love you Gin," he whispered into my ear so that only I would know.
I turned and softly placed a kiss upon his lips. "I love you," I murmured into the wind, and felt the whole world disappear into his eyes.
They tell us all that perfection is only an ideal. But as long as I remember that moment I have known perfection in its best light. For the first time in my entire life I felt love in all its greatness, nothing is more meaningful or beautiful than that. I mourn that in my heart I will never be a part of something so pure and great again.
Yet I knew the whole time, we all knew that Harry would have to die. But I think a part of me never truly believed that he could leave me for ever. I hoped that he would find a way. But he only sadly shook his head when I told him things would be alright. He would say to me again and again, "Look, I don't want to leave you alone, but we have to face this. I will probably die. I tempted fate too much. I don't want you to be lonely and I don't want you to get hurt. Voldemort will use you against me. I love you too much to let him hurt you, even if it involves hurting me. This has to end."
But I'd tell him I didn't care. I'd rather die that not be in love with him, and then I'd cry while he held me tight. Harry was the only person that ever saw my tears. No one has seen them since. I don't cry publicly, it makes people feel sorry for you, and what good does sympathy really do? It makes us sad pitiful creatures that wallow in our misfortune. If there's one thing I don't need, it's another reason to dwell on his love.
If there's another thing I don't need its new love. I don't understand what I am to you. You can't honestly believe that I'd ever love you Draco? Even looking at you is insulting Harry's memory. And I refuse to befoul the image of someone who would have died for me.
Yet for some reason I find myself intrigued by the mere fact that I mean something to you. I am not blind. I see you following me through the shops or on the cobbled streets. I notice you watching me and I feel your stares upon my back. But they do not burn with hatred; rather tingle filled with a strange urge to understand. What have I to offer you, to make you follow me?
Half of me, filled without childhood curiosity, itches to know. The other wants to run away, run until I can't breathe anymore. It has become a daily battle, a small sort of game. While I allow myself to lead you through crowded streets and smelly alleys I take pleasure in seeing your frustration. Yet I fear that I see love in your eyes as well.
But how can a creature like you know love? You have been deprived of it your whole life, reared as a mere robot destined to do your master's bidding. That which makes you evil makes me feel a great sadness. Nonetheless it matters little when I think of how you murdered children, possibly even Fred. How could you take away my brother's other half? You destroyed his life, now George lives and breathes in the shadows, fallen into a mist that he can't see through.
No, the more I ponder your life, the less I feel for you. The hatred I feel for you is deserved. I hope you lose someone the way I lost myself. But maybe there's not enough human in you to feel death.