Me: (singing/in a South Park voice) Blame Canada! Blame Canadaaaa!
Ariel: (in a South Park voice) So? You know that some of your reviewers are from Canada!
Me: Fuck yeah! -still in South Park-
Ariel: (begins to punch me in the gut)
Me: (throws up every time she punches me)
Note: This South Park version of my intros has been brought to you by Whose Line is it Anyway? Note: Anyone who dares to repeat and/or attempt this shall be forced to teach a tired and wet cat how to roll over.
anim3angel173- Me: -again, in that South Park voice- Blame Canada! Blame Canadaaaa! Naoko: Hey! Whud up! We're in Angel's room right now! Ah Fuck! -puts on some sunglasses- It's so white and clean in here, I'm going fucking blind! Me: BLAME CANADA! Naoko: -.- Yeah, okaaaay. Chocolate withdraws. Oh, hey look, there's Soari's chocolate cigars! Angel: Yes! I'll keep them forever! Thank-you Ri-chan! -sneezes- Leira: -taps on the hamster cage- Yo. Angel! Have Satari and Ryushi been cloning themselves? Angel: Eh? No! -sneezes- Ryushi and Satari had more babies! -sets down an empty vial she was cleaning and sneezes again- Pardon. Yes, see? Now there's Nikki, Maria, Alyxandria, Blade, Spike, Taki, Alisande, Leira, Asari, and another Ruin. Ruin and Soari are in that cage over there! -points and sneezes- Hamster Ruin: -glares evilly at Hamster Soari and rips the water bottle off the cage wall- Hamster Soari: EEEEEEPPP! -begins running "away" from Hamster Ruin in the hamster wheel- Leira: o.O Okaaay then. Angel: Yes. -sneezes- Hamster Soari: -beats the shit out of Hamster Ruin with a food pellet- Angel: Oh my goodness! -begins running to the cage but stops due to a sneezing/coughing fit- Me: Blame Canada! Naoko: Oh shut up about Canada! Angel, hun? You feeling okay? You look flushed. Angel: Yes, it's just a slight cold! Leira: -feels Angel's forehead- No. No cold. Full blown fever. Bed. Now. Angel: EH? B-but who will take care of- Leira: -forces Angel into bed- We will take care of the hamsters. You rest. Spike, you're the most culinary one here. Go make her some soup. Spike: Yes ma'am! -leaves- Angel: B-but my lessons- Leira: We can postpone them. -takes out a thermometer- Angel: B-but Aion-sama- Leira: If he's any kind of gentleman, he'll understand. -shoves the thermometer in Angel's mouth- Devil: Yes, well, I think you should know the truth. Me: Eh? -sits Inuyasha style- The truth? Devil: Yes. In relation to the hamsters. You might be wondering what the significance of Maria and Alyxandria is. Well, Alyxandria is my real first name and Maria is Angel's. Angel: -coughs some- Yes. Sorry I couldn't tell you -coughs- before. Devil: Also, Naoko self-inflicted that dragon burnt onto her arm. Naoko: WHAT? DEVIL YOU BITCH THAT WAS A SECRET! Devil: Was it? You know how terrible I am at these things! Naoko: Oh yeah? Well Allie's not a virgin! Me: That's a duh. Got any better ones. Naoko: Uh...well...-scans the room- ANGEL USED TO CUT! Angel: -lets out a gasp- Naoko-san! That was a secret! Naoko: Yeah! Just like how you ate a hamburger! Us: So? Naoko: THAT WAS NOT VEGETARIAN! Us: -LE GASP-Angel: Naoko-san! Naoko: And it was Satari that unleashed the toddlers on Aion! Angel: NAOKO-SAN! THAT IS ENOUGH! Naoko: Hey! If I'm goin down, I'm takin everyone here with me! Like Nikki, she-she... Me: Yes? Naoko: Dammit! You tell us your secrets anyway! Me: Keh heh. Exactly. Kiss this! -turns around and points to her butt- AND BLAME CANADA! Naoko: And, that I've seen Ruin's grandma in a thong! Me: YOU SO DID NOT! Naoko: -holds up a doctored picture of Ruin's grandma in a black lacey thong- Me: OMG! I DID NOT NEED TO SEE THAT! -dies- Angel: O.O Allie, what is Ruin-sama's Grandma-sama doing wearing your underwear? Allie: -.- -silence...3...2...1...- YOU'RE GONNA DIE BITCH! -whips out the flamethrowing meatcleaver and begins chasing Naoko- Angel: I do the laundry, I know these things. O.O Oh my, bathroom. -runs to the bathroom- Naoko: -pokes her head in the bathroom door- Aww, our little Angel is vomiting. HOLY GOD! SHE IS VOMITING! -runs in the bathroom and slams the door shut- Me: I- Everyone: -rolls their eyes- Yes we know, we know. You blame Canada. Me: Well, I must go. Toodles ya'll! Leira: G'bye ya'll! Naoko: -pokes her head out of the door- Angel says bye. She also wants me to do this for her. -pecks Aion on the cheek- She's sick, so ya know. She didn't wanna give you germs and all. Bye!Me: P.S. Angel wanted me to tell you that she has a nickname for Star and Aion. For Star, it's Ari-chan and for Aion, it's Ai-chan. XD Also, yes, I am talking about the Akito from Fruits Basket, though Haru is hotter. MINE! -glomps Haru-Wait, isn't it funny that you know what all extensions of my mind look like but I haven't the slightest clue what ya'll look like? TELL ME OR ELSE BLOOD WILL BE SPILLING! -whips out the flame throwing meat cleaver of doom (which you may use if you wish. only for Ruin related circumstances)- Keh, Heh. Kidding ya'll. Ryushi, you may stop defending Star now. I would never use this on such a swish friend! That includes all ya'll! Angel: -comes back out of the bathroom all sweaty- So, when shall we go to the Mind Room? Leira: WHEN YOU ARE DONE BEING SICK! Angel: But I feel much better now. Leira: FUCK NO! YOU CAN BARELY STAND! BACK TO BED! NOW! -puts Angel back in bed- Aion, do not be fooled. She overworks herself, then gets sick, and then says she's fine, when she's really not. So...do...not...let...her...out...of...this...bed! Unless it's an emergency and yadda yadda. Now, I must go help Asari pick out a new guitar pick. God knows that it will take him 5 years if I leave him to do it himself. Please take care of her, Aion. -whispers- I think she'll get better much faster if you do it anyway. So. Please and thank-you! Bye ya'll! Angel: Yes, goodbye. Me: Toodles! -accidentally throws the meat cleaver and hits Devil- Shit. There goes her head...again. Gotta run. Bye!
Chigiri Ikeda- HELL NO! MY GRANDMA IS THE BEST GRANDMA IN THE UNIVERSE! Did you know that for every 5 dollars we put in our accounts, she puts in 50 for college? That's so awesome! And she's constantly making us sweets like cookies and crap. Since she lives right next door, I can see her whenever I want! WOO!
blueangel-maggie1723- Naoko: (bursts out of the closet all sweaty and panting) Oh...my...god. If you EVER lock me in the closet with someone again, please, please, PLEASE make it Blade. Me: -.- You are just gross. And to you Maggie, we have an agreement! (Shakes on it) Welcome to the Totally Obsessed with Fruits Basket Club. You are now, member Momiji! We have a member Hatsuharu and a member Kyo! Three guesses on who member Hatsuharu is. Naoko: I (pant) think that (pants) that (pant) is two (pant) more than she (pant) needs. Me: Oh for fucks sake. (Dumps water on Naoko's head) Cool off girl. I think you're in heat. Naoko: Hey! I think I feel better. Now I can do this! (Grabs Lou and shoves her on top of Blade, in his coffin, and locks the lid shut) Keh heh, sucker. She won't be a virgin for long! MWAHAHAHAHA! Me: -.- OMG. Poor girl. (shrugs) Ah well, not my problem. Naoko: THAT WAS FOR DISSING ME BITCH! AND BLADE! THAT WAS FOR CALLING ME BITCH IN THE CLOSET! YOU DO NOT TALK TO SOMEONE THAT WHEN YOU'RE MAKING OUT WITH THEM! Me: And when you're doing more. Crap. I gots to go! Bye bye!
Actually, I lied. Nikki wasn't up in the Spanish suite, she was in the underground. She was in a club in the underground where she just finished a huge club sandwich and hag gotten a 5th refill on Coke.
"Hey Mike!" Michael, the bartender, whose name of affection among the teenagers in the mafia is "Mikie", turns around.
"Yeah sweet pea?"
"Gimme a pint." Nikki brushes some crumbs off her hands.
"Grandma again sweetie?"
"Yup."
"Sure you don't want a full one?" Nikki takes a swig of Coke.
"Hell yeah. Hit me big time baby."
"Nikki-chan?" Angel moved from her spot at one of the tables over to a bar stool beside Nikki, "What's wrong?" Mike slams a quart of Ben and Jerry's chocolate cookie dough ice cream down infront of Nikki. She opens the lid and digs in.
"Nothing anymore." she puts a spoonful in her mouth. After a couple of seconds, she slams the spoon down.
"God," she says, her mouth full of ice cream, "I don't get it! What the hell is it with these people and arranging marriages?"
"Well, it must be important to them, if they make such a fuss out of it, ne?" Angel smiles and nods a thanks at Mike when he hands her a glass of water.
"Yeah, but come on! I have better things to do than be a housewife! I mean, after all, no one lives forever." Angel lets out a sullen smile and bows her head down at her drink.
"Oh Angel, hun, I am so sorry."
"It's alright! It was my fault in the first place."
"It is not your fault that that bastard Lucifer sneaked into heaven and tricked you! Don't you dare ever say that! And it is not your fault that they kicked you out because you saw that he was hurt and helped him, either! If being kind is a crime, I say let me have eternal damnation for it then!"
"Thank-you Nikki-chan, but it's you I'm worried about, not me."
"Yo! Nikki! Angel!" Spatial pops up in between them, "Hey Mikie! Can I get a drink?"
"Milk." Nikki whispers, putting another spoonful in her mouth, "Give her milk." Mike snickers a bit and gives Spatial a Pepsi.
"You know, Kenshin's lookin for ya."
"Well, he can go ahead and look. I don't need comforting right now. What I need is another quart." Nikki slams her open palm on the bar and looks around for Mike, "Yo Mikie! Can I get another pint!"
"Sure thing sweet pea!" he puts another quart of ice cream infront of her.
"Nikki-dono! There you are."
"And the comfort just rolls in." Nikki stuffs a huge spoonful in her mouth. She was about to say something, but she gets cut off as she presses her hand against her head.
"Woah. Brain freeze." she says, wobbling on her stool a bit.
"Keh. I didn't know you had a brain to freeze Nikki." Nikki looks at Spatial and begins rubbing her middle finger on her eye.
(-.-) (Spatial)
"Nikki-dono? Are you alright?"
"Yeah, and two men by the name of Ben and Jerry have made it much better." she plops another spoonful in her mouth.
"Nikki-dono," Kenshin growls.
"The ice cream dudes!" Nikki yells, shoving the ice cream container in his face.
"Oro?"
"Aww, there's the Oro I love!" Nikki leans into Kenshin and kisses him.
"Ugh." Spatial stabs her spoon into her own ice cream she ordered, "I think I'll go pass a stone. Thanks Mikie!"
"No problem hun!" the bartender yells back.
Tomorrow...(Me: Theeee sun'll come out, tomorrow- Ariel: (smacks me with a frying pan) Don't you start that up.)
"YO! SENSEI!" Allie nearly trips over a loose bookbag to get to her seat on the bus, "WHY ARE WE GOING TO THE MUSEUM AGAIN!"
"You don't have to yell Alisande, I'm right here."
"So why?"
"Because, for the fifth time, the International Museum of the Mafias is a great cultural experience and the council thought we should go on a field trip."
"Oh. Okay! But why can't we go see a movie or go to McDonalds?"
"Because, they're not educational."
"Ah ha! Allie got served!"
(The following scene actually took place on Bus No. 4 in real life. No pairs of pants were harmed in the making of this scene)
"SHADDUP JAMES! AND FOR GOD'S SAKE! BUS DRIVER! JAMES TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AGAIN!" (Ahem, real problems, on real busses, a.k.a. Mine)
"I did not!" James yells back, standing up, "They're just falling down!"
"Then wear a fucking belt you retard!" Nikki yells back at him.
"I fucking am!" He was.
"Then tighten it up douche bag."
"I wouldn't be talkin Joe."
"I wouldn't be talkin both ya'll. Now sit down and shut the fuck up." Nikki plops back down in her seat.
(Real life, end)
"Kenshin," she whimpers in this tired voice, "Why is the whole world out to get me?"
"Oro?"
"Never mind."
At the Museum...
Nikki, Kenshin, Angel, and Devil were looking at the stuff in the Spanish section of the Museum.
"Oh! Nikki-chan! Look!" Angel tugs on Nikki's arm.
"Eh? What?" Nikki turns around.
"Lockets, aren't they pretty? Like the one you have on?" Nikki leans in for a better look.
"Oh...my...god! KENSHIN!" Kenshin walks over.
"Hai?"
"Look! It's just like Ryu said they would be!"
"Oro?"
"All we have to do is open them up! Great, now all we have to do steal from the International Museum of the Mafias!" Angel and Devil get into thieving garb.
"One step ahead of you Nikki." Devil says.
"No. No. No! Hell no! You are not doing this." A security guard begins to go by. If he sees Devil and Angel in their outfits, BUSTED! Kenshin quickly pulls himself and Nikki infront of Angel and Devil, masking them from the security guard's view, and begins kissing Nikki. The guard just looks at them and smiles. Young love. He remembers that. And then he walks away. Angel and Devil let out a relieved sigh and come out of hiding behind the couple, dressed normally now. Kenshin and Nikki, of course, were too much into their own little worlds to care. Angel taps them on the shoulder, giggling.
"What the hell do you want?" Nikki growls.
"We still have those lockets to worry about." Angel giggles again, pointing at the lockets.
"Oh, yeah." Nikki wipes some smeared lip gloss off her mouth, "Damn boy messed up my lip gloss." she says with a southern belle accent, and putting some more lip gloss on.
"Oh, Nikki-chan! I know! Why don't you take a laser pen and cut small holes in the glass and take them out!" Nikki looks up at Angel with a 'I cannot believe you just said that you idiot' look.
"Oh, there's an idea Angel!" she says, mocking Angel's peppy tone, "And while I'm at it, why don't I stick a pineapple on my head and do the hula wearing a cocoanut bra!"
"Why would you do that?"
"Psh. Never mind. I'll just try and open the stupid thing." A janitor comes in to clean up a slight mess. Nikki tries to open it and it budges just a little, but that's all. She looks at everyone and shrugs.
"Oh for the love of-give me that!" Devil grabs it and a hammer from the janitor's tool belt and sets the locket on a wooden bench.
O.o (Everyone)
"CLEAR!" she yells and then smashes the hammer down on the locket, "Now, lets see if this sucker's gonna open." Sure enough, it does. A weird white light thingie flies out and smacks right into Kenshin knocking him down.
"OH MY GOD! KENSHIN-SAMA!" The sensei pokes his head in.
"What are you kids doing in here? What's the commotion?"
"Um well, Kenshin-sama-uh.."
"He slipped." Devil tells the teacher, "That's why the janitor's in here." Everyone hears a groan coming from Kenshin as he sits up, "See? Just a slip. Nothing more."
"WHAT THE FUCK! WHERE THE HELL AM I!" Nikki, who was kneeling by Kenshin, slaps her hand over his mouth.
"Shut the fuck up Kenshin, very pissed sensei, in the room."
"Isabella?" he asks against the palm of her hand.
"What?" Devil led the sensei away from the room. Nikki snaps her hand down and glares at Kenshin, "What did you call me? OH MY GOD KENSHIN! I THOUGHT YOU SAID THAT YOU WOULD NEVER CALL ME THAT! Wait. Nikki, think of something only Kenshin would know, um, uh. Oh! (Snaps her fingers) I got it! Who's my favorite Inuyasha character and how much am I obsessed with him/her!"
"Oro?"
"Oh my god! You aren't Kenshin! The answer was Sesshomaru and so much that I have him on my anime walls more than any other character! What the hell did you do with my Kenshin!"
"Woah, Isabella, calm yourself. Sweetheart. Don't you recognize me?"
"NO! I AM NOT ISABELLA! AND HELL NO! I DO NOT RECOGNIZE YOU!" Kenshin, or the person that was Kenshin, places a lingering kiss on Nikki's lips.
"I'm your husband. Shinata."
Me: DUN DUN DUN! IT'S CANADA'S FAULT! BLAME THEM!
Ariel: (running away from a mob of angry Canadians) AHHH! THE CANADIANS ARE COMING! THE CANADIANS ARE COMING! (smacks into a wall and gets lost in the mob)
Me: Shit! R and R while I go save my friend! (Dives into the angry mob)