While Padme recuperated across the next several days, she hardly left their suite. The pain swung between a dull ache to blinding agony without warning and though Anakin offered her painkillers from the dwindling stash of non-expired medication, she refused. One day, someone would come back far worse off than she had and need relief much more seriously. Anakin stayed with her as much as he could, leaving only for supply raids and culls with fighters like Rex now that he felt better, Maul, Aphra and occasionally Dooku.
One morning, he returned with a meagre breakfast to share between them and sat quietly across the table, lost in thought as Padme tried several conversational tactics to pull him back to her. Eventually, when she began to give up and accepted the quiet between them, his eyes quickly flicked up to meet hers, turbulent and troubled. "I love you, Padme… You know that don't you?"
His words came as an almost brutal confession, a whisper of vulnerability Padme had never seen from him before. Her mind teetered between the desire to be surprised and a growing suspicion that deep down she already knew. Why else had he watched over her like a twisted guardian angel all this time? What better reason to shoulder all the guilt in this rotten world just to preserve one person's conscience than love?
So many women once would have coveted such a confession from their partners and yet all Padme could think was, why did you say it? Why did you have to say it? Now his feelings were real and lay heavy between them, baiting her for a response she couldn't possibly put into words. She wasn't ready… Her feelings for Anakin were a never-ending string of fraying lace, knotted and tangled in some places and one small catch away from unwinding entirely in others.
She closed her eyes and battled against shaking her head at him. "I know it now… and I…" No words came to her hopeless rescue, leaving the young woman gawking silently at her lover. Did she love him? Was it possible? After all the trauma and anger and pain, how could two people like them share something as pure as love? After what he'd done – the people dead by his hand or order – after Padme willingly used his brutality as her shield from this world and closed her eyes to his cruelties, were they allowed to have something so wonderful? It didn't feel right. She stood up suddenly, picking at the corner of her bandages as she walked to dispel the tension swallowing the suite's air before collapsing on the red sofa planted against the wall ten steps away. "I can't," her words fell into the world as a broken whisper, "I'm sorry… I just – I can't…"
Silence was an invisible hand around Padme's throat, squeezing brutally at the tender muscles beneath the flesh. At least, that was how it felt when Anakin came around the table and gingerly took a seat beside her. Neither spoke but she felt the utter heartbreak her words brought him in the tightness of his limbs, in the careful space he kept between their bodies and the way his shoulders seemed to sag beneath the sudden weight of it. If he thought she was the salvation to his pains, he had been very wrong.
"I'm sorry…" She said again, "I…"
What was there to say? What words could Padme possibly say to sweeten the taste of rejection? She gave up on words and embraced the silence instead since Anakin, for once, was not eager to break it. Her hand travelled the vast space between them, though truthfully it was only a few inches, to cover his with something meant to be a comforting squeeze. It was like that for a few seconds before she felt him lift her knuckles to his lips. It was silence. It was hope.
When she turned to him, Padme freed her fingers from Anakin's and pressed her palm over his aching heart through the knit of his green sweater. For the first time, he flinched beneath her touch as if unwilling to feel it and turned his face away from her. She caught a glimpse of his expression before his eyes glowered at the bathroom door, painfully vulnerable, adrift, like nothing she'd never seen from the Imperial leader before.
He knew he had been caught, she saw it in the clench of his already tight jaw before he turned to her and took Padme's lips with his in a desperate act of despair. It wasn't healthy or right… They had to talk about this… but she couldn't bring herself to deny him after ignoring the offer of his heart. There was self-preservation and then there was cruelty, after all.
Padme climbed into his lap and with a tug, she removed his sweater and threw it somewhere behind here. Distantly, she heard clangs and thumps and suspected it might have landed in the middle of their abandoned breakfast, but didn't care enough to look over her shoulder to find out. There was only one mess she was interested in cleaning up right now. She'd worn a simple navy blouse and dark jeans today and began to undo the fiddly buttons until the soft garment fell off her body and dropped to the carpet, forgotten. Her breasts and stomach were on display for him since she'd forgone a bra this morning and Anakin's eyes became dark with lust as he took her breasts in his hand and squeezed. She sighed, settling more comfortably in his lap as his hands played with her, thumbs stroking her nipples with expertise, hardening them into needy peaks.
It felt good to forget everything, the world, their problems, and throw herself into the small pleasures he played into her flesh. Right now, all she had to think about was arching her back just right to encourage Anakin's clever fingers… It was simple. It was easy. It was perfect.
Padme felt him grow hard beneath her and shifted to deftly undo the button and zipper of his jeans, tugging them down as Anakin lifted his hips to aid their glide down his body, leaving him only in his boxers as she climbed back onto his lap. She shifted back and forth, gasping as his bulge rubbed against her, stiffening further by the moment. Padme held his hair tight as he leaned forward and sucked her nipple into his mouth, filling his large, calloused hands with the gentle swell of her hips to guide her careful slide along his hard cock.
Padme tilted her head back, her breath quickening as he licked, suckled and then grazed his teeth on her nipple before neglecting it for its twin, letting the cool morning air of the suite kiss it in his stead. "Oh," she whispered, squeezing his curls of spun gold between her fingers to hoist herself up as his hand deserted its post and tracked down her body to open and disappear into her jeans.
He moaned when he slipped two fingers inside her. She was already so wet.
"I'd kill for this," Anakin muttered into her breast before kissing his way to the base of her throat. She hardly heard those dangerous words fall from his lips, too caught up in shifting her hips as his fingers slid in and out of her core. The wet sounds should have seemed crass but she loved it, it fuelled her desire to hear how ready she was for him.
The pressure began to climb, guiding Padme toward a satisfying climax when she grabbed his wrist to stop his movements with an unsteady gasp. "Wait… wait," her lungs burned as she pulled air into them. "I don't want to… not without you…"
"Your wish is my desire…" Anakin leaned backwards smugly, smirking in that way of his that had once infuriated her. This time Padme didn't let it as she reached down and pulled his boxers off. She smiled as erection swung free, so thick and hard and big… And so enthusiastic. She took it in hand and began to stroke.
"Mmm, I love this… It's so…" Padme watched her fist pump his hard shaft once, twice, three times as she searched for the right word.
"Massive?" He choked on a grin, resting his head heavily on the back of the sofa. "The biggest you've… Ugh! You've ever seen?"
He masked the pain of before beneath his humour and lust and she welcomed it. It was exactly what they needed.
His eyes closed so tightly when she circled her wrist and she rolled her eyes in peace. Men… "It's the only one I've ever seen… It's… It's very cute."
It took everything in the young woman's power not to splutter into laugher when he looked so crestfallen. "Seriously? Cute? That's really what you think about it?" Yes, yes, this was what she wanted! The humour between them, their teasing and fun – that would wash away the hurt Anakin felt, it had to! If he remembered how good it could be between them, he could hardly mourn her not saying those three words, could he?
"Of course it is," she smiled sweetly at her lover as he panted and groaned beneath her touch, "look at it… It's always so happy to see me…" Padme pressed her lips to his throat, sliding down the valley of it in a trail of sensual kisses as she spoke, "…and it's so big and thick…" Anakin's breath became shaky, his hips arching to meet her hand. "I love it…"
Suddenly, his hand swatted playfully at her backside, pulling Padme's attention away from her little game of distraction with a surprised gasp. Anakin's eyes, dark and needy with lust, met hers with only a hint of his smirk remaining. "It doesn't want your hand."
Yes. Padme slid off his body and shimmied off her opened jeans, kicking them off her ankles as his hungry eyes roved every inch of her exposed body. His cock twitched excitedly and he took it in his palm, stroking carnally, a small bead of wetness gathering at the tip. "Are there any condom's left?" She asked, her core aching for him desperately, screaming to be filled until neither could take it any more.
"A few… I have to try and find more soon."
Padme dashed to the usual place, the table by Anakin's side of the bed and tugged open the drawer. Four little foil packages were left of the newest packet he'd found. Non-expired condoms were beginning to become scarce... Padme and Anakin weren't the only people in New York sleeping together apparently. The possibility of having to give this up sooner than later unsettled her almost enough to dampen her desire but she pushed such thoughts away. Those were for another time.
Tearing the foil packaging open, Padme returned to Anakin and rolled the condom over his thick length before him once again, wrapping her arms around his neck for balance as she took him inside her with a long gasp. She settled all the way down, savouring the stretch until he was as deep within her body as he could get at this angle. Anakin held her to him, making frantic love to her mouth as their bodies connected as one yet again.
"Fuck me," he murmured against her lips, "fuck me, Padme…"
She heard that word from his lips easily a hundred times a day, it was meaningless now having lost the jarring coarseness it once held but in this context? A hot wave of heat crashed through her body as a result. She wanted him to say it again and again. It felt as though she could come from that word on his lips alone.
Padme let that desire fuel her. She rocked up and down his hard shaft, swaying her hips in tight circles, riding him in all the ways she'd learned he liked. Anakin held her back, sucking her nipple into his mouth again as she whimpered, rocking her hips over and over again.
They had slow, sweaty sex right there on the sofa before the skyline of New York. Forgetting the heartbreak at the breakfast table they lost themselves and their thoughts in each other's bodies. Padme felt sweat gather at the base of her spine and Anakin's lips everywhere they could reach.
There was no holding back their cries of pleasure as Anakin grasped the globes of her backside and brought her hips down hard, rough and satisfying on his cock. A litany of "ah!"s flew from her mouth as he hit that spot of pleasure inside her, making sure to grind just perfectly against her clit with every thrust. His breath came in short gasps between grunts and moans of pleasure.
"Oh Ani, fuck me…" Padme could have wept from bliss alone as she gasped in his ear, copying his own words from before, knowing the apocalyptic effect dirty words from her lips had on her lover. "Baby, fuck me good… I need you to fuck me until I scream…"
The cry that left her mouth next was not of pleasure but surprise as Anakin withdrew himself from her body only to roughly throw her down to the supple leather of the sofa and cover her body with his own. Whatever moment of pride she had was thrown away when he began fucking her fiercely, just as she asked, every brutal thrust awakening stars before her eyes.
Padme's hands roamed her the sweaty expanse of his back, clinging to him, encouraging him in panted words to take her with everything he had. Her legs wrapped around his waist, locking her ankles just above the firm swell of his backside. They rocked together, riding the violent waves of the passion they shared until she felt it, the deep pooling of her bliss tightening in her belly, ready to… to…
"Oh god!" She cried out, gasping breathlessly as the pleasure washed over every inch of her body. "Oh, Ani yes! Yes!" Above her, the sounds of her satisfaction urged him on, further inflaming his absolute desire to lose himself to the uncontrollable lust he felt for her. He thrust faster, roughly taking Padme's body with strained moans of her name as he balanced on his forearms by either side of her head. Only moments and several hard collisions of their bodies later, his body stiffened in her arms and Anakin was lost to his own bliss. They held each other through it, arching and panting and grinding until their bodies were spent.
They laid together side by side on the large sofa in silence once more as the heat cooled from their bodies and the panting faded. Padme turned her head to watch him and felt her heart begin to ache for it. His body might have found satisfaction but his heart still felt the wound of her silence. He was distant again, the teasing of earlier gone with the lust. She didn't say it back, those three powerful words and she wondered just how badly it hurt.
Anakin was a warrior, a survivor, admitting such potent feelings must have felt like bleeding his heart open for her… all it would take to mend such a wound was Padme's voice, her words, one simple whisper and he would be freed. But she couldn't. She just – couldn't.
She kissed his shoulder and hoped that was apology enough for the quiet, stroked his hair and hoped it soothed the pain just a little. Anakin didn't tell her anything. He kept his thoughts carefully guarded deep in his volatile mind.
Eventually, he got up to clean himself and redress while Padme watched him. He had to go out with Maul and Aphra, he said. They had plans to patrol the area, he said. Truth or a lie, she accepted it, nodding as she buttoned up her blouse. If he needed some space from her today, that would be okay. Maybe it would be for the best. He kissed her before leaving but it was distant, routine more than passion. She watched him leave and collapsed back on the couch when the door closed behind him.
Maybe she would just hide up here today?
There was a fragility to Padme and Anakin in the following days. They weren't in a fight, there were no harsh words exchanged, they kissed before bed, shared breakfast in the mornings but something had shifted. Nothing was technically wrong but they barely talked. They had sex more than ever after she found three more packets of usable condoms on a supply run with Rex. It was the only time the stress between them could be forgotten and things felt normal.
Halfway through the night, someone pounded at the door of the suite, startling them both awake with a fright. It was still dark outside, blackness cast over the city so deeply it had to be the middle of the night – who had come all the way up here? Anakin rushed out of bed, grabbing at the nearest pair of boxers he could find and pulling them up his legs as he made his way to the door. Padme held the sheet to her breast and listened, concentrating to hear the voice of who'd come all the way up here.
"Anakin, you gotta get down here!" Aphra's frantic voice carried through the suite, "it's Rex!"
"What is it? Is he hurt?" The obvious concern melted into the Imperial leader's voice, "what the hell happened?"
"He's not… I wasn't out there tonight. Maul and Kit said they were ambushed by a pack and when the numbers thinned, Rex was gone! Please! You've got to come down."
"Right – right – I'll just a minute. Keep things in control down there."
Padme slipped out of bed and threw on Anakin's discarded shirt when the door slammed shut once more. She made to rush out of the room just as he stormed back inside, his features carved by thunder. "Rex is missing?" She asked, hoping he'd tell her it was wrong, that she'd overheard the conversation so poorly that she'd misunderstood everything and Rex was downstairs getting ready for bed.
"Aphra says so. I need to go down there and find out." He all but tore open the drawer containing his shirts and thew on the first warm sweater he found. "You should stay up here until I get to the truth of this."
As if she would! Rex was Padme's friend too, he had been her loyal companion almost all her days in The Empire. If something happened to him then she needed to help. He would be one of the first to run out the door if the roles were reversed. "No," she was already tugging on her jeans, "I'm coming with you."
Anakin did not argue with her. Padme suspected his mind was too distracted with worry for his friend.
When they made it downstairs, Kit explained shakily how the night patrol group was attacked, that they split up to thin the beasts' numbers and Rex was separated. By the time they regrouped, there had been no sign of the New Zealander anywhere. The big, burly man's absence tore at her heart and she looked out to the dark streets through the lobby window. Please be alright, Rex… Please be okay…
Standing behind Anakin meant that his back was all she saw but it was enough. The heavy tension in his shoulders was obvious… and then came the shouting. He roared at Kit and Maul and even Aphra though she hadn't been there. Padme had never seen him shout like that – it frightened her. His voice shook with barely controlled rage at their incompetence and cowardice for coming back without Rex – all his words. The few Imperials who were awake watched wide-eyed as their leader barked at the patrol group and his second in command, furious beyond restraint. His fists clenched and she moved forward to grasp his arm to stop him from hitting someone.
"Anakin, stop…" Padme murmured in his ear, "it's not their fault. There have been so many creatures out there lately it's become all too easy to get overwhelmed. Please, I know you're upset, Rex is my friend too, but he wouldn't want you to lash out like this!"
He looked at her then, violence storming powerfully in his blue eyes. "This is not like what happened the other day."
She blinked and shook her head. "What? No! Of course not. I just meant that – "
He drew away from her, ripping himself free of her arms and tugged on the coat he abandoned on one of the booth tables hours ago. "I'm going out to look for him." Were the only words the Imperial leader growled at the room before storming toward the weapons storage room, his face locked in a look of savage determination. It only took a few moments before he returned armed to the teeth in guns and blades in multiple holsters strapped to his body.
He walked through the hotel door without a word, letting it slam behind him without a care. One by one, Aphra, Kit, Maul and a few others headed to arm themselves and follow their leader out into the night to search for their comrade. Padme watched them go and hoped endlessly they'd find Rex alive.
The search party returned long after dawn, grim, beaten, tired and without Rex.
Anakin only stopped in the hotel to grab some food, water and more bullets before heading out with another group including Dooku this time. He didn't stop to speak a word to Padme. He didn't even look at her. She watched him disappear into the streets with his group and exhaled. Rex was her friend too. She had to do something.
She made her way to the weapons room and strapped on two holsters. Two guns and three long blades later and she was ready to leave but Kit caught her by the door with a desperate cry, grabbing her by the crook of her elbow and pulling Padme back into the hotel. His tired, haunted eyes pleaded with her to stay, afraid of losing another friend. Afraid of displeasing his leader further. "It's not a good idea… We almost died out there – and your arm! You're still hurt!"
The wound from the beast Obi-wan killed was still bandaged but it didn't bleed anymore nor did it hurt. It wouldn't hold her back today. "I'm fine. Now let me go, I want to help look for Rex while there's still a chance he's alive out there."
"Anakin will kill me if I let you walk out there on your own," Kit pleaded. He looked exhausted, grief-stricken and lost. Everyone was worried sick about their favourite New Zealander. Rex had been a friend to everyone in any room. They needed him back.
"Then come with me." It wasn't fair to put this on him, Padme knew that, but one way or another she was going out to look for her friend. "It's your choice, Kit."
With a frustrated groan, the dreadlocked former med-student ran off to fetch more ammunition before following her outside. Normally, the city's fresh air was one of the only enjoyable parts of being outside but now neither imperial cared to enjoy it. Find Rex. Find him alive. That was their mission.
Padme and Kit ran into a few monsters in the area Kit last saw Rex the previous night but they were easily felled and none came in their stead. They continued on, tense and ready to fight at the slightest sound. He pointed out places they'd been, which streets the beasts came down most and the street their friend vanished. Three hours of searching later, they found it.
A blue coat, shredded and covered in blood. Rex's coat. Padme recognised it right away and Kit followed with a muted cry. It wasn't a body but their friend was wearing it last night and the blood… her stomach heaved. Tears fought to blur her vision but she fought them back. Slowly the pair approached the abandoned coat and she scooped it up, squeezing the stained material tightly. She found holes where teeth had punctured the cloth – and Rex's skin and slashes where claws must have torn at him…
Padme had to swallow hard to chase away the sudden need to vomit as they walked back to The Empire in silence. He was dead... There was no way someone could survive such an attack. How were they supposed to tell everybody?
They were back before Anakin and his search party but not by long. When her lover returned, Padme stood at once from her seat on one of the sofas still clutching at Rex's coat. Aphra had excused herself at the sight of it and had not returned since.
"Anakin…" She called his name gently, her heart breaking beneath the strain of the truth she had to tell him. It still didn't feel real. Rex was a constant within the Imperials, everyone loved him no matter their age. Recklessly charming, boyishly rogue… Unbelievably kind… What were they going to do without him? Silently, she handed the Imperial leader his friend's coat and watched him look the garment over. He saw the holes, the slashes… the blood. His knuckles turned white as he held it for several silent moments and everyone around held their breath. His gaze hardened, blackened with hate and rage and he threw the coat to the floor and made his way toward the stairs.
Padme watched him go, picking up Rex's coat and holding to her again, cradling it as if it were him in her arms. After a few moments, she folded it carefully and laid the ruined material on the table behind her. She had to follow Anakin… Rex was his best friend! He had to be hurting. He needed her.
She made it to the top of the hotel in record time. Inside the suite, Anakin faced away from her, leaning his forearm against the glass looking over the city with a closed first. Even from the doorway she could see how he trembled in a restrained way, as if he was trying to hold his emotions in check even with her. The sight of him so at war with himself was almost as heart-shattering as the loss of Rex.
Oh, Rex… Padme felt her own eyes water. She missed him so much already. The memory of the New Zealander's raucous laughter, his teasing smirk, his quiet support through everything broke her heart. He died out there all alone. She'd seen what those things did to people… A tear slipped down her cheek and she hastily wiped it away.
She held her despair inside and locked it away because right now Anakin needed her even if he wouldn't ask for it. Rex was his best friend. The calm to his storm. The pair were forever joking, laughing and teasing one another. Rex mattered to Anakin. They were kindred spirits.
Padme crossed the room and approached him quietly, her shaking legs threatening to buckle beneath the weight of her grief with every step. When she was close enough, she laid a soft hand on Anakin's back and felt him exhale sharply as he turned to look at her. So many emotions swam in the pools of his eyes, all so deep and powerful she couldn't begin to read them.
"I…" He swallowed tightly after the single word, desperately trying to hold himself back, "I don't… I should have…"
And then, he broke before her eyes like the shattering of a sheet of glass.
It started with a small, restrained sob that made his whole body shake, so muted Padme hardly even saw it. He shook his head in protest as she caressed his cheek, his eyes filling with hopeless tears. "Ani, it's okay…" Tears came to her own eyes as she pulled him into her arms, "you loved him, he was your friend… It's – you're allowed to mourn. Please… open up to me."
Her words made her lover crumble and soon he sobbed desperately, his chest heaving with the strain so much he could hardly breathe through it.
Rex and Anakin were family. They loved each other like brothers.
Padme felt her tears swim down her cheeks as she clung to Anakin though her comfort wasn't very effective. He threw his weight into her, holding her as if his life depended on it. It was heartbreaking to see. He cried like someone who had forgotten how to do it many years ago – it was messy, strangled and completely excruciating to hear. Every sob seemed to tear him apart and Padme held and held him even when her arms began to strain.
"Oh Ani," she murmured, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
What could she say? What words could possibly ease such a loss? Padme had been all alone when she found the remains of her family. There was no one there to comfort her. She had no idea if anyone would have been able to help her through it had they been there. To Anakin, the loss of Rex was far more than a just a devastating familial loss… She saw right through him. It was a failure. A failure to keep someone he cared about alive. The worst possible thing for someone so intent to live.
All Padme could do was hold him close as his world crumbled around his ears.
Heartbreaking.
Four evenings later, Padme found the courage to ruffle through the things in Rex's room. She didn't know what to do with anything, nobody living in the hotel had died since she moved in so if there was a protocol, she didn't know it. Throwing out her friend's things seemed so terribly wrong but he wasn't coming back for them, that was the hard truth to swallow. It was too soon to throw anything away, she decided, but she would look around anyway. It made her feel like Rex was still with them.
There wasn't much to sort through, some clothes, weapons and little trinkets saved from the old world.
She found the gun that once belonged to Bail. Rex did a wonderful job cleaning it up so that it almost looked new. Now the weapon reminded Padme of both her friends. She decided to keep it and tucked it carefully into the empty holster strapped to her waist.
In this room, there was only one bedside table, empty save for a folded and slightly crumpled photograph. She opened it carefully and found an image of Rex smiling that wide, wonderful smile of his – the sight alone was almost enough to break her – his head full of thick black hair, unlike the careful buzzcut he always styled, and his arm around an identical man in an orange t-shirt to Rex's blue. His twin brother.
Padme smiled at the image, carefully running her fingers over both men's faces. Rex never discussed his brother in more than mere passing. Probably too painful, she thought. She remembered he told her his brother still lived in New Zealand and they hadn't spoken since the world died. He had no idea if his brother had lived. She desperately hoped that he did… If only she could find a way to contact him and tell him…
Tears fell down her cheeks and onto the photograph. She held it close and closed her eyes. How lucky Rex had been to have this with him. After a moment, she refolded the picture and tucked it carefully into her pocket. Someone should have it now he was gone.
Something changed in Anakin the day they lost Rex. Something deep within him clenched shut so tightly that not even Padme could prize it open again. He killed more savagely than before, often throwing himself into danger just to find an opportunity to make the beasts suffer for what they'd done. It hardly seemed to be about surviving anymore. He was angry, seduced by the power of his own wrath and an overwhelming desire for revenge.
Despite her pleas, he left the hotel almost every night all alone, armed to kill, and came home covered in blood – the beasts and his own. He courted death, toyed with it, taunted it to take him as it took everyone else. Padme saw it but she couldn't stop him.
She couldn't do a thing to pull him back.
Even his love for her felt different. It was still there of course, but there was something dark in the way he looked at her now. Fiercely protective more than ever. Somehow, he was both more heated and colder with her at once, if that was possible. His kisses carried a fire that didn't burn quite as hot before but then, in his embraces Padme felt how distant he was, completely closed off from her. He told her he loved her most nights, when he buried himself deep inside her, thrusting until he couldn't taste or feel anything that wasn't her.
Now more than ever before, she felt that for Anakin love was an escape from this world. For Padme, it was her reason to fight through it.
That night, Padme shared a rare bottle of wine with Kit in one of the six lobby booths with plastic cups when Anakin stormed down the stairs and into the common area, his features hard and tense – something that was quickly becoming his usual for his handsome face. His eyes were wild in a way which sent her stomach sinking downward. She knew what that meant…
He was going out alone. Again.
This time, Padme didn't just watch him leave to throw himself into danger because he was mourning. She touched Kit's arm softly as she got up, a subtle wish me good luck, and approached the Imperial leader, the end of her long braid tapping against her lower back as she walked. She made her way to stand right in front of him as he filled his holsters with guns.
"Anakin," she murmured, "don't do this. Stay inside tonight."
He barely looked at her, watching the glide of a blade into his belt instead. "Why should I?"
Padme could only look at him incredulously. "Why? Because it's dangerous out there – Kit was just telling me how the beasts just keep coming. He said there are more than ever before."
"All the better for me to go out and take some of them down."
"Please don't go, stay here with me," Padme reached up to stroke both sides of his face, trying to soothe away his anger. "I know you're still upset about Rex but this won't bring him back!"
It was like he didn't even hear her. Finished arming himself, Anakin merely shoved past her, her strength nothing compared to his. Padme tried to clutch at his black coat, her trembling fingers desperate to hold him back but he barged through the lobby without care of who he pushed or collided with. Yet again, the hotel's door swung closed with a thunderous bang in its leader's wake.
Padme didn't go upstairs to await Anakin's return. Nor did she re-join Kit to finish the wine they'd been sharing. She sat in one of the free booths alone, curled up and rested her head on her knees with a long sigh. If this kept up, he was going to get himself killed out there! But she just couldn't get through to him. Anakin didn't want to hear a word she said. Oh Rex, she thought, you'd know exactly what to do.
While she waited, she listened distantly to the chatter in the room without really taking in the words they said. Time passed, the evening turned to night and despite her efforts, Padme began to drift off to sleep. Sleep took her softly. She dreamed of Rex… His smiling face, his husky New Zealand accent calling her "lass" again. Everything would be alright now that her friend was back… He was alive. Anakin would be so happy to see –
A sudden shriek, piercing and horrified tore Padme violently from her sleep. Her eyes shot open, her body startled, heart racing from the fright until her vision focussed and she let out a high, roaring scream as she saw the orange, snarling snout of a drooling, scaled beast bearing its teeth above her.
Somewhere behind her, she heard shouting.
"It got out! Someone left a cage open!"
"Get a damn gun!"
"Are there any more?"
She was unarmed – there was no time to move! Hell, Padme had nowhere to move! It was on the table, its sharp rounded claws scratching the expensive surface as it prepared itself to pounce on its prey. It was too late… The beast leapt and the young woman had only the time to turn to shield her face and scream.
The beast screeched and lunged at her, tearing its claws across the flesh of her back in three agonising stripes. Padme cried out from the base of her throat, eyes burning from the pain of it. Warm blood gushed from the wounds, staining the once white shirt she wore irreparably. She waited, bracing herself for death by the hissing beast's claws.
Surprisingly, Aphra was the first the move, throwing her body at the beast with all the might she could muster to drag the snarling thing away from Padme's quivering body. She looked up to see Kit and Dooku run through the revolving door into the basement Anakin used for breeding, probably to make sure nothing else had escaped down there.
The orange beast wasn't particularly large – Padme had seen and killed far bigger outside – but it was vicious, angry from being restrained. It bounced away from Aphra, throwing itself around like the caged animal it had been, snarling and biting violently at the air threateningly. The raven-haired woman was sweating as she grabbed at the gun Maul had run to retrieve only for a pair of rough, strong hands to grab the beast from behind.
It cried out in pain as a long blade jammed itself into the sunset coloured scales protecting its throat, sending yellow blood spraying everywhere. Padme brought a trembling hand as close to the wounds on her back as she could reach, whimpering at the pain the movement caused, while she watched as the Imperial leader, returned from his deadly outing, threw the creature to the ground with savage strength.
Murder shone in Anakin's eyes as he attacked – more a beast than the beast itself now. He straddled the creature's body and grabbed its head in his arm, trapping its chin in the crook of his elbow and yanked as hard as he could until everyone in the room heard a resounding crack. Padme winced in horror as the wound on the beast's throat split beneath the strain and cracked, almost tearing its head clean off.
In just a moment, he climbed in to kneel in the booth in front of Padme. The dizziness she felt from the wound on her arm that day was nothing compared to the floating, drifting sensation her mind fell into as the blood poured from her wound. She felt weak. Tired. Her head lolled as Anakin cupped her face with beast-blood on his fingers.
"I don't… God, it hurts," Padme hissed, trying and failing to hold back her pained tears.
Anakin called furiously for their medical equipment to be brought up to their suite immediately. Kit took off at a run right away. He turned back to Padme, expression softening for just a moment before hardening again. "Who's responsible?" He rounded on his fellow Imperials, his restrained voice giving away the true danger underneath. "Tell me!" His angry eyes found Aphra near the revolving door. "I left you in charge… and this is what I get?" He growled.
"Anakin," Padme's weak, trembling hand found her lover's arm and tugged at the black sleeve of his coat. "It was an accident, it wasn't her fault. It's fine!"
"She let you get hurt!"
She breathed through the pain, clenching her teeth as she moved to sit straight and glowered at him. "What did you expect?" Her voice rose louder than she meant it, a surprising flicker of genuine anger at his stupidity awakening in her belly. "What did you think was going to happen while keeping those things down there?" She lost her voice, exhaling slowly as the pain worsened.
Anakin's jaw clenched but he said nothing to her arguments. He brought Padme's hand into his own as her vision swam in a field of blurred colours. He took a look at her paling face before giving Aphra a ferocious glare. "I'll deal with you later."
He pulled her into his arms as carefully as he was able and carried her all the way up to their suite. Kit was already there, having pulled the blanket and sheets off the bed in preparation for their arrival. Anakin carefully laid Padme's limp body on the mattress and apologetically used his blade to slice off the remainder of her shirt so her wounds could be treated.
Kit and Anakin worked deftly to disinfect her wound – which made her cry out and curse furiously into the pillow. At some point, the toll became too much and she passed out, waking after a few hours. Her wound hurt like hell and she winced as she moved to sit up.
Anakin sat at the foot of the bed facing away from her as she woke quiet and still, too still. The springs of the mattress gave her awakening away and he turned to take a glance at her. "You're up. Here." He handed her a glass of water and two painkillers. This time, Padme took them all too willingly, swallowing the pills down and chasing them with the water.
"Thank you," her voice cracked, "are you alright?" He'd washed the blood off his hands and taken off his coat, that was all that'd changed since she fell unconscious.
A humourless laugh tumbled from Anakin's throat, over his shoulder his gaze was dark with anguish. "Am I okay?" He repeated her question in disbelief, "I can't… No. Not even close. That thing could have killed you – hell, it was going to kill you." His voice cracked pitifully, his anguish twisted into a vindictive self-loathing.
"I know that I said…" Padme shook her head, "Look, it was an accident." Now wasn't the time to lecture about the dangers of breeding beasts beneath the hotel in which they lived. When things were calmer, she would make him listen – maybe he would even see sense and kill them before any further damage was caused. Right now though, she shuffled closer to him at the foot of the bed. "I'll be okay. What happened with Aphra?"
"Nothing," he muttered bitterly.
Sweet relief flooded her body for the other's woman's sake. Padme and Aphra would never be friends but that didn't mean she wanted to see her punished for something completely beyond her control. It wouldn't be fair. She knew he held back for her sake so she took his hand and squeezed affectionately. "Thank you. She really didn't do anything wrong, Anakin."
"You're thanking me now? Padme, you almost died! You asked me to stay in and I went out anyway… I should have been there. I should have protected you, that's what I promised… It was the whole point of…" He cut himself off angrily with a frustrated shake of his head.
"Anakin, you killed that thing – you saved my life! It's not your fault…"
"Like hell it's not my fault!" He all but threw himself off the bed and into an enraged pace from one wall to the other. "Those are my beasts. I bred them. I… I – I'm the one who brought you here. You've almost been killed twice since you became an Imperial, Padme… You'd have been better off staying with Kenobi and the Rebels."
The frustration so obvious in his voice wasn't nearly enough to mask the agonising guilt he felt – first she was hurt, then Rex was killed and now she almost died due to one of his beast's escaping. It was clearly too much. "What're you talking about?"
"I love you," he said quietly, pausing to look at her, "I love you so much, Padme… Just… I'm sorry. You should get some rest." Without another word, he all but fled the suite leaving Padme alone to await the effects of the painkillers to kick in. She watched the door he vanished behind crestfallen. It felt as if he was slipping away, far from her grasp.
She missed Rex. And Dorme and Sabe. They would know exactly what to do.
For a week, Padme didn't leave the suite. She hardly left the bed, lost in a haze of sleeping and painkillers to avoid moving too much and upsetting her wound. Anakin told her Kit had stitched it shut after she passed out. The former med-student unclipped the precise threads two days ago and though her skin still felt taut and achy, her recovery was going well.
Anakin barely left the suit. Always lingering close by but he didn't spend his time with her either. The few times he did wander into their bedroom outside of sleeping, he looked at her as if it caused him genuine pain. As if her suffering and pain was his failure to bear. He'd failed to protect her like he promised.
Padme wished she had the words to make him understand none of that was true. He was her protector, her lover, her leader… He kept everybody around him as safe as he could – but there were limits to what one man could do! It wasn't fair to hold it all onto himself.
She missed him. He was close by but so far from her at the same time…
Stupidly, Padme fell asleep in her clothes the previous night after finally finding a comfortable position that didn't irritate her healing wounds. Surprisingly, on her first night without painkillers, she slept soundly and woke feeling refreshed. Desperate to change into something clean, she slipped out of bed and went to her designated drawers. She yawned as she opened the first drawer and then jolted, empty. Where were her shirts? Weird… Maybe Anakin moved them? The second drawer slid open and empty.
What the hell?
Her boots lay where she left them by the bed as did her holsters and guns but that was it. What little she owned was gone. Hurrying across to Anakin's drawers, she rifled through his things and only his things… There was nothing of hers mixed through his clothing. There had to be a reasonable explanation for this… She just had to ask him.
Padme pulled on her boots and holsters and rushed down the stairs. Her wound ached slightly from the movement but that didn't deter her from the journey. Anakin lingered at the bottom of the stairs, arms folded across his chest. He looked stiff and tense – but that had become normal ever since Rex had been taken. "Hey," she smiled at him, "I was hoping to run into you. Where are my things?"
Anakin did not return her smile. Misery held his features in such a grasp that she almost gasped to see it. Heavy bags hung beneath his eyes as if he hadn't slept for days. The gorgeous blue of his eyes were sunken and dull. He looked far beyond his years today. "I…" He swallowed down an obvious unwillingness to speak, "Good news, Naberrie, you're free."
Padme frowned at the coldness of his voice. That wasn't like him… "Free? What're you talking about?"
He shoved a deep plastic shopping bag into her arms, full of clothes, her clothes. "It's over," he avoided meeting her eyes, "you're going back to Kenobi and the Rebels… Isn't that what you wanted all along?"
"What? Anakin – I don't… Is this because of what happened? It was an accident! Ani, I know you're upset but I'm okay, see? It's fine?" Padme reached for him but he stepped back beyond her grasp. What was happening? He was sending her away because that beast hurt her? Her mind reeled frantically, trying to craft the words to explain. "Accidents happen! They will always happen in this world but that doesn't make it your fault… Please…" When she reached for him again, Anakin grabbed her by the upper arm and began to drag her through the lobby. People turned and stared. Whispering began. From the corner of her eye, Padme saw Kit and Aphra wide-eyed and gaping as the Imperial leader yanked his lover through the hotel. "Anakin! Hey, what are you doing? Let me go!"
When they reached the door, Padme caught the shine of tears in Anakin's pained eyes, "I'm sorry…" He murmured, "Kenobi will keep you safe."
Those four final words were the last she heard before the Imperial leader tugged open the door and threw her out of the building. She stumbled, mostly from the shock of it, and dropped her bag to the floor. The door slammed shut behind him and Padme watched it, waiting for something… Anything. For him to rush out after her and apologise on his knees. For this to be some awful attempt at a joke.
Nothing.
Padme wanted to scream. She wanted to yell and cry Anakin's name until he saw sense. This was a mistake – he was just grieving for Rex. He didn't mean it, he would realise that any moment. He loved her. They needed each other.
A few moments later, the wide door of The Empire swung open once more and her heart rose in hope only for Kit to appear sheepishly. Still, Padme approached the former med-student in relief. "Oh, Kit! What the hell is going on? You have to make him see sense!"
"Look, Padme, I'm sorry," he grasped her shoulders gently, sympathy shining in his large, dark eyes. "He sent me out here to take you to The Coruscant… You… Man, I'm really, really sorry… You can't be seen in Imperial territories again."
He'd been up all night, quickly becoming the usual for him these days. Sleep had trouble finding him and when it stumbled luckily into his exhausted body, it often tortured him with visions of horror he couldn't bear to relive. He heard the screams of his beloved Satine. Saw her blood. Her beautiful face chewed beyond recognition. No sane man could stomach it.
Obi-wan treated himself to a rare coffee, his last for the foreseeable, probably. It was difficult enough scraping enough food together to feed everyone taking shelter in the hotel he'd commandeered much less finding unexpired caffeine. Lord knew he'd gone without a meal or two recently to ensure those who came to him for protection had full bellies.
He was thinking, drifting peacefully into the sea of his own thoughts, the taste of the caffeine hot on his tongue when he heard it, Bail's cry, frantic and loud through the thin walls of the building.
"Obi-wan! Obi-wan come down here quick!"
Something had to be wrong. Perhaps some creatures had wandered close to the hotel's entrance – wouldn't be the first time, unfortunately. The Rebel leader made his way down the only two staircases in the building, his empty stomach twisting in nervous dread. Please let nobody be hurt. Let nobody be hurt.
He held his gun in hand as he made for the door, ready to flick off the safety and strike down whatever beast threatened to come inside only to find, well, something impossible.
He recognised the man from Skywalker's Imperial crew. One of the more peaceful ones, only fought when under Skywalker's orders. He turned at the sight of Rebels pouring out of the dinky little door leaving in his wake a silhouette Obi-wan Kenobi knew all too well.
Padme Naberrie. Had Skywalker allowed her to visit? Truthfully, he thought that in his anger, he had squandered any hope of such arrangements. So to see the young woman in Rebel territory was something of immense joy for him.
Bail ran toward their friend and threw his arms around her as Obi-wan made his way over. How long had Skywalker permitted? Would his crony hang around until time was up? Padme hugged Bail back, looser, wincing with the movement. He looked at her arm, it had healed nicely and was without bandages, there should have been no cause for such discomfort…?
"I can't believe you're here!" Bail laughed joyously, "how has this happened?"
But the woman didn't share their happiness Obi-wan noticed as he came close enough. Her big doe eyes glistened with unshed tears and she shook her head, face crumbling in utter heartbreak. The first round of tears spilled onto her cheeks followed all too quickly by more.
"What's happened?" He demanded suddenly, "Has Skywalker hurt you? Padme, tell me what he's done and I'll kill him myself…" Not hat Obi-wan particularly had a taste for human on human violence, that was more the Imperial bastard's style. But if he'd lifted one damned finger to the girl, death would be too nice of a punishment.
"No!" Padme cried, shaking her head again, "no, he would never hurt me… He just…" She began to break down into unintelligible sobs, the plastic bag on her wrist rustled as she wrapped her arms around herself, catching the Rebel leader's attention for the first time. Clothes… Oh… Oh… "He threw me out… He threw me out…"
A/N: *Runs and hides* Don't hate me... Please review and let me know what you think (nicely)!