Chapter 3 - Breathing Space

Addison finished dealing with the 3 families before heading home. She was tired and frustrated and just wanted to fall into bed and never get up again. She was still no closer to figuring out her feelings towards Derek, especially since seeing him with Meredith earlier this afternoon.

When she got home she saw dinner sitting out on the table for her and Derek was sitting on the couch reading. He placed his book down and was about to apologize when he saw Addison's hand go up to stop him.

"I know you only had my best interests at heart but I have been dealing with people like that my entire career and I know how to handle them. I appreciate that you cared enough to intervene but it wasn't needed."

"I am sorry all the same."

Addison took off her coat and hung it up, she headed into the bedroom to change into her pyjamas. Derek called to her from the front section of the trailer.

"I made you some dinner. Let me just heat it up for you."

She came out and sat down at the table. Derek placed her dinner in front of her and then sat down in the seat opposite her.

"So how was New York?"

"It was good, my parents were glad to see me. They say hi by the way." Derek just smiled

"So what else did you do there?"

"I visited the hospital while I was there. Everybody misses us and Carter tried to get us come back."

"I'm sure he did, he lost 2 of his finest surgeons when we left. Did you uh...did you see Mark there?"

"Um not there but he did show up just as I was leaving to come back here. He drove me to JFK and we talked."

"I see"

"Derek he was my best friend too, and as you know that is not something I have a lot of right now."

"I know...I know." Derek lowered his head in defeat. If he was going to try and work things out with Addison he was going to have to stop contradicting her at every turn. He decided to change the subject.

"So how come you didn't come and see me when you got to the hospital."

"I did actually, right after I was done meeting with the Chief."

"I think I would have remembered that." Derek said laughing "Why didn't you actually come over and see me?"

"You were busy."

"So what?"

"I mean you were off tucked into a corner with Meredith with Bailey scowling at the two of you flirting kind of busy."

"I...Uh"Derek was at a loss for words. He knew he couldn't deny it so he didn't say anything.

"Derek, while I was away I decided that I need some things to happen if we are really going to make this thing work. I know you are still mad at me, and that's fine; but I need you to stop flirting with Meredith. I can't be with you if you are still trying to be with Meredith. I know you are in love with her, but to tell you the truth I am still in love with Mark. I chose you, and you chose me. It's time you started acting like it."

Addison got up from the table and put her leftovers in a container to bring to work tomorrow. When they were away in the fridge she went into the bathroom and closed the door. Derek on the other hand sat at the table in shock. Things were falling apart. All he wanted was for it to go back to the way it was before the affair. But he didn't know how to make that happen. That night when Derek got into bed he didn't try to hold or touch Addison, he just rolled onto his side and watched her sleep.

The next day Derek heard an unfamiliar ringing. He opened his eyes only to see Addison getting out of bed.

"What the hell is that sound?"

"It's my cell phone alarm. I am going for a run with Doc. I'll be back before we have to go to work."

With that she got changed and left the trailer with Doc following closely behind. By the time she got back Derek was up and eating breakfast. Addi had a quick shower and got ready for work. Instead of straitening her hair like she had been doing lately she left it curly. She pulled some of it back into a clip, then proceeded to put on some makeup. By the time they were ready to go Addison looked like a million dollars. Derek just sat on the hood of their car mesmerized as she walked down the stairs towards him. He continued to watch her until Addison asked him if he was ready to go. They got in and headed to work.

"I am taking a couple hours for lunch and going house hunting, do you want to come with?"

"Addi I have patients. I can't just..." Addison interrupted him quickly

"That's fine, I think I know what I am looking for anyways." Derek realized this was one of those times that he had to put his family in front of his work if he was going to make this work.

"Just give me a chance to free my afternoon up a bit and I'm sure I can make it. I want to do this together."

At lunch time he saw Addison walking towards him in her coat. He had totally forgotten that they were going house hunting. She came and stood beside him and leant against the counter.

"Let me guess, you either can't come or you forgot. Which one is it?"

"Neither, I am just running a bit behind. Give me 5 minutes to go and get dressed."

Derek gave her a quick peck on the cheek and then ran off towards the attending locker room.

As Addison was waiting the Chief happened to walk by.

"Addison. Going somewhere?"

"I am just waiting for Derek to get dressed. We are going house hunting for a couple of hours."

"You both cleared your schedules?"

"Of course."

"Good, good. So where are you planning on looking?"

"I really don't know yet. I just told the realtor what I was interested in seeing and what kind of neighborhood I was looking for. I'll let you know how we fare when I see you next."

Derek chose that moment to come running back up to them.

"Ok I am all set, hey Richard."

"Go do your house hunting but don't forget to come back and don't take too long either."

They both shook their heads as they walked away.

They had been to about 4 houses already and none were what they were looking for. They had just arrived at a nice house. It had 3 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, a nice kitchen and living area as well as a nice sized backyard that looked out onto a large park. It was just what they were looking for. The realtor guided them through the house.

"Ok now up here we have 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. Right now one of the bedrooms is being used as an office but that can easily be changed. Do you have kids?" They both answered at the same time.

"No"

"Not yet" was the answer heard from Derek. Addison's head quickly turned to look at Derek and then back to the realtor.

Flashback - 4 years ago

For the first time in their lives the Shepherds were taking time off from work. They had just had their first child, Katie Elizabeth Shepherd. She was perfect in their eyes, something that was created by their love of each other. Their families were happy for them. Derek was the first of the Shepherd children to have one of his own, so his mother and sisters were frequent visitors to their home. Addison's mother was there just as much, if not more. 2 weeks after she was born Addison and Derek were just putting Katie to bed when they noticed that she was having a hard time breathing. Addison immediately checked her over and couldn't tell anything without her instruments. They got her bundled up and rush to the hospital.

When they got there Katie was taken for some tests. Addison tried to follow but they wouldn't let her. Their Chief of Surgery and good friend, Carter Sykes, held them back.

"You aren't doctors tonight, you are parents. I need you both to go have a seat and we will come and get you both when the tests are finished. You know we are doing everything and putting forward all of our resources. Everything is going to be fine, just have a seat.

The next thing they both knew Carter was approaching them with Katie's file in his hand.

"I have some bad news"

"What is it! What's wrong!"

"Katie has Hypoplastic left heart syndrome. If we don't operate right now she may not make it. Addie you know the risks, you can explain this better than anybody."

"Thats why I have to be in there. I am the best and I need to be in there."

"You know that's not possible. You can pick who you want in there but I can't let either of you in."

They sat down and waited out the long surgery. By the time it was over they were surrounded by all their family. When they weren't pacing or talking to family they were being approached by hospital staff with best wishes. When Carter finally came up to them he had a grim look on his face. They knew right away that she didn't make it.

"Addie, Derek...I am so sorry. We did everything we could..." At that moment Addison collapsed against Derek and started crying. Derek just held her close as the tears ran down his face. Their family surrounded them in support. It was that moment when everything changed.

End of Flashback

"I think I am just going to take a look around."

"Sure, I'll just go on downstairs and give you both some privacy." The realtor turned and headed back down the stairs. Derek turned and went into the room that Addison had entered.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"No, you know how I get when we talk about kids."

"It has been 4 years Addi, we have to start talking about it some time. You do want a family don't you?"

"Yes, I am just scared."

"We are older and more experienced now, we know what to look for. We can stop it this time."

Derek came towards her and pulled her into his arms. Addison just let him hold her. She rested her head on his shoulder and took the time to just breath in his scent.

"I guess. Lets just concentrate on getting our lives back together first."

"Sounds good. So what do you think about this house?"

"I think it's perfect."

"Me too."

They went down to the realtor and told her they wanted it. It took a couple days but the house was theirs. A new house for a fresh start was how they both chose to look at their new home.

Ok well that went a little better in my opinion. I don't know what I was expecting to happen in this chapter but it wasn't this lol. I guess I am just going to have to put that stuff in Chapter 4. I am addicted to writing this stuff so you will probably see another update before you wake up lol. Enjoy and please feedback! I check what everyone says and get ideas from comments, so help a girl out.