Four years later…
In the morning silence, brilliant white clouds hung over the high, wooden walls of Caleum, gently dusting flawless sprinkles of snow in large, fluffy flakes onto the small town as it began to wake for the day. Carried by the soft gust of wind flitting through the cold air, snow spread quickly, already beginning to settle into a pristine blanket across the sidewalk and clothing the trees and bushes surrounding Padme in a wintery veil of white. Her hair, having finally grown beyond her shoulders once more, lifted and danced in the breeze even beneath the woollen beanie she wore to brave the cold.
With every breath which escaped her lips came a small, puffy cloud as she walked, slipping her frigid hands into the slight warmth of the deep pockets sewn into the sky-blue coat wrapped tightly around her body. Here, winters came with a brutal vengeance, burying the town of survivors beneath pools of snow which often took many hours to sweep away and clear the sidewalks again. Despite the cold, this had become Padme's favourite time of year… it was always so quiet when it snowed. Nobody wished to brave the weather if they didn't have to and often she was alone in a peaceful little world all of her own.
As the snow laid thicker and thicker, her boots began to crunch with every step but the unfavourable weather conditions weren't enough to stop Padme as she trudged onwards. It wasn't far to go and every step was fuel to the fierce flame of excitement in her belly. Once every month or two found her sitting on the same black iron bench overlooking the waterfalls, which would soon become solid with ice, listening to the sweetness of the chirping birds as she waited. Even after four years of such peace, her ears still strained for the scuttle of claws of warning growls of hungry beasts ready to hunt, but since waking up inside Caleum, she had only seen six beasts with her own eyes. Still, she listened.
Somehow, it felt like a lifetime ago that her friends had gone their separate ways to forge new lives now they were free of the city's cage and yet it also seemed like mere months ago despite years passing. Their departure had been an agonising wound to her already fractured heart but even then Padme had known it was for the best even if it meant starting all over again on her own. Building a life here had been an interesting contraction, easy and difficult, excessively fun and exceedingly painful, but she managed with some time. The people here were kind, especially when whispers carried through the town of her past, though they sometimes still looked at her with such sympathy in their eyes, that she felt like never leaving the small house she had ever again.
Padme's little house reminded her vaguely of the home she had grown up in, though the finer details of it had begun to slip out of her memory, leaving imagination and pure longing to fill the void. Built of deep brown wood and bright white panelling, it was the image of every small town home in a row of similar houses lining the street and she loved it. She loved the eight grey stone stairs leading onto the narrow porch, loved the small, lush yard she kept full of flowers in the summer, and the furniture she had found piece by piece until her house was just how she wanted.
It had taken a long time to make the place her home and not a vacant building haunted with the memory of those who might once have lived there but now it was her fiercest pride and joy. One thing, she did not like so much about it, however, were the two empty bedrooms which she had never been able to put to any real use save for an occasional visitor. The silence within them was a constant reminder of who and what Padme lacked in her life.
Shaking her head to banish away such thoughts before they dampened her happy mood, she instead thought of the crackling, squealing phone call she had received just yesterday instead. Hearing Ahsoka's voice, though distorted, had been a wonderful surprise that had brightened her whole day. She and Barriss had separated from the other survivors two years ago to begin their own journey, exploring the ruins of the world they had always longed to see. Having just finished exploring what remained of Las Vegas, they were already wondering further, allowing the road to lead them wherever it wished. The young lovers struggled to stay in one place for more than a week or two and part of Padme envied their exploits, but mostly her wanderlust had died years ago. Her home was where her heart belonged now.
After a moment, her bench came into view and her smile grew wide and eager as she hurried along. This spot had become the official meeting point whenever Anakin drifted back into Caleum across the years. So much had changed since their escape from the city and despite her joy in this new life she had built, Padme often woke with a heavy ache in her heart brought on by his continued absence in her world, something soothed only by the wonderful and utterly frightening sensation of finally governing her own life entirely.
Anakin was an odd creature now, not the cruel, wounded boy he'd once been in the times before but not the brave yet imposing leader he'd become in the new world either. He was a part of the new world with ties to the old he could never sever no matter how badly he wanted to, and this made for a tight fit when squeezing himself into this strange world between worlds they had found themselves in, after all, he'd never truly fit in either.
The first two years after their narrow escape, she didn't see or hear from Anakin at all. There had been tears, bittersweet nostalgia and a deep throb of regret in the days that followed his departure, but Padme always kept tabs on him and his work through Bail and Obi-wan as best she could through such limited contact. Sometimes, it was just nice to know he was alive somewhere in the world, driven with purpose to find the truths that had been hidden by those who had taken so much from them.
There were old wounds that could never truly heal between him, Obi-wan, Rex and Bail, but a new, mutual respect had been forged between the men, though they were often prone to arguments and occasional threats according to the stories Padme had been told across the years. Still, somehow they managed and they had come further in their investigations than she had ever thought possible, gaining names of Palpatine's associates and former locations they had once resided within, allowing a better understanding of what exactly the group desired to create.
Though insights into their progress were exciting and shocking whenever they arrived, the true joy of her life was the rare visits of Sabe or even Obi-wan himself with little Hope Kenobi by their side. With a name perhaps slightly on the nose, the child of her friends was sweet, funny and utterly vivacious. Direct and charming with sandy blonde hair like her mother but well-mannered and commanding like her father, with his bright blue eyes, Hope was a beautiful commotion with always brightened Padme's life whenever they were reunited.
However, although Hope had taken her heart completely, she also awoke a deeply repressed longing Padme sometimes felt in the pit of her belly for things she could never have. A family of her own, children to fill the empty bedrooms of her house, those were fragments of a life she would never live and she wore the scar to prove it. That longing had begun as a twinge of pain and grown into a quiet throb of agony as Hope grew from the sweet little baby to the wonderful, bright child she knew today. Sometimes, she felt a little guilty for such regrets… how could she mourn anything when she did have so much others did not by merely living after all?
A deep, soothing breath of cold morning air quickly chased all those feelings away. This was a happy day! She had been looking forward to this for three long weeks since Anakin had contacted her to say he would be coming into Caleum to gather supplies, and now it was here at last. Padme couldn't contain her smile as she carefully pushed the growing cushion of snow off the bench despite the coldness which shocked her ungloved hands and settled onto the down to wait.
"Y'know, on days like this, I find myself wondering exactly whose idea it was to always meet outside?" A light but slightly sardonic voice came from behind her as the crunch of snow beneath boots grew closer and Padme's smile somehow grew even wider though she didn't turn around. These meetings between them had begun as short and sadly awkward moments they shared to reassure the other they were alive and surviving this brave new world separately in the rare days Anakin circled back into Caleum. Now, though they were scattered across long months and had no real justification, she anticipated them greatly.
Things were slow between them even though they'd spent almost a year living together in the grand hotel Anakin had conquered in her name. In the ashes of their relationship, despite the distance and separation, they'd gently built a steady friendship, something firmer and real as they got to know each other all over again. Now there were no hotels, no followers and very few beasts to face here, they were merely two people who met on a park bench every now and again.
The pain and heartbreak Anakin had inflicted upon her were still there, an old and sometimes raw scar but time healed all things and those memories were beginning to lose their bite. He had gained her complete forgiveness a long time ago after working tirelessly to earn it and Padme couldn't ignore how happy these meetings made her or how she would smile for days after they parted ways again.
Anakin came around to sit beside her and nothing in the world, not even a horde of beasts, could have wiped away the smile on Padme's face as she looked at him for the first time in four months. "Someone much smarter than you, I think," she answered his sarcastic question with a small laugh, playfully rolling her eyes.
Beside her, he laughed and she watched him shake his head. "Undoubtedly," he said as he took her cold hand into his gloved one and brought her reddened knuckles to his lips. This too made Padme smile as she dragged her reluctant eyes back to the water ahead.
"I'm glad to see you," she said a few moments later, allowing herself to glance back at him again. He was dressed for winter, like she was, in a bright blue hoodie worn beneath a light grey coat and dark jeans. The right sleeve had been altered and shortened, ending where his arm came to an end and closed over so that it was capped. Even after all these years, the difference was still strange for her to take in. "I like this, by the way," Padme gently tugged at the grey sleeve, "it suits you."
"Oh yeah?" He looked surprised and proud for a moment, "Don't look so surprised, Naberrie, I was dressing myself a long time before you came along."
And a long time after, the unspoken words hung heavy in the air between them for a tense moment.
"I'm just saying," Padme faked a scoff, "It's much nicer than your old black one. You suit lighter colours, Anakin." The difference in his clothing was subtle but took years off of his handsome face, finally, he looked like the young man he was and always should have been, granted, with guns strapped to his legs. Some things would never change.
"I'll keep that in mind," he drawled with a roll of his eyes, but Padme caught the affection shining so brightly in his gaze as he looked at her. It really was strange to be around Anakin sometimes. He was the same but also fundamentally different now. In the four years since leaving the city, a lightness seemed to have settled over him, as if he was no longer weighed down by the difficult and cutthroat decisions he once had been and a sense of excitement and joy surrounded him instead. It always had before but the cruelty, hunger and manipulation had usually smothered and overshadowed such things before.
Of course, he wasn't perfect. He was still Anakin Skywalker. He could still be callous and moody and quick to anger but now Padme could finally see that he felt genuine remorse and guilt for the past. He had changed just like she always wanted him to, and she was so, so happy to see how much more content he seemed.
Padme rose to her feet, restless all of a sudden and walked to the rusted iron railing overlooking the water. She took a deep breath and tried to steady herself as the all too familiar unpleasant feelings began rolling over her. Every now and again, she quaked with panic for no real reason but the whisper of past traumas which would never fully leave her mind. There was no singular trigger she had noticed that made her jittery, so she focused her efforts on breathing through it instead. These spells usually passed as quickly as they came but it was a wholly distressing experience regardless.
Anakin followed her and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder, not saying a word as Padme battled her demons alone. At last, he understood this was her fight and not his righteous duty to keep her shielded from the horrors of the world like before. "I… I know," he said heavily after a few minutes of silence, "it happens to me sometimes too."
A few more moments later, her shaking began to calm as the alarm which had rushed over her receded. Her breath came a little easier after that. "It does?" She murmured, not quite ready to open her eyes yet. Anakin had always been so fearless when it came to beasts, fighting and killing as if he got a thrill from it. Padme hadn't once thought their shadows would haunt him too.
"Yes," was all he said but the weight of the single syllable pulled at her heart. Anakin always kept what distressed him locked away to himself, never letting anyone see how it made him suffer in the quiet, private moments of his life. She remembered the story of his little sister and his mother and longed to throw her arms around him, but her arms kept to themselves.
Another few moments passed and as she slowly peeled her eyes open, his hand fell away from her shoulder again and a small, tight smile began to pull at the corner of his lips as he grabbed the railing and looked down to the water. "So…" his throat gave a nervous swallow, "How's Palo?"
Padme's heart, despite only just finding calm again, froze completely, skipping several beats all at once. How the hell did he know about Palo? No, that was a stupid question. There were only two people the news could have come from, Sabe or Obi-wan, her most frequent visitors and the people who knew most about her life here within the walls. She gave a small, embarrassed laugh as she glanced at her boots, feeling her cheeks fill with undesired heat despite the cold. Palo had been an unexpected addition to her life. He was her first friend in Caleum and he'd helped her settle in more than anyone else. It was nice to have someone in her corner, someone enthusiastic about listening to her, truly listening even in the worst moments of her grief and trauma. Palo comforted her with gentle words and soothing touches as Padme struggled to adjust to this new life.
He reminded her of the pretty actors and boybands she had once had little crushes on as a young girl with his dark hair and dreamy eyes and though it had taken almost two long years of friendship, her heart had begun to thaw, opening to accept him as much as it could. Palo had charmed her with his skill at drawing and mouth full of sweetness and when he finally kissed her one day on her porch, Padme had kissed him back.
Her feelings for him were… complex. Palo inspired great affection within her and she had certainly fallen for him and cared greatly about him, but their relationship lacked the heat and fierce passion she had grown used to in the past. Their lovemaking was lovely, truly, and he always enjoyed taking great care of her in adorable, endearing gestures, but she could never fully commit herself to him. Even though everything was finally simple and easy, something was missing. Despite his many proclamations of love, Padme had never been able to say those three words in return, and despite the disappointing longing in his pretty eyes, Palo accepted whatever she offered him and never pushed for more.
And it was wonderful, really, except –
"We broke up a couple of months ago," she said, lifting her eyes back to Anakin's waiting gaze. It was surreal to hear herself speaking of another lover to him of all people. He had always been fiercely jealous and possessive even when Padme had been overwhelmingly committed to him alone, but now he listened patiently, quiet though she spotted the slight tensing in his jaw. "He's a good man and I care about him…but it's not… I just can't be what he wants me to be." Palo, despite his patient kindness and obvious love for her, wanted more than Padme was willing to give even if he never said it. It was unfair of her to continue to take and take and never allow her heart to reciprocate when he was more than deserving of such affection in return.
"I…" Anakin swallowed again, glancing away for a moment as he searched for the right words, "I'm sorry, Padme."
"It's alright," she smiled softly, though she did miss Palo, his absence in her life felt more like a missing companion than a lover. The wound had been a small ache which quickly faded with something close to relief afterwards. She hoped that one day when he was ready, he would return to her life as the friend he had begun as. "It's for the best," she said and meant it. For a long moment, Padme considered her next words carefully but an overwhelming curiosity and slight desire to see Anakin sweat as she had won out over maturity. "You know, Hope and I had a very interesting conversation last time she and Sabe were here." Excitement and a small pang of hypocritical dread swelled within her stomach as she talked, watching his face closely. "She told me all about her uncle Ani's girlfriend, Rachel, while Sabe desperately tried to change the topic."
Hearing the child speak all about the 'nice lady' who had been with Anakin had been as surprising as it had been painful despite her relationship with Palo still ongoing at the time. She had been glad to hear he was happy but the knowledge was an unpleasant pill to swallow. Now there was a chance, Padme wanted to know everything he was willing to tell her. Was he happy? Was he in love with this woman in all the ways she hadn't been able to love Palo?
Anakin hissed a quiet curse beneath his breath and then laughed, shaking his head. "She's not my…" Rolling his eyes, he fought to find his words, stuttering and starting and stopping until, "She's a friend… I was with her but it wasn't… It wasn't official or… I'm not… Obi-wan was making fun of me, calling her my girlfriend and Hope overheard. that's all." His hand reached up to pinch at the bridge of his nose, "She hasn't stopped talking about it since," he groaned.
Despite the strange uncomfortable feeling that swept over her at the thought of him with someone else, Padme couldn't help but smile to see him so flustered by Hope's actions. "I can imagine," she gave a gentle laugh. "Do you spend a lot of time with her?" Knowing what she did now, it would be cruel to continue pressing him about what Hope said. She would let him off easy – for now.
"Hope?" Anakin's dour face brightened at once as a prideful smile lifted his lips. "I do. Obi-wan is really involved so she's around whenever we're not out doing what we need to. She's a cute kid. We have a lot of fun together."
"You do?" Padme whispered. The ache of her secretive longing returned so powerfully that the pain of it stole her breath as she imagined him playing with Hope, enjoying every moment of it as much as the girl did if not just slightly more. It was all too easy to imagine the child's playful squeals as they chased and played for hours on end until Sabe firmly decided it was nap time for peace.
"Yeah," he nodded, eyes full of absolute delight, "She's so smart and easily argues circles around me to get what she wants, even if it doesn't exactly line up with what Obi-wan says, y'know? Someone's got to be the fun uncle and Bail isn't exactly stepping up." They shared an easy laugh at the thought. "She talks about you all the time, actually."
"That's nice," Padme smiled, "I love her too. She reminds me so much of my nieces sometimes."
"Me too," he nodded, "of my sister, I mean."
They fell into comfortable, regretful silence remembering the children in their lives who hadn't made it this far along. Around them, the snow kept falling, blanketing the world without end. If it kept up like this, it would mean days of shovelling ahead of her to help make the town walkable again. Padme's arms ached at the thought. After a few more moments, she looked at him again, admiring the flakes of snow which settled into his golden curls and enjoyed the small flip her stomach performed.
"You still worry about me, don't you?" It almost felt silly to ask a question she already knew the answer to, but Padme craved the answer all the same. "You want to make sure I'm safe even here."
"Of course I do," he answered without hesitation, without a moment to think about his response. It was natural. Instinctive. "Palpatine is still out there. He knows we broke his deal and he knows I'm coming after him by some of the traps he's set this past year. He won't like what we know about him… We managed to get information from someone who worked for him, a soldier. They're working on reforming the government, Padme, but no elections or choice. He wants a bloodline, a dynasty with Rush following after him and he's getting close. With that much on the line, there's no guarantee that he won't strike if he ever finds out where you are."
Disgust coiled in her belly as he talked, though Padme couldn't bring herself to be surprised. If the man could agree to cities all over the world being destroyed with no regard for the survivors trapped within them, there was no low he would not steep to. If this dream of his ever came to pass, she shuddered to imagine what the world would come to look like. "Anakin, what are we going to do?"
"I'm going to find him," he swore, voice firm with his utter conviction. "I'll make sure he regrets everything he's done one way or another. He'll get what he deserves, I promise you."
Something new flashed within his brilliant blue eyes, dampening the passionate fire which raged within them just a little, but Padme knew him enough to notice the change. Was he worried about finding Palpatine and Rush? Maybe he thought they might not hunt them down before it was too late? She watched as a slight crease furrowed between his brows and Anakin's gaze dropped downwards, avoiding her suspicious eyes. "What is it?" Her fingers reached for him on instinct, finding his own and entwining together tightly, "What's worrying you?"
After a moment, a bitter sigh burst past his lips and he shook his head as his gaze painstakingly worked its way back to Padme's. "It's just… Sometimes I can't help but feel like… I feel like I'm wasting my life out there searching for a needle in this endless haystack. I know it's what I wanted when I left here and I still do, but I… I'm tired."
He had sacrificed so much for this call of destiny and determination to be the one to tear down everything Palpatine planned to build, peace, stability, a home, the very thing Anakin had wanted most in the days leading up to their escape, all to grasp the vengeance he craved so badly. Palpatine had taken so much from him, after all, his friends, his arm, his kingdom… In their separation, despite how it hurt, Padme had come to understand a little better why this calling had felt so unavoidable for him but even she could see his patience wearing thin. Four years was a long time to work toward something without an ending in sight.
"You want to stop working with Obi-wan and Bail?" She asked, frowning up at Anakin as his turbulent eyes cast their gaze toward the water for a moment, carefully considering his words. If he gave up his efforts to track down Palpatine and Rush, what would he do? Where would he go? This work had taken up his life for so long, what could possibly come next?
"I don't," he shook his head, heaving an exhausted sigh so that a white cloud of fog puffed between them and dissipated into the air. "I can't walk away until it's finished but… I want more." His shoulders sagged as if the weight of such feelings were a physical strain upon them. "I see Obi-wan with Sabe and Hope and they're all so happy. They have a life together outside of what we do and it's what keeps him going. It gives him purpose." Slowly, Anakin's gaze found her own again and Padme caught herself holding her breath, anticipating his next words with such suspense, it was as if any sound or movement was a risk. "I want… That's what I want too," he said at last.
Unbidden, tears filled Padme's eyes too quickly to blink away before he saw. His words made her heart leap to the greatest height and then crash downwards so brutally, the blow of it was a physical agony spiking through her chest. At last, after all this time, Anakin truly wanted a home. He wanted something of his own to fight for, to return to after long spells of travel and action… He wanted a family of his own just like Obi-wan. A family she could never have.
For a moment, just one small moment, she allowed herself to imagine a little boy running through her house, roaring his ecstatic excitement to see his father returned to them after weeks away chasing down bad people. The imagining was so vivid in her mind that Padme could faintly hear the child's elated giggles as Anakin came through the front door, bending down to scoop the boy's slight weight into his strong arms and hold him so close. It would be a nice life, she thought even as the fantasy broke her heart all over again. Knowing that this was what Anakin desired for himself now, a life, a family of his own was a pain Padme had never imagined possible.
"Wow…" she forced herself to speak even as her voice cracked tellingly. Turning away, she released his hand and then batted away the tears which spilled onto her cheeks with a quiet sniffle. She had to pull herself together! What right did she have to feel this way now? It had been years and even if her heart had never truly let him go, Anakin was free to live his own life now! He could have a family with anyone he wanted! "That's – that's wonderful, Anakin… I – I hope you find what you're looking for."
He was quiet for several moments, allowing Padme to compose herself while he gathered his own thoughts. It couldn't have been easy for him to come all this way and admit all this to her but it was kind of him to do. At least now she could be prepared for the inevitable news of his settling down with some woman out there who could give him everything he wanted, everything she never could. "Padme…" he began but she shook her head, turning back around with a forced smile even as tears still filled her traitorous eyes.
"It's fine – really!" A trembling, bitter laugh fell from her parted lips, "I mean it, Anakin, I'm alright." And she was – or she would be in a few seconds, that was all Padme needed, just a moment or two to collect herself. She had never been very good at letting go of the past or the dreams she once held and that had never changed, why would it now?
Anakin reached for her shoulder again, his gloved hand squeezing her skin tightly enough so the slight pressure cut through her spiralling thoughts, silencing everything at once. "Padme," he said her name again and her eyes clenched shut to brace herself for the comfort to come. He was always like that, saying something and then regretting the consequences almost immediately. This time wasn't exactly his fault, though, who would blame him for believing that after four years Padme had gotten better control of her emotions and accepted the hand life had dealt her? Look at everything he had overcome! Why shouldn't she be the same? "Padme," Anakin said yet again, more forcefully now as he stepped around her body so their eyes met once more. "Look at me…"
She couldn't, at least not for a few moments as she swallowed down the lump in her throat. Only then did brown eyes find blue, so tender, so caring, knowing his words had brought unexpected hurt without meaning to. "It's fine, Anakin," Padme said, lifting a hand to press over his own where it lingered on her shoulder. A freezing bluster of wind made her body tense and shudder, longing to be inside tucked away from the growing cold. "I'm being selfish – you deserve everything it is that you want."
"You're the least selfish person I've ever met in my life," he said at once, giving a slight disagreeing headshake, "I know what makes me happy… I've always known what I want even if I was too self-centred to do the work for it before." A slight frown marred the skin between Anakin's eyebrows and he dropped his gaze low to their boots in the growing pile of snow all around them. "Or at least, to work for it in the right ways."
She could only frown as he spoke. Her mind whirled as Anakin smiled and the hand on her shoulder slid up further to gently caress away the tears wetting Padme's face. "What are you talking about?" She asked, allowing herself, for just one small moment, to relish his touch again and it was as if no time had passed at all. Suddenly, they were still in the city, young and wild and surrounded by beasts and dangerous choices and so full of love it felt as if nothing could ever come between them…
Instead of pulling away when her cheek was clear, Anakin's hand lingered. His thumb stroked across her cheek so softly, the slight movement was more comforting than almost anything she had experienced in years and Padme's breath caught in her chest. "I love you, Padme Naberrie," he whispered so quietly, the soft words were almost lost beneath the howl of wind swirling through the air. "I've never stopped loving you."
"Don't be ridiculous," Padme breathed, shaking her head even as her heart leapt upwards into her throat, pleading to hear more. It was impossible. They had been apart too long – longer than they were ever together! He was just lonely and nostalgic for what had once been between them that was all! He wanted more from the isolated life he had built for himself and she was familiar. He knew her.
"I'm not," Anakin laughed, "Don't think this is easy for me to say, Naberrie. Inflicting you upon myself isn't something I take lightly… You were the bane of my life for so many years but you were also the best of it. Walking away from you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, Padme and there hasn't been one second I didn't regret leaving you here. No matter where I went, how much distance there was between us, you tortured me. I missed you every waking moment and when I slept, my dreams were of you."
"Anakin…" Fresh tears filled her eyes and Padme reached for him, clutching at the soft material of his hoodie so tightly, as if he might vanish if she ever let go again. Where had all of this come from? It was everything she had so desperately hoped to hear him say four years ago – hell, it was everything she had longed for in their time locked away in the city! It pained her more than words might describe to open her mouth and say what needed to be said now. Their desires conflicted. They had been apart so long they stood here as different people than they once had been. "I'm not the girl you fell in love with back in the city," she whimpered, "and I… I can't give you what you want!"
"You are what I want," Anakin bent to press his forehead to hers. Their noses touched and his breath was warm against her face. Her body began to melt, the frigid iceberg that had stiffened inside of her beginning to thaw even as her defences desperately tried to fight it. Molten desire was almost irresistible within her – it had been so long and yet she wanted him every bit as much as she once had. They breathed each other in, relishing in the closeness which had been denied to them for years. "You're all I've ever wanted," he whispered.
As if unable to resist even one second longer, Anakin's hand fell away from her face to wrap his arm around her, drawing Padme's body firmly to his chest as he captured her all too willing lips in a deep, devouring kiss that left her breathless against him. Every nerve in her body came to life and vibrated with such pulsing want, she gasped into his mouth, both body and soul trembling. Throwing her arms around his neck, she arched into him, craving the feel of his strong body even as they were pressed together as tightly as their clothes would allow.
"I love you too, Anakin…" Padme gasped against his lips when they parted for breath, clutching possessively at one another and then his lips were on hers once more and the world around them shrunk to just her and Anakin, There were no beasts, no corrupt governments, no dangers to worry about, just the soaring, joyous feelings he inspired inside her how no one else ever could. "You're the only man I've ever loved."
Their lips met again and they were home.
Stumbling backwards through her house, Padme guided him through the rooms blindly, not wanting to open her eyes or untangle herself from him for even a moment to peak over her shoulder. Outside, the wind screeched and whistled, warning of the growing snowstorm they had just escaped. The next few days would not be easy ones, but her thoughts couldn't linger on the matter for long – how could they?
"I hadn't let myself hope…" Anakin panted hotly, dragging her coat off her shoulders to let the soaked material collapse in a heap on the carpet. His broad chest heaved as his darkening eyes gazed at her with such longing passion, she felt the heat rapidly building between her legs burst into a frantic, aching flame. "Part of me thought you'd turn me away."
Once, she might have. For a long time, Padme had enjoyed the space and healing their separation had brought her, revelling in the absolute control over her own life she had gained for the first time since the world died around her. While still maintaining this same command, she could see now all the ways Anakin bettered her life, more so than ever after the changes time had inflicted upon him too. Four long years apart had moulded them into different people from the survivors reigning over a city and now she was finally ready to follow her heart again.
"No," Padme gasped, shivering as the winter air inside the room kissed her skin. They clawed and tore at each other's clothes in a frantic haze her mind could hardly keep up with. How long had it been since they were last intimate with each other? She didn't care to try and remember as it had been so long ago. Her body trembled in the wake of violent desire rippling through her every nerve and vein. He was the only man who had ever inspired such fire inside her in all her life. "I couldn't," she declared breathlessly and then kissed him yet again, unable to hold back another moment.
At his gentle urging, they fell backwards onto the softness of her bed together in a helpless tangle of limbs she never wished to separate again. Despite the fire warming her blood and the pulsing ache of desire slickening her thighs, an unpleasant swell of insecurity rose within her. It had been years since she had been naked beneath him, after all, and for a moment, a whisper of self-consciousness worried that she did not live up to whatever memory he had.
Feeling her tense beneath him, Anakin leaned back on his knees and his dark gaze was a physical caress that made her shudder. "I've missed you, Padme," such sheer emotion in his voice washed away all her self-doubt and hesitation at once. "Fuck, I love you so much – you're all I've ever needed…"
"I love you too," Padme panted and her heart raced to hear those words leave her mouth again. Once, it had felt as though it would never be, that the sensual, romantic of her life was firmly behind her and she had made her peace, accepting and enjoying the peaceful life Caleum had offered in exchange. Now, she wondered how she ever lived without this. Without him. "I love you so much, Anakin!"
Opening her arms, she drew him to her, loving his broad masculine form above her, balancing himself so carefully on his remaining forearm so as not to crush her beneath his weight. Time and his journeys had brought physical changes to him too. An obvious weariness haunted his beautiful eyes which hadn't existed before, dragging at him, hinting at hardships he had endured that Padme dreaded to learn of. Though always in great shape after years of running and fighting beasts with such superior strength, he was now so hard cut with muscle that her heart leapt as she looked at him. In the city, Padme had loved a boy and now Anakin was a man before her eyes.
Sliding her fingers into his snow-slicked hair, Padme kissed him until his resulting moan was swallowed all the way down her throat. Her free hand wandered, travelling the expanse of his back and found scars there, thick and thin, settled and raised, it was impossible to know which were old and what was from the newer dangers he faced out there. Soon there would be time to discover them all properly and though it would be painful to hear, she would know every story behind each wound. Such thoughts were for later, however, right now all Padme could focus on was the unbearable teasing of Anakin's hard cock against her aching core, grinding against her needy clit as they ravished each other's mouths as if to make up for all the time they'd lost.
Tearing his mouth free of her, he panted above her as his body gave a small, trembling shudder that left her breathless with longing. "I've missed you…" Padme whispered, losing herself for a moment in the memories of those first days after he'd thrown her from his empire where nothing had made sense and the pain was brutal. If she had truly understood then exactly what awaited them and how long she would live without Anakin in her life, she wasn't sure her heart would have survived it. Of course, time and distance healed as much as they hurt and it was only because of their vastly different lives they were able to find each other again. That didn't mean she didn't mourn what could have been, though. If things had been different, maybe they could have built their lives here together from the very start? They could have had four more years by each other's side.
"I can't live without you," he panted, ghosting his lips against hers so briefly, that Padme immediately longed for more.
Just barely fighting down a smile, she felt such fondness for his dramatics spread like liquid warmth through her body. Tracing her hands up and down his back, she rolled her eyes when she knew he was watching. "Yes, you can…" she said, and they both knew the less playful truth hidden between her words. Once, this pledge was something he swore by. It had been the very truth of Anakin's entire existence for longer than she liked to think of, but time had proven that they didn't need each other to survive but their love was a choice, one Padme was all too happy to make for herself now.
Bending his neck, a slow, knowing smirk gently tugged at the corner of his kiss-swollen lips as they hovered a mere breath above Padme's nipple. "I know," he gave a small laugh, "but I don't want to. Not ever again." Before she could fathom a response, Anakin captured the stiff tip of her nipple in the warmth of his mouth and she writhed beneath him.
His touch was delicious torture. She was wet and aching, more than ready for him and yet he was in no rush even as Padme canted her hips upwards in a silent plea for more. Instead, his wet tongue swirled around her hard nipple before sucking it until she gasped and moaned unintelligibly, fisting her hand so tightly into his hair, that she swore he gave a small wince against her.
Rising once more, Anakin carefully readjusted himself as he reached between their panting bodies and Padme gasped, digging her nails harshly into the firm flesh of his shoulders when the head of his cock sank inside her. Their eyes never left each other as their bodies were reunited at long last until Padme's fluttered shut to appreciate the stretch of him inside her again. "Oh, god…" she gasped savouring the small groan which fell from his parted lips in response.
Burying his face in the crook of her neck, Anakin nuzzled hot kisses along Padme's throat and her legs wound tightly around his waist as he began to fuck her in deep, forceful thrusts that left her quaking beneath him. Nothing in the world could have silenced each pleasured cry that burst free of her mouth and she was thankful for the powerful howl of the wind outside to drown her out. Trapped contently beneath his masculine weight, she felt so small, so feminine and overwhelmingly loved as he worshipped her body with his lips and cock. It was so good… the pleasure sent sparks shooting behind her eyes as she whined and arched into his straining body, meeting her lover thrust for thrust as they made frantic love to drown out almost half a decade of longing and regret.
Tearing his mouth from her neck, Padme brought Anakin's lips back to her own, kissing him so deeply, swallowing away his panting breath and he moaned in response. Beneath them, the bed shifted and squealed, rutting against the wall behind it as they fucked insatiably, cleansing themselves of years of hurt and resentment for this fresh start. The constant, relentless pleasure saw her back arching and a keening wail filled the room as she came all around him inside her. She clutched at him desperately and Anakin kissed her through it until just a few moments later, he grunted, tensing against her body and whispered her name again and again until there was peace.
Gasping for breath, Padme held him close, as if at any moment her mind would reveal the cruel fantasy it had forced upon her and she might still be sitting outside on the cold bench waiting for his arrival. Snow pelted the window in continuous dull little thuds and from where she lay, she spied the mess of their clothes strewn across the floor. The sight of it triggered an understanding of the sheer magnitude of the day's events within her still whirling mind and strange, happy tears filled her eyes. This was beyond anything she had ever allowed herself to imagine, even in the quietest, lonely moments life had thrown her way. It felt impossible and yet it was real!
Anakin was here. They were together again but they had such a hard road ahead of them. Unfortunately, there would be no easy answers about how they fit into each other's lives or how they faced the dangers of the world they lived in even in the relative safety of Caleum. All of that could wait until later, however. How could her mind linger on anything negative when the man she had always loved was slumped bonelessly above her, solid, firm and real beneath her wandering fingers.
After a few further moments of recovery, he lifted up and carefully rolled to lay on his side and Padme followed, shivering as his appreciative gaze crawled every inch of her available to him. "I feel like I'm dreaming…" Anakin laughed but a rare glisten filled his beautiful eyes and her heart skipped a beat. In all the time they had known each other, she had only seen him cry less than a handful of times before and each had been an emotional gut-punch of grief.
She reached for him, tracing her fingers over the old scar over his right eye and then back, into the mused curls she had always loved so much, and downwards over the curve of his shoulder, smiling as his eyes fluttered closed beneath her tender caress. When her roaming fingers found their way to his chest, they paused for a moment where his heart still pounded inside his flesh and Padme's smile grew wider. There were more scars than she remembered littering his skin, blotted and mottled and in shapes that made her heart sink to know couldn't have come from beasts. From what she could see and had felt before, these years had been even more dangerous than she had thought for him.
The thought carried her curious gaze to what remained of his arm, she hadn't seen it unbandaged or free of pinned sleeves in their rare visits before. Padme had never found such things uncomfortable to look at before – it had been so normal for people to lose something of themselves in those dark days before – but even now, his screams echoed in her ears. The panic he had felt was still so clear in her memories, it could have been weeks ago and her chest tightened.
Gathering her nerve with a single nervous breath, Padme dragged her touch across his chest and onto his forearm, mere inches from where the surgical cut had healed so long ago and waited. Anakin tensed but did not flinch or shrug her off so she continued onwards, slowly tracing almost every inch of him, appreciating the change he'd undergone fully for the very first time. Finally, the sight of him became slightly blurred as she lifted her gaze to find his own, watching carefully, braced for her disgust or rejection. Unbearable.
"I'm awake," Padme smiled brightly, answering his sweet declaration at last. "I'm more awake than I've been in a long time."
Anakin's smile matched her own, overjoyed and relieved both at once as he leaned forward, brushing their noses together before capturing her mouth so softly it was almost enough to make her moan all over again. Today they truly began to heal from the ugliness of their lives before, leaving behind every hurt and regret of their past as they built something borne in the foundations of their friendship and mutual respect. They were strong. They were alive.
And they stayed alive through the mundane days of normality Padme could tell secretly itched at Anakin's soul and through the heart-wrenching separations his work with Obi-wan and Bail brought them. He did his best to never leave her alone longer than a few weeks but with unknown dangers at every turn, it was impossible to predict where the three of them would be carried. Life was easy. Life was hard. Now, however, it gave as much as it took.
Two years passed and then everything changed.
Padme walked beside her lover as they gathered supplies for the coming week, enjoying the peace of the morning in each other's company since his return three days ago when a bone-rattling shriek cut through the air, shattering Caleum's natural quiet. She stilled, eyes widening and Anakin reached for his gun at once, tearing it free of its holster with practised ease and stepped before her. Another scream filled the air and she quickly reached for her own gun, as a curl of fear deep in her belly awakened.
Following the sounds, Padme's heart sunk to her stomach as an all too familiar growl reverberated through the empty streets and dread seeped through her blood. There was only one possible source of such sounds… but it had been so long since anything had broken through the walls, she had begun to hope the creatures were sparse enough to die off naturally around here by now. She was disappointed to follow Anakin around a corner to find two almost luminous blue beasts tearing into a bloodied male corpse. Their scales glimmered in the sunlight, frighteningly beautiful for just a moment until her eyes took in the horror around them.
"Oh god…" Padme gasped, tightening her grip on the gun in her hands. "I haven't seen anything this bad for years."
The poor man the creatures had stumbled upon lay on his front by a filthy, abandoned car, arms spread and blood pooling around his body where the beast's ravenous mouths ripped his flesh apart. Most people here were unprepared for the rare invasions of beasts and it usually led to bloodshed even with a hospital so close by. There was only so much people without experience could do after all.
"I have," Anakin muttered darkly, lifting his gun and taking aim. His bullet was quick and struck true, hitting the closest of the creatures between the eyes. It screeched and collapsed, alerting its companion of danger. The other one reared back and hissed, bearing bloody teeth as it stepped thoughtlessly into the growing blend of red and yellow blood. It bent low at the knees, preparing to charge toward them for another kill. Padme didn't think. Suddenly, she was in the city and these encounters were a part of her daily life again. She fired six rounds at the creature as it took off, howling in rage and hunger, pounding its long, clawed legs on the sidewalk as it ran. Slightly out of practice, her bullets struck its legs and lower chest in fatal blows which knocked it down into a scaled heap just a few feet away. "Nice work," Anakin said as he slid his guns back into their holsters and made his way toward the reptilian carcasses, kicking the first as he passed just to be sure.
When it didn't move, Padme followed her lover and sheathed her weapon again. "Do you think there are more?" She asked, glancing around the street. Unlike New York, there weren't so many alleyways here, if there were more, it would be much easier to find and dispose of them. Despite the revulsion the sight before her awakened, her eyes were drawn to the poor man before them. He hadn't stood a chance against those things without weapons. Her heart ached to see such needless loss again. Did he have family here? Who would tell them what happened to their loved one?
"I doubt it," Anakin said, approaching the dusty red car the man lay beside. "They would have been together if there were and – shit!" He cursed, rushing around the vehicle so suddenly, Padme jolted at the change in his voice and movements. "There's someone back here!" He cried, throwing himself to the sidewalk and she rushed after him as quickly as her shaking legs could carry her. Someone had survived? How was it possible?
She rounded the car and found him kneeling by a blonde woman, trembling and convulsing as blood rushed from a wound bitten deeply into her neck. It could have only been moments before they had come around the corner! There was so much blood. Too much. The deep crimson stained the woman's light hair and pale skin as she gasped and whimpered half-words and panicked sounds. One bloodied hand clasped her wound helplessly as if she could possibly stop the bleeding. "P – please…" The woman grunted, her wide, pale blue eyes darting between Anakin and the car beside her. "Please!" Her chest heaved with the effort of breathing as all energy quickly bled out of her body.
"You're okay," Padme whispered, quickly reaching for the woman's hand lying limp on the sidewalk, even as warm blood squelched between their linked fingers. "You're going to be fine, don't worry." Sometimes, a lie was not a bad thing. If it might bring a moment of comfort to someone in such distress, how could she not whisper anything which came into her head?
"N – no…" the woman shook her head, just barely, still glancing toward the car, "I – I need…. Please get…"
She wanted them to get help, Padme realised with a sinking heart. Even if they could find someone with enough skill and experience nearby, nothing could be done with so much blood lost already. It wouldn't take very long now. "Save your strength," she tried to smile, tried not to show the grief welling up inside her. "You don't need to say anything."
"N – n…" the woman gasped. "The… b – b…" An unintelligible sound passed her paling lips and she grew still as the light faded from her frozen eyes. Her hand was still warm around Padme's though she didn't need to feel for a pulse to be sure of what happened. She closed her eyes and sighed, just barely holding back her tears. Two lives were lost for nothing. Their futures had been stolen so casually, so wastefully with no repercussions… God, she was used to this once, but now? All the death felt so far behind her but nothing had really changed at all, had it?
"Padme…" Anakin said, though his voice was quiet and distant. She shook her head gently placing the woman's hand down upon her stomach. His comfort was the last thing she wanted right now, sweet as she was sure it would be, it would only make her feel worse. People would come to deal with the aftermath here but she didn't want to see it. They had done their part already.
"Let's just do what we need to do," she stood to her feet, ignoring the slight ache in her knees from kneeling on the solid sidewalk. "I want to go home and pretend this never happened." This was supposed to be a happy time for them – Anakin had only been back a few days! She had missed him immeasurably and his return was something she had longed for since the moment he left… and now it was ruined. Tainted by blood and screams and tears which should have never been.
"Padme," he said her name more firmly now, but she shook her head, folding her arms over her chest. What was there to say? That those things were dead now? That they couldn't hurt anybody else? If there were two sniffing around Caleum, how long would it be until more found their way inside? She had thought the shadow of death had lifted after the city died but here it was looming over them yet again. Were they going to be forced to live in fear for the rest of their lives? When she opened her mouth to protest further, Anakin's voice rose. "Padme! Listen to me! There's something under the car."
"What?" She turned, her spiralling thoughts quieting as she found her lover staring into the shadowy darkness beneath the car with narrowed eyes. What could possibly have fit into such a tight space? "What is it? Some kind of beast?" If it was young then there could be others around beginning to mate and reproduce around the town. It could lead to countless of them hunting through the streets and –
Anakin thrust his remaining arm beneath the car and Padme cried out, eyes widening at his stupidity. What the hell was he thinking? Whatever was under there could bite through his hand in just a moment! "Anakin!" She yelled, "Stop! Stop it!" She fell to her knees beside him, reaching to tug his arm free before it was too late when a small, squealing sound came from beneath the car. She froze as her lover pulled and a soft, pale yellow matt slid out carrying two small infants wrapped in matching blue blankets. "Oh my god…!" She breathed.
One child's little arm had wriggled free of the blanket and made a tiny fist before its face, blinking their big, brown eyes up toward the sky as their sibling slept on, peacefully unaware of the tragedy which had struck their lives. They were so small! They couldn't have been more than a few months old! "She kept looking at the car," Anakin whispered, flicking his gaze to the dead woman mere inches away, "she was trying to tell us about them."
"That poor woman," Padme clasped her clean hand over her mouth. For a moment, she tried to imagine the absolute terror the other woman had endured, watching her partner's violent death and only having time to hide her babies and hope for their safety before the creatures turned their fury onto her too. "She must have been so afraid."
"Fuck…" he whispered, his hand hovering over the children, "fuck… Are they – do they look okay? I don't see any blood."
"I don't know," Padme frantically shook her head. She hadn't been around a baby since Hope was an infant! What were they supposed to look for? Were there obvious signs their eyes wouldn't pick up on? If only Sabe and Obi-wan were here, they would know exactly what to do. "I – I – we should take them to the hospital, I think. Just to be sure." Where else could orphaned babies go, after all? It wasn't as if there were police or fire stations around anymore.
The brown-eyed child gave a sweet, yawn and reached up, clasping their little hand around Anakin's finger, so unbelievably tiny in comparison, and he gave a breathless, panicked laugh. "You're right," he nodded, "I'll, uh…we'll just pick them up and take them… yeah." When she nodded her shaky agreement, he carefully scooped the baby grasping his finger's slight weight into his remaining arm with her help. Once settled, Padme lifted the sleeping child into her own arms.
Please let them be okay, she prayed, please…
In only an hour, the twins were given a clean bill of health by a kind, red-headed doctor in pink scrubs. Their mother's desperate decision to hide them beneath the car had saved their lives and the babies had not even a scratch on their tiny bodies. Padme clutched Anakin's arm in relief and he bent at the neck to lay a kiss on her head. "You guys did good bringing them in here," the doctor smiled, "these two are going to be just fine thanks to you."
The children were settled happily in clean diapers in a shared, transparent plastic cot, both awake and staring in fascination at the colourful animals above their heads from the slow spinning mobile. A boy and a girl, the doctor had told them, though there was nothing to identify them within the blankets they were wrapped inside. Padme glanced every now and then to the blank slot meant for names attached to the chart hanging from the foot of the crib. Orphaned and nameless in one fell swoop – how could something so terrible happen to such innocents?
"What happens to them now?" Anakin asked as the doctor gently ushered them from the room closing the door behind them. "It was probably their parents those things killed out there. Who's going to take care of them?"
"We will," the doctor nodded, "for a little while to give someone who might come looking for them a chance… but eventually?" She gave a gentle shrug. "I can't say for sure. This situation has never happened here before. I'll have to consult with some of the others should the time come to make such decisions."
"Poor little ones," Padme sighed, leaning into Anakin as his arm snaked around her waist.
The doctor excused herself and hurried down the hallway leaving them alone in her wake. Padme sagged against him, drained in more ways than one as they lingered in the silence for several long minutes before making their way outside once more.
For five long weeks, they found reasons to visit with the children every day, to make sure they were cared for and thriving. The nurses and doctors smiled indulgently every time, allowing Anakin and Padme to spend time holding the babies and luxuriate in their makeshift nursery for hours at a time. They just wanted to meet the family who came to claim them, that was the justification they told themselves. They wanted to see the babies go to safely people who loved them and who had to be missing them. But as the weeks went on and nobody came looking, the infants' fates became less and less known. There were no laws, no governments or agencies to deal with such things now. There was nowhere to send the twins to be cared for if no family came for them.
"You know," the same red-headed doctor who had first treated the babies, Kate, they had come to learn her name, said from the doorway one morning. "There's no reason for these two to spend any more time here. They're perfectly healthy and happy children. They need a home, not a hospital room."
"Where will they go?" Anakin glanced down at the blonde boy in his arms, grinning as he returned the baby's wide little smile. "Is there a place set up for kids like these two?"
"No," Kate shook her head, though her smile didn't falter. "I wish there was but unfortunately, there's only so much we can do here... But I can think of a potential home with people who've already shown themselves to care a great deal about these little tykes…"
Padme felt her eyes widen as her breath caught in her throat. The baby girl slept peacefully against her chest, having dozed off after her afternoon bottle. She glanced at Anakin who looked just as stricken as she felt and his mouth opened and shut twice with no sound. Could she really mean…? No, it was impossible. Was it? It had to be! She was just projecting the secret desire which had been creeping up within her these past few weeks, that was all. Being here with Anakin, helping take care of the babies, it was a glance into a life she had longed to live.
Seeing Anakin smile as he bounced the children to sleep was the sweetest and most painful sight Padme had ever seen because inevitably, the babies would leave their lives for their forever home. Holding them in her arms, she swore she had never known such absolute, encompassing love and it was wrong! They belonged elsewhere! This could only lead to agonising grief when they would be forced to say goodbye. Thankfully, the babies would never remember but Padme and Anakin would. They would be haunted by these sunshine days for the rest of their lives as the void the children left behind throbbed forever.
She looked down at the sweet, sleeping girl in her arms and stroked the impossibly soft, dark tufts of hair growing upon her head, savouring every moment she possibly could as Kate gave a small, almost awkward laugh. "Do you hear what I'm telling you?" She said, "You two are the only people I've seen knocking down the doors to take care of these babies. I don't think you would have spent so much time here if taking them home wasn't something you wanted… am I wrong?"
Every inch of Padme's body began to tremble. Hot tears filled her eyes so the room was an unintelligible blur of colour and shapes around her and though she swallowed, a thick, growing lump in her throat blocked any words leaving her lips. Could it be possible? Was this really happening? To them of all people? They had killed and stolen! Their lives had been brutal and cruel for so long, could they deserve such a blessing now? Had they earned it?
"Padme…?" Anakin's gentle voice led her free of her thoughts and she blinked, tears spilling over her eyelids as a shaking breath filled her lungs. Meeting his gaze, she read the very same fears and longing in his own face. And the bright, surging hope brightening his blue eyes as her breath quickened at the prospect of forever with the little ones seemed to flash before their minds in a shared thought. He wanted this… Deep down, she had known he had grown to want everything that had been denied to her after the surgery to save her life even if he would have never admitted it. They doted upon Hope instead, burying the silent pain in their adoration of their niece to squash the yearning they never spoke of.
But now… finally, they could have everything they had yearned for all this time…
In that silent, amazing moment of such overwhelming excited emotions Padme and Anakin looked down at the children, their children in their arms and their family, at last, was whole.
Running ahead without a care in the world, squealing, leaping and bouncing around one another, Luke and Leia Skywalker played hard, enjoying every small moment of their day in the warm summer sun. Padme sat with her lover on the striped blanket where the twins' lunch lay ignored, for now, laughing as she watched the children have their fun. It was not the childhood she had ever imagined giving her children once upon a time in the old world where things had been safe and routine. Padme's children learned how to shoot guns not ride bikes and to look over their shoulders always, but they were happy. Her babies were safe and the absolute joy of her life.
Leia, determined to match her mother in every way wore a yellow sundress to her own, with colourful flowers decorating the skirt while Luke favoured a superhero costume whose movie he had never gotten to see. Anakin had found it and some matching comic books a few months ago in the back of an almost empty store on his travels with Obi-wan and their son had refused to take it off for two days afterwards.
"I wish I had that energy," Anakin laughed from where he lounged beside her, watching Luke and Leia closely as they carried on oblivious to the creeping worry that lived as their parents' constant companion. Every bird's squawk or twitch within a bush made them tense, fingers hovering above their guns just in case… They hadn't seen a beast inside Caleum since the day they found the twins but Padme could never let her guard down ever again. She had far too much to lose now. "I swear I get worn out just chasing them around the house these days," he continued.
Tearing her eyes from the twins for a moment, Padme laughed with him, relating more than she would ever admit out loud. Children were exhausting! She had thought the extreme tiredness would ease as Luke and Leia grew, but it had only shifted and changed as seven years passed. Time had brought changes in every way into their lives, signs of ageing affected both of them these days. Not many people lived to see lines grow upon their faces or wayward grey hairs on their heads and she was grateful, truly, though she would be even more so if they could pause time… just for a little while.
Anakin had cut his hair shorter not long after they had brought Luke and Leia home, finding the incessant tugging at his soft curls an endless irritation that had always amused her greatly. Though she had loved his roguish longer hair, the change had suited him so much that she hadn't thought to miss the old style afterwards. There hadn't been much time for thinking of anything in those sleepless days, in truth.
"They're so perfect," she smiled, loving the fierce pride which lit up inside Anakin's eyes as he looked at their children. He was a wonderful father to them, endlessly doting, playful and firm when necessary. Truly, he was never more attractive in her eyes than when with the twins. The three of them were everything she had ever wanted from life and Padme cherished every moment they had together. Nothing was guaranteed, the twins' violent arrival in their lives was a constant reminder and she held her children close as long as they would allow, an increasingly lower number of moments as time went on.
After a moment, his gaze found hers again and grew serious. "There's something I need to tell you," Anakin set his shoulders, bracing himself for the conversation to come and Padme held her breath. Nothing good was coming, she knew him inside and out and he was nervous. Afraid to share whatever had clearly been burdening him since he got home. "Obi-wan, Bail and I have been following a partial lead for the better part of two years. We were beginning to think it was another false end or another trap set to get us out of the way, but not this time."
Beginning to frown, Padme felt a small flicker of fear twist and knot inside her stomach. "What do you mean? You guys found something?"
They had been hunting Palpatine for so long but the man was a shadow, moving quickly and changing locations seemingly just to tease the group every time they came close to uncovering something vital. Though dedicated to the cause, Anakin had spent less time on the road and far longer spells at home with her and the twins as they grew up, but she knew how Rush and his father's constant evasions haunted him.
Reaching across the blanket, Anakin brought her hand into his own, entwining their fingers together and a tight, nervous squeeze and she felt the tremble within it. He almost vibrated before her, so full of nervous energy she hadn't seen inside him for years, perhaps not since their days in New York. "We know where he is, Padme," Anakin said, "after all this time, we found them. They've turned back and started rebuilding in Washington – they're finally getting ready to launch everything we know they've been working on."
On the grass, Luke and Leia squealed and giggled, but Padme couldn't tear her eyes from Anakin's. Cold fear began to rush through her veins as she remembered how Palpatine had enjoyed their terror and wanted to see their world burn around them with no way out. Anakin had warned her of the government father and son had wished to build, the beginning of a bloody dynasty that would rule the country with iron fists. If how they had treated the survivors was any inclination of what was to come… that wasn't a world she wanted to live in.
"What are we going to do?" She gripped Anakin's hand so tightly, her fingers would be a reddened imprint upon his skin later, but he said nothing, enduring the small pain for her sake. They had to be stopped! It didn't matter how but Rush and Palpatine had to be stopped before it was too late! "They can't be allowed to finish what they've started," she said.
"We know where they are now," Anakin said firmly, "so we can find them and we'll stop them. I promised you once that they would pay for everything they'd done, everyone we lost and I'm going to keep that promise. I swear to you."
For a moment, over his shoulder, Padme saw Kit and Dorme whispering and laughing in each other's ear as they strolled by the wide bushes of bright yellow flowers, hand in hand. A little further on, Maul sharpened a knife where he laid casually against a tree. Dooku flipped through a thick, age-yellowed book on the black iron bench on the other side of the grass, enjoying his peace as usual. Nearby, Aphra laid on the soft grass, gazing up at the warm sun with one hand beneath her head. Ryoo and Pooja bounced and played beside Luke and Leia, laughing with their cousins as Padme's mother, father, sister and brother-in-law watched on from their own blanket, smiling with joy in their bright eyes as they watched the children play. All too familiar voices and laughter filled her ears for just a moment and then they were gone and the space left behind felt emptier than before. Her lover squeezed her hand, drawing her attention back to himself and Padme felt herself beginning to tremble.
She wanted to tell him no, that it was too dangerous, that their family couldn't afford to lose him to Rush and his father's wrath but then she remembered the faces of everyone they had lost along the way, people who deserved justice for the lives which were stolen from them. Anakin had his own ghosts watching over him too. His mother and sister, Kit and Aphra, all people who lived in his conscience every single day. As much as she wished that her family could stay whole and safe here behind the walls, it was impossible. Destiny wasn't finished with him just yet. And her? She felt the beginnings of its unpleasant calling deep inside her chest.
War lay ahead of them, inevitable from the very beginning, but today Padme didn't want to think of ghosts and death. This moment was tranquil and quiet, the calm before the coming storm and she wanted to enjoy as much of it as possible without fear. They deserved that, she thought, after everything they had seen and done and survived. "Let's just enjoy today," she said, turning her eyes back to Luke and Leia as they tumbled around in each other's arms. "Everything else can wait for tomorrow."
After a moment he sighed, not unhappily, and smiled. "You're right, as always," Anakin's thumb traced over her knuckles softly and despite everything, Padme laughed.
Luke and Leia had been carefully protected from the dire truths of their world as much as possible, a choice she and Anakin had agonised over for a long time. They were innocent and deserved to enjoy a childhood untainted by the poison that had ruined their parents' world and she had been firm on that. They knew how to defend themselves, should the worst happen, how to reach for and fire a gun, but nothing more, and it would stay this way for as long as they could be shielded from the darkness outside Caleum. One day, when Luke and Leia were ready, they would hear the realities of the world and the truth of their past no matter how difficult a conversation it would be for all involved, but all of that was one the distant future, not for this afternoon.
"I love you, Anakin," she turned to her lover, her partner and the man who had owned her heart from the very beginning and reached for his face, feeling the subtle beginning of stubble growing on his cheek under her fingers. Even years into this relationship, he still inspired the flutters of butterflies deep in her stomach. Besides their children, he was the one person in this world who made her the happiest After all, by his side, Padme had faced harrowing dangers, death and losses she couldn't begin to relive or recount, there had been the most crushing heartbreaks and lows of her life and the greatest, unimaginable joys she had ever known.
Anakin Skywalker was the one person in this world who Padme could be wholly, unabashedly herself with and he would never judge or scorn her. Others had desired only fragments of herself and rejected what they did not like, but never him. He had hurt her worse than she had ever believed possible and loved her more than her heart had known how to take. They were a beautiful contradiction. They were broken and healing and all the better for finding each other again.
He was quiet for a moment, reading her eyes carefully and lifted his hand to lay over her own lingering on his face. "I love you too," came his eventual response and a bright, easy smile lit up his handsome face. They moved together, shifting mere inches across the blanket to find each other's lips in a sweet, unhurried kiss she never wished to break. Unfortunately, small, horrified cries cut through the small romantic moment and Padme turned to find Luke and Leia watching on, visible, childish disgust all over their scrunched up faces.
"Eww!" Leia stuck out her tongue and clutched her stomach as if the vision of her parents' affection was the most nauseating sight she had ever seen. "That's gross!" She cried out and giggled as Luke mirrored her actions, shaking his head at his father, especially for his offences against their young eyes. Unable to help herself, Padme laughed in disbelief at her children – as if having two loving parents was the most terrible thing in the world! She could remember feeling the same way about her own mother and father so many years ago… Jobal and Ruwee so much as holding hands outside their home had felt like the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to her in those days.
"Hey!" Anakin chuckled and tossed the twin's bright yellow frisbee, which had been abandoned on the blanket since their arrival, at them though the children easily dodged the assault, squealing with laughter as they did. "It's gross for me to kiss your mother now?"
"So gross!" Luke pretended to vomit as Leia nodded her absolute agreement.
Something mischievous and utterly playful took light inside Anakin's eyes as he glanced sidelong at her, smirking. He was always the more light-hearted parent of the two of them, forever crafting endless activities and fun for the twins for hours without ever growing bored. Luke and Leia adored their father for it, always trusting him to deliver something magnificently fun for the four of them. "Alright, that's it!" Her lover cried, leaping to his feet and laughing as the twins scrambled away at once, screeching in utter delight. "Wait 'till I get you!" He called, taking off after them with speed.
Luke and Leia laughed with their whole bodies, running with all the energy their bodies could muster to circle around their father who reached for them so playfully, missing on purpose – or so he'd say – to extend the game just a little longer. Padme watched them contently, laughing along with her family as they frolicked across the grass without worry or care. For a moment, the ghosts were back, watching Anakin with his children and she hoped that somewhere over her shoulder, Shmi stood with the original Leia, the child her daughter was named for, were watching with the same smiles her family wore.
She wondered what her younger self might have thought if somehow she could have known what the future held… The girl who had fought and bled and killed, who had surrendered any hope of this dream coming to life, if she could have seen the happiness that awaited her, Padme wasn't sure she would have ever believed it. For so long, she had felt unworthy of her own desires, as if the death of the world had forever tainted her beyond repair, but she saw things differently now. It wasn't a matter of deserving or earning, not really, this world took and took so they had to find whatever joys they could and cherish for as long as they could. It had been a long, hard-won lesson but at last, she learned.
"I'm outnumbered here, y'know!" Anakin called out, silencing her thoughts and they were alone amongst the flowers and trees once more. The people of their past would forever live on in their hearts and memories, but the past was truly behind them now. They had a future to think of and, sooner than later, fight for. Padme focused her gaze on her daughter and then her son and laughed as they clutched at one of their father's legs each in the hopes of knocking him down. "I could use a little help," he grinned and she couldn't help but match it.
The past was behind them and the future was ahead. For today, for this moment beneath the summer sun in their home, Padme pushed away every thought that wasn't of her lover and children and the fun the day offered. Climbing to her feet, she rushed toward her family, smirking as Anakin reached for her, expecting a helping hand to steady his balance because, in this small war of Skywalkers, she was not his ally. Throwing her weight against him, Anakin cried out in surprise as Padme toppled him to the grass, laughing with all her might as all four of them tumbled together, landing in a heap of laughter and limbs which scrambled to climb to their feet to claim victory.
As the Skywalkers laughed and chased and played, one small corner of the world was, at last, at peace.