Chapter 7

"Sara?"

As soon as Gil heard her name he knew this had been a bad idea. Had Sara had the same idea as him? Had she rang Nick for advice? "How the Hell am I going to explain this one?" he thought nervously shifting from one foot to the other.

Gil cleared his throat. "Is there a reason why you think I am Sara Nick?" he said in his most professional voice.

Nick flushed scarlet; Gil was obviously going to think it strange that Nick was awaiting a phone call from Sara so late at night. How would he explain it without betraying Sara in her moment of weakness, or causing alarm about her well being? He would have to think on his feet.

"Must have read the caller id wrong", Nick lied unconvincingly, "what can I do for you boss?"

"Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb", Gil thought to himself. "Interestingly enough I wanted to talk to you about Sara. Have you been in contact with her tonight?"

"Shit", thought Nick. "Should I lie? What if something happened to her since she was talking to me, and Gil had somehow found out that Nick was the last person she was talking to?" "Ok I am being stupid and paranoid now, I have definitely been working this case too long", he muttered.

"Did you say something Nick?" Gil probed.

"Em, yeah she rang me earlier, to see if I wanted to do breakfast in the morning before our shift begins." It was for the most part the truth, as that was all that Nick had managed to decipher of the conversation himself, the rest had been Sara's personal pain wrapped in paper of deceit and bows of lies.

"Why do you ask boss?" Nick continued apprehensively, frightened now of the answer he might receive.

"Did she mention anything more specific to you than breakfast Nick?" Gil probed. He was having trouble resisting the need to ask Nick straight out what he knew about tonight's proceedings, but he knew he had to remain in control of the situation. If Sara didn't say anything to Nick about it, then Gil didn't want to arouse his suspicions on the subject.

"No, we just chatted about this and that, nothing specific, is everything ok Gil?" Nick asked apprehensively.

"I don't know Nick, I am worried about Sara, she seemed distracted earlier on at work, and I think this case is hitting her harder than she is letting on. You didn't get the impression that she had anything else on her mind? Maybe one of us indirectly did something to her, and we have upset her in some way, anything like that?" Gil continued. "This is like getting blood out of a stone" Gil thought to himself.

"I am not sure Gil, I thought there was something else that she wanted to tell me, but you know Sara, she is fiercely stubborn and independent. Whatever is getting to her, she isn't going to tell any of us, she wants to deal with it in her way".

Satisfied that Nick didn't know anything about what had happened, Gil thanked him and hung up.

"There is something very wrong here tonight; and I am going to find out what it is", Nick decided.

"Oh God, I am going to have to go back over there and face her, this can't go on any longer, or none of us will get any sleep before tomorrow's shift", Gil thought.

With that, Nick and Gil made their ways to their Tahoes and headed to Sara's.

Sara had been unable to sleep since she got off the phone with Nick; she was no closer to knowing what she was going to say to Gil tomorrow, or even how she was going to explain her apparent tears on the phone to Nick.

She had known as soon as she started talking to Nick that it had been a bad idea calling him, she had originally thought that he would make things clearer and help her to sort out the mass of indefinable thoughts swirling round her head, but in reality, when it came down to it, she felt that telling Nick would be a betrayal of Gil's feelings. Sara felt that Nick wouldn't quite understand where Gil had been coming from with the sudden outburst; Sara herself didn't fully understand it, so how could she expect others to? Plus it would change the dynamic at work, it would mean Nick looking at and treating Gil differently and Sara didn't want that. Gil prided himself on his work, his capability as a team leader, his never ending professionalism and his ability to separate his work and his personal life. If Sara had confided in Nick, that would have changed for Gil and Sara didn't have it in her to jeopardize Gil's stalwart work ethics, or how the team viewed him.

Once the decision was made not to tell Nick, she had felt incredibly alone, and that upset her deeply. The fact that she couldn't explain this to Nick made her more upset; she felt that she was going around in a vicious circle. She knew that she had worried Nick, and that wasn't fair either, she should have just dealt with the situation on her own.

It was at times like this when she wished she would take heed of Gil's advice to have a life outside of work; then maybe she would have friends to discuss stuff like this with, instead of always having to take the professional viewpoint on everything and ultimately deal with everything alone.

Not that Sara was ever a slumber party with her girlfriends type of person, but on occasion it would be nice to have someone other than Warrick, Nick, Catherine, Greg, Gil and Brass to keep her company.

This is why she avoided relationships, they were just messy and they usually needed the assistance of a best friend, something that Sara had never had, never wanted and didn't believe she ever needed.

Now with the prospect of a relationship with Gil, she didn't know who she would be able to talk to about it, to discuss his idiosyncrasies that only she notices and loves, his mannerisms that may appear annoying to others but to her they are extensions of him and therefore perfect. Who would she have to give her advice if they have a silly row? Or who would she take shopping for his Christmas pressie?

"I don't think I can do this, I am happy on my own", she thought. "I am fully capable of surviving without a relationship; I have got this far without one, why would I change that now?" "Besides, what if it all went pear shaped? I would probably have to get a job with another department, would I be able to handle watching him with someone else?" Sara thought as she continued to weigh up the pros and cons in her head.

Truthfully, she knew there wouldn't be anyone else, she knew that Gil had always had strong feelings for her, but it wasn't until tonight that he had ever admitted them so frankly. She knew that it had taken a lot for him to do that, and she couldn't imagine him going through that again with her or anyone else. She would have to handle this very carefully.

Sara looked at her clock, 3.35 am, she was in work in less that 5 hours, there was no way she would sleep now, not with all these thoughts going around in her head. She decided to get a cup of coffee and look over the case notes again, maybe they had missed something obvious after all, something which could help them nail the person that committed this heinous crime.

As she was entering the kitchen, there was a knock at the door. "Thank God, he came back, he must want to talk things through", Sara thought excitedly. "Please God, don't make me fuck this up", she prayed silently. Prayer the desperate person's last hope.

On opening the door she called out, "Gil, I am really glad you came back, we need to talk about this." She opened the door and found Nick Stokes looking very confused.