Title: The past catches up with us all.

Main Character: Harry Potter

Summary: It has been 20 years since the final battle, and the years have not been kind to Harry Potter. He has left behind the past that haunts him, or at least tried to. In this story you will find out that you can hide from your demons but never really escape them.

AN: I am sure people thought I decided to abandon this story. Well in a way I did, but I am back in the saddle now. I am one of those odd people who have periods where they simply cannot write. Well I am over that now.

This chapter is going to talk about a couple of things. Mainly this is one of the last "information" chapters and next chapter we will get to see some action. I apologize for any spelling/grammar mistakes I sent this chapter to a friend of mine to beta and never got it back… So on with the story.

Harry blinked and stretched, he was sitting in this chair the same chair he had been in for the past five hours. It hit him that for the past five hours he had been pouring out his sorry tale to someone who was practically a stranger. This seemed so absurd to be almost comical. A person who had kept everyone at an arms length who had told no one his inner feelings suddenly pouring them out to a stranger. He let out a small laugh that wasn't really a laugh but more of a bark. He had no idea why he was telling this woman all of these things only that it felt like it was the right thing to do. He had this instinct that he could trust her and that for some reason it was important she know the truth about him. He looked at her and realized for the first time that she had been staring at him for awhile. He figured out she was waiting for him to respond to her comment. He took a deep breath and then just spoke from the heart.

'I realize that what you say is the truth and that I am not to blame for the death of my Godfather. Yet it is hard for me to just accept that I am blameless. Even if I do accept that I have made far worse mistakes in my life. Yes far worse mistakes that even God himself could not forgive me for" This last part was delivered in a low voice almost a whisper. He had not meant that last part to come out he would just hope that she had not heard it.

Katherine was watching this mysterious enigma of a man named Harold Evans who had dropped into her life like a package from the sky. She had no idea exactly what it was that fascinated her about him. It was a combination of things she supposed. He seemed a lot like her father. He was strong and brave he seemed the type of man who stood up for what was right. It was also horribly obvious that this man was lost. Somewhere in his struggles he had lost his path. In that he also reminded her of her father. For he to had lost his path and had found another one. Yet the truth of the matter is most likely that she was attracted to him because he needed fixing and she was a lady who loved to help fix people.

She pondered what he had said about his mistakes so grievous that God could not forgive them. She simply did not believe this was true. Oh no she did not think that this man was lying she simply thought he was mistaken. That these sins were either not that severe or something he was carrying the guilt of that he had no control over.

Harry seemed to be one of those people who had an over developed sense of duty and that was not always a bad thing but you could take it too far. Suddenly she decided that no matter what horrors Harry had seen or no matter what deeds he tried to take the blame for she would not let him. She also decided in that moment that she was going to tell him that no matter what secret burdens he harbored that it would not change her image of him.

"Harry I don't care whatever sins you believe you have committed or allowed. I also don't care whatever atrocities that you have been forced to witness. You are not an evil person and I can not believe you would willingly do anything horrible or let anything horrible happen if you could stop it."

Harry heard her words and even processed them but yet his guilt would not allow him to accept them as true. He thought that there is no way that I am not responsible for all the hurt and pain that has been caused because of me. She doesn't know the horrible atrocities that have happened to people because they either befriended me or defended me. She didn't have to remember all the people who had been tortured, or the people who had been hurt.

He closed his eyes and remembered scenes from his early life and all the people who had been hurt because of him. Ron in the first year being knocked unconscious, Hermione being petrified in the 2nd year because he hadn't figured things out sooner. He continued this way through all his years until he got to his 6th year. He remembered Ginny lying in the corridor… His memory abruptly shut down with an almost audible crash as his mental barriers prevented him from remembering that moment it was simply too painful.

He ran his fingers over the scars on his arm another thing she didn't know about him. There were so many horrible secrets he had to keep inside of him. He was so tired of hiding who he was and what had happened to him. Yet he was certain if he told her that she would condemn him the same way he had condemned himself for all these years. He thought angrily what right does she have to say that I am not evil that I have not done serious wrong. She has no idea what has happened in my life, she doesn't have the memories of the people being tortured because I lead them somewhere that was a trap. She doesn't have to live with the guilt of a young man being dead because I insisted that he take the trophy as well as my self.

That is when the little voice in his head spoke up and said. "You are right she doesn't know all the stuff you have done and she better not. Or she would cast you aide like you were the scum of the earth. No better then that junior death eater Draco Malfoy worse even because he didn't hide what he was. He doesn't hide behind a mantel of Gryffindor courage like you do. That's right or have you forgotten that the sorting hat wanted to put you in to Syltherian all those many years ago. Maybe it was right and you do belong in Syltherian because you certainly are acting like one. Pretending to be this great cop and honest guy, you are nothing but a big fraud that voice said. Harry finally decided to shut that voice up for once and for all. He was going to show her everything.

Katherine was watching Harry intently it was obvious from the emotions playing on his face that he was having some kind of internal debate with himself. She wanted to say something to tell him it was alright that she would understand but she knew that this was something he would have to work out in his own mind first.

He appeared to make a decision and she saw him gathering his strength. She waited patiently letting him take his own time to work through this problem. Then suddenly he yanked the sleeves of his shirt up and exposed rows of scars, the kind that were self afflicted Katherine realized. It was a testimony to her composure that she did not visibly react. She just kept looking at him hoping that he knew that this did not mean a thing.

Harry looked at her shocked that she had not reacted. Didn't she realize what these were the proofs of his cowardly behavior? Did she not care that this made him horribly and disfigured. He started to rant at her. "Don't you realize what these are? These are the markers of the past I cannot escape that I cannot run from. These are the permanent memories of what I have done. You don't have the slightest clue what I have done. You didn't get captured because of a stupid mistake. You didn't make the mistake of staying in a place to try and learn things and then see your friends launch a suicidal rescue mission because they THINK YOU ARE A PRISONER. They never realized that I could have left anytime I wanted. You never cradled a dying person who was like a member of your own family and know that YOU killed them. You have never had to wake up to the memories of the feeling of their blood running down your hands. Oh and finally you have never had your fiancé murdered before your very eyes when you thought it was all over. When you thought it was finally safe to have your OWN damn life your past comes back to haunt you. When that has happened to you then you can tell me that I am not guilty." He finished the tirade in a voice barely louder then a whisper and he was emotionally spent.

Katherine sat there and listened to it in total silence. She had no idea that this young man had so much pain inside him and she could see it plainly on his face. She yearned to rush to him and take him in to her arms. Then when he finished she couldn't hold herself back anymore and she rushed to him and wrapped her arms around him before he could even think of objecting. She wrapped her arms around him as tight as she could and crushed her body against his. All she knew is that he had suffered so much pain and hardship that she wanted to ease his grief.

Harry felt her arms around him and realized that he hadn't been hugged like this in a long time. It was the fierce crushing embrace reminiscent of Hermione Granger or Molly Weasley. Then suddenly it was as if the dams around his emotions suddenly just broke. He started sobbing uncontrollably; he couldn't have stopped for all the gallons in the world. He cried for all the pain he had experienced and everything that had gone wrong with his life. Finally he managed to cry himself out and she was still holding him. It suddenly penetrated his mind that maybe this girl could and even would accept him. He decided right then to tell her everything to bare his entire school to her. So he started his tale in the summer after 5th year.

"I was so miserable when I went to the Dursley's that summer. I wanted nothing more then to just stop feeling. Everything was hurting me so much that I could not cope with it. The Dursleys were scared of the Wizards who had threatened them so they made sure I ate and wrote a letter to the Order at least once every three days. They didn't want any "freaks" showing up in their perfect little neighborhood. During the day I just sat in my room and went over what had happened at the Department of Mysteries.

When I finally managed to fall asleep my dreams were haunted by images of Sirius falling through the veil. In some of them Sirius blamed me and told me how disappointed he was that I had made it necessary for him to come out of hiding.

Or how I didn't manage to save him or even really try to save him and how James my father would be ashamed of me and I am not worthy of being the son of a Marauder. Then there were the dreams about Lord Voldermort and his followers attacking random muggle villages and killing people. The worst nights were where I had both of those dreams.

Then I managed to get out of there only because my friends came to rescue me. It was decided I would not go back to Grimwauld place because that house would remind me to much of Sirius so we went to Potter Island, which is an Island that my family has owned for generations. I managed to start on my road to recovery when I realized that me going insane or losing my will to live was exactly what Lord Voldermort wanted. So I begin training both physically and magically. It was a grueling training schedule but I had decided that I wanted to improve as much as I possibly could.

When Hogwarts started I decided that I was going to train myself and other people as much as in physically possible. Hermione, Ron and I decided to start the DA up again so we could train all the students who wanted to train. Well between the DA and my own personal training I was working harder then ever. Just like the previous summer where I was burying myself in memories to avoid dealing with the pain this time I was burying myself in work. I probably would have kept working until I became very sick if a very important event hadn't occurred.

This event was complicated and would have repercussions for the foreseeable future; because of the dangerous nature of my life I had not really dated anyone. Oh and after Cho I had pretty much given up on girls. Until I noticed my best friend Ron's sister Ginny. Now I had known that Ginny had had a crush on me back when she started at Hogwarts but I figured it fizzled out. Well we started seeing much more of each other with the D.A and the private lessons I was giving to her, Hermione, and Ron. After we had spent a lot of time around each other we got comfortable enough to talk about our feelings and we both discovered that we had the same feelings for each other.

We both decided to just go slow and see what happened. That was working until one night after a D.A meeting where she and I became very "busy" and we decided that we were going to have to tell people about us including Ron. I was reluctant to tell Ron because he was my best friend and notoriously protective of his little sister. It turns out our fears were silly because Ron reacted much differently then we expected him to.

Flash Back

Harry Potter was walking down the hallway of Hogwarts holding hands with his newly found girlfriend Ginny Weasley. They were headed towards the Room of Requirements to meet her brother who was also his best friend Ron. They had both decided that it was time to tell Ron about their blossoming young relationship. They were both a little apprehensive well no apprehensive wasn't the right word, they were scared to death about how he would take it. Ron at times had been jealous of all the attention that people paid to Harry and how much money he had. He was also very protective of his little sister and didn't want her dating.

All of those things had created feelings of terror in both Ginny and Harry but they had decided they owed it to Ron to tell him the truth. So they asked him to meet them in the Room of Requirements so they would have privacy when they revealed their secret to him.

Ron Weasley was walking from the opposite direction towards the Room of Requirements and with him was his girlfriend Hermione Granger. Although Harry had asked only to meet him he didn't think he would mind him bringing Hermione along. Ron was wondering what could be so important that it would require Harry to tell him only in the Room of Requirements. Hermione turned to him and squeezed his hand sensing that Ron was feeling a bit nervous. Then she saw the Tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy and knew they had arrived. She pointed it out to Ron and they both walked in front of the blank wall thinking "we need to find the room Harry Potter is in" and after they did that a door opened up and they walked in.

The room they walked in to was decorated in the style of their common room but had two couches that were facing each other with the space in front of them taken up by a low coffee table. On one of the couches sat both Harry and Ginny and they were next to each other covered in a huge blanket, the reason for the blanket being so that Ron couldn't observe that they had their hands entwined. Ron and Hermione sat down on the other couch and quickly assumed a comfortable position of Hermione laying/leaning against Ron and his arm around her.

"I hope you don't mind but I brought Hermione along with me" Ron said as he looked at the boy who had been his best friend for the past six years. He also raised his eyebrows at the presence of Ginny curious as to why she was here. Harry nodded to show that it was fine that Hermione was here and then he saw Ron's glance at Ginny and decided it was time to explain the reason he had asked him there. Ginny sensing his thoughts gave his hand a squeeze and a small smile.

"Ron, Hermione Ginny and I have something to tell you guys. Now Ron I want you to let me finish. Ginny and I are now dating we have been for about a few weeks" Harry said then he held up his hand to stop Ron from saying anything "Now I know how you feel mate about me dating your sister but I promise I will love her and never hurt her" That is as far as Harry got before Ron grinning like a fool gave him a huge hug and clapped him on the shoulder. "Mate let me tell you if I could pick anyone to be with Ginny it would be you." He smiled at Harry. Hermione smiled at Ron and then at Harry and Ginny truly glad that Harry had found some happiness in his life.

Harry let go of a breathe that he hadn't been aware he was holding and turned to Ginny a huge smile on his face and gave her a resounding kiss.

END FLASH BACK

Harry sighed softly at the memory and realized how much he still missed Ginny. True it had been awhile since he had buried her but he had never really ever gotten past her death. He wiped away a few tears that had rolled down his cheeks and then as if suddenly remembering he was not alone in his apartment his eyes raced to Katherine terrified that he had allowed her to witness that show of weakness. Then he laughed at himself realizing that his break down earlier was ten times worse then what he just let her see.

Katharine recognized that fear of showing weakness and cursed those horrible people who had made this poor man afraid of showing his fear and sorrow. She smiled at him and took his hand. It was obvious that this Ginny person was someone he had really loved and something bad had happened. It was clear to her that it was helping him to talk about her and so she encouraged him to tell her more about his girlfriend Ginny.

Harry decided he suddenly wanted to talk about Ginny and so he decided to share with her the memory of their first Christmas together as a couple

Flash Back

Harry and Ginny were spending Christmas at the Potter Family Compound on the Potter Family Island. Along with them was the entire Weasley family including Bill and Charlie. Hermione Granger and her parents Dan and Emma Granger were there as well. Most of the Order of the Phoenix was going to be there at one time or another and for most of Christmas Day. A few of Harry Potter's friends were going to be there for a few days namely Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood, Dean Thomas, and Seamus Finnigan among others. The entire D.A was going to show up for a special New Years Eve party.

The main group of friends left Hogwarts via Portkey and went directly to the Potter Compound. They arrived there a few days before Christmas and proceeded to pick out bedroom and amuse themselves.

The day before Christmas everyone was in a decorating frenzy. There were a grand total of 20 trees that were spread out through the entire compound. Most of the Members of the Order of the Phoenix had already arrived and they split off in to groups to tackle decorating the trees. Tiny Professor Flitwick was rotating between the groups of kids to help them cast some festive charms. He also enchanted the Mistletoe to sing sweet songs whenever two people were caught underneath it.

A lot of the couples were taking turns being silly and letting them get caught underneath the mistletoe. First it was Remus and Tonks who did it then Ron and Hermione did it on a dare from Fred and George. Well then not to be left out Ginny and Harry did it with quite a few people watching and yelling catcalls. Even Professor Dumbledore gave Professor McGonagall a light peck when they both went into the living room at the same time. Professor McGonagall's check had an unaccustomed reddish tinge to them after that incident. The only couple not to do it on purpose was Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood who believed that Mistletoe was infested with Nargles whatever those were.

Soon it was nighttime and the teenagers decided to go out on the beach and have a bonfire. Professor Dumbledore remembering what it was like to be young wisely suggested that most of the adults call it a night. He left Remus, Tonks and a few of the younger members of the Order to be on guard duty. Not that he really felt that it was necessary. Not only was the Potter Compound under Fidelus charm the entire Island was protected by heavy magic that would not allow anyone who intended harm to one of the Potter line or a friend of the Potter line to step foot on the Island. The only reason Harry had never been here before is the secret keeper had been Sirius and he had not yet been able to tell Harry about it before he died. In his will he entrusted the secret to either Remus Lupin or Professor Albus Dumbledore. Professor Dumbledore put the guards out there to satisfy Molly Weasley and to make sure the kids didn't get too out of hand.

The couple was spread out over the beach and seemingly by mutual agreement each couple had staked out their own little private spot. Harry and Ginny had headed up the shore and up a small little path to the top of one of the cliffs. There was a cave where Harry had taken to meditating and practicing his martial arts outside. Together they headed towards the cave walking hand in hand.

Together they finally reached the spot upon the cliffs. To their right was the cave where Harry meditated. He went into it and brought out some blankets in case the night got chilly. In front of them was the edge of the cliff and then the endless rushing sea. The view was absolutely gorgeous. On the other side was the forest which the path cut through.

Harry and Ginny both sat down at the edge of the cliff, Ginny resting her head on Harry's shoulder as he lightly ran his fingers through her hair as it seemed to shimmer in the moonlight. Ginny slowly turned and captured his lips in a soft, gentle, sublime kiss.

As Harry kissed back he silently thought to himself. "This has got to be the absolute best moment of my life. I am completely safe and with the girl I love"

((Ok I am going to let your perverted imaginations describe the snogging session that follows. I really don't feel like writing it))

As the couple finally took a break to breathe they realized that suddenly it had gotten late. It had just been about sunset when they had come out and already there were a plethora of stars in the clear crisp December night.

They were simply sitting under the stars snuggling when Ginny softly murmur something about this night being every girls dream. Harry asked her how so and she answered that almost any girl in the wizarding world would give anything to be sitting here

Harry laughed and blushed but he knew it was true. He could have any girl in the entire wearing world but he only wanted the sexy red head that was curled up with him. Suddenly Harry tensed as he thought he heard something.

"Harry what is wrong?" Ginny asked with a small amount of concern in her voice. She knew that they were perfectly safe… but Harry's "reactions" were usually right.

"I just heard something Ginny, I am going to check it out I want you to stay here" Harry said as he straightened his shirt and drew his wand. He walked away from the cliff and concentrated on listening. He heard the song again coming from the forest he slipped into the forest and decided to figure out what was making that sound.

Ron Weasley was walking through the forest quietly trying to figure out where Harry and Ginny were. Ever since the beginning of the year Ron had taken the responsibility of guarding Harry very seriously. He was part of Harry's personal body guard force. This was a group of people who basically protected Harry in the castle and whenever he went out.

This group had been formed when Harry had refused to have Order people following him around everywhere he went. Professor Dumbledore said that Harry must be protected. Harry and he struck a deal and Harry would get to chose 3/4ths of his protective detail, but they would have to be trained by Alastor Moody. Harry had logically chosen Neville, Seamus, Luna and the twins among others. He also had to choose a person to be in charge of it and a deputy. He had totally shocked Ron when he had told him that he wanted him to head it.

"There is nobody I trust more then you and Hermione when it comes to protecting me and you just have a better head for strategy mate. I know that there is no way you would ever willingly let anything happen to me" Harry had said the night that he had asked Ron to head the guard detail. That was right after the disastrous attack on Diagon Alley...

AN: 2

Ok and there we come to an end of this chapter. I was going to put the attack on Diagon Alley in this chapter but I figured this one is getting a bit long. Plus I wanted to leave you all with a bit of a cliffy. Have no fear you will get the end to this "memory" I would also like to thank my cool dude friend Shawn and his friend for giving me such great props on the story. This last bit of the chapter and the next chapter are dedicated to the 2 of them. YOU 2 ROCK!

Signing out for now

---carson