The Problem With Print Scanners
Kitty arrives.
"Hello? Anybody there?" A short, slim brunette stood impatiently at the gates next to the device on the wall. "I can't get iiiiiiiin" She sang into the speaker.
The machined uttered a click and then a voice spoke out.
"Is that half-pint?" Demanded the gruff voice of Logan.
Kitty blanked. "Uh, Mr. Logan! Hi! Yeah, er, like, the machine won't let me in."
Logan's voice sighed. "Just keep trying the hand panel. The Professor's determined to get the damn thing to work."
Kitty eyed the green print panel. "Couldn't you just let me in from that side?"
"No."
"Er, why not?"
"The damn thing doesn't work."
"Oh, okay," Kitty responded, adopting a puppy-dog face even though there was no one to use it on.
"Hang on, I'll get Jean to speak to you."
The machine clicked as Logan left it to find Jean, and Kitty looked about for lack of anything to do.
A couple of second later Jean was announced by another click. "Kitty? Logan says you can't get in."
"Yeah, it, like, won't register my hand print," Kitty explained, throwing up her hand to emphasis her point.
"Okay, press the lower grey button and try again," Jean instructed.
Kitty did as she was told and pressed her hand against the pad.
"Cannot read print, please try again," it said in a slightly distorted low-pitched voice.
"It's not working," Kitty whined.
"Hey, Keety! How's it going?"
"Kurt?" Kitty said, making a face and edging away from the speaker.
"Kurt would you get off the speaker," Jean's voice told him.
"Vhat's zuh mall like, Keety?" Kurt asked enthusiastically, ignoring Jean. "I haven't been zhere yet – my inducer's shtill frizzled."
"Kurt, I'm trying to help Kitty get through the gates," Jean explained.
"Hey, why're you guys hanging around the speaker?" Scott's voice joined in.
"Keety's stuck in zuh gate."
"No I'm not, I'm stuck outside the gate!" Kitty said.
"Oh, that machine's playing up again, huh?" Scott guessed. "Well, if you sort it out let me know. Meanwhile I'll be in the safety of the Danger Room . . ."
"What's he mean?" Kitty frowned.
"Nothing," Jean said at once.
"Hey, Keety, vant me to come and get you?" Kurt asked.
"No!" Kitty yelled immediately. "Uh, I mean, no thanks. Jean, help me!"
"Okay," Jean said, taking over again. "I'm gonna try and deactivate the security systems from here, be right back. You can have Kurt to talk to while I'm gone."
"No, Jean – wait – Jean?"
"Hi, Keety!"
"Uh, hi, Kurt," she said carefully, shuddering.
"You should have been here vhen ve had trouble viz zuh security. Man did zuh grounds look a mess aftervards. Scott didn't look too good eizher."
"Really . . ." Kitty said slowly, hoping Jean would hurry up.
After a few more minutes of Kurt's heavily accented and barely understandable gabber, Jean's voice returned once more.
"Okay, Kitty? I can't shut down the systems – we're gonna have to wait until the Professor can do it."
"Okay then, where's the Professor?" Kitty asked.
"He's in his room, but his wheelchair doesn't work. The damn thing's broken."
"Wow, a lot of things are broken around here," Kitty rolled her eyes wondering what she was moving into. "I miss my parents!" She moaned to herself.
"Jean!" came a distant bellow from the speaker. "Defcon four's been activated!"
"Shit!" Jean shouted, and the sound of her dashing away made it through the speaker.
"Vhat's zhat mean?" Kurt asked, repeating Jean's word in his head.
"I don't know," Kitty said truthfully, thinking of what Defcon Four was.
A strange sound met her ears from the Institute grounds, and she leaned sideways to see past the wall. What she saw was the large stone fountain rising from the ground to reveal something not so beautiful.
"Um, I think I have a good idea what Defcon Four is," she said as she watched more metallic objects appear.
"Vhat is zhat?"
"It's bad, that's what it is!" Kitty watched as the defense weapons rotated slowly, looking for targets. "EEK!" She screeched as one of them detected her head peeping around the wall.
It spat out a glowing bullet and melted part of the gate.
"Argh!" She hurled herself against the wall and knocked the device off.
"Damage to Xavier Property," it droned on the floor. "Defend outer territory. Permission Granted."
"Keety, vhat's happening?" Kurt's voice crackled. "Are you screaming at zuh trees again? – Because, you know, zhey can't hurt you –"
The scanning device hummed and little compartments flew open and started firing on everything.
"Aaaaiiiiiii!" Kitty dove out the line of fire.
" – it's just zuh leaves can look scary in zuh dark –" Kurt continued.
Kitty rolled away as the mini bullets moved her way – straight into a dollop of fox shit.
"Uh?" Kitty looked at her sweater arm. "EW!" She shot up and ripped her pink sweater off. "Ew, ew, ew, ew –!"
"Keety, vhat's zhat noise?"
"GET ME OUTTA HERE!" She roared into the speaker, careful of the still raining bullets.
"Meep!" Came a reply. "Zhey're just trees, Keety! Remember, zhey can't –"
"SHUT UP!" Sniff. "I STILL SMELL, DAMNIT!"
One the other end, Kurt recoiled from the speaker with an odd expression.
Outside the half intact gates, Kitty grabbed her sweater and flung it over into the Xavier grounds. Before it touched the ground it was vaporized. She then proceeded to strip her white top which sported a brown stain where the fox shit had seeped through. She lobbed that, too.
Suddenly the wild shooting from the grounds and the device ceased, and the ones behind the gate retreated to where they came from.
"Uh, God, let's hope that's sorted," Kitty muttered to herself in her bra as she slouched against the wall.
"Kitty?" Jean's voice was back on the speaker. "Yeah, uh, we can't fix the handprint recognition pad, and the security is still active, so you're just gonna have to phrase through the gates and run for it."
Kitty blanked.