The Attack

by pacejunkie

Charlie considers his recent attack on Sun and finds that revenge can be addictive too.

Title: The Attack (Charlie/Libby/Sun)

Summary: Charlie considers his recent attack on Sun and finds that revenge can be addictive too. Angst/Drama

Rating: PG-13/T

Warnings: drug references

Status: Completed

Disclaimer: I don't own Lost. Never have. Never will.

Prologue

I did it. It was me.

Charlie, what were you thinking?

I wasn't. How could I have been? It was pure instinct. An animalistic urge. I was blinded by the desire for vengeance. I needed it. As much as I ever needed my drugs. In fact it scared me how much it felt like a fix.

But I was just so angry, and at first there was nothing I could do but keep the anger inside, gnawing away at me until I felt ready to explode. Hiding inside myself just as I hid under my hood. Then he came along. Sawyer. And he offered me an opportunity to do something with that anger. I'm just sorry it had to involve Sun.

This is all his fault. Locke. Claire and I had some problems before but if he had just helped me by talking to her, I'm sure everything would have worked out. Instead he told me to stay away from her. But I couldn't. Aaron was in danger. I was sure of it. Why wouldn't anyone believe me? Had I really lost the right to be believed like Locke said? Sure I lied about the drugs, about keeping them around. But I swear I was telling the truth about not using. I can't explain these dreams I've been having. Strange things happen on this bloody island. They've all seen that. Why isn't that enough to give me the benefit of the doubt?

So the bald wanker tells me that Claire and Aaron are not my family. Then he takes Aaron from me, gives him back to Claire and he hits me. He hits me hard. Three times. I never saw it coming.

I can still feel it. I can feel the blood running down my cheek, the sting from the salt water. I can feel myself falling. I can feel the stares of everyone I've come to know on this island as they look on in horror and walk away in disgust. I remember feeling so tired. I had been trying to stay awake because I was afraid of sleepwalking, afraid to dream. When I went down it took all the energy I had left just to stay awake. What if I'd passed out in the surf and drowned? No one would have cared. They all turned their backs and now they'll get what they deserve.

I spent that night and the next day by myself, lost in the darkest reaches of my mind. Plotting, fantasizing, dreaming of the ways in which vengeance would be mine. Then Sawyer wanted to get even with Jack and get control of the camp guns at the same time.

What did I care who had the guns? Was it better that Locke had them? Or Jack? Jack had become a friend, but he hadn't turned out to be much of a leader. Why not Sawyer, after all? It didn't really matter anyway, I had my own part to play in this con, for my own reasons.

When Sawyer told me his plan I admit at first I hesitated. I really didn't want to hurt her. I just wanted to scare everyone. That was the idea, to scare the camp so they would think the Others were out there and that they would need to get the guns. Then Sawyer would convince Locke to move them to keep them safe. I would follow him and then tell Sawyer where they were. Locke would look and feel like a fool for allowing Sawyer to dupe him, and I would get my satisfaction from a quiet distance. I was Sawyer's silent partner.

It sounded so easy. But first I had to scare them. Really scare them. That was the catalyst that would set this whole thing rolling. It had to be good, it had to be convincing, and it had to be Sun.

Looking back on it now it's like watching a movie where some stranger is playing the part of me: There I am, watching her, stalking her, in her garden. I try to empty my mind so I won't back out. I hold the rope in one hand and the hood in the other and watch her for what seems like forever. Then it starts to rain and I make my move. Bag over her head, grab her wrists, tie them together. One, two, three. Before I know it she's struggling and I just start dragging her. I know I'm going to let go at some point, but I have to make it seem like she fought her way free. Like I said, it had to be convincing.

I could feel her fear in my hands and my heart starts pounding. That's when I let go, then she runs one way and I run another. Both of us are terrified, but for different reasons. I hide out in the jungle for a while and then casually mix back into the camp. No one notices me, they're all too worried about Sun. Besides, people don't usually notice me here anyway.

Later I see her on the beach and notice her head injury. I didn't do that, did I? I was sure I didn't. I would never do something like that. Just looking at her like that made me feel disoriented, like waking up from a dream. Maybe that's how the mind protects itself from things it doesn't want to think about. Things it can't accept. Later that night I beg Sawyer to keep it secret. Sun can never find out what I did to her. I don't know what would be worse, if Sun ever found out, or Jin……or Claire. I had forgotten about Claire in all of this. Now I know there will never be a future for us. She's too good to be poisoned by the likes of me.

The whole con was almost too easy. The only hard part is reconciling the person who did this with the person I used to be. I was a good person once. The oddest thing is that I don't feel guilty over what I did exactly. I feel guilty because I liked it. Before I grabbed her I was anxious, shaking and sweating. When it was over I felt calm and a little sleepy with a nice buzz. Just knowing I was getting back at Locke was a turn on, and it drove me. It felt good, like a rush. I'm afraid I may want to feel that rush again and soon. I feel like a junkie again. I don't recognize myself anymore, but I still hate Locke. I was satisfied but only temporarily. What I really want is to get him out of Claire's life, permanently.

Chapter One

Charlie settled into life on the other side of the island. This particular day began like any other. People on the beach went about their business, sharing the occasional bits of gossip because truthfully there was not much else to do. The other day a giant load of food literally fell from the sky, the hatch now provided everyone with the comforts of home and things had become so routine that people almost forgot that their lives were anything but ordinary. They were still stranded. They were no closer to being rescued. There were still things out in that jungle that chose to attack every now and then. It's amazing how the human species can adjust and adapt to almost anything. Locke had once even told Jack that survival was all relative.

A perfect example of this amazing ability to adapt was Sun. A few days ago, she was working in her garden when someone, presumably one of them, the Others, had come up on her from behind, covered her head, tied her arms and began to drag her away. She kicked, screamed and fought until she escaped. She ran off in a panic with her head still covered, hit her head into a tree and fell unconscious.

Sawyer and Kate were the first to hear the screams. They came running and Sawyer brought Sun to Jack. Jin was beside himself with worry and anger. He wanted a gun to go after whoever did this to her. Such was the start of what in the end turned out to be nothing but a long con, a ploy on behalf of Sawyer to obtain the camp weapons, medicines and anything else he could get his hands on. He even ended up with Charlie's stash of heroin, a bonus he was particularly pleased with. Sawyer considered the ruse a success, but his silent partner was a bit more ambivalent. Charlie had to perform the dirty work after all, in pursuit of his own personal vendetta against Locke, and he was finding the cleanup on his conscience to be a bit messier.

And yet still life has a way of returning to normal. Charlie formed new alliances with Sayid, Ana-Lucia and Eko, people were talking to him again like they hadn't in a while since the baby incident. Even Sun was back working in her garden with Jin's blessing, although it wasn't easy receiving it at first. With the news of her pregnancy Jin had to restrain himself from being overprotective, because he still feared whatever was out there. With the Others' history of taking children and pregnant women, Jin was more fearful than ever that another attempt would be made on Sun. Sun couldn't offer him anything to allay his fears, all she knew was that she still felt safe in her garden. It was the one place on the island where she felt at peace, and although she couldn't explain why, the incident that happened there did nothing to disturb that feeling.

As for Charlie, people had avoided him for a while at first but eventually they just moved on to something else to be concerned about. Charlie was never a big concern of anyone's anyway. He tried making a life for himself without Claire and Aaron. Yet no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get his mind off of Locke, and his continued involvement in their lives.

Charlie had always been an obsessive person; once he latched onto something he found it difficult to let go. It was always that way with him, whether it was music, drugs or people in his life. When it came to people, if you put a positive spin on it, you could call him loyal. Sawyer once called him a stalker. Charlie now tensed slightly as he recalled the memory. It was a fine line wasn't it?

But the effects were the same whatever the object of his fixation. In this particular case he found his thoughts distracted. Charlie had difficulty focusing on anything else, his mind stubbornly wandering back to images of Locke, Locke with Claire, Locke with Aaron, Locke with Aaron and Claire, and back to the beginning again, in a tortuous, endless cycle. When he saw them together he tried not to stare.

Then, just like it had been with his heroin, Charlie had an overwhelming desire for some relief, anything to put a stop to his racing thoughts. He began to itch and twitch. He found he needed to do something to keep his hands busy. The only thing that helped him last time was when he attacked Sun. Oddly enough, the thought of humiliating Locke made him feel better. Now that urge was coming back. He wanted him away from Claire. The question became how to do it.

Charlie went to sleep that night in the same manner he had done for the past several nights, with the recollections of all that had happened recently going through his mind. He had begun having recurring dreams, nightmares really, about these past events. Recently for example, Charlie had dreamed that he was drowning in the ocean, caught in the tides and screaming to the beach for help. On the shore he saw Locke, Claire, Kate, Hurley and Sun. They stood and watched him struggle to keep above water but did nothing. Then, just before Charlie felt himself go under for the third and final time, everyone on shore calmly turned and walked off the beach. Charlie woke up in a cold sweat from that one. Most of his dreams had been variations on the same theme since his pummeling at the hands of Locke.

This time Charlie's dream was altogether different, so much so that he remembered it clearly the next morning. Charlie dreamed that Claire was in danger. Claire came to him and said that she was worried about Locke because she suspected he was trying to hurt her. He saw Locke in his dream with his case full of knives, then he saw a photoflash image of Locke stabbing Claire. It shocked him awake. He knew better than to check on Claire this time. Charlie knew it was only a dream, but it gave him an idea of the best way to deal with his Locke problem.

Chapter Two

Getting through the rest of the day was difficult. Charlie now was singularly focused but he had to be patient. This was something that required the cover of night. Charlie kept close watch on Locke's movements that day. He was still staying with Claire in her tent, sleeping in the spot that used to be his. Charlie paid particular attention to the case of knives that Locke had, along with the one that he kept attached to his belt.

Charlie waited until the camp was asleep. Then he waited a little longer to be sure. Quietly he approached Claire's tent, stepping closer until he saw them--Locke, Claire and Aaron in his crib, the one that Locke made for Claire's birthday. They were all fast asleep, but still Charlie had to be extremely careful. He stood over Locke and felt a rage bubbling up from somewhere deep down inside him. He thought the anger had subsided but the sight of him there with Claire brought it all back. He despised this man, this man whom he trusted when they had first arrived on the island. Locke had said that he was a fan of Charlie's band, that he had their records, and that he wanted to help him find his guitar and kick his drugs. Charlie thought he had found a saviour, a true mentor in a way his own father had never been.

Then things changed. Locke began spending more time with Claire and Aaron. Then Charlie began sleepwalking and having strange dreams about Aaron being in some kind of danger. He was frightened and confused and Locke was the first person he thought to go to for help. After all the talks they had about the island's mystical properties Charlie just assumed Locke would understand. Instead Locke turned on him, viciously. Ironically, Locke now reminded Charlie of his father more than ever.

Charlie looked down at Locke's side and saw the knife in the belt holster. He only had to slip it out and there would be nothing to stop him. Carefully, he reached down and with two fingers lightly grasped the hilt of the serrated hunting knife and pulled the weapon straight out. Locke never moved a muscle. Some bodyguard, thought Charlie with disdain. If I was really some psycho I could get at both Claire and the baby right now and the old git would probably sleep through the whole thing. Of course with Locke's knife someone might even think that Locke did it. Charlie found that last thought interesting and slightly devious. Claire had also turned on him without bothering to hear him out. Charlie held the knife and he looked at Claire, then he looked again at Locke. His fist tightened around the grip of the knife as he attempted to keep his hand from shaking.

As he started to raise his arm Charlie felt a light touch on his shoulder. If there was a roof above him he would have hit it. Charlie spun around and came face to face with Libby, Hurley's psychologist friend.

"Charlie, what are you doing?" Libby whispered, her eyes opened wide in horror as she saw the knife. She instinctively took a step backwards to escape its range.

Charlie just stared at her. He never heard her approach. He thought everyone was asleep. What was he supposed to say anyway? Everything's fine Libby, I'm just about to stab someone, that's all.

Libby sensed right away that Charlie was having some kind of crisis. Her mind automatically switched into psychologist mode. The first order of business was to get him to drop the knife.

"Charlie, please put the knife down," whispered Libby, in slow, deliberate tones. The last thing she needed was a commotion. From her experience, a desperate person could lash out in a panic if cornered and she wanted to avoid that at all costs.

"What are you doing here?" whispered Charlie back, "I thought everyone was asleep."

"I got up to get some water," she responded, "My tent's just a few feet away. Please Charlie, just put down the knife and come with me. No one needs to know about this I promise. All I ask is that you talk to me."

Charlie knew he could no longer go through with his plan. He was left with no choice. He bent down and lay the knife on the ground, then he stood and looked at Libby. Libby noticed that he suddenly appeared smaller somehow, almost childlike.

"You're not gonna hit me now like he did are you?" asked Charlie.

Libby smiled but her face could not hide her concern, "I prefer to save that as a last resort. Come on." Libby motioned for Charlie to take her hand and follow her. They walked over to Libby's tent and sat down on the dirt floor. Charlie immediately picked up a stick from the sand in front of him and started to fidget with it, digging into the ground. They sat in silence for a moment until Libby spoke.

"You want to talk about what just happened?" asked Libby.

"No, not really," said Charlie, looking down at the stick in his hands. After a moment he spoke again, "It's funny though."

"What?" Libby asked.

"You're the first person to really ask me that. Like you care. Most people here aren't that interested. They just want to make sure I don't cause them any trouble, like some bloody kid who's always in the way. They don't take me seriously." Charlie replied, head down.

"Is that what you were doing tonight? Trying to be taken seriously?" asked Libby, as she looked down trying to catch Charlie's gaze.

Charlie shrugged, then he dropped the stick and buried his head in his hands. Libby watched and waited. When he didn't respond, Libby prompted him, "Charlie?" she said gently and touched his knee.

Charlie kept his face buried, exhaled slowly and then started to cry. Finally, he spoke in anguish, "I didn't know what to do. He took her away from me. He took everything. He's ruined my life."

Libby sat and listened to Charlie pour out his feelings for several minutes. The next part of the plan was to go back to the beginning and attempt to create a coherent picture that she could work with, to try and help Charlie put the pieces back together.

They stayed up talking until the sun came up. Charlie told her everything, about the heroin statues, about the dreams he had been having, about Locke, about Sun.

Charlie's admission that he had been the one to attack Sun was a revelation that caught Libby off guard. She tried her best to remain detached and to cover for her shock at learning that it was not the Others, but in fact one of their own. As much as she wanted Charlie to work on his recovery, she knew a secret like this would not stay secret for long. She would have to find a way for Charlie to accept responsibility but at the same time protect him from the consequences that would only lead to his falling down deeper.

Libby told Charlie, "People are afraid now Charlie. You have to understand that. Jin is terrified for his wife. Plus with Sun's pregnancy they think the Others may try and take her again."

Charlie looked up at Libby in shock, eyes red and welled with tears when he heard the word pregnancy. Immediately Libby realized that he hadn't known. He was away in search of their prisoner's balloon when they learned the news, and he was no longer part of the camp gossip loop.

Libby made a pained expression. "You didn't know did you?" she asked apologetically, cursing herself silently for having told him this way.

Charlie, horrified now at the thought that he had assaulted and dragged a pregnant woman, could only shake his head. Then he looked down and said tearfully, "Now I'm no better than Ethan."

Chapter Three

Libby and Charlie were still talking when morning came and the people of the camp slowly awoke and began their day. They were both tired now, but Charlie seemed particularly exhausted after coming down from a stressful and emotional night. Libby wanted to send him back to his tent for some sleep, but before she did they had one final matter to discuss.

"Charlie" said Libby, "You do realize you have to tell Sun what you did. She deserves to know she's not in any danger."

"I know" said Charlie, "I'm ready for that." Charlie was already sounding more composed emotionally to Libby than even just a few hours ago. "I'm already scum of the island around here, how much worse could it get anyway."

Libby gave a reassuring smile, "Well, it should hopefully start to make things better. There are always consequences, but I can be there with you to make sure they're not too severe so that you can move past them and start to put your life back together."

Charlie nodded, then yawned and said, "Okay, that'd be great. Let's go see her later after I've had some sleep."

Libby knew that facing up to what he did to Sun would be only the first of many issues Charlie had to deal with. "After that," she said, "we can talk about what to do with your feelings towards Locke."

"Yeah" said Charlie. He got up to leave, then stopped and turned back, "Libby? Thanks."

Libby smiled and gave his arm a squeeze, "Don't worry. It'll be okay. I'll see you this afternoon."

Charlie was leaving just as Hurley was approaching Libby's tent with some bananas for their breakfast. He saw them from a distance, and wondered what Charlie had been doing there so early in the morning.

"G'morning" said Hurley, placing the fruit on a chair.

"Aw, you're sweet. Thanks Hurley." Libby replied.

They sat down together and began to share their meal. Finally Hurley asked as casually as he could, "So, what was Charlie doing here?"

Libby looked up at Hurley, trying to assess his motive behind the question. Is he merely curious or is he feeling insecure? Libby answered, "He had some things he wanted to talk about, that's all."

"What, like the babynapping stuff? That was pretty messed up." said Hurley.

Libby just smiled and the two sat in silence.

Charlie slept for almost four hours, waking at midday. The first thing he noticed was that he hadn't had any nightmares. That was a relief. The second thing he noticed was that he was hungry. Ravenously hungry in fact. In his Locke-obsessed stupor of the past 24 hours he realized he hadn't eaten anything and he was just now noticing how empty he felt. He had brought back some papayas from the balloon trek the other day and began rummaging through his pack for them. He was just coming up with one when Ana-Lucia approached his tent.

"Hey, Charlie" said Ana.

Charlie turned around. "Hey" he said, his expression not betraying the events of the past night. "So, has our phony Henry had anything to say for himself?" he asked, trying to make conversation.

"Not yet, but he will" said Ana. "First he needs to be more scared of us than he is of the people he's trying to protect."

Charlie nodded, but Ana just stood watching him, deep in thought.

"Was there something you wanted?" asked Charlie, beginning to feel uncomfortable beneath her gaze.

Finally she said, "Actually, I came to return this to you, I figured you'd want it back. I even cleaned it for you." Ana held out the nine millimeter pistol that Charlie had taken on the trek and given to Sayid. Of course, Charlie had pretended to give it to her first, a taunt that Ana had still not forgotten. She was hoping to make a statement with the fact that she was returning it now, and not Sayid.

Charlie looked at the gun with a blank expression, but made no attempt to take it. Was this his first test, he wondered? Finally he looked at Ana-Lucia, "Keep it. I don't need it anymore. Consider it a peace offering."

Ana put the gun in the waistband of her jeans but her eyes never left Charlie. It was making him uneasy.

"What?" challenged Charlie, growing impatient.

"Where'd you get it from anyway?" she asked.

Charlie stared back. He felt tense, "What difference is it to you?"

Ana shook her head, "I just keep asking myself where you could have gotten it. All the guns were locked up in the hatch. Then Sawyer pulled his con and the next thing you knew, he had them all. Only we could never quite figure out how he managed it."

Charlie was listening now, but attempting to appear uninterested.

Ana continued, "He was with Kate when Sun was grabbed. He was in the hatch when Locke moved the guns. He couldn't have done it alone." Just then Ana removed the gun from her waistband and held it up. She looked at it, considering, "and then you show up with this."

Charlie's expression hardened. "Is this going somewhere?"

Ana stood in silence for a moment, challenging Charlie with her eyes. She decided not to pursue the matter further for now. Besides, with her experienced investigative skills, she believed she already had all the information she needed to solve this mystery. Without another word, she concealed the gun and walked away.

It was only after Ana was halfway across the beach that Charlie noticed he had been holding his breath.

Sayid was in his tent tinkering with Bernard's short wave radio when he heard his neighbours arguing—in Korean. He couldn't understand what they were saying but he had noticed that since Sun's attack in her garden, Jin had been hovering around his wife like an overprotective parent and Sun seemed to be getting annoyed. It wasn't really his business, Sayid thought, Jin has a right to be concerned. Whoever did that to Sun could still be out there. We should all be more careful.

As Sun and Jin continued their debate Sayid noticed Ana-Lucia approaching. When she arrived she commented on the apparent conflict.

"What's all that about?" she asked Sayid.

"He is merely concerned for her safety" Sayid replied, "It is understandable."

Ana stared at Sun and Jin intently as to Sayid's surprise she said, "No it isn't. They don't know the half of it. It's high time everybody started telling the truth around here."

Ana walked off towards the Korean couple. Sayid, intrigued, got up from his mess of wires and circuits and followed her.

"What's going on?" Ana asked Sun.

Sun turned to Ana and Sayid as she effortlessly switched to English, "He is afraid that the Others will try and take me again. He does not want to let me out of his sight."

"Well you can tell your husband he has nothing to worry about. I know who attacked you." said Ana.

Jin watched on in helpless confusion as Sun and Sayid stared at Ana in stunned silence.

"Who?" demanded Sayid.

"It was Charlie." replied Ana.

Sun was speechless. This didn't make any sense. She had never done a thing to Charlie. Why would he do something like this to her? Jin asked Sun what Ana was talking about but Sun asked her husband for his patience until she had heard everything. Then she would explain.

Sayid turned to Ana, "How do you know this?"

"Because he was working with Sawyer" answered Ana. "He was in on the con." She turned to Sun, "It wasn't Sawyer who attacked you, which means somebody else did. I'm only telling you this to put your mind at ease. I don't know why he did it, but you have nothing to fear from Charlie."

At this point Jin was frantic and Sun had a decision to make. If she told her husband the truth she feared Jin's violent temper. She wanted to talk to Charlie, to understand why he would do such a thing. The last thing she wanted was blood spilled on her account. On the other hand, if Jin knew it wasn't the Others who had attacked her, he would no longer need to be in constant fear for her safety.

With careful words, Sun began to explain. Sayid and Ana stayed in case Jin reacted badly. No one knew what would happen next.

Chapter Four

Libby was alone at her tent when Charlie returned. Their plan was to go to Sun together and Charlie would confess everything. After the strange encounter with Ana-Lucia earlier, Charlie hoped he wasn't too late. He sensed that she and likely others were beginning to figure out his involvement in Sawyer's con.

When he looked across the beach from Libby's tent, Charlie feared that his suspicion was confirmed. Jin was coming straight towards him at a breakneck speed followed by Sun, Sayid and Ana-Lucia struggling to keep up. Charlie was afraid, but he decided that no matter what happened, he was going to stand his ground. He was through hiding in the shadows. It was time to face the music, thought Charlie.

Charlie stood with Libby, watching as Jin approached, shouting something in Korean and pointing at him. Sun was calling to her husband from several yards away.

Jin reached Charlie and knocked him down. Charlie put his arms up to shield his face but Jin grabbed his throat and started choking him. Within seconds, Sayid was there pulling Jin off. He struggled to hold him back while Jin raged, furious.

As Libby watched, concerned, Charlie caught his breath and stood. He spoke to Sayid, "It's okay, Sayid. Let him go. I deserve it. We were just on our way to come and tell Sun everything."

"Charlie, he'll kill you" said Sayid, determined not to let go of Jin. Finally, upon hearing Charlie's words and realizing it was the truth, Sayid had to ask despite himself, "Why did you do it?"

As everyone waited for an answer, Charlie thought to himself with irony, well you wanted their attention, now you've got it. Better make it good.

Charlie chose to ignore the growing crowd of onlookers around them and instead focused only on Sun. He faced her, "I was helping Sawyer to get the guns because I wanted to get even with Locke. You were there that night on the beach. You saw what he did to me. I was trying to humiliate him."

"Charlie…" said Sun.

"I'm sorry you were involved," Charlie continued. He was on a roll now and did not want to be interrupted, "I never meant to hurt you. I was just trying to scare everyone so the guns would get moved. It was Sawyer's idea but I agreed to help him. I take responsibility for it, it was my fault. I was so angry at Locke that I wasn't thinking clearly. Sun, I'm sorry."

Sun took a step towards Charlie. It wasn't that she understood exactly, but there was something about him that seemed so sad, so desperate, that instead of feeling anger, she felt sympathy.

"It's alright, Charlie" said Sun, "I'll explain to Jin. I'm just relieved that there is no threat from the Others. I'll try to make him see it that way too."

Libby stepped forward to speak, "Charlie's been talking to me about everything that's happened. Just this morning he agreed that you had to be told. We were just on our way to find you when you found us. He's dealing with everything now and I can promise you nothing like this will happen again."

"I know I'll need to work to gain everyone's trust back." said Charlie, "It may take a while, but I'll do it."

Sun turned to her husband, spoke to him softly and led him away. When it appeared that the situation had resolved itself, the crowd on the beach began to disperse. Charlie once again felt that familiar feeling of his fellow survivors turning and walking away. Only this time, it felt like a beginning.

THE END