Chapter 43

Even with her exhaustion Bella's sleep was less than restful. She woke up sporadically through the night and would lay there for what felt like hours before drifting back off again.

"Bell," the sound of Charlie's voice and the smell of bacon greeted her. "Come on kiddo, you need to wake up now."

Bella blinked her eyes open. Charlie was standing next to her bed with a plate of bacon and eggs, and a glass of milk.

"What's going on?" She asked.

"I want to talk."

She sat up. Sweat broke out on her forehead and her hands began to shake. For some reason the only thing she could think was that Charlie was going to try to convince her to move back in with her mother.

He set the plate and cup on her bedside table. Taking a pill bottle out of his pocket he tapped one into his hand and held it out to her. She stared at it for a second before taking it. Taking the glass of milk she swallowed down the pill and took a deep breath trying to figure out how to convince Charlie to let her stay.

He sat on the side of her bed. "Listen kiddo, I wanted to apologize."

"For what?" she interrupted.

"I really dropped the ball with you. I went to my friends for advice when I should have gone with my gut instinct. The truth is I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to you. I was so afraid to mess up but that seems to be all I'm capable of."

"Dad, you heard the doctor. What happened was not your fault."

"That's not what I'm talking about. I mean, I should have been here when all that happened, but I'm talking about everything else. I should have been more present in your life. I should have paid more attention to you and what's been going on the past few months. I probably should have been more strict. I don't know. I just… I let you down."

"You didn't."

"I did, but I am going to do better. I am also sorry that I overreacted with you and Jacob. I am glad you two are getting along, but you need to know, Jake is going through his own stuff. He has a lot he's dealing with. I'm not going to tell you about it but he is not in a place to be supportive of someone else."

"Dad, I know what Jake is going through. He told me everything."

"I doubt that." Charlie said, shaking his head.

"He did, He told me about his mom dying, the funeral, the court case, what happened when he saw the guy responsible for his mothers death again, how you stayed with him and supported him through his court case and how he had to stay in the mental institution."

Charlie's mouth dropped open. He closed and opened his mouth a few more times before finally asking, "When?!"

"The night of the party," Bella said cautiously. "after we left."

"I've known him his whole life and for the past year I could barely get him to talk to me." He looked at her in bafflement. "Why would he tell you all that?"

"Because we're friends." She answered simply.

"Friends? How good of friends could you be? You've only known each other for a week."

"It's been more than a week." Bella protested.

"Twelve days,"

"No it's been…" Her brows wrinkled in concentration.

"Twelve days." Charlie repeated.

"It feels a lot longer."

Charlie looked like he wanted to say more, but then changed his mind.

He stood up and headed to the door.

"Eat your food then get ready to go out. We have another appointment with Live, I mean Dr. Scott."

Before he could leave, Bella asked. "Dad, are you and Dr. Scott good friends?" She was sure that this had to be a conflict of interest.

"We are friendly. There are times that I have to work closely with her and her wife."

"What does her wife do?"

"She is a social worker." He stood there shifting his weight back and forth, his eyes drifting back to the door. "Is there anything else you want to know?"

Bella shook her head.

"Okay," He gestured to the food he left. "Eat." Then he walked out.

Bella picked at the food. She forced down a few bites. To avoid Charlie's scorn she flushed the rest down the toilet.

After her shower she opted to put Jake's shirt back on. Had it really only been twelve days. Why did she feel so close to him? Why did wearing his shirt make it easier to function? She curled her fingers in the fabric. Did he feel the same or did he just see her as this pathetic little girl that he felt sorry for?

Suddenly his shirt wasn't as comforting as it felt before. She considered changing it but in the end decided not to. Having this uneasy feeling was better than the choking suffocation she had without it.

Before she could put on her jacket Charlie was standing next to her. "Isn't that what you wore yesterday?"

Unable or unwilling to discuss her choice in wardrobe Bella went on the defencive. "So!" The small word came out with such aggression that it was clear the subject was off the table.

Charlie opened his mouth to scold her but was somehow able to hold himself back. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat, "Okay." he said calmly. Then without another word they headed to the car.

The drive to the hospital was filled with a tense silence. Bella felt bad for the way she reacted to Charlie's question but she couldn't bring herself to bring the subject back up.

As soon as they got to the office Charlie was told to go straight in. Bella cursed herself for forgetting to bring something to do. At least this time she had her phone.

She played with it for a few minutes considering texting Jacob. She decided not to, telling herself the only reason was because he was in school. She refused to listen to the niggling at the back of her mind that she was afraid he would tell her to bugger off. Or that he has no real interest in being her friend.

She eventually downloaded a game to play while she waited. She was just starting to get bored with the game when Charlie came out of the office.

"Bella, are you ready to come in?" Dr. Scott asked.

Bella shrugged her shoulders but got up and followed the doctor into her office.

"How was the rest of your day yesterday?" The doctor asked, after they sat down.

Bella shrugged again.

"What did you do after you left here?"

"Got burgers and watched people talk about sports." Bella responded, her eyes focused on her knees.

"Do you like sports?"

"Not really."

"Then why did you watch that?"

"Charlie Likes it."

"Well that was very generous of you."

Bella shrugged again.

"Did you write anything down for me?"

Bella shook her head.

"Why not?"

"I don't like writing."

"Then why does Charlie think you love to write?"

Curling her legs up into her chest Bella tried to blink away the cruel words Edward said. Shrugging a shoulder she said, "I used to. I grew out of it."

"That's a shame, the way your father spoke, you must have been good at it."

"He's biased."

"I suppose that can be true. From what I heard you have a lot of things already written."

Bella placed her chin on her knees and stared at the arm of the doctor's chair. "Nothing really good. It's all very childish."

" I would still like to read some of it one day."

Bella picked at her nails.

"How did you sleep last night?"

Bella lifted a shoulder in a shrug

"Have you been in the kitchen since the incident?"

Bella cringed, "I don't want to speak about that."

"I know, and I'm sorry, but we have to talk a little bit about it."

Bella started to shake her head.

"I promise, just a little bit. Okay?"

Bella's lips trembled, she pulled her legs tighter to her. There was no getting out of this topic this time. She pulled her shoulders up to her ears.

Dr. Scott smiled encouragingly. "How do you feel when you are in, or close to, that room?"

"I can't breathe." She choked out. Her body tensing even more.

"Do you have flashbacks?"

Unable to stop the tears Bella squeezed her eyes shut. She was only able to nod her head once. But that was enough for the doctor to understand.

"May I suggest something? It might help."

Bella gave the same stiff nod of her head.

When you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, Instead of focusing on what happened that day, try to think about good memories you have in that room. Do you think you could do that?"

Bella wasn't sure she could, but she wanted the subject dropped. She nodded in agreement hoping that that would be the end of that topic.

"Yesterday we talked about you trying to reconnect with some of your friends. Have you reached out to any of them?"

Bella let out a breath, her muscles relaxing some now that they were on a different subject. She shook her head to answer the doctor's question.

"What about Jacob, You two seem to still be good friends. Did you talk to him last night?"

Instead of an answer Bella blurted. "Did you know Charlie doesn't consider you a friend?" Okay, so she was projecting.

"Why do you say that?" The doctor asked calmly.

"You said you were friends. He said you are not. I just thought you should know how he really feels about you."

"Did something happen between you and Jacob?"

"No! This isn't about Jacob." She denied.

"Then what is it about?"

The indifference in the doctor's voice was starting to get on Bella's nerves. Through gritted teeth she said, "It's about you and my dad. You thought you were friends."

nodded her head "And he told you we're not friends?"

"Yes, I mean. Those weren't exactly the words he used."

"What words did he use?"

"Well, he said you are friendly."

Nodding the doctor said. "That's a good way to put it. When I said, "Your father and I were friends," I meant that we are work friends."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean we are not the type of friends that hang out on the weekend or go fishing together. But we are the type that if we see each other out and about we would stop to say hello, We would also buy each other a beer, after an especially hard day at work."

"But, you said you never met anyone he dated. Why would you if you are just work friends?"

"It's a small town. Even if you're not close friends you do know who's dating who." seeming to have that topic settled the doctor asked another unwanted question. "Did you speak to your mother yet?"