An Affair To Remember: Remembering Daddy

by tarskeewee08

"Wait!" John yelled grabbing her arm once reaching her in the hallway. Evangeline struggled against him and he had to grab her with both hands to hold her. "What is wrong with you?" he wheezed struggling with her. She was in all out panic and somehow twisted from his grip. He watched in shock as she turned the corridor heading for a back exit. Her behavior was completely irrational.

Running after her he saw the door pushed open indicating she left the castle. Coming outside he looked and didn't see her. Turning the left he saw her racing up the hill toward the servant quarters. He screamed for her to stop and she kept running. He didn't want her to go inside that cottage it had been closed up for years. He never invested any money in restoring it. Running after her he saw her slip and fall in the morning wet grass, then get up and run again.

"Evangeline, wait!" he coughed out unable to breathe and race after her at the same time.
She reached the doors and pushed several times. As he neared her the door finally gave in and went into the stone blocked shaped cottage closing the door behind her. John reached the old wooden door and pushed at it. He immediately saw she blocked or locked it somehow.

Stepping back he frowned more with his hands on hips "Come out of there! It's not safe! What in bloody hell is wrong with you?"
"Go away!" she yelled from the inside.
John didn't know what to make of this episode. "Sunshine…"
"Stop calling me that!"
"Okay enough of this..open the door!" John yelled hitting the door with his shoulder. Dust and wood chips sprinkled down and the door creaked under the assault. He saw that it wouldn't hold if more pressure was applied but he didn't want to scare her.

Putting his hand up to his sore shoulder he turned and leaned back on it shaking his head sadly "I need you to trust me lassie, whatever it is I swear I can help. You have to let me try."

"No…I want to be alone."
"No you don't….not really. That's what it is isn't it, your afraid of being alone?" he said

Hearing nothing John felt encouraged. Rising from the door he put his hand on it and leaned on it dropping his head "I love you, let me in and let's talk. All I want to do is talk"

He heard her coming to the door, lifting the wooden latch she used to bolt it. John walked in and was immediately greeted by the smell of rotting wood and stale air. The inside was dark and long intricate cobwebs lined the table, chairs and other furniture. The window to the left was stained and cloudy and John walked over to it. Flipping the latch he pushed at it but it wouldn't budge. Giving it another forceful shove it flew open allowing fresh air to blow in.

Evangeline stood over to the far left staring at him with wide eyes holding her left arm. John looked at her confused by her fear. "Let's go back up to the castle."
"No..."
"Okay" he said swiping at the cobwebs and clearing a chair for her. The chair was old and he checked that the wood wasn't rotted. Finding it stable he took it to her and pointed for her to sit. Evangeline looked at it then went to take seat. John retrieved another chair and sat across from her. He wanted to hold her instead but he felt that she wouldn't respond to his advances.

"What's wrong?"
Evangeline looked across the room and remained silent. Running her hand down her arm nervously she was lost in her own turmoil.

"Okay if you won't tell me what's wrong let me tell you what I think has you in such pain." John said softly

Evangeline stared into his eyes remaining silent. He smiled "I think that your pain has nothing to do with Kevin's adultery or my betrayal. I think its something much deeper and because you refuse to acknowledge it you've allowed it to eat away at you for years. Now you're dying inside lassie, from something terminal. If you don't let me help you whatever faith you have in finding love….true love again will disappear, and we both loose."

Watching her face he didn't see tears or outrage. He saw something that she carried with her always but his love for her blinded him to it. He saw fear. The kind of fear that makes you question everything about yourself. The kind of fear that forces you to accept whatever life throws at you without a demanding more. He saw the kind of fear that kept her in a loveless marriage.

She dropped her gaze to her lap and sighed deeply "I loved my daddy. You could say I worshipped him. But what girl at the age of eight doesn't worship her dad."

John said nothing watching her face contort with pain. Running his hands against his lap he gave her his full attention. She looked up at him and smiled

"When I was little me and my baby sister used to sit by the door when I got home from school and watch all the cars go by waiting on him to come home. Everyday he would get out of his car and walk up the steps knowing his little girls were going to play a game with him. Carrying his briefcase and turning the key I'd grab her tiny hand and hide with her trying to stifle our giggles. He would walk in and call for us and turn around confused. Just when he was about to give up we would jump from our hiding space and give him the shock of his life. He would fall to the ground clutching his chest having a stroke and we'd squeal trying to revive him. The only way to revive him was to tickle him and boy what a tickle fest it became…" she said smiling

John smiled too. That was a wonderful story and the first time she mentioned her family to him. He didn't even know she had a sister. God there was so much he didn't know about her. She looked at him and smiled. They stared at each for several seconds and her smile slowly began to fade. "My dad loved me John I know that."

"Sounds to me that he did…"
"His feelings for my mom were a different matter" she said softly giving that distant look again.
"How?"
Evangeline ran her hands through her hair. "I was eight and Layla was two I had to take care of us. Daddy said when momma wasn't home I was his little helper. I was the lady of the house. It was my duty to make sure we stayed a family."

John frowned at the word duty. He didn't like the idea of a child believing they had a duty at that age. "Why was your mom away?"

"She taught night school three days out of the week. She would have dinner for us in the oven and when daddy came home around 6pm she would leave to go to her classes."

"So you had to help with dinner and watching your little sister?" he asked confused.
Evangeline clenched her fist and John watched her face tighten with anxiety. Now her eyes brimmed with tears and his concern for her increased. "What is it sunshine…."

She closed her eyes and single tears fell from each eye rolling slowly down her beautiful face. John watched her pain helpless to help and confused that he never saw how badly she was scarred.

"I don't talk about those times John. I don't want to live through it all over again."
John afraid for her own peace of mind took the coward's way out. "Okay we don't have to talk about it. Not until you are ready." Rising from his chair he went to her and took her hand. She accepted it. Pulling her to him they touched foreheads.

"Whatever happened Evangeline you were a baby. You weren't responsible"

Crying openly she kept her forehead to his and let her sobs take over. Pulling her into his arms he held her in the 100 year old cottage kissing the side of her face and neck. She raised her head and kissed him back. He felt her hands going to his hair holding his face to hers. Sliding his hands down her back he stopped at the curve of her behind not wanting to take advantage of her vulnerability.

Kissing her he felt her desperation to be needed, to be loved and it saddened him. What could have happened to her to make her so desperate.

Letting go of her he cupped her face. "Don't you know how special you are?"
Evangeline rolled her eyes smiling "Not the egg again"
John laughed "Okay I won't talk about the egg. But you are so special Evangeline, so giving and trusting, its why I love you so"

"Love hurts John. Every man I've loved in my lifetime including my father has hurt me deeply. I don't want to be in love I just want to be me. Evangeline Marie Williamson, my own person not defined by the men that want to posses me but defined by simply who and what I am. I want that freedom and love can't give it to me."

John shook his head "No baby, the right love is freedom. Love shouldn't be about pain and if you experience it while in love you have to evaluate the circumstance individually. Your father, husband and me are all vastly different. Yes we may have hurt you and I don't know how now to make that right. But I know that it's your ability to forgive that shows me that I need to prove myself worthy to you."

Evangeline pulled away from him. "Those are just words. I see it in you too! You want me now but what happens when you get the real thing? Won't you get bored? How long before you are in another's woman bed talking about how I don't fulfill your needs. How long before I'm not enough!" she shouted at him.

John stepped back confused to see her rage flare up at him again. He's opened a floodgate of emotion and distrust that he too became overwhelmed by her turmoil.

"I know what men are….especially men that I love…their liars, manipulators, controlling, selfish cads!"

"No baby…men aren't…."
"They are dammit! Just like my daddy. I would stand in the hallway and hold Layla's hand and listen to him as he did those disgusting things with Ms. Daisy. He told me that it was our secret. It was my duty to be a good daughter and keep the secret. He said that's what daddy's do when mommies don't take care of them the way they should!" She screamed through her tears

John stared at her and shook his head sadly. He never expected this to be her truth. He never knew she carried such pain with her. "Oh sunshine….I'm so sorry"

"Shut up!" she shouted covering her ears. "No you aren't. You used me! My daddy used me! My husband used me! I hate you all!" she said knocking over the chair behind her. John reached for him and she pushed at him loosing her balance and falling to her knees.

He went to her immediately and pulled her to him. "Evangeline please…"

She pushed and clawed at him scratching his face in her rage. He held onto her tighter and she screamed in his arms her pain so raw. He wouldn't let her go. He would make it stop, the torment and betrayal, the lies and manipulations. All of it stopped here and now. Feeling her weakening in his arms she moaned as he held her tighter. He heard her cries and started crying as well.

They remained on the floor holding each other for eternity. When she fell silent he stroked her hair.

"Let me tell you something about men. We can be those things you said. I confess to being them all. I should have never taken you to bed without revealing who I was. I should have never decided on your heart for you. That night at the fireplace when you asked me if I had a girlfriend I should have been honest right then. But sunshine you changed me, you showed me that love….the kind that heals and makes you a better person…..the kind that supports and uplifts you from your own pain and demons….it exist. It was real for us and it still is. Your father did something horrible to you and your sister and I am so sorry that you suffered through that….I'm sorry that you and your mother suffered through that"

Evangeline closed her eyes and listened to his heartbeat. "My mother didn't suffer"

John grew silent. He didn't understand the comment.
Evangeline spoke her voice hoarse from screaming. "I couldn't take it anymore and I told my mother what my daddy was doing. I knew it was wrong. I knew that she needed to know."

John rubbed her back and his chest tightened with what he feared she would say next "What did she say?"
"She said all men cheat and that the sooner I learned that the better."

John sighed. "Oh god…"
Evangeline held onto him and felt some of her pain subside. She still had rage inside her but his touch eased it some. She felt him stroking her and relaxed further. The truth was she believed her mother. All men cheat, and she hasn't seen an example of one that didn't. Even Bo cheated on Nora. It was a fact of life just as the sky would always remain blue.

John cut his eyes around the dank cottage and thought of how deep her demons were. Here he was her kidnapper forcing himself on her and feeding into her fears and beliefs that men weren't to be trusted. Ming was right he played this all wrong. How wished he'd gained her trust first. "Evangeline, you said you loved me…."

"Mmmmhmm" she said keeping her eyes closed.
"But you said you don't trust me."
"That's right" she said
"Well I don't want that kind of love from you. I have to have your trust again, but in order for me to gain it you have to be willing to give it."

Evangeline kept her head in his chest and remained silent. John racked his brain trying to get through to her. "Do you want to be happy? Do you want to experience something new and all yours." He asked softly, she still didn't speak.

"Well I think you do, for that reason I am going to fight with everything I have for us. I won't however force you into anything. I'm just going to show you what its like to be loved by a real man."

He continued to rub her back and held her until she shifted and looked up into his face. "Ming was right about the grant John…"
He looked into her face sadly "I'm sorry"

Evangeline smiled weakly "You see when I met you I thought it was my chance. I let go of my family's secrets and fell head over heels with you. I know we barely knew each other but I really thought that this was some whirlwind romance and true love existed. I didn't want that grant or anything at that point, I just wanted you. When you abandoned me the way you did I discovered the joke was on me. I accepted my fate and I buried any feelings I had for you. I married Kevin knowing that he lusted for me but not love. That suited me fine. I don't want kids or a family. I would never bring them into a life like mines. I just stayed with a man that I thought I deserved."

"Then slowly I did it again. I started to believe the lie." She said looking into Johns piercing blue eyes.

"See John I fell in love with my husband, something I didn't expect. He obsessed over me and my needs and I thought that was his love for me but it was actually his need to control me. I know that now. Still he was mine and I felt happy in the fact that at least he didn't betray me like my father or abandon me like you. That was until I found out once again, the joke was on me. He was sleeping with one of my closest friends. My moms words came back to haunt me and I saw the truth."

"There is no fairytale and love is just a word nothing more. I did my duty and remained his wife. Now here I am back in your arms and you speak of love and trust expecting us to bond again. It's not going to happen! After this week is over I am going back to my husband and my duty. Until then I will enjoy our time together and finish what was left unfinished between us. I know it's not what you want and god I wish it wasn't all I could give. But the truth is the part of me that would give you another chance died a long time ago. See forgiveness is easy, but I don't feel anything anymore."

Letting go of him she rose from the floor. She swiped her hair from her face and smoothed it out. "You ready?"

John cut his eyes at her and sucked in his breath. She wasn't going to open herself up to him. He wasn't sure if she ever would. Rising from the floor he dusted off his hands. She smiled sweetly at him and extended her hand. John took it and she led him out of the cottage. They walked back to the castle in silence and John thought about all he learned of her.

So much barred him from her heart he would need a forklift to get through it all. But she was here and he couldn't let go of the fact that she came to him. She may not believe but he knew part of her was hoping that he could convince her. And bloody hell if he wasn't going to try.

He wouldn't give up, he would fight every demon she carried until she was his again. Pulling her under his arm she wrapped her arm around his waist as they walked. Kissing her forehead and rubbing his arm he decided to ask Ming for help, someone to give him an idea on how to reach her.

Evangeline held onto him and smiled walking looking at the thick green grass they waded through. This was her fairytale and she loved being here, but she wasn't fooled. Nothing here was real and she wouldn't forget that. For the time being she would hold onto her prince and when all was said and done she go home to her dragon.