Ch 3: what's this 'sea pee are'?
Disclaimer:(singing:) on top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese, I lost my poor meatball– bang! bang! bang! (Stops singing)Hey! What's the big idea? Ok, so I wasn't going to mention that I don't own any of the shows I talk about in this fan-fiction nor the show I'm brutally making fun of, but the hand gun you're holding convinces me otherwise, so...
(A/N: I'm gonna quit it with the whole interviewing thing because not only it's so hard to write, It gets so damn annoying sometimes)
(2nd A/N: this is where the insanity starts...)
"What are you staring at?" Dib glares at Edward, who was sitting across from him, as he chews on a piece of chicken. "Nothing. I just noticed how big your head was-"
"My head's not big!" the entire table falls into silence. "Anyway, you're the one to talk, shrimp." Dib's verbal assault was enough for Edward, and the cameramen who surrounded them. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SOMEONE SO TINY THEY CAN ONLY BE SEEN WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS?" Tension rose between the two easily offended teenagers. Then, as they both threw insults back at each other, Dib attacked Edward. As the chaos ensued, Zim nibbled a chunk of chicken. "Hey, this isn't too bad." the Irken mumbled to himself. He bit the rest of the chicken from his chopsticks and, lo and behold, he started choking. But this isn't the melodramatic choking you see him doing during lunch at skool, no. Zim, my friend, had a chunk of stir-fried-smothered-in-sweet-and-sour-sauce chicken lodged in his alien throat. "Someone do something!" Danny shouted as half of the cameras circling Dib and Edward started focusing on the left breathless Zim. Brock, knowing that no one at this point had a clue at what to do, rose out of his chair and preformed the heimlich maneuver on Zim. When the secret agent let Zim go, the alien collapsed on the floor. "He's not breathing!" The Monarch would have said this if he wasn't watching the fight. Before anyone can move, Haruko leapt onto the table. "COME BACK TO LIFE, GREEN BOY!" she then jumped off the table and took a deep breath, then pressed her mouth over Zim's. After about thirty seconds, the Irken started squirming, a sure sign that Haruko's kiss of life had worked. "Get off me, filthy earth monkey!" Yep, Zim was gonna be okay. "What did you do to me? Zim demands to know!"
"C.P.R. What else?" Zim gave Haruko a strange look. "What is this 'sea pee are'? Some kind of mating ritual?" Even Dib and Edward stopped fighting to stare at Zim. "What?" He asked everyone, who were staring at him. "I'M NORMAL! I'M NOT AN ALIEN TRYING TO CONQUER THE EARTH!" Drowningsiren burst into laughter(Cuz' I never can keep a straight face in situations like these) "What? What's so funny? Zim didn't tell a joke." the author starts pounding the table with her left fist. "Zim (snicker) C.P.R. (snicker) isn't a mating ritual.(snicker)Well, I guess for some people it is, but that aside- It's part of the basics of first aid."
"What's first aid?"
Edward, who was sitting on the floor, gave his adversary a quizzical look. "Is this idiot your archenemy?"
Dib, who was also sitting, nodded. "Yep. Zim's been here for a while now." there was a pause, "He's an alien you know."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Doesn't surprise me. He's very..." Edward glanced at the subject of their now civil conversation, who was being educated in the concept of first aid. "Green." a long silence passed between the two. "What started this argument again?"
"I think you said that my head was big."
"Oh yeah, sorry about that."
"Yeah, sorry about the shrimp comment." once again, a long moment of silence garnishes my writing. "So we're friends again?"
"Pretty much. What's your name again?"
"Dib."
"Interesting name." the alchemist held out his mechanical arm(which was still gloved so no one noticed) "I'm Edward."
Nothing else happened during that dinner. Okay, I'm lying. The Box Ghost tried to gain control of the two super-large bowls but then realized that they weren't square so he just shouted 'BEWARE!' and took off to his room. There I said it. Anyway, Danny, Edward, and Dib were walking to there room. "I wonder where Jhonny went." Dib wondered aloud to his roommates. "I dunno. Probably somewhere that's not near us." Danny shivered at Edward's words, remembering his first encounter with the homicidal maniac. "He did promise to kill us. What if he's planning to murder us in our sleep?" The two former enemies gave Danny a skeptical look. "Relax, Danny. I don't think that he's gonna murder us in his sleep--"
"No! Shut up Shut up shut up!" The trio stopped in their tracks. They recognized that voice. A voice isn't easy to forget if it's the voice of the one who swore to kill you in a painful manner. "It's Jhonny." Dib whispered. "Where is he?"
"The voice came from this room." The said room had a red sticker on it. "I don't care what the hostess said, let's see what Jhonny's up to." Danny silently turned the rusty door knob and peeked into the room. It was bare, save for a dresser with a cracked mirror set onto it. On the dresser was two Styrofoam dough boys with a creepy paint job on both. It would seem that Nny was talking to them. "Shut up! I'm not going through this again!"
' But that's all life is, Nny. A painful, vicious cycle of unending s!#$(to be honest, I have no idea if I could actually type this word and get away with it. Oh well. Better safe than sorry) But there is one way to break this cycle.'
"I know what your going to say, Psycho Dough Boy, It's out of the question; I'm not going to kill myself."
' Why is something so simple as pulling a trigger or leaping off a chair out of the question Nny?'
"Because the trigger is aimed at my head and there is a noose around my neck as I stand on the chair." Nny wasn't actually standing on a chair or was aiming a gun at his head. Everything Psycho Dough Boy said before was in metaphor. 'You still didn't answer my question.'
"What?"
'Why can't you kill yourself? You have no reason for living, nor did you do anything to be proud of; your mind is sick and twisted. If I were you, I'd be dead now.'
"Well then, I guess I'm lucky you're not me."
Meanwhile, Zim was walking down a hallway when he heard a voice. "I told you, I can't come with you. I'm being held prisoner bysome natives. I think their role in society is to torture people for the amusement of others. (yep. She got that right on the dot) When can I leave? In a month, at least." Zim glanced into the room where he heard the voice. Haruko was talking to a dead rabbit. It had to have been dead for a while, for it was decaying and was attracting flies. A now rusty nail was a dead giveaway( pardon the pun please) to the cause of the rabbit's demise.
"What are you doing?" Haruko looked up at the Irken. Her yellow eyes meet Zim's fake lavender eyes. "I'm transmitting a message to The Pirate King. We were supposed to meet up somewhere 5 million light years from Neptune, but this reality TV thing is kinda leaving me grounded."
"You're transmitting a message using the dead bunny?" Haruko gave the invader a smug smile. "Usually I need to use something alive, like a cat, but since this rabbit is one of the voices in Nny's head, It is in a sense alive." for the next thousand years, a silence fills a room in the house of 777. "You're transmitting a message using the dead bunny?" The pink-haired alien gave the green-skinned alien a look of disbelief. "You really do have a problem with listening."
(A/N end of chapter three! My apologies for not updating sooner, I've been very busy fighting ham demons and lending my Invader Zim DVDs to my wonderful friend( the one who wants to be evil but doesn't have the evil laugh down. That I'm tutoring her on.). Anyway, I'm seriously considering on starting a business making jewelry out of glass beads and soldering wire a normal person uses for stained glass windowing and not for rings or chokers. For those of you who have read my previous work yes, Brandy's ambition of becoming a professional jeweler is based on my own dream. The same thing happened when I announced it in health class. I swear, those jerks who laughed at me are gonna pay!)