Ch 7: Hadgrid, a ukelele, and one spacy centaur

(A/N: pre-senting the longest disclaimer I ever wrote so far in my fan-fiction-writing hobby/career-thingy!)

Disclaimer: Until I can get my zombie army to get off their lazy asses, I don't own any of the shows I pull their characters out of and/or are making fun of. Enjoy this chapter or suffer my zombie army! Hey! (Pokes nearest zombie soldier) Get off your lazy ass and go conquer some TV shows!

(Zombie soldier passes out) Are you drunk again? This is the last time I let Zombies set up a fraternity in the ranks...

"I hate this show, I hate the Dib, and I especially hate that Hippie!" Zim was ranting his woes unto the nearest living thing: The Monarch. "Hippie? Who the hell are you talking about?"

"The Raven! That's who I'm talking about!"

"Pu-leeze! You think Raven is a hippie?" Haruko broke into the conversation. "You! Quit eavesdropping and sit still in the clearing and wait for the unicorn to show up!" Haruko wasn't going to take The Monarch's orders so easily."Who do you think you are? Mr. King Butterfly Man?"

"What did I tell you guys about shutting your yaps? We were lucky to get away from those werewolves by telling the Box Ghost that they had recently eaten something box-shaped and that he could control them."

"You think he'll be all right?"

"Haruko, he's already dead, it's not like he's gonna be ripped to shreds or something-"

"BEWARE!" Making a grand entrance, The Box Ghost showed up. "Speak of the devil..." The Monarch ignored Haruko, who abandoned her post as bait for the unicorn. "Great, you got rid of the werewolves." No response from The Box Ghost. "Y-you did ditch them, right?" The Box Ghost pressed his transparent palm to his forehead, deep in thought, which looked like hard work for him. "Uhhh..."

"AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"...no" Right on cue, three werewolves leaped out from the bushes. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" everyone screamed their lungs off(except Brock of coarse.) The said bodyguard just cooly flipped out his survival knife, prepared to fight a battle to the death. But just then- " off with yeh, you lily-livered pups! Off with yeh!" The figure that emerged opposite of the entrance the werewolves had made was truly one to behold: He was two times as tall as the average man, and five times as wide; he had a semi-long, wildly tangled beard. Yes, Harry Potter fans, you know who I'm talking about! Unfortunately for team 2 though, they didn't. Seeing Hadgrid as a bigger threat, Haruko charged into battle with a ukelele. She leaped into the air and raised it above her head. "Yahhhhhhhhhhh-" and brought it down onto Hadgrid's head, only to have it break without fazing him. "Ukelele no good." she ranted to Zim, handing him the remains of it. "Where did you get a ukelele?" Zim panickly asked the other alien, who shrugged. "How should I know?" Hadgrid picked splinters from the ukelele out of his just as tangled hair. "Ah, you five must be the contestants I've been told about. Or at least half o' them."

"Who are you? Are you stalking us?" The Monarch asked their new friend, who waved a large hand at him. "No! I was just instructed by a creepy-looking girl ter keep me eye open fer a dysfunctional group o' five. You folk seem ter fit the bill."

"Well other than being creepy, what did she look like?" Brock asked Hadgrid. "Well, firs'ly she wore glasses, an' had frizzy black hair. Come ter think o' it, she was quite short, stood abou' five feet, give or take an inch." The group gasped. "The hippie!" Zim screeched. "How many times do I have to tell you? Raven's not a hippie." Haruko was getting sick of Zim. Why didn't she join Anna's team when she had the chance? Why? WHY! Tell me why! (Clears throat) Anyway, moving on...

"Where are we?" asked the locationally challenged paranormal investigator. Edward shrugged "I have no clue. Danny?"

"Your guess is as good as mine. Anna?"

"Shut up. I need to concentrate."

"On what?"

"I'm trying to summon the spirit of someone who died In the forest to help us."

"Oh, great, that'll give us a lot of luck." Danny's sarcastic remark was punished with 500 crunches and 300 one-handed push-ups. "Ow. The pain" was all he could say after the first 5 minutes. So anyways, Anna went into this trance thing and summoned– "The Box Ghost?" Edward asked. The said ghost looked around. "Uh, why am I here?"

"Ugh! Forget it!" And with that, Anna sent him back to where he was taken from (you'll find out in a moment) And then, suddenly, out of the blue, A herd of centaurs rode towards them and surrounded the five adventurers. "Halt, and identify yourselves, humans... and creature." The centaur's leader said to them. Dib, the one with the most knowledge of the magical world( which was, I think, the extent of one picture book he read in kindergarten) spoke. "Greetings, masters of the forest. I am Dib. This is Edward"

"Hey" (waves mechanical hand)

"Danny, who is too busy being punished to answer."

"Ouch"

"Anna, who is busy punishing Danny."

"You call those push-ups! Double-time! Triple-time! NOW!"

"And the baby chupacabra is Chupy, who quite literally came out of my head."

"Squeak!" The leader of the centaurs gave Dib a strange look. "That's...a little bit weird." he said. Then, the centaur leader (let's just call him Jeremiah. Why? Because I like that name!) Cleared his throat. "Well, anyways, the human by the nickname Raven told us you would be coming."

"She did?"

"Yes, she did. She also told us to assist the first team we see, so...I guess we're supposed to assist you five." Dib raised an eyebrow. "But I thought centaurs never listened to humans."

Jeremiah chuckled. "She told me the large-headed one would ask a lot of questions, so I'm assuming she was talking about you. Well, you see curious one, Raven so far is the only human we even bother to respect. I guess it's because she didn't cal us half-breeds like that horribly large toad-looking woman..." Jeremiah trailed off from what he was going to say, for he was encountering a bittersweet flashback( bitter because of Dolores Umbridge, sweet because she got her just deserts). "Hello? Are you still with us?" Danny, who had in record time completed his punishments, waved his hand in front of the black-haired centaur to see if he was entirely there or not. "Huh? Oh, yeah. I think the unicorn went..(points behind him)...that way." Team 1 blinked. "That's how you're assisting us?" Jeremiah shrugged at Edward. "That's all the producers would allow us to do. Oh and that reminds me.." Jeremiah leaned in to whisper to Dib. "Watch out when you go that way. There's a patch of Devil's Snare that's mighty tough to cut through." But before Dib could ask Jeremiah what a Devil's Snare was, the centaurs bounded off in the direction opposite of the team's destination.

(A/N: After this, I might not update for a while, for I am visiting my grandparents in Idaho. Pretty cool, huh? Oh, and they've got a Hot Topic where they live, so I can get the boots I've wanted for such a long time! Yay! (Hops up and down with joy) I have no clue where the story is going now, I just have some crazy events to put into the story; all of which came from two sources: real life, and my head! Can you guess which is based on real life? If so, congratulations! Here's a muffin (hands reader a muffin) It's blueberry! Enjoy the super-tasty muffin!)