Chapter 12: Anticipating

"Our thinking and our behavior are always in anticipation of a response. It is therefore fear-based."

-Deepak Chopra

Adrien tapped his fingers on the keys of the piano once... then again.

Watching. Waiting. Anticipating what was coming next.

Should he... Did he really intend to tell his father today? It had only been two weeks since he'd come out to Luka and whether or not to tell his father had been the main topic of discussion between them along with what it meant to like both... and Adrien being Chat Noir.

Oh yeah. Luka knew.

Adrien had told him the same night. The emotional release of finally saying things that had been built up inside, finally having someone to listen to him was too great and he just couldn't hold back anymore. He told him then transformed to prove it. Luka had been shocked but so understanding. Adrien didn't know how he kept his calm with a revelation like that but he was glad he did. Especially when Luka asked questions like ' How did you get it?', 'What's it like to be Chat Noir?' , and saying how he appreciated Adrien being honest and trusting him. Then he met Plagg and it was a joy to see two people he treasured most getting along. It wasn't until Plagg mentioned other kwamis that something clicked in Luka's head.

"Oh! So you knew, as Chat, that I'm Viperion?"

"Oh yeah. But I couldn't say anything. Adrien was the one who suggested it to Ladybug, so how would Chat Noir know? So I couldn't say anything as Adrien or Chat."

Luka had accepted this and they spent the rest of the evening talking about their previous shared adventures and what would happen now that Ladybug was the guardian.

It had been such a refreshing night that just thinking about it calmed some of Adrien's current anxiety.

As he waited even longer for his father's meeting to be over, Adrien's mind drifted again.

A lot had changed in the two weeks since Miracle Queen attacked. Outside of his personal drama, Ladybug had asked him to talk after the next akumatization.

Turned out she wanted to shake things up, which started with Chat being her full partner- or what amounted to being her full partner. When time wasn't an issue, they'd discuss- as partners- what miraculous would go out to a holder based on its usefulness. Chat couldn't know any of the other holder's identities- for safety purposes- but he had a say in if they needed to break out a new miraculous for a battle. This led to a whole introduction to all the remaining kwamis. There were so many of them and they were so excited to meet the holder of the Black Cat. Ladybug had told him that she'd already chosen three permanent holders and Chat didn't even have to guess who: the other three had been fighting with them constantly so it only made sense.

She also mentioned the new team meetings, scheduled patrols, and other things she wanted to implement and he was all for it. It seemed all of it was to distribute time and effort and responsibility among the team rather than having it all piled up on one person (Ladybug) and he truly wanted to make her life easier.

Lastly, she did something he hadn't anticipated: she apologized.

"I know I was distant for a while before all this happened and you didn't deserve that so I'm sorry. I don't want you to think I hate you or anything. To be honest, you're my partner and one of my favorite people, Kitty. I never want you to think otherwise, no matter what happens."

The hug she'd given him after made his eyes sting but he was able to embrace her still.

Adrien also thought about Marinette.

The past two weeks had been weird when it came to her. She was still the same clumsy and generous girl who sat behind him in class as she'd always been but he saw everything she did in a new light.

Her clumsiness used to make him smile and wonder how she managed to stay on her feet at all. Now all he wanted to do was run to her, help her up, and insist on being her cane.

When she daydreamed, he used to just smile and wonder about her thoughts. Now all he wanted was to stare at that lovely dazed expression all day until it was etched into his memory.

When she argued with Chloe or Lila, he used to back her up quietly. Now all he wanted to do was protect her from how truly vicious either girl could be. But he already knew that she could take care of herself from the many times she had already handled both.

And when she met his eyes, blushed, and looked away, he used to just question why and if he made her nervous. Now all he wanted to do was lift her chin so he could see into those beautiful eyes and kiss her until the same dazed look she got from daydreaming covered her face.

Adrien didn't know how it grew so fast, but it had snuck up on him and he was definitely crushing hard on her.

And Luka.

Adrien ran his fingers down the row of keys and sighed.

It was just his luck that when he finally found someone he wanted to be with it happened to be two of his closest friends... who were already dating each other. They still hadn't told anyone, but it was plain to see for anyone who had an inkling and watched them closely.

It was unfortunate, but Adrien would do the right thing and not say anything to either of them or anyone else. He was already super glad he hadn't let it slip the night he spilled the rest of his guts to Luka. How awkward would that have been? Telling his best friend that he was in love with him and his secret girlfriend.

Too awkward.

So Adrien resigned himself to just do what he did best nowadays: pretend. Pretend he wasn't attracted to Luka and his amazing hair and rock star talent and beautiful teal eyes. Pretend his eyes hadn't been opened to see Marinette's deeply compassionate and awe inspiring soul. Pretend he hadn't been having increasingly frequent and even more increasingly inappropriate dreams about one or both of them over the last few weeks- some that may or may not have featured Viperion as well. Pretend he wasn't starting to daydream about them now...

The opening of his door startled him out of his thoughts and he looked to see Nathalie standing there, perfectly poised.

"Father's meeting is done?"

"Yes. He's waiting for you in his studio."

Shaking off the sense of doom, Adrien made his way there. Luka had counseled that he didn't have to tell his father immediately -he could wait until he was ready and had assessed all of his options- but Adrien knew he couldn't hold back any longer. He was already pretending too much: he just wanted to be who he truly was.

The door was open so Adrien stepped in. Gabriel was standing at his drawing board, staring straight ahead with his hands clasped behind his back. "You wanted to speak with me?"

"Yes Father." Adrien closed the door and moved deeper into the room.

"Please make it quick. I have another meeting soon."

Adrien felt his frustration set in but stomped it down. Father wanted quick? Sure. "I'm bisexual." As he anticipated, Gabriel's body went rigid. There was a tense second before Gabriel calmly responded.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm bisexual. I like girls and boys. I would also like to start dating."

Finally, Gabriel turned around and looked at him. "Have you told anyone else?"

"Only a friend."

Gabe nodded and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Good. You are not to tell anyone else."

Adrien bristled at the command. "Why not? This is about me, my life. It should be my decision if and who I tell."

"And you can absolutely not start dating." Gabriel went on as if he hadn't heard him. "A scandal like this could be detrimental to the brand."

Adrien had anticipated this but it still hurt. "Scandal? Brand? This isn't about the brand, Father. This is about me and how I feel."

"It is, but we can't have customers and buyers distracted by-"

"Distracted by what?" Adrien could see the shock of being interrupted on Gabriel's face, but he went on. "You think people who buy Agreste will stop and think, 'You know, I think I remember hearing about the designer's perfect model son! He's dating a guy!' every time they see it? Nobody will care."

"Of course not, but I don't want to take the risk of-"

"Hurting the brand. Okay, yeah. But what about hurting me?" Adrien's voice cracked with tears and the room was silent for a few minutes. Adrien tried to gather himself, but it was nearly impossible. "Do you even care about me, Father?"

Gabriel looked offended. "Of cour-"

"No. About me . Not Adrien the model, or Adrien the fencer, or Adrien the obedient, or Adrien the perfect . But me: the real Adrien who can think and feel for himself?"

Gabriel seemed speechless. He looked at the tears on Adrien's face before looking away at the portrait of Emelie. "Of course I do..."

Adrien felt the pause and responded as hot red anger bloomed in his chest. "But not more than your brand."

There was another silence as the accusation hung in the air between. The only sound that could be heard was Adrien's heart cracking until Gabriel's watch dinged.

"Look... son. Let's talk about this at a later time when... your emotions aren't running so high." Gabriel, who had already turned away, did not see the look of total devastation on his son's face before it was covered with a neutral expression.

"Of course, Father. Whatever you say."

Adrien turned, threw open the door, and walked out the room. Out of the house. Out of the gate. Out of the most gut wrenching thing to happen to him since his mother's disappearance.

Of course, it wasn't long before his bodyguard pulled up next to him and had him get in the car, but instead of going home, he asked to go to Luka's. He didn't want to be alone and he knew Luka would welcome him in with little to no expectations.

Adrien managed to keep it together until he stepped onto the deck of The Liberty. Tears rained down his face as he made his way to Luka's room. He almost wished he hadn't because Marinette was there too and they were engaged in a kiss that would live in Adrien's mind from then on. They hadn't noticed him enter so he was going to slip back out when a wayward shoe almost sent him to the floor. At the sound, the couple sprang up and apart and looked at him.

"Adrien?" Marinette gasped as she righted her shirt. Luka's eyes softened in concern as he saw the state Adrien was in.

Adrien felt so bad for walking in on such an intimate moment. "I'm sorry." He whispered and turned to flee, but someone grabbed his hand. Turning, he was met with Marinette's hand on his arm and her worried blue eyes.

"Don't go." She whispered and held his arm a little tighter. She must have felt his slight tremors because she looked at him closer. "Are you okay?" He went to nod but she squeezed his hand and the dam broke. He threw his arms around her and started to sob. She froze for half a second before her arms came up around him and she embraced him back. "Shh. It's okay." He melted into her even more and he felt her shift under his weight.

"Bring him over to the bed."

Slowly, she moved him and sat him on the bed with Luka on one side of him and herself on the other. "Any idea what happened? I've never seen him like this."

Luka paused and Adrien felt a hand rubbing his back that he knew was Luka's from the amount of times he had done it before when they talked. "I think I might know but it's up to Adrien to say. He may not want others to know yet or at all."

Adrien shook his head at that. He was so tired of keeping everything in. So tired of lying to people.

So tired of pretending.

Without thinking, Adrien lifted his head and planted a kiss right on Luka's kissable lips.

There was a moment where everything seemed to freeze and hold it's breath before he heard a soft gasp come from his other side.

" Oh. "

That noise had him unthinkingly turn and give Marinette a similar kiss on her soft lips. Her breath caught again and he pulled away before she could react.

Realizing what he had just done, the tears started again. "I'm... sorry. I'm so sorry." He buried his head in his hands and cried.

He was sure they were going to ask him to leave. They were in a relationship and he had just kissed them both and that had to break some of their boundaries and maybe even their friendships. The send off he'd anticipated never came. Instead, there were hands on him, moving him to lay back on the bed and taking off his shoes before there was a pause.

"Is it okay if Marinette stays?" Without hesitating for a second, Adrien nodded and sighed as he felt them surround him, one cuddling him from the front while the other spooned him from the back. He wasn't sure which was which as their arms surrounded him and there were comforting fingers running through his hair and comforting hands running down his back. As they whispered reassurances in his ear, Adrien felt all of his big emotions vacate his body, leaving him depleted and exhausted.

Between their gentle touches and the mix of his calm and her comfort, Adrien was lulled into a dreamless sleep faster than he anticipated.