Ch 9: doomsday device

Disclaimer: Okay, Rosemary, say the disclaimer!

Rosemary: meow

translation: My adoptive mommy doesn't own anything- but we love her anyway.

(A/N: my apologies to those who love Wal-Mart. It's gonna be bashed a lot in this chapter(and possibly the next). McDonalds is just as safe from my doomy flames.)

"So, what's the challenge?" asked the annoyingly curious paranormal investigator. "In a moment, I'm still reading the letter." Raven snapped. The more she read the letter, the more she turned pale. "Oh no...no! Not...there."

"Where? Where are we going?" Haruko asked, taking a sudden interest in the challenge. If this location could cause such fear and loathing from their hostess, it must be somewhere exciting. Raven, taking a moment to calm down, took a sharp inhale. "Everyone- the place we are about to go to is so vile, so–diabolical that we can't travel there directly from here. We have to go to–(waves her hand in the air for dramatic effect)— McDonalds! There is enough evil there to safely transport us to that place. Yes, Danny?"

"Are we going to hell? Cuz' you're making it sound like we are." Raven cast the teen a dark glare. "No. Where we're going to is worse...far worse."

"Could you stop writing your most emphasized words in bold, italic, and underline at once? You're freaking out the readers."(Danny) Everyone turns to your computer screen to see you trembling in fear(or crying tears of laugher, whichever suits the plot better) "Okay I'll quit it. Now, LET'S GO TO MCDONALDS!"(wow, I never thought I'd say that, considering how much I hate McDonalds)

Finally, after enduring three hobos and a demented crow with no eyeballs(that horrible nightmare... it haunts me...)The gang finally made it to their destination. "We didn't really finish our breakfasts, so let's eat here!" At Haruko's suggestion, Raven made a hissing sound . "No! I can't eat that food- it makes me sick."

Zim, who held the same veiw, gagged at the smell. "This filthy place! I'd burn it to the ground if we didn't need it so much." Raven glared at the Irken 'invader'. "You're reading my mind- GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" Everyone took a step back from Raven, her sanity following suit. "Well, uh..(clears throat) um...okay..." In a random moment, Raven opened a portal to...that place. (Danny: hey, I thought I told you not to write in bold, italic, and underline.)

(Me: It's my fic! I can do anything I want! I can even do...this! (Attempts to send Danny to the Ghost Zone, but fails) what happened to my portal-opening powers?)

(Skinny producer (I forgot his name) you can't open two portals at once. It's in the contract.)

(Me: CURSE YOU MTV! CURSE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!)

Back to the story-

"Let us go to..." Raven shoves everyone through the portal, to reveal a very large building in the middle of a town that, in turn, was in the middle of the desert. "...Wal-Mart!" (Ok, due to the author's note you probably expected this, right? I mean right? Yeah, I'm right...this time.) "Uh, why are we here? And why does everyone look realistic?"

"For the challenge, Edward, for the challenge. Oh, and this is my home dimension. Now, If you guys just walk to the entrance, you will easily find your guide for this challenge." The monarch stammered. "Bu-but aren't you coming to?" Their eccentric hostess shook her head. "This building is hollowed ground for me, therefore I cannot enter it. Unless I were to wear a hat but since I forgot to pack one before the show started you guys will have to fare without me." When they where one third across the parking lot, Raven shouted, "oh, and one more thing: you're still in the same team you were in the last challenge." Instantly the gang started to scatter. It was as if someone strapped giant repelling magnets to their heads as everyone stuck to their designated teams. Now that they were in their proper teams, they headed off to that hell hole called...Wal-Mart!

"Hmm...maybe I should cook ham for tonight's dinner." Raven contemplated as she walked off to her Yamaha scooter, which was black with blue flames(I love blue flames!)Suddenly, the sky went dark. The wind blew Raven's...well, raven hair about. Looming in the atmosphere was a massive red ship. At the bridge of that ship stood two towering figures. "Hurry! Grab the doughnut-making human! Don't let her get away!" One of the figures shouted at the pilot who was in control of the teleportation beams. Out of the red ship shot a greenish-blue beam, and Raven (along with her scooter) were teleported into the ship.

But enough about me, let's see how our contestants are doing...

"AHHHH! It's you! WHATAREYOUDOINGHERE?" shouted the brash invader, pointing at- drum roll please- Gaz (rejoice, Gaz fans!) "Shut up Zim. I'm only doing this because those producers promised me the latest Game slave before it becomes available to the public." Dib stared."Gaz? I thought you were kidnaped by bloodthirsty wolves."

"Close enough." The Monarch, who was the last to join the group in their mission of doom, raised an eyebrow at the spooky girl. "Who're you?"

"Monarch, this is my sister. I think she's our guide for this challenge." Chupy gave a 'squeak!' and waddled over to Gaz. But before the baby chupacabra could hug her, Gaz whipped out a portable doomsday device and aimed at Chupy. "So, is this another one of your obsessions Dib?"

"Hey! That's my Doomsday device! Give to Zim!"

"No Gaz! Don't shoot! Raven will kill me with her iron wok if you hurt Chupy!"

"Whose this Raven chick?"

"Stop talking about that hippie and give the doomsday device to ZIM!"

"She's our hostess. She took in Chupy because I didn't want him but since Chupy came out of my head I'm supposed to watch over him during the challenges-"

"Shut up, pathetic earth monkey and tell your sister to hand over the doomsday device to Zim!"

"Stop arguing and let's get on with the challenge already! We've already wasted five minutes listening to the three of you argue." At the Monarch's words Gaz sighed and threw the doomsday device into the parking lot, where it blew up and incinerated an army of advancing, Wal-Mart-hating purple frogs(too bad). "Hey! That was my doomsday device! You owe me another one, Dib's sister!" Zim was shot with a glaring look. "Forget the stupid doomsday device Zim! Say another word to me about that and I'll make you wish I was never born." And with that, Dib's scary sister trotted off into the horribleness of low prices that is Wal-Mart. The gang followed suit.

(A/N: end of chapter 9! Sorry I didn't update in the time I usually do. My stomach was upsetting me. Damn that ham sandwich to Wal-Mart! Opps. There I go, bashing Wal-Mart- again. In case you haven't noticed, I really hate Wal-Mart. And McDonalds. And Turkeys(which, so far, haven't made an appearance yet in this story) But I do have some obsessions. Like Mangos. And kidneys. And scooters(as you can see in my other fictions) but anyways, here I am, once again writing a lengthy description of how I was late in the updating.

Anyway, here is the super-cool Couscous recipe! Serves 1.

Ingredients:

1/3 cup couscous

1 spoonful of chicken broth (or vegetable stock if you're a vegetarian)

2 spoonfuls of olive oil (optional. It's o.k. if you don't use the stuff; this is cooking, not baking!)

1 pinch of garlic salt (optional if you're allergic to garlic!)

½ cup of water(not optional)

2 pinches of basil (fresh or dried, I don't care)

1 ½ pinches of Italian seasonings(?)

½ cup or more of meat and/or vegetables (if your using meat chicken, beef or pork does best. Ham's okay too.)

1 small bay leaf (caution: the human body cannot digest bay leaf and is only present in this recipe to balance out the flavor of the meat and/or vegetables- so take it out & throw it away when you're done cooking!)

Pour water in a small saucepan. Adjust heat to medium high. Add the chicken broth/vegetable stock, olive oil, garlic salt, basil, just everything but the couscous and the meat and/or vegetables. Cover top and allow to boil. When the water is boiling, add the couscous and meat/vegetables and stir till liquid has evaporated of the couscous is tender. Spoon into a bowl and enjoy!

There! If you try it out, I hope you like this recipe. If you want to, you can adjust this recipe to your own tastes. Don't worry, I'm not gonna send mutated vermin after you! readers who are culinarily inclined breath a sigh of relief)