Ch 11: Resisty Rocks!
Disclaimer: The evil turkeys hypnotized me to say "I do not own anything."
(A/N: Sorry this chapter is late- damn you school –DAMN YOU TO THE PITS OF ALTERNATE REALITY!)
"Hurry up with that batch of doughnuts, human! The Cannon Sweep is about to start!" Raven toiled over a rather large deep-fat frier. Immediently after she was abducted, the pilots of the Massive plotted a course for a planet on the verge of conquest, and Raven was forced to make the snacks. "Don't rush me! You rush a doughnut-maker and you get crappy doughnuts!" For that retort, Raven earned an electric shock. One of the Tallest's minions strapped a slave collar on her earlier to make sure she wouldn't think of escaping without a little reminder of why it was futile. "Hey, what's that ship up ahead?" Purple asked. Red glanced down at the controls. " It's not on the radar." Seeing this as a chance of causing mischief, Raven finished up with the doughnuts and slipped away from her post to find her beloved scooter, which was taken down to the cargo hold.
"There's the Elijah! Let's get him!" Coincidentally, Elijah Wood had come to Wal-Mart wearing his Hobbit costume as a result of losing a bet.(A bet he made with the producers of MTV! Coincidence? I think not!) And was now being chased by Zim's team, with Zim in the lead. The Irken stopped the pursuit and brought out of his PAK a portable doomsday device (how did that get there?). He aimed at the confused, fleeing actor and fired. Elijah dodged the attack, which blew up the shoe department.
Back to The Massive, Red and Purple exchanged expressions which can be described as 'What the hell?' expressions. Suddenly, a beeping sound came from one of the control panels. "My Tallests! Their hailing us!"
"Well, then don't just stand there! Open a connection!" Red barked at the speaking pilot, who responded immediently. And, in just as long as it takes to take out the trash, silhouettes emerged on the really big screen. "Identify yourselves." The silhouettes burst out with laughter. "Oh, come now, you know who it is." Purple might have forgotten whose voice it belonged to, but Red remembered. "You're that Vortian leader of the Resisty!" The lights switched on as the identity of the Resisty (now in a new, better ship they stole from the set of 'Star Trek' (I don't know which one because I don't watch the show) I'm leaving the look of the ship to the reader's imagination hehe. I'm such a lazy writer). The crew didn't change much, only there was a slight number of other Vortians who were angry when their couches were taken away from them the moment they were conquered(especially that Vort couches were the Universe's most comfortable couches to exist) "Yes, I am that said leader! And now my crew and I are here to strike fear into your squeedly-spooches and wreak havoc on your ship." Red's only reaction to this was a smile. "That will never happen. Fire the Grand Laser Cannon of Impendingly Crazy Disaster and Doom!" An Irken engineer moved forward. "But, sir, we're still testing it. We haven't worked out all of the kinks yet." Red whipped his head to the protesting engineer as Purple snacked on the doughnuts Raven had made. "Get that cannon ready to fire. NOW!" there was so much threat in their leader's voice that they had no choice but to obey. Or, they would have, if the ship didn't give such a horrible jolt.
Meanwhile, Raven had snuck her way down to the cargo hold via air ducts (or were those tunnels up there built in for the hell of it?) And was looking for her scooter. "I know it's around here..." Raven was interrupted in mid-rambling as one of the hatches opened so suddenly that she let out a yelp of surprise (I tend to be jumpy at loud noises and sudden movements.). in a quick move, she ducked behind a metal crate before whatever was coming saw her. "What was the plan again?" asked a voice. "We're gonna steal all of the snacks from the Irkens to feed our growing resistence and it's gonna be awesome!" Shouted a unusually perky voice. Raven decided that if these aliens were involved with a resistence against her captors, then her best chance of getting back to Earth to continue hosting a crappy reality tv show was to talk to whomever was in the same room with her. She emerged from her hiding spot. "Hello" she waved at the two aliens (one was the little floating cone thing and the other was the one who came up with the name 'The Resisty') The two screamed, then, after a moment, calmed down. "Don't do that!" Shouted the one with the brilliant ideas(sarcasm!). 'Yeah, man, you could poke someone's eye out with all that craziness!"
"I just said 'hello'. How could you poke someone's eye out by saying 'hello'?" The two aliens paused and exchanged baffled glances. "It just...happens." they shrugged. "Anyway, to cut to the chase I've been captured and held against my will to make doughnuts and cookies and other snack-like foodstuffs. This might sound cliche, but, will you take me with you?" The two shrugged. "I guess if it's all right with the boss." At this, Raven hoped onto the metal crate and pointed melodramatically at the air "You will not regret your decision!" Instantly, the metal crate collapsed under the author's weight due to poor constructing. Inside the metal crate was–dun dun dun– the author's scooter! (OK, I know you saw that one coming) A deviant smile spread across Raven's face.
While the two aliens were raiding the Massive of their snack supply, Raven was creating a little 'distraction'. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA— pauses to breath— WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Raven laughed o-so-manically, racing her scooter this way and that, causing mayhem, destruction, and, my favorite activity, hitting random people upside their heads with her now infamous Iron Wok of Catastrophic DOOM! "The crazy human is rebelling! Quick, the shock collar! Why isn't the shock collar working?" And then Tallest Red saw, with utter horror, as Raven approached him brandishing her weapon of choice, that she had repeatedly stabbed the collar until it stopped functioning with a ballpoint pen. Epically she raised the wok. "RESISTY RRRRRRRRRROOOOOCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSS!" And with a hollow BANG, the chapter ends.
(A/N: Here are some responses to those who reviewed so far:
Invader Iza: I should download a chapter where the content's nothing but people on my hate list and reasons why. I don't know why I haven't done that before.(p.s: I know how you feel about that creepy old guy from Six Flags. Every time I see him, I either change the channel temporarily or squirm in agony(that's when my sister is in control of the remote))
Lilicat93: To answer your question, I hate Wal-Mart because it's taking over my quaint little town like Medical Mechanica was taking over Mabase (they're currently building a super-Wal-Mart), and I hate McDonalds because it's encouraging obesity in today's society.
DreadedCandiru(who probably won't read this) : YOU HAVE NO CHILDHOOD! I'm serious: my writing is for people who like insane humor- it's the blood that keeps us alive long enough to get through the day. Who cares if the word random isn't funny? I like that word so SHUT UP!
Anyway, I was kinda burnt to a crisp with DreadedCandiru's flaming review, who, by the way, has no idea what he/she is talking about because they haven't written a single story. Thus he/she has no experience when total strangers read your work and doesn't know what it feels like to be flamed! DreadedCandiru, may your first story get so many flames that you will be beyond well done when the flaming process is over!(or will it be over? Dun-dun-dun!))