Dietrich wasn't sure who this woman was, but at the mention of the White Russian, the primary crew of troublemakers groaned and began to make frantic preparations. With the exception of Corporal Lebeau, who was singing loudly in French and proclaiming that, "She has come back to me!"

Deciding he didn't actually want to know, Dietrich retreated to Barracks five in time to find Sgt. Thomas staring out the window with a pained look on his face.

"Who is she?" He asked, lighting a cigarette and eyeballing his nominal second-in-command.

"She's insane," Thomas replied honestly, "she's trouble for everyone whenever she comes for a visit. You'll probably see here soon enough."

"I see," Colonel Hogan had disappeared into Klink's office, along with the woman, the several men she was with, and a terrified Shultz. He had seen Klink's expression when she'd thrown her arms wide. Terrified, sick, and utterly frightened, and his desperate glance toward Hogan probably meant that the two men were partially aligned when she came onto the scene.

A wild card. Damn.

$#$#4

Hogan considered himself a clever man, and he was given his regular dose of humility whenever Marya entered stage right with a German officer on one arm and enough explosives in the other to blow them all to kingdom come. Occasionally she juggled grenades, tossing one at Hogan whenever the mood struck her.

"Colonel Hogan," Klink looked as miserable and terrified as he usually did whenever Marya visited. The only skill Klink had honed in the last two decades was his self-preservation. It was why he kept Hogan close and at arm's length, and why he tried to avoid Marya at every turn. "You remember Frau Marya?"

"Fraulein, my sweet colonel." Marya, draped over Klink's desk, a cigarette holder between her fingers, blew a ring of smoke into his face. The Kommandant twitched nervously, and avoided looking at her. "My beloved, I have come back to you and you bring dull men into our romance!"

"I...I…" Klink swallowed, staring at Hogan and then at the General who didn't look impressed by the scene in front of him. "Colonel Hogan, this is General Bahn. General Bahn, this is Colonel Hogan, senior POW officer."

"I do not care for allies," General Bahn eyed Hogan with a familiar mocking and dismissive gaze. He continued in German. "Colonel Klink, Marya has insisted that she visit her old friend. You will entertain her while I have business to attend to."

"Of course," Klink might have been charmed by Marya at some point, if she didn't give him the feeling of facing a firing squad every time she visited.

"Now, I understand you have a Desert Rat in your midsts."

"I don't understand," Klink blustered, "we're in Germany. It's too cold for."

"Not a rat! A Desert RAT! Sergeant Troy!"

"Captain Troy," Klink bleated, and he glanced at Hogan.

"Captain?" General Bahn smirked, "Good, bring him here."

"You want to meet Captain Troy? Why?" Klink asked, grasping at his table and eying the stiff-faced general. "I'm afraid he's."

General Bahn didn't wait, He ripped the door open and barked so loud that Hilda nearly fell off her chair. "FETCH CAPTAIN TROY!" Shultz made an abrupt about-face and scurried out. hogan , Marya, and Klink were busy exchanging significant glances as the door re-opened the Dietrich came walking in. Bahn, not recognizing the younger man, grinned wolfishly as he stepped into the Kommandant's office and offered a salute.

"Congratulations, captain." General Bahn leaned close, "It seems that you finally become an officer."

"It happens to the best of us," Dietrich replied blithely, eyeing General Bahn with a significant lack of interest or fear. "And the worst of us."

Hogan closed his eyes briefly, glancing over at Marya who was still perched on Klink's desk alluringly and had begun eying the faux American with undisguised interest. Klink was too busy being horrified by the by-play to say anything when Hogan took up his usual perch on the side of his desk next to the helmet.

"A cowboy," Marya blew a ring of smoke toward Dietrich, her eyes flickering up to his hat and then to his shoulders. "How romantic."

"Please, General Bahn, what do you need with Captain Troy. You must understand that this is highly irregular."

"You will be pleased to know that your men will no longer bother ours," General Bahn said slowly, his attention riveted on Dietrich. "They have vanished into the desert, Captain. Without your leadership...they have all perished."

"What is the meaning of this?" Klink demanded, standing quickly as Dietrich's eyes grew dark and hard, a flat, brutal expression of dislike stamped on his face.

"Troy and his band of rats captured my nephew," General Bahn smirked, "and I have had a vested interest."

"I cannot allow it," Klink bleated, showing more backbone than Hogan had ever seen. Granted it was because Troy was actually Dietrich. "General Bahn," he glanced at Hogan and Marya and continued in German. "I cannot allow you to exact any form of revenge. It is against the Geneva Convention and these."

"Do you know how much trouble this man caused?" General Bahn demanded. "He and his band destroyed more supply routes than even the resistance! They captured the best officer in the desert, Captain Dietrich!"

Dietrich's eyebrows rose, and he looked toward the ceiling as if requesting divine intervention.

"Hauptmann Dietrich rode for several days across the desert to deliver medical supplies to his men! On an Arabian horse!"

Hogan eyed the man in question, seeing him in a new light.

"Dietrich seized supplies from the Americans and English! He outsmarted their best! He was offered several marriage proposals from local tribes!" Hogan had a feeling that the list carried on, but Marya barked out a harsh laugh.

"What interest is the cowboy to you, my pet? He is here! You are free! You only need to gloat by leaving for town! He cannot!" Marya blinked slowly as General Bahn's voice paused. "My sweet, he is a cowboy and you are a general."

"You are correct," General Bahn muttered, "Klink, entertain Marya while I am away on business." he turned on his heels and with a poisonous glare to Dietrich marched out.

"Well, Colonel Hogan, take Captain Troy and."

"Colonel Klink," Marya beamed, "please, I have never met a cowboy before. I demand to speak with him."

"I," Klink froze, torn between his desire to get out from under Marya's attention and his desire to prevent anyone from guessing that Dietrich was Dietrich. "I assure you, he is of no interest to you. At all, he is very dull." He was speaking German, which everyone understood. Doing his best to trick the woman who refused to be tricked.

"A cowboy," she continued to smirk, eyes still on Dietrich who had affected a subtle bashfulness that was really selling his 'American-ness'. For a soldier who had been far away from a woman for years, it made sense that he was shocked and flushing. "I insist," she purred, slinking off Klink's desk and toward Dietrich. Hogan met his eyes and shrugged expansively.

Dietrich tilted his head down, leaning back faintly and gave her a smile both soft and promising. Brown eyes guileless and gentle, his voice practically oozed apple pie filling and a baseball game broadcast as he spoke. "Howdy."

"Howdy?" Delighted, Marya pulled on her cigarette, and threw her arms around Dietrich. He didn't stumble and he didn't crumble under what Hogan knew to be a death grip on his shoulders. "How charming." Pressing against the broad chest in front of her, Marya turned her head with an attempt to look coy. "Hogan, why do you not charm me like this? How could you have turned my head before."

"In wartime you have to make substitutes," Hogan replied, watching Dietrich's arms settle with utmost propriety against her sides. "

"How did you get to be so strong, cowboy?" The White Russian asked, still enamoured with Dietrich's face.

"When I was young," Dietrich said, looking for all the world like a man consumed with admiration for the beauty latched against him. "A sow gave birth to a littler and every morning I would carry the pig from the barn, down the ravine, across the river to the natural spring and then back again."

"Oh."

God, he was good. Even Klink seemed starry-eyed...but it was Klink.

"Even when the pig was bigger than you?" She asked, walking her fingers up his chest.

"Even then," Dietrich paused and blinked, suddenly bashful. "Excuse me. I must." He extracted himself the way Hogan could never, with grace and patience. A bit pink in the face, he nodded to Marya, saluted Klink, and excused himself from the room.

"See! Look what you've done! Stop bothering my men!" He told Marya, knowing she was a few minutes away from discovering the one secret in Stalag 13 he didn't want her to find out. Well, he didn't want her to know any of the secrets of Stalag 13, but they were well past that. He decided to beat a hasty retreat before Marya could latch onto him and he was stuck in one of her ridiculous schemes. Even the desperate glances that Klink was throwing him was enough to convince him to stay.

Let Marya light a fire under his butt for once.

Dietrich was waiting in his office, quietly smoking a cigarette and ignoring the argument by his men about Marya's intentions. Lebeau continued to vouch for her, and Newkirk was muttering bitterly against her.

"Alright, we don't know...Captain?"

"The woman was carrying this." Dietrich produced a compact powder case and before the shocked eyes of the men, pulled the glass out of the case to reveal a hidden microfilm. "I assume this is what she wanted to pass onto you?"

"How?" Hogan wasn't one to goggle often, but he hadn't seen anything! "Did you?"

Dietrich smirked.

"Hey, that was a great howdy," Carter told Dietrich. "Good job!"

"I have never met a cowboy," Lebeau announced, "but you are a cowboy."

"And you got the tall-tale thing down," Kinch looked impressed, and his eyes were sparkling with joy. "How'd you swing that, Captain?"

Dietrich gave a purely European shrug and Hogan decided he didn't really want to know.

"Alright, now we need to smuggle this microfilm out."

"Did you really ride across the desert to deliver medicine?" Carter asked, and all eyes turned to Dietrich again.

"They needed medicine."

"But you did it on horseback?" Kinch asked, and Carter's gentle face was so awed that the man averted his eyes with some embarrassment.

"Wow."

"They are...were my men. As their commander it was my duty to provide such assistance." He refused to be turned by the open admiration on Carter's face, nor the surprisingly understanding stares from Newkirk and Lebeau. "Colonel Hogan, what do you intend to do with this microfilm?"

"We need to return to the powder case and tell Marya that we've got it before she does something really insane. Captain, take the powder case back to Klink's office and tell Marya she dropped it in the compound. If this is really what she wants to deliver then that should be all, but if it's a red herring then keep your eyes open."

The man nodded, and in second was moving across the compound. Shultz, coming round the corner of Klink's office, made an about-face as he caught sight of the lean captain.

"That was some of the best I've seen," Hogan admitted to his team.

"Oui," Lebeau said fervently, "if we did not know, then we would never know."

"Exactly," Newkirk squinted at the window. " 'e better not flip on us."

#$#$#

The Russian was lounging in the VIP quarters looking as alluring as could be, with eyes hooded and her smile dark and promising.

"Cowboy," gesturing the the seat beside her, her invitation clear.

"Ma'am," Dietrich tucked his cap under his arm, and did his best to look like Tully Pettigrew whenever he'd been captured, nonchalant and watchful. "You dropped this in the compound. I hope you don't mind me turn' back here to give it to you."

"Of course, not, darling," she snapped the compact open and then smiled. "You seem to be such a nice man...and so handsome."

"Thanks," he shrugged, eyeing the well-decorated but faintly shabby quarters. "If that's all."

"Hogan does not want to see me himself?" She affected hurt. "At least my small one, does he miss me?"

"I'm sorry?" He said, tilting his head to the side. "Small one?"

"Lebeau?" Marya seemed to be reconsidering him.

"Oh," he shrugged again, "I couldn't say."

"Ah," she was still assessing him. He tried to look like Hitchcock when Dietrich had cornered him in his office, holding a match to his codebook. Like he was blending into the background and supposed to be there. "Hogan, he has such a delicate constitution. He complains so often when I bring him presents."

"Of course," Dietrich blinked at her, confused. "Ma'am, I."

"Go, go, go," she waved him off, already looking bored. "I will deal with you later. Tell Colonel Hogan that my general needs to be attended to."

"Yes, ma'am." He nodded once and retreated across the compound with a nod to the window from which Hogan was watching the scene. This was not within his purview.