Author's Notes: (running as fast as I can) Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry—(trips on my face, gets up, keeps running)—sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry!

October 4, 2003

7:51 AM

Strong Bad scooped up a rock from the sidewalk.

"What're you doing, man?" asked Pom Pom.

"There's a school bus coming down the street," said Strong Bad. "It's one from our school. I just gotta time it right…"

The bus rounded a curb, about to pass by the five students on their way to Strong Bad's house.

Strong Bad hurled the rock just as the bus passed by. The rock hit the windshield of the bus, but due to timing, not head on—from the side, so as it skidded across the glass until it fell onto the other side of the street. The driver was so frightened that he floored the break. Luckily, most of the kids got through the violent forward-flinging and back-of-seat-immediately-in-front-into-slamming with only minor bruises and aches.

The bus was now stopped. Strong Bad called to the students in the bus, "Hey! School's closed! You can go home!"

The bus riders all cheered, and those who could still move opened up the emergency exit door and ran out.

The bus driver, who had just pulled his face from the windshield, turned to Strong Bad and gaped incredually.

"Thussakool?" he murmured.

"Yeah, it's cancelled."

"Whuh?"

"It's flooded. Er…I mean, I think it is. I don't really know anything about it."

7:53 AM

Strong Sad's eyes remained fixedly staring at the ground. The sidewalk, more specifically. He was trying to walk as fast as he could without resorting to speedwalking, which he was convinced was an exercise that could permissibly be performed only by old ladies in malls wearing windbreakers.

He was making pretty good time, until a huge crack appeared in the sidewalk. Strong Sad lost his footing and tripped in the crevice and landed face-third on the sidewalk. Luckily, he didn't have any teeth to be knocked out, so the only pain he felt in his face was pain he felt immediately, as opposed to the few seconds of numbness one has in their gums after losing teeth, before their gums begin to bleed.

The crevice had been caused by Strong Mad, smashing his fists into the aforementioned walk (be it of the side-ed persuasion, or otherwise).

"GIVE ME THAT BOOK!" bawled Strong Mad. He reached over and picked up one of Strong Sad's textbooks, which were lying strewn about the area after Strong Sad's tumble. He stuck it in his mouth and launched his jaw against the dust jacket. He bit a huge chunk out of the book. He chewed it for a few seconds, deciding what to do with it, then swallowed it. "I DON'T LIKE YOU!" roared Strong Mad.

Just then, Strong Bad turned a corner and saw Strong Mad.

"Hey, that gray kid from school with the European name, being terrifized by Strong Mad!" said Strong Bad. "I'll takes care of that."

He picked up a rock off the sidewalk and hurled it at a tree just to the right of Strong Mad, who was just about to tackle a recently-stood-up Strong Sad. The rock bounced off the tree and sacked Strong Mad in the face.

"STUPID TREE!" bawled Strong Mad. He dived-bombed the large elm, but ended up being knocked out, his head having collided with that yellow metal band stuck around the tree to kill bugs.

"Hey! Strong Sad, from English!" said Strong Bad. "Don't bother going to the bus stop. School's cancelled." He put on a mock-English accent. "Tis the daftest thing—I can't for the life of me recall the quothment of the bloke who relayed the tail of the academic establishment that…um…got all flooded. Anyways, your bus wouldn't happen to be the one with the big skid mark across the windshield, would it?"

"Um…I don't remember it like that…but it's the one with a big tree branch stuck in one of the windows. I can't really remember what the guy who told me about what happened said, but I remember he told me to 'believe you me', or, in my tense, 'believe me him', that you really shouldn't stick your arm out the window on a bus."

"Well, vegetation in the windows or not, your bus isn't coming. The bus driver's kinda uncapacitated right now. Anyway, my therapist tells me I should branch out to other people, so I'm gonna start with you. I'll walk you home. Where do you live?"

"Specifically, I live in the basement of 347 Greenview Avenue. My bedroom's right below the bathroom, which has all sortsa leaky pipes, so I always get covered in water while I'm trying to sleep; which may be the reason I dream of myself drowning every night."

"Cool…cool…I know where Greenpiece is, I'll take you home. I'll make sure none of Gaw Mad's goons jump you on the way home."

"You're not going to charge me for protection like the mobsters do on that TV show that makes one episode every two and a half years but only lasts about six minutes, are you?"

"No promises, but I'm leaning towards no. Oh, and check your backpack…that guy Strong Mad always hangs around, Silent Rip, might've stolen something while the big guy was eating your psychics book."

"Physics, not psychics."

"Gasundheit."

"You're not even using that right."

7:56 AM

"…so you see, everyone on Earth could be descended from the populace of the Golgafrincham middlemen from the Ark B," finished Strong Bad.

"Oh…I didn't see where you were going with that," said Strong Sad. "And now that you're done, I can see it went nowhere."

"Well…why did you come to a dump like Fusussa?"

"What? Foosball-soccer?"

"Fusussa. It's what we call Free Country, USA…you know, shortened to F.C.U.S.A. We pronounce it phonetically, like Fusussa."

"Oh…well, we had to move 'cause of the Witness Relocation Program…my brother got hopped up on—well, the police think it was teriyaki sauce—and, well, he put my pet rabbit in the blender."

"He did WHAT?"

"Don't worry…he tried putting a fork in it once a few years ago but it got wedged between one of the blades and the inside of the glass, and the whole metal part was catapulted out of the blender and out the window. So…there were no blades in it when he put the rabbit in it and turned it on, so no harm done; but he was still considered dangerous by the police, so we were relocated…I got to change my name and all. I thought Strong Sad sounded kind of cool…you know, like 'tough, but sensitive'…I was hoping people would think I was like that, but…it didn't work. Anyway, we needed a really out-of-the-way little town that no one really knew existed…so we came to…what was it? Fi-koosa?"

"New kids always take a while to get it, don't beat yourself up. Fuss-USS-aah. Say it with a flourish."

"Fu…huu…gwa…gads?"

"No, but I'm still glad to hear you say what you just say nevertheless."

"Well, wherever I am, I'm glad to be away from my brother and his annoying emotional deficiencies."

"Hey, I have those too," said Strong Bad. "I still can't figure out if that's something to be proud of or not…anyway…I'm kind of prone to Ranacvi"(Strong Bad pronounced it RAN-ack-vi)"or Random Acts of Violence. Mostly stuff while I'm sleepwalking…at first, it was just small stuff, like finding a pickaxe in my garage and chopping up some of my neighbors' flowerbeds…until…I don't know how it happened, I musta watched too many 80's sci-fi movies, but that night, I sleepwalked right towards my computer where I did some kind of messed-up black hat stuff…I ended up hacking on to the on-board GPS on my mom's SUV and somehow started the ignition and crashed it into a tree without even driving it…when I saw it next morning, it was pretty cool looking, I must admit…but anyway, I'm not aloud to use any kinda computer 'till I'm 30, same for any touch-tone phones, remote controls or even digital watches…I can't drive 'till I'm 35, neither. I was taken to Juvie for six months, then I got a house with my friend Coach Z. Could be worse."

"You manage to crash an SUV into a tree by hacking into its on-board computer in your sleep," said Strong Sad, "and I can't even read computer slang well enough to realize that I'm at the wrong meeting place for a meeting with my online dating service contact before 8 hours have elapsed?"

"Yeah, well, don't take any acting lessons, 'cause trust me, you do not want to be me. Did you know I have to sit at the back of the bus every time I ride it because anywhere closer would be too close to the electronic headlight control console? I can't even leave the bus through the front door, I have to get off through the emergency exit at the back so the only electronics I'm around are the lights on the back of the bus. Oh, and if you ever notice that my grades are low in pretty much every subject 'cept English, it's 'cause I can't use a computer to research homework. Man, the only reason I had an Atari 3600 in my room was 'cause Coach Z smuggled it in! My life sucks, bad! And all because…because of my sleepwalking…"

Strong Bad had turned away from Strong Sad.

"Uh…I have a…clothes…in the washer…I gotta go…"

Strong Bad ran off down the street, his head held low.

He then ran into a stop sign.

"Stupid hexagon…" Strong Sad heard Strong Bad mutter as he ran down the street. "I'll give you a piece of my—"

He ran into another stop sign.

"That's it, I'm taking the city bus home from now on!" shouted Strong Bad.