I don't own pokemon or Harry potter.

One bright autumn morning, Harry Potter lay on his bed in the Gryffindor dormitories thinking about Ron. How he longed to tell his best friend of the tender feelings that throbbed in his young bosom! But he knew Ron had eyes only for Hermione. Damn her. Harry reached for his poke-dex and began aimlessly searching through it.

I'm going to be the greatest Poke-trainer ever, he thought. Then Ron will love me. He'll see Hermione is nothing but a beaver faced freak.

Suddenly, a wild Jigglypuff appeared at his window. Harry jumped up.

"Avada Kedavra!"

Oops, thought Harry. Use a pokeball, not a spell! He stuffed the limp pink body into one of the hats Dobby had knitted for him and hid it behind the radiator.

He was just poking the last of the Jigglypuff out of sight when Ron entered the room. Immediately Harry's heart jumped into his throat and he felt a warm stirring in his loins.

Oh no, thought Harry, act casual.

He wanted to tell Ron everything: There's a dead jigglypuff behind my radiator and have gay feelings for you!

Instead he said "HAHA, it's all good eh Ron bro? No Jigglypuffs or homoeroticism here, no no no."

Ron walked over and lifted up Harry's pillow to discover a large bong.

"Harry, are you high?"

"Yes." lied Harry. He felt a mild depression as he suppressed his feelings for his friend once again

"You prick. Why didn't you wait for me?" complained Ron. Suddenly he sighed." I don't think Hermione likes me."

"Aw, sweetie, why not?" said Harry, secretly relieved.

Ron looked at him strangely for the 'sweetie', but continued anyway. "Well I just caught her hooking up in the girls toilets with the Parvati twins."

"What were you doing in the girls toilets, Ron, not feeling feminine are you?" said Harry, disguising his hopefulness.

"Gosh no, I was perving on Hermione. She was wearing a pink thong"

"There's nothing wrong with being gay" said Harry

"Yeah, there is!"

"You can be so hurtful sometimes" screeched Harry, and stormed off to the pokemart sobbing.

In the pokemart:

"I'll have 2 of your biggest balls please" said Harry.

The shop assistant handed him a bulging ball sack and said "That'll be 25 sickles, sir. Have a nice day."

The walk to the Pokemart had cleared Harry's head. He didn't feel quite so angry at Ron, just more frustrated that the consummation of his love seemed more unlikely than ever. For how could he stay mad at Ron with his slightly ruffled red hair which shaded his smouldering green eyes and innocent freckles which peppered his angelic nose.

Harry continued his stroll, until suddenly a blurred mass of fur flew out at him from behind a large bush. Harry fumbled for his pokedex while the pokemon stood expectantly, tapping its foot.

"Magic-dude," bleated the poke-dex in its computerised voice. "When a mummy Magickarp and a daddy Geodude love each other very much..."

Harry switched off the poke-dex hurriedly and reached for a pokeball.

"I choose you, Polywhirl!" he squealed excitedly.

Polywhirl burst forth from his pokeball and began to rein blows on the magic-dude, until it lay in a bloody pulp on the ground.

Harry grinned and threw an unused pokeball at it, successfully catching his 7th pokemon. Wait til Ron sees this! He thought excitedly.

Harry hurried home, Pokeball in grasp.

"Ron, Ron!" he squealed, knowing that Ron would see Harry in a different light when he saw how he'd battled and tamed this pokemon. He hurriedly scarred his own face so the battle seemed more dangerous.

"What?" said Ron, casually rearranging his fringe. Harry felt a pull in his loins.

"Looky, looky!" Harry bounced up and down and threw the pokeball to the floor crying "I choose you magic-dude!"

Out splashed the bloody mass Harry had caught five minutes earlier. Ron's lip twitched.

"Err, that's great Harry" he said, and walked away.

Harry, thoroughly heartbroken, kicked himself for not taking the pokemon to a pokehealer before returning to Hogwarts.

The end of Chapter One.

In the next installment: will Harry be able to tell Ron how he feels?