Angst is fun to write. —shot dead— I should be working on my other stories, I know, but inspiration without a muse requires a one-shot! Er…anyways…
I'm not gonna dawdle….;
Summary: Max is tired of feeling invisible to everyone, to everything. I'm tired of waiting, just to be ignored anyway… Max is taking things into his own hands, now. No more will he wait, acting like nothing's wrong…
Warnings: This is…pretty dark, I suppose you could say. I'm not going to say "OMG I LIEK CRIED WILE DOIN TIS" because I didn't…and none of "IT'S LIEK SO DARK YER GONNA LIEK CRY" cause you probably won't. I'm just gonna say it's dark, bloody, and very angsty. –bow- good day…if you…are a very emotional person I guess I could you might cry…but probably not.
Rating: M due to language and descriptive scenes…
Pairings: Hinted — KaiTyson, KennyEmily, DaichiMingMing (although I loathe the couple), and RayMariah.
Disclaimer: Nope. Don't own it. –shakes head slowly- Aoki Takao does.
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Outside was the worst day ever. It was raining cats and dogs, as the townspeople would say, raining really hard—as if the clouds were letting go of everything in their life. Lightning flashed through the darkened night sky and the thunder roared through the silent night. Inside myself, I could say…I was feeling just like that. I wish I could've been like the clouds, and just let everything go, and then be happy and pure again.
But I wasn't like them…
I wasn't like them at all…
I looked at my teammates helplessly and dejectedly… Oh how invisible I felt to them all. I couldn't stand to just look on…watching as they all talked happily, but not to me, but to each other.
No.
I was invisible, invisible to everyone and everything. I had no one…. I had no one but Draciel, but even she couldn't comfort me in this state. I had reached the rock bottom.
Sure, I acted cheerful, like everything was perfect in my life, but deep down… I was probably more broken than Kai. At least Kai had Tyson. He had someone to be with. He had someone to love… But I don't. Ray has Mariah. Tyson has Kai, just as Kai has Tyson. Even Kenny has someone—Emily. I even believe Daichi is with someone…MingMing. But I didn't. I had no one but myself… But talking to myself gets very lonely and just makes me feel worse, even more invisible. Because then more than ever, I realize I am alone in this world. The closest friend I had was Tyson, but he's oblivious to me now. Ever since he and Kai started going out a couple months ago, I was even more invisible than I was before. I had no one to talk to…no one to laugh with.
Before, Kenny would let me help him with upgrading all of our beyblades…now…Emily helps him. He always says when I offer to help, "No thanks, Max, Emily's helping me!" Then Emily comes and they share a quick kiss as I smile and nod on the outside, understanding on the outside, inside, though, my heart was breaking, not understanding at all.
Before, Ray would let me help with dinner…now…Mariah comes over and helps. He always says "Hey, it's all right, Max! Mariah's gonna help me!" Then, yet again, they share a kiss as I yet again, smile and nod, feeling more broken, even more misunderstood.
Before, Tyson would let me train with him…now…Kai trains with him. They invite me to train with them, but I feel like a third wheel because they never talk to me, only to each other. I just frown and walk away with slumped shoulders as they give each other a quick kiss and then continue training.
Before…I could start an argument with Daichi and have something to do, have someone to yell at…now…he's always with MingMing and I have no one to argue with.
They just don't care anymore.
I thought they were all my friends, but now I see I was wrong… dead fucking wrong. I wish I had never come to Japan…but even when I was with the PPB All Starz, I felt ignored. My mom was always working with Emily, Eddy was always playing basketball and said I was too short to play, Michael was always playing baseball and said he needed someone experienced to play with, Emily was always working with my mom, and Rick would just ignore me and/or shoot me cold glares while listening to his music.
Know you see…that I really never did have anyone except Draciel. But even bit beasts don't always offer all the comfort you want … or the comfort you need. I needed comfort now, but Draciel was, too, ignoring me. No one cares about me.
Damn them all to a bloody hell.
I'm sitting in the corner of the hotel room, watching the others eat and talk happily, not even noticing I hadn't moved from my huddled position for nearly the entire, gloomy day. They didn't notice I hadn't come to the table to eat—I clearly saw they hadn't even set a fucking plate out for me. At least Emily and Mariah weren't there…that's the only good thing I saw at that moment. Up until this point, I've seen nothing good in the past few months. I feel so dejected…I just can't stand it anymore.
Slowly, I stand up and walk past my…"friends" and put on a fake smile as I walk to my room, or at least the one I shared. We were staying in a room, which connected to one other room. I was staying in the same room as Kai and Ray. But they never noticed I was there, they talked like I was invisible.
I'm tired of waiting, just to be ignored anyway…
No more will I wait, just to act as if nothing's wrong…
I won't wait.
I won't be ignored.
"I'm tired of fucking waiting for you all…No one will ever love me…" I mumbled, not caring to hold back the salty tears that dripped down my face. "I'm not waiting any damn more…I'm not taking this shit anymore…"
I sat down in the corner of my room. I was tired of waiting, but I didn't know what I was to do. I can't exactly run away from them…or could I?
No.
They'd try to find me…
No, they wouldn't!
Would they!
"ARGH!" I groaned and held my head tightly with both hands, "What the hell am I supposed to fucking do!" I cursed loudly. I opened one eye and looked at the window. I noticed the moonlight that was peeking out from behind a stormy cloud. The light of the moon was pouring into the room like water, and I caught something glittering under Kai's bed that was sticking out.
/A knife…/ I thought to myself, wiping my eyes of the salty tears.
That was it.
Running away won't help…but taking my own life would. Slowly, I walked over to Kai's mattress and reached under it, feeling the cool metal of the blade of the knife. I took a deep, reassuring breath as I grasped the handle of it and pulled it out from under the bed. I held it in the moon's light and I managed a small, dazed and distant smile. It glinted like the most precious jewel I've ever seen. It was as though all my problems were slowly vanishing as I just held this weapon. I glared at the knife and frowned as I caught the reflection of a picture in it—last year's championship…when Brooklyn lost it and almost destroyed the city…Tyson got a picture of everyone afterwards, and became goods friends with the prodigy blader. I glared harder at the reflection.
/They don't care. No one cares. No one wants me…I'm tired of it all… Of everything… /
"They'll pay…" I whispered, clutching the knife handle as tightly as I could until my knuckles turned white. I grabbed some paper and a pen and jotted down a note. I dropped the note on my bed and dropped Draciel next to it. I pocketed the knife so no one would get suspicious, smirking with a mischievous glint in my eyes as I walked out of my room. I smiled fakely and gave them a small wave as I headed to the door to the hallway, where I would go to top floor of the hotel.
"Going out for a bit!" I called without turning around, smiling fakely still. They didn't budge. I frowned as I turned around and looked at them one last time. "…Not like you'll notice…" I whispered as I felt hot tears start down my cheeks. I turned around and opened the hotel door and closed it behind me, the tears flowing down my face like a non-stop waterfall. I raced down the hallway, not caring about the people that looked at me oddly, mumbling "Why's he in such a hurry?" as I passed them.
I raced to the stairs and started running up them, my vision being blinded by the tears that stained my eyes. I tripped and fell on my chin and knees and everywhere else on my body at least 6 or 7 times up the first fleet of stairs as I continued to race up them, tripping over my pants or missing a step. Then I would tumble downward or fall face first. We were on the 2nd floor, and I was heading to the 10th. I knew no one would be on the stairs. I could run as fast as I could without worrying about anyone stopping me…not like anyone would…
As I ran up the steps, I left a small puddle of blood from when I tumbled down the 4th fleet on steps and hit my head on the concrete and small droplets of blood were on the stairs when I had tripped and the concrete let a deep cut in my right cheek, from my eye to my jaw bone.
I continued to run until I had reached the final floor, the roof. I burst through the door and stumbled to the edge, falling to my knees as I got to the concrete ledge, dizzy from the loss of blood from my concrete fall and tumble. I didn't care that it was pouring down rain, raining cats and dogs as the townspeople say, and that the lightning lit up the black sky and thunder roared and broke the silence.
"No one cares…no one notices…I was born alone…and alone I'll die," I mumbled, starting to mutter to myself a small poem I had heard once.
"Invisible to all,
not
noticed by them,
I'm tired of everything,
and of being left alone.
Tired of the torture,
Invisible is my
life,
This fight for myself,
Left me with out a soul to love.
I'm done. No more.
No more
will I lie alone.
For just as I was born alone,
and alone is
how I shall die." I recited in a whisper as I brought the knife
out of my pocket.
I slowly brought it to my wrist as the rain and the moon overhead made the knife glisten. It was the most perfect thing in my life at this moment…the most perfect thing. I set the tip of it on my wrist, but then stopped, my eyes wide.
Was I really willing to take my own life? To take the cowards way out?
Yes… Yes, I was…
I pressed the knife into my wrist, hissing as it pierced my skin.
But it wasn't enough. I couldn't take my life with this.
I pushed it deeper and deeper, whimpering in pain as I felt it tear deeper through my skin. As soon as I felt it hit my bone, I winced as I pulled it out quickly, the crimson liquid rushing out of the fresh wound. I grasped the knife in my other hand and proceeded to do the same thing to my other, bare wrist. Yet again, I was hissing in pain as I felt even more blood rush out. My cheek was dripping with blood and my wrists, as well as my upper arms, were now coated in the life giving liquid.
How does something the colour of rubies…something so beautiful… give you life? Keep you breathing? I thought to myself as I felt myself getting light headed, my life flashing before my eyes. I remember all the times I was ignored, not noticed, betrayed…
"I'm going to…fade away…and no one will notice…" I whispered as I closed my eyes tightly, my salty tears mixing with the rain, as well as my bitter blood. My upper body fell forward, my bleeding cheek on the ledge of the building before I felt all the pain in my body, all the feelings inside me, slowly go numb… My final vision of my life was the note I left on the bed…
…
Dear friends,
I'm tired of fucking waiting for you. I'm tired of all the shit I take from you all. I tried to act like nothing happened,
I tried to act as if nothing was wrong, but deep down…everything was. Everything was wrong. Everything I took from you
all damaged me much more than I would ever admit to any of you. I want no more to do with you all.
I'm tired of fucking pretending. I was so broken and hurt and I always felt so lost, but none of you ever came to
get me. None of you ever cared. When I joined the Bladebreakers years ago, I felt as if I was a part of something big,
something good. But now I know…that all that was just a false sense of security. I know now that you all never cared,
nor will you ever. Even when I take my own life, I bet none of you will notice…
…Until the end already had came.
Live on without me, like you always would…
Max Mizuhara
P.S:
At least…take good care of Draciel…don't treat her like you did me.
…
And now, as I faded away, losing consciousness, I let my wrists hang over the edge of the building, my upper body leaning on it as I rested on my knees. Instead of the sky raining cats and dogs, as the townspeople would say…
The sky is raining blood.
+
— + Owari + — +
And that's all she, or rather I, wrote. —sighs— I feel bad for torturing poor Maxie-kun…but I was inspired. He just seems too happy. He has to have a hard life deep down…doesn't he?
;-; The poor blonde…
—sad sigh— R&R please…—goes off to write a HAPPY Max one shot—