Winter
Tuesday
Tim got out of Christmas by promising to come for New Years. He got out of New Years by going to the Tower with Kory. Jason was pissed and Batgirl came to Blüdhaven over the following weekend to check on Tim herself. Also to deliver his Christmas presents.
Brambling could cope with that though. He tried to limit his visits to Gotham to once a year. Any more than that and he would never sleep again. Rest was far too elusive as it was.
Tim twirled the knife he'd gotten as a gift. The Blüdhaven boys were watching the news, waiting to see what the official announcement would be. Would Puxatony Phil see his shadow? Would there be six more weeks of winter? Dick's fork clacked on his plate as he shoveled the bits of egg into his mouth.
"Oh! Look at that! The little guy crawled back into his home! Looks like we're in for a few more weeks of winter!"
Tim sighed, tossed the knife up and then caught it by the hilt. It was snowing almost constantly anyhow. He supposed that was what the damn Yankees got. He wondered how the weather was in Kansas…He turned to the channel and scanned the map: thirty-five degrees and cloudy. Dick jumped up to put his dish into the sink, and then began to hunt down his boots and coat.
"I got the letter about the fieldtrip," he called from the door. "I wrote the check, it's still in my checkbook."
Tim twisted around to give him a tired look. "You didn't have to, really."
"I respect your antisocial tendencies most of the time, little brother. You're going on this trip."
"I've read Othello at least three times, I don't really want to see it massacred by some two-bit theatre company while with my classmates and teachers."
"Too bad, gotta go, see you when I get back."
WednesdayThe pipes had frozen and then burst in the school. The floors were wet and the first story ceilings dripped. It was during that long day that all the high school students learned just how effective Chinese water torture really was.
Tim sat in his Algebra class and the sole of his boot squeaked along the tiles as he shifted anxiously. The room was in a corner of the building and one of the few areas even remotely dry. He was trying to concentrate on some plans to modify the security system on Dick's warehouse, while at the same time supposedly listening to the new lesson on multiple functions. What he was really doing? Pondering what detention was like.
The track coach was in charge and he was an incompetent prig. Therefore, Tim imagined that detention with him would be the equivalent of several decades in one of the lower circles of Hell.
Someone threw a wad of paper as his head. He tore his gaze up from the schematics hidden in his book. The class was discussing an application for cosine. He turned his head toward the window. The sky was almost white, affected from all the snow covering the city.
There was a dark, stray, cloud besmirching the simple purity…it became the scene from his nightmares and he shut his eyes tight enough for the monochrome dots to flare under his lids. He heard the beep of machinery and then the drip of IV fluid…
The bell rang and he rushed to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face.
ThursdayThere was a tiny Asian man in glasses playing Othello. Tim considered killing himself in his seat. He was dozing by the end of the play, and Kyle prodded him when it was time to go.
It was almost noon and the students were given free reign of the nearby fast food restaurants for forty-five minutes. Johnny wrapped his arm around Kyle's waist and led them all to Suki-Hana.
"Get a haircut and get a real job. Clean your act up and don't be a slob. Get it together like your big brother Bob. Why don't you get a haircut and get a real job." Johnny hummed along to his music, the Bat symbol dancing animatedly on his chest.
Their orders were handled quickly, as they were the only members of their class to come in for Japanese fast food. Tim strayed away from the sushi, he had no guarantee it was fresh and food poisoning was the last thing he needed. (Though Kon did like…)
Johnny had no such inhibitions. He pulled out his earpieces and then pushed a piece of mackerel into his mouth. Kyle elbowed him and then began to pick at his rice with spindly wooden chopsticks.
Tim eyed them both from across the booth. "Where are you two going for Valentine's Day?" he asked.
Kyle's pale cheeks turned red.
"Dude. Surprise," Johnny replied and then slung an arm around Kyle's shoulders.
"What about you, Timmy?" Kyle inquired.
Their friend shrugged. "I'll probably be at home."
"There are still a few weeks, I can rework my plans. We don't want you to be alone, man," Johnny protested.
"I won't be," Tim replied. He half-smiled and his friends nearly had heart attacks.
FridayBruce had been leaving messages on the answering machine and the nightmares had been worse than usual.
First Batman loomed over his shoulder, and then swallowed him whole. As he tumbled down the endless chasm of the creature's throat, flames licked his skin. At the end of the chute, he landed in a pile of rotting corpses. Bits of flesh peeled away from Dick's cheekbone, chalky splinters from broken bones protruded from Jason, and maggots wriggled all over Cass. He was trapped there, unable to move, paralyzed, and the smells of death made him want to vomit.
He jerked awake, having only slept two hours, and tried to forget the dream.
He almost didn't make it through school. They were doing an experiment in Chemistry. The bright red flame of the Lithium doused rods made him sweat.
He ate lunch in silence, staring out the windows that made up the western wall. Snow was still coating everything…He contemplated going to the nurse and faking sick until he realized Dick would never be able to come check him out. He thought about his mother and blanched. His eyes closed and he waited for the bell to ring.
Later, Kyle fussed over him and even Johnny turned off his iPod. They didn't want to let him go home alone, but he insisted.
He grabbed a pad of paper in order to leave Dick a note then he packed his bags and called up Superboy.
"Hey, Tim? Dude. Hi. What…you're calling? Is everything okay?"
"I need you to come get me."
"What? Now?"
"Now."
Kon didn't even bother to say goodbye before he hung up the phone. Tim slung his backpack over his shoulders and then went to kill time on the apartment complex's front stoop.
If Tim had bothered to explain and alleviate Kon's fears, it would have taken Superboy ten minutes, tops. As it were, Kon was there in five. He tried to be discrete by landing in a nearby alley, and then walk to where Tim sat waiting.
"Hey!" he called and he looked concerned. Tim reminded himself how much he hated that look. It was so different on Kon's face though.
"Hey."
"You wanted me to come. I'm here, are you…"
Tim stepped forward, invading his personal space deliberately. "I need a ride."
"Uh." The apples of Kon's cheeks turned into cherries. He wrapped his arms around Tim's middle, his hands resting on the Bird's hips. "Where?"
"Just fly."
They were in the sky in seconds, no cares and definitely no discretion. They stopped and hovered several hundred feet up. Tim let his chin rest on Kon's shoulder as he stared out into the sky. It was bluer up there. Not so white. It soothed him in a way he hadn't expected. Perhaps the feeling of Kon's body pressed against his was really to blame.
He spent so much time putting people off; he found it troubling to enjoy being with Kon so much. He voiced this confusion to the air. Kon's arms tightened around him.
"Maybe it's because you like me," he suggested.
"Impossible," Brambling scoffed.
Kon pulled his head back and kissed him. A cold winter wind whipped around them, clouds full of snow blew past, and Tim felt himself growing lightheaded. He kept his eyes opened as they kissed so he could watch Kon's eyelashes fluttering just so, and the way his jaw moved as their mouths worked against each other.
"Why didn't you get a ride with Dick or Jason?" Kon mumbled against his lips.
"Not an acceptable topic for discussion."
"You could be a bit more forthcoming."
"Noted."
"You're an asshole."
"Also noted."
"I don't understand why Dick and Jay let you get away with this!" Kon growled.
"Because." Because they understand what a wreck I am and they think that if they try to help, I'll break.
"I'm not letting you get away with it."
They were kissing again and Kon's arms were squeezing him too tightly.
It felt wonderful.
They headed towards San Francisco, where it was warmer and where the Tower was. Mostly where it was warmer. Kon wanted an excuse to pull some of Tim's clothes off. Such as, the jacket and the sweater and probably the t-shirt under that, all of it. It just needed to suddenly be gone.
He settled them in a park amongst a grove of trees and slid his hands up Tim's shirt. With the change in temperature, Tim was too hot and he was beginning to sweat so his coat and backpack hit the ground, leaves and twigs cracking loudly. Kon pushed him backward. Tim could feel the rough scrape of bark on his lower back where his shirt bunched.
It made no sense.
Tim yelped and it was too loud. Kon's hand had slipped into his pants and he was squeezing.
"God. Oh, God." Tim whined. His hips jerked forward, trying to press his crotch to Kon's. Superboy hadn't opened the jeans, just stuck his hand in and now he was caught between infuriating layers of fabric.
"You," Kon groaned and used his free hand to push Tim's hips back. "You drive me freaking crazy…" He was lucky he didn't rip the pants as he worked the button and zipper.
Every time this happened Tim became an (Composure?) inarticulate mess in Kon's arms. All he could do was squirm and moan. He made a wet noise as they kissed again, and then bit at Kon's lower lip.
"Please, Kon, please," Tim gasped when his mouth was once again unoccupied. He tilted his head back as far as he could and shut his eyes. Kon latched onto the delicate curve of his neck, sucking and biting while his hand moved in strong jerky strokes. Tim's balls were getting tighter and Kon was holding his hip down so he couldn't buck properly. He chewed on his lip, trying not to groan again.
Tim's mind started working backwards and he was afraid of what was going to happen with Kon…He let out a sob as he came all over Kon's hand and his shirt. He was panting even as he urged Kon back and dropped to his knees. His hands were shaking and he would kill himself if he started to cry.
He mouthed the head of Kon's dick and the clone said something as his hands found their way to Tim's hair. He clutched at the stiff strands and that scared Tim. He was losing control. He couldn't keep this if he lost control of it! (Composure?) He forced his way all the way down. His nose was buried in Kon's thatch and he choked as the dick bumped the back of his throat. He didn't let up because this was Kon.
Brambling didn't want to keep Superboy at arms length.
He was tired of that. He was so tired.
He swallowed around the cock in his mouth, and then gagged again. He felt Kon trying to urge him back and he only did so at his own leisure. He drew away for one moment to take a deep breath through his mouth, and then descended once more.
Kon had Tim's head in his hands and he thrust as carefully as he could. It was a lot to ask that he keep his cool. He grunted and his eyelids slid down even though he wanted to keep staring down at Tim. At how his prick disappeared into the guy's mouth…His hips jumped forward with the thought.
"Tim…I…" The words were lost. His orgasm ravaged his entire body, making his knees buckle. Tim caught him, took his lips from his cock and eased him to the ground.
"I don't understand t-this," Tim whispered and coughed. His lips were swollen and they looked wet and…Kon reached up to run his thumb over them. His other arm yanked his friend's torso closer. "Why me?"
"Because you've done nothing but try to push me away," Kon answered, his voice husky. "And it wasn't because I was the clone of Superman or because I was me. It was because I was just like everyone else and I seriously didn't get what that meant, at all. I don't understand what it is you're trying so hard not to see in people and…I've tried to find out and all I can gather is that you're amazing and you don't want anyone to see it."
"I have secrets."
"And I want to help you keep them."
Somehow, eventually, they righted themselves, despite the fact that Kon's shirt was a total loss. He left it in a thicket and wore Tim's sweater, which stretched across his shoulders terribly. They flew the last few miles to the Tower together.
SaturdayHe spent the night in the pool. He had told Kon he was going to bed and waited in his room for a long time then he slipped to the pool as quietly as he could, where he just floated. The water protected him from the flames.
Just before dawn he went back to his room to shower and make sure he looked presentable. He worried less about the makeup with the Titans because he had an excuse to wear his domino all the time and the whiteout lenses eliminated the comments about his bloodshot eyes. Whoever had invented them was a Godsend.
Jason started the day by mentioning Bruce wanted to talk to him. Tim ignored him and Kon gave them both a strange look.
They went to train and Jason brought it up again, so Tim came down on him harder. He landed a punch to his jaw.
There was a breakout at Alcatraz and they all headed out. Cyborg was the officially leader of the team, but now that Tim was there, they awaited his orders.
Brambling orchestrated everything beautifully. The crowd was herded back, the fires put out and the villains returned to their cells. Tim spent a good long while talking with to the Alcatraz faculty about how to step up their security.
When he returned, Jason greeted him bringing up Bruce yet again. Tim kept his face cool, but his shoulders tensed.
"Don't be a bastard, Jason," he hissed quietly.
"I won't let you keep dodging this," Robin replied. Brambling coolly pushed past him and headed for his room.
Kon sidled over beside the Teen Wonder. "What's going on?" He hoped he sounded innocent enough.
Jason frowned, seeming to be in deep thought. Then, at length, he spoke. "Don't worry about it. The family has it under control." He smiled wanly at the clone and then walked away.
It did nothing to convince his teammate. Superboy went to talk to Tim on his own. He found his…friend? Teammate? Boyfriend? Lover? What was he officially? Kon hadn't thought about it before. Maybe he would bring it up. He knocked on the door to Tim's room. It opened enough for Kon to see inside.
Tim looked pale and Kon looked worried. Worried was different than concerned, it felt better when it settled onto Tim's shoulders.
"I'm fine." Tim grimaced and decided he preferred Kon's smile, nonetheless.
"You're lying."
"I won't tell you."
"What am I to you?"
The little bird froze. "I…can't…"
"I've told you I won't let you push me away, and I've told you I'll help you keep your secrets. How can I help keep them if I don't know what they are?" Kon paused. He hadn't realized how much sense it made until he said it.
"Not yet," Tim murmured. He was backing away, so Kon matched him step for step, then drew him in.
"You're acting like a freak," he said.
"I know," Tim replied.
Kon kissed him because he had no idea what else might possibly help.
SundayJason paced the roof. He hadn't been angry at the time, but now he was. He was so furious he could barely think. His fists itched inside the gauntlets. The wind thrashed against his bare legs and ruffled the cape. It really didn't detract from his rage.
Tim…
He growled and then headed down into the Tower.
He had found and punched Superboy before he could contemplate any further.
"Wh-what the fuck!" the clone cried out. He floated backwards hurriedly, trying to put the couch between himself and Jason.
"Don't touch him!" Jason discovered he was yelling as he menaced Kon.
"Oh fuck…look, Jay, calm down," Kon pleaded. He held out his arms as fair warning, he didn't want to hurt one of his best friends.
"Stay the hell away from him!" Jason repeated with a snarl. His fist swung again, but Kon caught it and tried to hold Robin back.
"Let me explain," Kon pleaded. Jason kicked him in the stomach, sending him back a pace.
"No, Kon, I saw you. He's my little brother! There is nothing to explain and I'm going to kill you with my bare hands." Jason had quieted his voice, but his eyes still flashed with violence.
He'd fucking seen them with his own eyes! He'd gone after Tim to apologize. He, Jason Todd, he had gone to apologize! He just wanted to help his crazy little brother. Instead he'd found diminutive Brambling swallowed up in Superboy's overwhelming embrace. And as if that weren't enough betrayal, they were kissing. His best friend was taking advantage of his younger brother's unstable emotional state. That was just fucking fantastic!
"Why does…I'm not going to hurt him!" Kon protested.
"It's too late! He's already—" Jason gestured wildly, and then his motion halted midair.
"I'm already what, Robin?"
Jason had the control not to turn white as he spun around to face Brambling.
"You're fucked up," he said.
"How so?"
"How so? Do you really want me to answer that fucking question, right fucking here, right fucking now?"
Tim raised an eyebrow of open invitation.
"You're fucked up because when you were a kid you watched Dick's parents fall to their deaths." Jay took a step towards Tim, his face was set with frustration and anger and concern. "You're fucked up because you were with your parents when they were kidnapped. You were there when the terrorists tortured and killed their secretary. You were there during the whacked out fire ceremony. You felt the damn heat! You were right fucking there when your mom and your dad dropped to the ground and you watched their bodies get stiff," Jason paused, and pursed his lips. "You're fucked up because Batman terrifies you, but you want to be part of his family so badly. And you're fucked up because your father is—"
"That's enough," Tim murmured.
"I'm. Not. Finished."
"That's enough," Tim repeated at a tranquil, deliberate cadence. Kon was staring at him, his eyes were wide and blue and worried. Then Tim's voice quavered. "That is…enough…"
"Jesus," Kon whispered.
Tim's gaze strayed to somewhere over Jason's left shoulder, Robin turned to look and he became aware of all the stares he could feel burning on him.
"How much did you hear?" Tim asked.
Every Titan, save for Kory, appeared, each more sheepish than the last. Except for Raven, she seemed unfazed but, then again, she'd probably known all about Tim's internal drama from the start.
"Not much, we heard Jay yelling," Cassie began.
"Just the part about Batman," Bart supplied.
Beast Boy gave them all a strange look. "Dick called to say he'd be here soon."
It was hard for everyone to disperse after that. Kon didn't want to leave Tim, but Robin snarled and pulled Brambling away from him. The others were startled and confused by the behaviour of their teammate, and their friend.
They were waiting for Tim to snap though. Watching for the first sign that he was going to hit Jason for letting out his secrets. Tim understood how they were thinking and it bothered him. He wasn't that unstable. He had entreated Jason to speak and now their unwitting audience had the wrong impression.
Kon was watching him too…Tim wasn't sure what that signified. The clone confused him more than ever.
It had felt good to hear Jason describe his psychological issues. He wasn't stupid, Tim was well aware of just what caused his insomnia, his antisocial tendencies, his secrecy, and his unwillingness to speak with Bruce. It was all out in the open now without Tim having to use up any energy with some kind of emotion trauma.
Now Jason was furious, fuming beside him, so Tim turned and hugged him tightly, squeezing. It was uncomfortable and his chest plate was probably digging into Jason's sides. Jay wasn't a touchy feely kind of guy to begin with.
"What are you doing?" Jason asked. He was exasperated. Tim had heard the same tones in Dick's voice many times.
"I'm not angry," Tim clarified. It seemed the thing to do, maybe the right course of action.
"You should be. I was a prick earlier and I was a prick just then, but I am not apologizing." Jason wrapped his arms around Tim and squeezed back twice as hard. It hadn't been much of a hug from the start, but by then it was a flat out clutch.
"Good. I'm going to wait for Nightwing. I'll see you next weekend."
Tim sat on the roof, letting the warm winds of the bay blow past him. When the jet, much smaller than the Batjet, landed, Dick already knew. He came out of the craft and looked his little brother over with a critical eye.
"I'm not injured, Nightwing," Brambling murmured as he walked up the gangplank.
"Vic told me what happened."
"It's resolved."
Dick grabbed his shoulder to stop him. "The family isn't enough for you?"
"That isn't it."
"What is it then?"
"We can talk on the way home."
Dick realized Tim was pleading. He almost ignored it, he almost pressed him, but then he went to get the jet into the air. Tim followed in silence and strapped himself into the copilot seat. When Dick glanced over at him he found the mask was making it harder than ever to read the kid's face.
"Talk," Nightwing commanded.
"I don't want this to hurt you."
Dick was brought up short. Tim was being infuriating and confusing, but he was family. Dick was responsible for him. He was the one who'd fucked up and failed to save his parents in Haiti. So, he was the one who'd been raising him since. Dick loved him like a brother or a son, or whatever he was and he hurt every time he couldn't be the one to help Tim.
"Why Kon?" Dick asked quietly.
"I don't know." Tim was staring down at his hands. They were still hidden in his black gauntlets. "It isn't because you aren't enough…It isn't about you or Jason or Cass or Alfred or anyone. It's about me. "
How did he explain that Kon was no different from Roy or Kory or any of Dick's friends? No different, except in all the ways that he was and all the ways that Tim wasn't Dick.
"We only want to help you."
"I know."
MondayThere was a point where school stopped mattering. It was hard to give a fuck about Life Skills when his mind was locked onto the fact that he had hurt the people he thought of as his family.
Why weren't they enough? Why couldn't he get past his nightmares or just let himself be accepted. Why did he relax so much more with the Titans? Why Kon?
He slumped down in his chair and thought about Kon. They would have to talk and Tim had a jaded suspicion that their discussion would not end well.
He didn't have the patience for Kyle and Johnny. They were okay with it though. They knew how to give him his space.
When he got home, at last, he dropped his backpack on the floor. He left his shoes and his coat in a pile by the door and as he moved through the apartment, he spotted a note Dick had left.
Be back early tonight to have dinner.
When had it gotten there? Tim always left after Dick did. He would've had to have come back to leave that. The phone rang. Tim reached the short distance and answered.
"Hey."
"Kon?"
"Yeah, I…we didn't really…you left all of a sudden…"
"Yes."
"I don't…I don't think you planned for me to find out…like that."
"You're correct."
"Is everything cool with you and Jay?"
"Yes."
"You're making this harder."
"Noted."
"Tim. Is your dad still alive?"
Deep shaky breath. "Yes."
Disclaimer: Birds and Boys may break my bones but DC always owns them.