Amelia was incredibly torn if she should simply drop by at the hospital to at least do some scut work and to keep herself occupied instead of sitting around at their place doing nothing. It was her one and only off for the rest of the month, and the day barely even started and yet her hands were already in a desperate attempt to at least do something productive.
"By doing something productive" in Amelia's vocabulary only meant two things. 1) She's saving lives through surgery and 2) Watching someone save lives from the gallery. When she realized she could neither do both, she crawled under the covers of her bed in search of her phone to call in Mich who Amelia figured might have been getting all the action - given that she was on trauma rotation for the day.
"I'm dying." Amelia whined as she hastily got up from the bed with the hopes that at least Mich was there to fill her in with everything that was happening at the hospital.
"Oh c'mon, Amelia - it's just one day. —" She could hear Mich flipping through a handful of documents. Amelia snickered in amusement, as she tied her hair up in a bun.
"Shit - don't tell me you're only charting for the day? Thought you were in trauma?"
Mich groaned in annoyance, taking a long sigh - "I am in trauma. But unfortunately and fortunately enough, there hadn't been any trauma for the past three hours — so I'm left with Brennan's paperwork.
"Fuck - well I guess, I should consider myself lucky 'huh." Amelia replied. She scanned the room in search of a thing or two that she could do instead. When all her clothes had been washed, and their mini pantry had been fully stocked, Amelia figured it would be best to just use the remaining time to review for their upcoming boards instead.
And she hated it… dreaded it - just the thought of studying made her queasy. Which was ironic come to think, when she'd rather go through gruesome hours of surgery instead of being holed up in the comfort of her home, reading. Her career was literally at stake and yet it made the situation for her even funnier for thinking there was some way she could pass the boards with flying colors while not doing a damn thing.
She sighed in defeat, as she hung her head far back. Amelia knew there was absolutely no way this day would end without doing something that involved preparing for her boards. She rolled her eyes, as she made her way to Mich's room - hand still on her phone, she asked. "Can I borrow your textbook in your room?"
-x-
Mich was going to kill her.
No doubt that she would, not what she only gave permission to was for Amelia to use her textbook to review, and yet here was Amelia, knuckles deep in her drawer - trying to find Mich's oversized sweatshirt, too.
There was nothing special about it to be frank. It was just a simple gray pullover sweatshirt from Hopkins that looked comfortable to wear. Mich would often wear it while she studied, and Amelia thought it was exactly what she needed given that it was the only thing that she'd be doing for the next six hours or so.
Bonus, because it belonged to Arizona.
Amelia lied.
Of course.
Because it had everything to do with Arizona.
She smiled in contentment when she finally found the pullover. Pulling it out from her drawer, she then proceeded to take the shirt she was wearing off, tossing it aside - letting the comfort of the sweatshirt hug her form in all the right places. She shimmied her pants off, well pleased by the fact that her top, despite being oversized, hung loosely on her shoulders and was adequate enough to cover her mid-thighs.
Already satisfied with her choice of clothing, she pulled out Mich's chair from her desk, taking a seat as she grabbed the textbook from the shelf. She took the necessary measures to study, and a few hours later. Amelia felt impelled, by how everything ran smoothly to her accord - that she even had the time to come up with a reviewer, which she surely would share to Mich.
A gesture of truce for letting her use her sweatshirt without her consent.
-x-
Amelia had the initial thought that she'd wake up with an empty bed. She blinked twice, trying to shake herself from the feeling that this all could just be a dream. A projection - because it felt too good to be true.
To wake up with a feeling of Arizona's arm snaking around her waist, and her chin on the crook of her neck as Amelia was wrapped securely in her arms. She could feel Arizona's chest on her back, the soft whimper that elicited from her mouth when Amelia tried to move.
It was not as if she was going somewhere else, anyway. Not as if she was also one to complain how insanely nice it felt to have Arizona's arms around her, as if she had no plans of letting go.
She dipped herself back, letting herself be enveloped on Arizona's flush more. She grew fond of Arizona's warmth that radiated on her. Her arms were how she'd imagined all these years, gentle under her touch, and filled with so much care and solicitous.
The moment never really lasted long enough for Amelia to take it all in, when they were completely woken up by a knock from her door. Arizona hastily jolted up, and Amelia turned herself around, covering her hand on her mouth in reflex before she could say anything else.
"Amelia?" Meredith repeatedly knocked from the other side of the door. Little footsteps echoed across the hallway, joining her on the other end.
"Uh – yeah?" She sat up, hand never leaving Arizona's mouth as she peered her head on the clock at her bedside table to check the time. She muttered a curse in her breath - it was already 8AM. She hoped Meredith wasn't waking her up due to a page she was not able to attend to, or due to an emergency at the hospital that both needed them right away because having any of them see her and Arizona in this state wasn't exactly an option.
"Is that Arizona's car in the driveway?"
Both pairs of eyes widened as they stared at the door. She mentally had forgotten if she even locked the door the night before due to the fact that it usually stays open for the kids. She grew even more anxious when she reviewed all her steps- and realized the door was indeed left unlocked as she was too occupied carrying Arizona all the way to bed last night.
That was also the moment she knew she fucked up when she heard the door pried itself open, and - let's just say, the sight of Meredith and the kids seeing Amelia partially on top of Arizona with her hand covered on her mouth, underneath the covers was definitely something that caught (mostly) the kids in complete shock. Meanwhile, Meredith stood her ground with an unreadable expression etched on her face.
She gestured the kids to give their Aunt Amelia the space she needed- and waited for the kids to leave before she finally turned her gaze back on both Amelia and Arizona who now positioned themselves in a more presentable manner, with both backs on the headboard and both hands clinging steadily on the sheets covering them both.
" So …about damn time." Meredith squinted her eyes playfully. She walked towards them, eyeing Arizona's clothes that were thrown haphazardly across the room, joined by the clothes Amelia also wore the night before.
"Oh, Mer - it's not what you think." She placed the palm on top of her head. Before she could fully explain the situation, she felt Arizona's hand fall on her lap. Amelia probably guessed Arizona was still half sleepy, mostly clueless about what was going on. She must have been nursing a hangover and was in desperate need of sleep but Meredith made it difficult for her to do any of these now.
"It's not? Because I would be completely disappointed if it's not what I think it is." She smirked, raising both of her hands as if in surrender. "Wheels up in 30 but I'm guessing you won't be needing a ride."
She left without saying a word. Thanking the heavens that it wasn't Maggie who saw them, otherwise - the whole thing would have lasted for a day. Amelia would be stupid enough to think that Meredith wouldn't be sharing any of this the minute she sees Maggie, though. Her two sisters were probably going on about this already downstairs as they prepared the kids' lunches. She heaved a sigh in relief, letting the sheets wallow her form in embarrassment.
" Shit . My head hurts." Arizona groaned. She felt Arizona's leg move under the covers, giving a little stretch. Amelia moved a little to give her the space.
"Let me get you some ibuprofen —" Amelia got up from bed to retrieve Arizona's prosthetic leg thrown in the side.
As Arizona sets it back up for her to wear, Amelia made her way towards Arizona's side of the bed to pull out her medicine and the glass of water from her bedside table.
Eyeing the box of condoms under the desk. She noticed Arizona's sly glace from her peripheral view.
"I'm sorry, you didn't get to use those." Arizona pointed out as she downed the remaining contents of her water at full speed.
Amelia cleared her throat, unsure of what to say. "Oh God, I didn't ruin your date by any chance did I?" Arizona additionally asked, slightly panicked - running her hands through her hair.
"No, there wasn't any date. You're good." She bit back the response that she initially wanted to say, how she had the audacity to even ask her that. That the flippant answer she had in her mind was that she wouldn't even be needing that because she wanted -
Amelia stopped in her tracks and shook those thoughts away, figuring it was not even the right time to entertain the thoughts that had built up since last night.
Hell for the last few years, if she were being honest.
Putting that aside, she hoped to God Arizona would barely remember all the details. Surely the blonde had already figured out what happened last night. Arizona nodded, relieved by her response as they both sat in bed in silence once again.
It was unsettling, how all of a sudden the silence turned deafening, seemingly how Meredith, Maggie and the kids had already left for work. There was so much unexplained tension between them that was literally sitting behind their backs and Amelia gets it.
It was the awkward morning after, only this time, without the sex.
Where neither had any clue of what to do - if she were to invite her over for a cup of coffee or ask her to leave and to never come back. Amelia figured Arizona was never either of those. She was more than someone she'd simply invite over for coffee and definitely not someone she would ask to leave.
Arizona might have also sensed the awkwardness from the entire situation as she could feel the weight of her gaze from her peripheral view. She took Amelia's hand in quick motion, giving a firm squeeze - her eyes gleamed brightly, always - Amelia wished Arizona had the ability to dial it back with her because she had been struggling to restrain herself from just melting in her touch right then and there. "Amelia, I can't thank you enough. I know it was April who put you up with this. You probably had other more important things to do and I really messed it up —"
"It was fine, really. I didn't mind at all." She shrugged. Because at this point, that was the only thing Amelia could do - act as if even the slightest touch, or words of affirmation given by Arizona never really had any effect on her.
Arizona groaned, pulling her hand back to her side. "Ugh, God. I hope I didn't give you a hard time."
"Well you're heavy, let's start with that. —" Amelia quipped.
"Okay, Dr. Shepherd, I get it." Arizona mocked in response, "But, seriously - thank you. I owe you one." She flashed a smile as she got up from the bed.
How about you just take me out?
Amelia's smile dissipated as her grip from the comforter tightened. She pulled out all the stops from her impulse to blatantly say things that were on top of her head. She watched Arizona as she gave a quick scan of the room, obviously aware that she was now left with nothing but her tank top.
"H-how? –" Arizona asked.
"I took your clothes off." Amelia said coolly, " Shit . I meant not in the way - we didn't , nothing happened. I swear – Arizona, I would never ."
Arizona's eyes widened - somehow amused at Amelia's ineptitude to answer a simple question. She tilted her head on the side in confusion, and Amelia grimaced - having fully realized what Arizona just was referring to.
"Right - you were just asking for your clothes… sorry ." She rubbed the back of her neck in secondhand embarrassment. She joined Arizona as she too got up from her bed, picking up Arizona's jacket and top off the floor, giving it back to her. "They've been drenched in sweat and dirt so they're practically no use. Are you good with using my clothes for the meantime? I could put these in the wash."
Arizona nodded in thanks. She walked over to where Amelia placed her bag, picking up her phone to check her messages. "I can just put them in the wash at home. But won't say no to wearing something clean, though." She looked back up on Amelia to give her a smile and back to her phone, as she continued scrolling through her emails once again.
-x-
Four hours in, she could already feel her neck starting to get sore, from how she positioned herself from the study table. It felt insanely peculiar that she'd reached a point where she would already be so engrossed in her study that backing out to take a quick rest was no longer an option. She knew she'd lose her momentum if she took the easy way out - and so she trudged on despite the ache on her back.
At exactly 6:23PM, she heard the door of their apartment open. An audible sigh echoed through the hallway, followed by the rustle of a coat that Amelia assumed was being hanged on the nearby hanger stand. It was Mich, Amelia was sure of it. Probably bailed early due to the lack of action in the pit. Could be that, or she was simply rewarded by Brennan to an early night out as Mich was the one who helped him out with his shit ton of paperwork.
Amelia could only hope Mich wouldn't be mad.
Hell, she was already sharing her reviewer with her.
If Mich looked on the bright side and not how well fit the sweatshirt was on Amelia - like it was her own or how she literally spent the entire day hanging around in her room then there wouldn't be a problem.
Who was Amelia kidding? Mich would be fine. Mich would not simply go ballistic for overstaying in her room let alone borrowing her clothes when she had done the same, countless times.
And so, she continued with her work - waited for Mich to head to where she was in her room.
Mich wouldn't kill her.
Mich wouldn't –
She heard the footsteps getting closer, stopping right at the front of the door. Amelia was too occupied with her work, that she didn't even take a second to acknowledge Mich from behind, - if she were being honest, maybe she was still anxious about how Mich will react and so she figured it was best to just simply sit still.
She expected a hand landing on her shoulder from behind to get her attention. Amelia dipped her back further on the seat, as she welcomed the hand that was still perched on her shoulder.
What she didn't expect though, was the same hand to fully envelop her neck conscientiously, taking her in slowly.
She suddenly felt a pair of dulcet lips leave a trail of light kisses from the side of her jaw to the crook of her neck, ending the kiss off with a light suck on her clavicle. Amelia emits a long deep breath, too aroused to properly form a response - and yet confused by Mich's sudden gesture. Almost as if she thought she was someone else -
She momentarily closed her eyes, in reflex about to abruptly pull away when the hand left her neck, and was now swiftly wrapped below the valley of her breasts. Amelia bit the moan that formed in her throat, knowing that it was Mich - the same Mich that should be stopped. But the woman did not waste any time at all, when Amelia's breath hitched as she felt the same lips that went for neck, leaned in her ear to whisper closely from behind. "Hmm, you looked so good in my shirt. Even better without it, for sure." She gave Amelia a brief kiss on the cheek, dipping forward to position herself down on her knees.
The voice.
It was the voice that threw her off.
Surely wasn't Mich - but Arizona's.
It was Arizona who had her hands and mouth all over her for the past few minutes. It was fucking Arizona - who absolutely had no clue that it was Amelia. Whom she assumed, immediately dove in without a thought, thinking it was Mich because why the hell would Amelia even be in Mich's room, wearing Mich's clothes and have Arizona touch her the way she allowed herself to do so? She'd never have given it a proper thought that it was not Mich but Amelia.
Amelia seemed as if she took advantage of the entire situation, when truthfully she had just been too caught in the moment. Had never been given enough time to make sense of what just happened, sat frozen in place. With her heart rapidly beating out of her chest, and without any second thought, her eyes widened as she jolted from her seat, just in time for a still painfully unaware Arizona to swivel her chair around to face her.
Amelia chewed the inside of her lip to refrain from unintentionally letting out a groan as she was greeted by the sight of Arizona kneeling in front of her.
Arizona still had no idea it was her and was still thinking of Mich - had plans of going down on her. And Amelia couldn't take it anymore - she was about to combust, and was literally on the edge -
And it felt wrong to emit a response that was surely not for her to feel and to react from. If only Arizona would take a damn second to look at her, but the blonde was too occupied positioning herself properly right in between her bare legs.
"R-Robbins." She could barely speak, almost as if gasping for air as she tried to contain the heat that formed right in between her legs. She could feel every muscle twitch in her, every fiber of who Amelia was being lit on fire, by how Arizona held her and how Amelia felt her convulsed when Arizona finally recognized her own damn voice and as she began to look up - mortified.
She knew she broke her when Arizona's smirk turned into extreme shock, as she abruptly pulled back - the sudden impact causing her knees to give up as she fell right on the mat. She braced her arms from behind, as she looked up at Amelia with widened eyes and with her mouth agape, "A-Amelia?" She furrowed her eyebrows, taken aback - spooked, embarrassed, paralyzed with fear - all the things that Amelia was feeling as much as her. "God, I'm so sorry - I… I didn't know. The shirt you're wearing, and your hair tied up in a bun in Mich's room - I thought you were her. I swear to God I would never -"
That was the moment she knew Mich was going to kill her.
Literally.
All thanks to her damn sweatshirt.
-x-
Amelia pulled her drawer out to get Arizona something to wear, for some reason - feeling extra anxious.
She had been busy for the past week and had totally forgotten about doing laundry and now she was left with no decent clothes to give away. She buried her hand deep inside her drawer, mumbled a silent prayer to one's breath, pulling out the only clean and sufficient article of clothing she could find.
Panic flashed in her eyes, the minute she unclenched her grip from the particular garment only to reveal that it was Mich's old sweatshirt back in Hopkins.
Technically, it belonged to Arizona - which Arizona gave to Mich, and Amelia borrowed it from Mich without her permission and was not able to return them for reasons . And Amelia dreaded everything that happened that particular night and that memory she had with Arizona which she tried to bury, which meant she hadn't been able to use nor had seen the same sweatshirt for years.
The universe may have been playing some sick game on her because what are the chances that the garment would show up with Arizona around, this time?
Arizona must have seen the look on her face as she threw her phone away, and made her way to where Amelia was - completely astonished... "Is this the same -" she grabbed the material from Amelia's hands, and looked at it with so much intent - probably in beyond belief that Amelia would still have it with her after all these years.
Amelia nodded, she squinted her eyes slowly in wry amusement - being careful of what to say next. "I was not able to return it to Mich that night we -"
Amelia was cut off by Arizona who managed to suppress a laugh, crossing her arms delicately on her chest. "God. That was a long time ago. This shirt got us in so much trouble, right?"
-x-
She covered her hand in her mouth, still in complete shock. Amelia knew she was in trouble, the weight of her anxiety settled into her system. She raised her hands as if in surrender, shaking her head in disbelief to show her that she was unaware as much as Arizona. That she didn't take advantage of the situation despite the numerous responses that elicited from her mouth the instant moment Arizona devoured her with her own.
"Arizona, I'm sorry — fuck. I thought you were Mich. Which was weird, because Mich would never - and I just sat here like a complete idiot without telling you almost the entire time because I just thought Mich confused me with you, but I swear - I didn't know it was you until I heard your voice." She stammered. Amelia felt hot tears welled in her eyes, and Arizona instantly got up on her knees to reach out.
"Hey n-no, you didn't do anything wrong. It was completely my fault, I should have known before I made the move. Shit, I messed up - not you, okay?" It was awful. How Arizona took ownership, and how she instantly provided her the assurance - and placed the blame all on her. How for some reason, it was Arizona who still became the bigger person between the two of them, and went out of her way to comfort Amelia.
Arizona seemed as if she developed a fear of touching her, as she kept her hands on her sides. With a mask of apprehension disposed on her features, Amelia was blown away with the fact that Arizona still had the time to be selfless - and placed her feelings above her own at the very moment when she knew she was more to blame. Amelia looked at Arizona, who was still too occupied worrying about how she felt - and she just couldn't help but bask into that fact alone.
As if she had a mind of her own, she swiftly left Mich's desk chair to join Arizona who was still seated on the carpeted floor.
She heaved a long sigh, as they sat together in silence - Arizona still had an obscure expression etched on her face but softened the minute Amelia finally locked eyes with her. "Okay. So it's no one's fault." Amelia stated, merely a question but a fact to which Arizona nodded.
An unspoken agreement to leave things as they should be. Amelia wanted nothing more than that - knowing that it was saving Mich.
Because she was right, it was nobody's fault. They didn't do anything wrong.
Whatever sound or thought or feeling she let out was merely just a natural response. Anyone would have felt the same thing if they were held the way she just did with her.
-x-
"For the record, none of that would have happened if you weren't hanging around in Mich's room." Arizona mused as she stretched the sleeves of the garment for her to wear. Probably satisfied that it could still provide the same comfort since she had it.
"Well you didn't look long enough and dove straight right into first base with me." Amelia prompted with so much certitude.
Arizona tilted her head, taken aback. She squinted her blues carefully, still somehow beguiled by the banter they had. "Because you were wearing my damn sweatshirt!" She exclaimed.
Amelia grinned, raising both of her shoulders momentarily then eventually joining Arizona in laughter. "Well it's yours to keep, now."
Arizona shook her head disapprovingly, a sly smile formed in the corners of her mouth - "This doesn't belong to me anymore… I'm still sticking to my stance that you look good in my shirt."
"Oh." Was all that Amelia had managed to say. Seemingly too immersed in suppressing the consistent pounding of her chest.
-x-
But just, fuck it.
There was absolutely no denying how the sensation of pleasure went right back in her system in full force the minute she found out it was Arizona who had been there all this time. It was pretty much evident she loved it - when she shouldn't. It didn't mean anything - even if it meant everything to her, and it took just about everything in her to drown the feelings away.
She was simply saving Mich from getting hurt.
Hell, it felt so much easier to put it all behind them everytime Amelia would think about how Arizona only did it because she thought it was Mich. How quick for Arizona to pull away when she instantly found out it was her. Amelia tried her hardest not to be affected by that - when it was simply the right thing to do. But she just couldn't help it.
She had always admitted to being impetuous - and at that very moment, she was still struggling to move forward and to act as if nothing happened between them.
What were the chances that this was actually the first time she was touched intimately by a woman, who just so happened to be the same woman Amelia had strong, unexplained and illicit feelings for?
Maybe the idea of admitting it was nobody's fault was not saving Mich, but more about saving herself because truthfully, Amelia didn't know if she would have acted fast enough as Arizona to move away and to set the boundaries if the roles were reversed.
And she felt bile rising in her throat, disgusted in herself to be feeling this way. It was tainted in all shades of wrong because Arizona happened to be involved with someone she really cared about and she hated the possibility of fucking that up too.
She came back to her senses for a wee moment when Arizona reluctantly reached out, but abruptly backpedaled before the palm of her hand reached her thigh, when she realized Amelia was only wearing her sweatshirt which barely even covered her bare legs.
A blush crept in her cheeks as Amelia tugged the material down, in a desperate attempt to cover herself up, yet failed. Making the entire situation even more unsettling because now Arizona wouldn't even look at her, and instead fixed her gaze on the ceiling instead.
Arizona cleared her throat, before finally forming a response. "Hey, I should get going. Okay?" Arizona began to say, as she imparted a tight yet reassuring smile to her.
"So soon?" She asked, barely a whisper - in fear that it would fail to mask the disappointment in her face. Amelia didn't know why she felt as if her heart was ripped out of her chest when Arizona said it. It was funny for her to feel this way when she had never been entitled to feel anything different. She was never a good enough reason for Arizona to stay, anyways.
"Yes. well I mean, I initially dropped by cause I really thought Mich was here, so -" Arizona explained.
Amelia smiled, again - using all the energy that she could muster to not look even more upset. How could she actually believe she had a hold in her? "Of course. So I'll just –"
Arizona stood up, extending a hand on Amelia to haul her back on her feet until they were only mere nches away from each other. Arizona flashed a tight-lipped smile, taking a few steps back to pick her belongings up from Mich's bed. "I'll see you later, Amelia."
Arizona quickly left before Amelia could even say anything else.
-x-
"Would you like to stay over a bit for coffee?" Amelia blurted yet never sounded more sure than ever.
Amelia had no clue where she was getting her unearned confidence from, but she knew it was something that she should put to good use, especially if it had anything to do with Arizona.
She thought about the huge difference between what they were now compared to before. Thought about Arizona, and how the damn woman still knew her way to effortlessly sweep her up off her feet. How she managed to still have the same effect on Amelia who also couldn't be bothered by the fact that she was adamant to be engulfed in that same feeling all over again..
"I would love that." Arizona replied
While things may have turned into a complicated heap of a mess after that night she mistakenly thought she was Mich, Amelia could only hope that what they have now could lead to a different outcome.
They made their way downstairs, and yes, sure, it was only for coffee - but Amelia certainly took pride that she was able to keep Arizona this time around.
-x-
Amelia found it ironic how she was woken up for no reason. How the complete and utter silence that lingered all around the room bothered her, and she was left wondering why - and all the more wanted to know how it persistently played tricks on her mind that something was up.
With a sigh, she got out of bed - padded her steps down the hallway and into their kitchen area where she was greeted by a solemn and uncharacteristically silent Mich who was literally staring blankly at the untouched cup of coffee that nestled into her lap.
Amelia pulled out a stool to sit beside her, feeling a bit apprehensive knowing it was the morning after the incident she had with Arizona and though nothing was brought up to the surface, Amelia was still dreaded with anxiety thinking how Mich may have eventually found out about it from Arizona which led to the reason why she had been distant even to her.
"Are you okay?" She asked tentatively.
An unreadable expression contorted in Mich's features and Amelia knew that was the last of it. Maybe she was right and she knew, and now she fucked up for good because she still had the audacity to ask as if Amelia absolutely had no clue.
Amelia braced for impact, expecting that Mich would lash out or throw things at her - she knew better to own up to her mistake and she could take it. Take whatever Mich would do.
What she didn't expect though was for Mich to lean her head in on Amelia's shoulder in which Amelia instinctively wrapped her arms around in her in return, for support. "Hey, what's wrong?"
"I think Arizona's cheating on me."