"Still Arizona, is it? Well - hello to you too, Amelia."
Amelia swallowed hard, as she tore herself away from the kitchen and further walked into the living room to get more privacy.
It had only been minutes since Arizona went upstairs to take a shower, and though she was sure that she wouldn't be seeing her for a short while, she knew she still had to be careful. She scanned the surroundings, beyond relieved that even DeLuca was nowhere to be found, and used all the energy she could muster to respond to Mich.
"Sorry." She began to apologize, taking a deep breath once again as she readjusted the firm grip she had on the phone.
"For Arizona or the sudden call?" Mich tentatively asked and Amelia uncomfortably ran a hand on her hair in frustration for many reasons a) she knew that the conversation they were about to have was best discussed in person and yet here they were, and b) Amelia had always failed with her words, now she could barely even let out a squeak because she was guilty - beyond guilty for what she did with Mich all these years.
"For both." She responded indignantly, knowing best to start the conversation with a sincere apology - regardless if she was already years late for it. "Believe me, it was never my intention to -"
Mich intervened, as Amelia heard her sigh from the other end of the line. "None of it matters anymore, Amelia. You know that."
Amelia bits her bottom lip hard, allowing her mind to work its way to be able to respond in the best way possible, because Mich deserved just that, no matter how it had been years. "It still doesn't change the fact that I have hurt you." She trailed off, realizing that conveying the whole truth was not as easy as she thought it would be. "To be fair, we didn't - Arizona and I… it just, it was me - all me, and I never really acted on these feelings I had for -" She stopped mid-sentence, as she briefly turned her gaze to the stairwell, and was beyond comforted by the thought that the blonde surgeon was still pretty much occupied upstairs.
Amelia could hear Mich pulling up a smile, "Well, I don't need your apology." She replied nonchalantly, and Amelia found herself appeased by the thought alone. She remained silent as she patiently waited for Mich to formulate her own thoughts further. "I do need answers though. But this time you gotta be honest with me."
-x-
Amelia tried hard not to be bothered by the fact that Arizona was leaving Hopkins.
There had been rumours, and small talks she heard from the nurses' stations, and discussions from the attendings. Generally, people talk, and they do that a lot.
Amelia didn't know which one to actually believe in. She knew it would have been so much easier to simply ask Mich, but they haven't exactly been on speaking terms for the past few weeks.
And she was a coward to even ask the real deal between them - why they haven't been talking.
Stuck with the idea that Mich had only been busy with work or was going through something personal.
Either that or worse - if the sight of her and Arizona at the kitchen sink threw her off because she and Arizona were technically not even friends and yet Mich caught Amelia looking at Arizona as if she wanted to kiss her a few weeks back.
So again, she was afraid to ask - because there was a huge possibility it could be the latter, and Amelia was not prepared if that would be the actual case.
But it was Arizona's last year, and she was on her way to get to her fellowship - and yet Amelia still had no clue, exactly where, and which hospital she'd be working with.
Most importantly, Arizona was a year ahead of Mich and Amelia, which meant she'd be leaving Mich behind.
And she was curious, maybe even more than that - not that it should matter.
She was with Matt now.
They weren't exclusive, but Amelia liked to think they were to steer herself away from Arizona.
She was with someone now, and yet Amelia was unsure if she was still prohibited to admit that she would miss the blonde, now more than ever.
Which was why she was adamant to know where Arizona would go.
So Amelia wouldn't have to worry… so she wouldn't have to miss her too much if she at least had an idea where she was. It would have been the final nail in the coffin, an end to her feelings towards the blonde.
Arizona was leaving, and she was with Matt - and she knew it was not exactly the best idea, but learning how to be happy was something that she could adapt herself with.
Even if that meant not being with the person she actually loved.
Loved.
Love.
It was the first time Amelia brought herself to say the word.
No longer deterred from saying it, because again, Arizona was leaving - and even if she wasn't, and even if Amelia was unattached, she still wouldn't belong to Amelia - anyways.
So there was that.
-x-
"Well, I don't need your apology." She replied nonchalantly, and Amelia found herself appeased by the thought alone. She remained silent as she patiently waited for Mich to formulate her own thoughts further. "I do need answers though. But this time you gotta be honest with me
Amelia nodded, briefly pulling her phone away from her ear to check the time, and when she realized she still had a couple of minutes more, she hastily pulled the phone back to its rightful place. "Okay, what do you want to know?"
"Hmm." Amelia heard how Mich tapped her fingers in a slow and steady beat against, she assumed at a table in front of her. She was probably at the hospital, or at home - she couldn't tell. "Why Arizona?"
Amelia winced.
Because she too, was unsure of how to answer that.
It was just Arizona.
It had always been Arizona, and unimaginably no one else, back then.
But Mich didn't know she liked girls, nor did she even know that she had it in her - not until Arizona strolled along the halls of John Hopkins with her Heelys and the damned dimpled smile of hers.
Amelia berated herself if she could even answer that.
But there was no denying that it was a good and logical question. A question she could even ask herself.
Why Arizona?
Of all women and the guys back then, why did it have to be the same woman her friend was involved with?
"I guess I've always been drawn to how she took care of you." She went on to say, it was more than enough - definitely the safest answer she could think of at that very moment. "I never had that back then."
Even up until now.
A thought she forcefully buried because she didn't want to go through that, when she just had that thought last night.
Because if she thought about it once again, it would feel as if her world would fall apart - all over again. And she only considered herself lucky last night, because despite being absolutely drunk, Arizona pulled her in and had been there for her in a manner where she felt safe and secured.
She hadn't had that for the longest time.
Mich remained silent, Amelia assumed she wanted to believe that she'd thought of adding more, and so she did. "Hell, she remembered you and all three of your brothers' birthdays by heart, sent flowers to your parents when they had their wedding anniversary. She was literally always just there for you - attentive, kind and funny. A freaking dork, and smart, and pretty - more than pretty. God, beautiful." She added in a hushed tone, careful for the next words she was about to utter because it had been more than ten minutes since she and Arizona parted, and she knew she'd be heading down any minute now. "She's perky, too perky for anyone's liking. But she's who she is, and I… love that about her."
She winched, chewing the inside of her lip as she reprimanded her mouth from saying more. Because she never considered herself a talker, never the one who would go above the way just to express admiration for someone. Hell, she couldn't even do that to herself.
Amelia had always been cynical and hard-edged. She has always presumed it stemmed from everything that happened to her over the years, and she found herself defiant to it.
She never considered herself a people person, and in the rarest circumstances she'd be surrounded by them, she'd make sure to keep her circle small. At a distance, she was always the observer, who would mentally take note of their idiosyncrasies, be amused by their triggers and their source of gratification - no matter how peculiar most of the time it'd be coming from.
Amelia would oftentimes be drawn when they would tend to reveal bits of vulnerability, and would be left astounded with how absolutely great and beautiful - and resilient they were. But with Arizona, she found herself being completely different.
She'd still manage to maintain being the silent and keen observer one, but Arizona's whole being had and has always been undeniably clear-cut which also drove a profound spark in her to openly praise her to anyone who would ask.
Anyone but Arizona.
But admitting it all to Mich first - was a start.
"She's perky, too perky for anyone's liking. But she's who she is, and I… love that about her."
Love
And not loved.
Because circumstances are different now.
Arizona had been uninvolved for a while and, for the very first time since Mich and Callie. And Amelia was - a more than willing participant, given the fact that she had been painfully single, since she moved into Seattle.
She was still a heap of a mess and her impulse may tell her otherwise the next day, but there was no denying that wanted Arizona for quite some time now.
For years, to put it frankly. Though, some parts of her feelings were put to rest when she left Hopkins - it was more than reassuring to know that the feelings were still there when they practically had to work together to save the life of Nicole Herman.
"Not to mention, exceptional in bed." Mich coolly added.
The remark was too damn noticeable to simply let it slide. "Shut up." Amelia quipped in annoyance, old habits couldn't seem to simply die down - beyond appeased to know that Mich would somehow still make her feel jealous.
She heard Mich scoffing from the background, followed by a small laugh. Amelia couldn't seem to fight off the smile that had now formed her features, realizing how much of a jerk she was for forgetting how much she had missed her, too.
"Wait - why are you getting all flustered by that? Aren't you guys together by now?"
The smile that had previously been imprinted on her mouth, dissipated - not knowing how to answer. "I'm not…" She stopped mid-sentence, thinking of another way to downplay the harsh reality of what they really are. How they were basically nothing but colleagues who'd often pass by each other at the coffee cart. OR and on-call rooms, occasionally. Slept in the same bed, once - just last night.
Were they still considered friends at this point?
"We're not together."
A sharp intake of breath elicited from Mich's mouth which almost stung her ears to death. She briefly pulled away as she heard Mich mutter a couple more curses. "Amelia Shepherd, please tell me you have at least kissed or had done some dry humping with Arizona at some point or I would flip this table I have in front of me."
Amelia wanted to balk at that. "Dry hump– ? Excuse me. What are you, some horny teenager?" She'd insinuate as if she was disgusted by the idea that Mich forcefully hauled in her head, when she had thought of doing just that and more during their days at Hopkins.
Mich would have killed her if she admitted that to her now regardless if she and Arizona had been practically nonexistent for years.
"Damn, not even a kiss?"
"No!" She hissed in frustration, taking a step back to swivel her angle back at the staircase to look for Arizona - to no avail. "I mean, that's none of your business."
"None of my business? I sort of like, gave you away to be with my ex and you're telling me you haven't even made a move on her?"
"It's complicated." She bit back harshly.
"How can it be complicated when you literally work at the same hospital —"
"Okay, this was a mistake - I'm hanging up now."
-x-
"Seattle fucking Grace."
A familiar voice crept from the bottom of the bunk bed where she had been sleeping for quite some time, abruptly pulling her awake from her slumber. In circumstances such as this, Amelia would have already proclaimed her annoyance to the person who would even have the audacity to wake her up after enduring a complicated night of post-op duty, but then again - the voice belonged to Mich, and the name of the hospital - was overwhelmingly too familiar that she knew that sleeping could actually wait for this time around.
"She got in on Seattle Grace."
There was a wave of relief that coursed in her veins upon Mich's declaration, subdued by the fact that she'd be in good hands.
Amelia peered her head down below, only to be greeted by a rather despondent Mich who had her eyes glazed down from the floor, sitting solemnly at the lower bunk with her knees all curled up to her chest.
As much as Amelia was beyond grateful to know where Arizona was heading for her fellowship, she also couldn't help the fact that she felt bad for Mich, knowing what that would entail for their relationship. "Are you going to move too?"
"No." Mich replied indignantly, Amelia somehow a bit taken aback by how Mich responded- knew best not to pry further. She nodded in understanding as she made her way down from the top bunk to join Mich. Mich's eyes softened, without saying anything else - Amelia placed a hand on her shoulder to give her the assurance that she understood, and that no apologies were needed. "I mean, it's already our 4th year in the program anyways - I don't mind having to wait for another year to take my fellowship there too."
Amelia bit her lip, trying to come up with another way to formulate a reply without sounding too hypercritical. Because she knew Mich and her passion to work in New York ever since she was a kid. She previously shared how she wanted nothing more but to start her fellowship at New York-Presbyterian, a couple of times before - and now things seem to have changed for her, ever since Arizona came around. "So you've already decided to have your fellowship at Seattle Grace?"
Amelia figured Mich may haven't given a proper thought about it before as she sat completely still, "I could give it a try, if not I could - I don't know, go to Virginia Mason or Seattle Presbyterian maybe?"
Amelia nodded, slowly coming to terms with what that really meant. That she was willing to give up her lifelong dream to work in New York for Arizona, that she even took the time to look into other hospitals in Seattle - in case things with Seattle Grace won't work out. Which also meant she was serious with Arizona and that Seattle Grace may not actually even be an option for Amelia at some point in the future because they'd somehow still be there.
Which was the opposite of what she actually wanted.
Amelia closed her eyes shut for a brief moment, before dropping the elephant in the room - "And is Arizona okay with the whole arrangement? - I mean that's basically, long distance."
Mich heaved a sigh, rubbing the back of her neck unsettlingly. "She said she's okay with whatever I decide. A big part of me wanted to be there with her, but the truth is - I'm happy with where I am now, and I don't think I'm ready to leave everything behind just because–" Mich trailed off, her voice coming out too hoarse as expected. Despite clearing her throat, she still struggled to map out what she really wanted to say.
But Amelia knew exactly what she wanted to let out.
Even without prodding her further, she knew - what Mich was really trying to verbalize - that she was still not ready to simply drop everything she built at Hopkins just because she fell in love with Arizona.
No matter how sure she was of her feelings towards the blonde.
Her heart broke for Mich, and so, reached out and wrapped an arm around her shoulder to pull her in, consoling her. "Well, waiting for a year more, wouldn't hurt - right?" She asked carefully.
Mich leaned her form towards Amelia, with the back of her head dipping forward onto her shoulder. "I want this to work. I need this to work."
"It will." She uttered the word with defiance, trying not to sound at least hesitant or unconvincing because -
"Can you provide me with concrete data of couples actually surviving long-distance relationships? There's practically none." Mich asked, as she unsettlingly toyed with the loose thread from the scrub top she was wearing to keep her mind off things.
Yep, exactly what Mich said.
There was no denying that long-distance was difficult. It was a ticking time bomb - an impending doom. Amelia couldn't even recall if she knew anyone who could consider their relationship was a success because it stemmed from a long distance.
"This will work. You once said, Arizona is different - so you'd do whatever it takes to make this work." She narrowed her eyes, sinking her bottom lip to her teeth, uncertain if Amelia's sudden optimism somehow swayed Mich.
There was no finality, when Amelia tried to give Mich the assurance. But she knew she needed every ounce of hope she could get.
A synthetic laugh erupted from Mich, followed by another long intake of breath. "I don't want to lose her. But the funny thing is that, it feels like I already am."
"You won't."
Amelia still wasn't sure but at that moment, it was all that Mich needed to hear.
Mich nodded as she delved into Amelia's form further. Together, they sat at the bottom bunk of the bed in silence, with Mich still carefully wrapped around Amelia's arms as she continued to rub soothing circles on her back.
She thought of the aftermath of Arizona leaving, how her heart swelled for Mich and how she mentally promised herself that she'd be there for her for whatever she needed.
And another part of her, the one that had been consistently nagging her ever since she found out about the truth - the one that would probably keep her awake for a few more nights quipped with the same feeling Mich had - that Arizona was leaving Hopkins.
Arizona was leaving Hopkins, which meant Amelia would be left behind as well - and though they had absolutely had no bearing, and the timing wasn't right - and never would be, it somehow still pained Amelia.
And Amelia felt disoriented, as she felt herself choking on the hard truths that she couldn't swallow:
One, in which it honestly had to come to a point where Arizona had to truly disappear in her life, only to realize how she wanted none of that.
She wanted none of that because Amelia had already found herself falling in love with Arizona, helplessly and illicitly, still Arizona no matter how hard she tried to settle on the path that was safer and familiar with Matt Andrews.
And two with how the realization she just had towards the blonde wouldn't change a damn thing.
So, again. There was that.
-x-
"You know, deep down - I've always known."
Mich's voice interrupted her thoughts, once again being brought back to where they were now - at Arizona's place with Mich on the phone for the very first time since they parted at Hopkins. Amelia was again, being hit back by a massive feeling of being culpable for hurting Mich and for not knowing any better.
"You could have said something." She regretted the words that flew out of her mouth, how she even had the audacity to ask Mich, to personally be the one to reprimand her when she was the one in the wrong. "Stopped me before, I mean - it didn't work when it was just me stopping myself. It would have helped if it personally came from you… I think, I'm not sure."
Wrong, Amelia thought wrong.
Frankly, everything that she did that involved Arizona back then had always gone south.
Mich bit her back with deafening silence on her end, and Amelia tensed, feeling that she may have already stepped too far - putting the blame on Mich as if she was the one who should be held accountable for her own feelings towards the person who used to be her girlfriend.
"Trust me, I've thought about it before. Couple of times, actually." Mich replied with an unreadable tone laced in her voice, "I mean there were just so many damn instances where I caught you looking at Arizona longer than expected, and it— threw me off, because she was my girlfriend… and you knew that. But then again, at the same time - how could you not? Arizona was everything anyone would ever want for."
She was that, and more.
Arizona had always been the talk of the town. She was someone that had oftentimes been placed on a pedestal for numerous reasons. Generally, people at the hospital liked her, and some even had developed a crush on her at some point because she was all the best things in one. With Amelia being the first in line to fall for her trap.
Mich took another long sigh, almost sounding defeated but brutally honest, that Amelia had to smack herself for basically pulling her hand to discuss something that had already been buried in the past for the longest time. "But a part of me, the unselfishly bigger part of me - had always believed the heart wants what it wants."
Amelia wanted to fleer at the remark, maybe it was her form of defense mechanism to conceal the fact that she couldn't handle honesty - or how she had this tendency to bail whenever things felt too real. "I can't be the one to decide for your own feelings." Mich added, and she could feel it - everything. despite not being able to see Mich at that very moment.
That Mich was grinning really hard, not to poke fun at her but because she had always known, and that whatever Amelia felt for Arizona was exceedingly genuine and not some kind of brief infatuation that could have been easily stopped.
And Mich was literally giving everything to her and she somehow still couldn't make sense of it.
Amelia didn't know how else to respond. Letting another round of uncomfortable silence linger between the two of them in the line. It all felt surreal that in some profound way, Mich was giving her the push - not that she needed it, because she could handle Arizona, believed that she could, despite the number of years they have already put to waste because Amelia tend to lose herself every time she was put in a situation where it also involved Arizona.
Amelia wanted to make the situation less awkward, but again her defensive reaction decidedly got the best of her as she denigrated everything by using sarcasm as a substitute to acknowledge Mich's response.
"This feels incredibly weird coming from a cardiothoracic surgeon, but I'd take it." She flippantly answered, but again - in her utmost and sincerest words - it was the closest way of Amelia saying how much she appreciated Mich. Amelia could only hope her sarcasm somehow conveyed the truth to Mich that she got the message, loud and clear.
"Hey! Is that Yang?"
Amelia had been too occupied speaking with Mich for the past couple of minutes that she had already lost track of time, and was caught off guard and stood completely unaware that the blonde had already finished taking a shower from upstairs.
In a haste, she whipped her head around to find Arizona all dressed-up and ready for work, sporting a silk white button-down blouse, and high-waisted pants, topping it off with a beautiful brown trench coat and a grin that was too irresistible to ignore. She looked at Amelia with so much excitement, that she completely forgot Arizona's question for a brief moment.
"Sorry?"
"Yang. Is that Cristina? I didn't know you were friends." She repeated, this time with more context - so Yang, Meredith's person, and Owen's ex-wife, the cardio god. If it hadn't been for Meredith, then she wouldn't have known who Arizona was talking about. She thought she was talking to Christina because she brought up the word - cardio, and had absolutely no idea it was Mich.
Oh, right. Mich.
Should she tell her?
They technically weren't on great terms when they ended their relationship and though it had been years, it wasn't actually the perfect moment either to open up about Mich, especially when their topic heavily involved Arizona.
She shook her head in response, as she brought her phone back to her ear. "Hey, can I call you back? Got some work to do." Amelia asked with the hopes that Mich would simply let the comment slide, and leave her be. But she thought wrong, when she heard Mich laugh on the other end of the line, believed to have heard everything - "I swear to God, Amelia - tell her or I will—-" Amelia hits the end call button before she could even let her finish.
She perked her head up, and met her gaze with Arizona who now had her bag slung to her shoulder. Amelia must have been smiling too hard, because Arizona was smirking, and maybe Amelia felt her knees slowly giving up on her because of how Arizona looked at her. That she even made her way to where Arizona was to loop an arm around hers, to brace for support. "Have you been standing there the whole time?"
"Not too long. Are you ready to go?"
-x-
Amelia still couldn't wrap herself around the thought that Arizona was leaving.
In two and a half weeks.
And like she had said, a couple of times before - they had no bearing whatsoever. Nor was she obligated to reach out to Arizona to give her a proper goodbye. They weren't even friends to begin with.
They only had to act like they were, occasionally - for the sake of Mich.
And now, they were practically nothing. Because it had been weeks since Amelia last saw Mich with Arizona, and had been more than a month since she even saw the blonde at their apartment. The last time they talked didn't help at all, either.
As if the incident at the supply closet somehow shook the weight of awkwardness between them. When the truth was how Amelia only made matters worse for them - and it was all her fault how she couldn't even bid her goodbyes whether it would be as a friend, even more, the person who had been pining over the blonde for the longest time.
Maybe it was for the best that the moment they shared at the supply closet was their last.
Arizona could go on with her life with a wonderful opportunity ahead of her at Seattle, with Mich still as her girlfriend and Amelia could be - well, in the 4th year of her residency, loving neuro, with someone she could call as her boyfriend, in the rarest moments when she felt like it.
Mich would eventually follow Arizona, thriving in cardio and they'd both be living happily in Seattle with three kids and a white picket fence in the suburbs. Amelia had no idea where she'd land in a few years' time, but there was a tiny spark in her, hoping she'd somehow come close to where Mich and Arizona would end up.
Amelia was a complete liar for telling herself that she had moved on and had made so much progress putting an end to her feelings towards the blonde when she found herself parking her car right next to Arizona's - somehow hoping that she would still be able to catch her before she'd leave Hopkins for good.
Amelia had no shame.
For even thinking that Arizona could even entertain let alone acknowledge her when she had been a complete jerk to her in that supply closet. How she even dared thought of scratching the surface - for a wee moment, by giving an implication of how hurt she already was.
And despite not throwing the complete context to it, she knew best but to leave it to Arizona to read between the lines with what Amelia was really trying to say.
She knew Arizona was the least emotionally intelligent person in the world regardless of how her bright personality may prove otherwise. And so, Amelia was still convinced that Arizona irrefutably had no clue. Which also meant, she was marked safe - from having the need to explain further what she really meant and how she really felt about her.
So there she was at the parking lot of Hopkins, sitting alone in the driver's seat of her car - with deft fingers fidgeting around the steering wheel, trying her best to shake the unwieldy feeling that waiting around for her was a foolish idea. Because it was, and yet here she was in all her glory and still hoping Arizona would come around.
With the only thing left running in her head was that she needed to see her for the last time.
She glanced down at her wristwatch and she realized that she had been waiting in the car for the past two hours. Two hours had passed which also meant, Mich would eventually come looking for her - or worse, Matt would, because he promised her a date, and yet she found herself impulsively bailing the minute he asked her out - proclaiming she already made plans with someone.
A plan that actually sucked.
She heaved a sigh, as she dipped her back further on the seat - letting the soft cushion engulf her form. When she thought that she could spare a few minutes to take a quick nap, she was then startled by another person, making an attempt to enter her vehicle from the other side. Matt.
"What are you doing here?" Amelia asked, all the more annoyed as Matt hopped into the passenger seat with a grin imprinted on his features.
He nodded his head in her direction, giving her a playful wink. "I should ask the same thing about you."
Amelia rolled her eyes as she turned her head back towards Arizona's car, "That's none of your business."
"Uhuh." She could feel the weight of his stare from her peripheral view. With narrowed eyes and a smirk notched on his lips. "So, is this the important plan you were referring to? Not exactly exciting as it seems. To be honest." He admitted.
Amelia bit her lip to refrain from saying another word, knowing it wouldn't change anything. Matt was Matt, and he was fun, but could definitely be annoying for the most part. And so she stayed silent, until her urge to irrationally call him out would subside.
Matt must have sensed her frustration and so he took a long audible deep breath - a sigh that was entwined with a hint of disappointment. "Look, I know we don't mean anything to each other. And you're not looking for anything serious with me. But - if I'm only being used for Robbins –"
She felt her heart pound off her chest when he brought her up, and she then quickly reached forward to cover Matt's mouth with her hand by instinct. With widened eyes, her upper body forcefully landed on top of him, suppressing a groan, when her abdomen made hard contact with the car's center console.
So, he knew.
Which was unexpected - because Amelia never left any implication of her attraction towards the blonde when she was with Matt. She found herself breathing unevenly as Matt stared back at her looking completely surprised. The only thing left wondering in her mind was that Matt knew and again, proved how much of a jerk she was – how she even thought that using a person as a diversion would be a good idea. It was unfair for Matt, no matter how they never really had any firm label to what they were.
"I'm sorry." She momentarily closed her eyes, as she tried to shift her angle to a much more comfortable position, but couldn't, because there wasn't exactly enough space in the car to actually move, let alone breathe. "You don't deserve this." She then went on to say, willing her brain of hers to come up with more - because Matt deserved more than just an apology from her, but failed on that, too.
Amelia gently removed the hand that once covered his mouth, and just as she was about to slump back to her own seat, strong and steady hands gripped both of her wrists, as Matt stared back at her with so much intent - locking her in place. "It's all good, you know." Matt went on to say, as he leaned forward, to tuck the loose strands of hair falling from her face behind her ear. "You've been very clear since the beginning that you were only looking for something casual. And I - being the most willing participant, fell for it. I just…" Matt's voice trailed away, and something in Amelia just broke - because she could already sense how defenseless he was sounding, which he meant clearly - he came unexpectedly, wanting more. "If you wanted Robbins, then go - but, I'm telling you… you don't deserve to beg just to be loved."
"I don't think you understand –" She lied. Because of course, Amelia knew. And she was merely stalling to soften the blow - because she knew what Matt was about to say next, and she. still. wasn't. ready.
"Be with the person who already loves you back." Matt replied with so much honesty and credence as he wrapped an arm behind her neck to pull her face closer to him. "Be with me, Amelia."
It was a breath of fresh air.
How the feeling of being wanted, felt relatively foreign to her.
Because no one came close.
Not after those two years, she spent falling for Arizona.
And she could already feel it.
How the parts of her are already giving up on her, the dismay of spending that amount of time pining for someone who had never been hers from the very beginning - when she could have easily had that same feeling with someone who was uninvolved and already, and completely, unerringly amazing. How she didn't have to exert all tedious efforts to please someone because the said person was already attracted to her, it would have been this easy.
It should have always been this easy. To be with someone who already liked her. And sure, Amelia could openly admit that she wasn't completely there yet - to the same level as Matt, but she knew it wouldn't be that difficult, to learn to be attracted and to fall for someone else because she did just that with Arizona. And anything she could do with Arizona, she could do with other people.
She was not going to wait around on her forever.
Amelia didn't respond, but instead, she hastily leaned down to capture Matt's lips to her own. She felt Matt tremble underneath her, how he groaned in anticipation, and the sound he made just drove Amelia to edge - a full capability that she could do just about anything. And so, when she felt Matt's tongue slip on her bottom lip, followed by unsteady hands making their way to her pants, Amelia keenly lets him in.
She lets him in, and together they do more than what would have been strongly advised to be done in a car.
And she lost track of time - and was completely unaware that Arizona had seen them, and had been rather in a hurry to make her way to her own car. Putting the key to ignition, to hurriedly drive away from Hopkins - away for good.
-x-
They arrived at Grey Sloan and Amelia thanked the heavens that Meredith and Maggie were still nowhere to be found, for the fear of being heavily interrogated after finding out with Meredith's two eyes that Amelia brought Arizona back to their place last night.
And Amelia and Arizona found themselves still together as they both ended up at the same place, at the supply room with the same thought of getting everything that they'd be needing to jumpstart their shift for their own respective departments.
Together they went on with their day as if the night before never occurred at all. Leave it to Amelia to discuss all the complete yet unnecessary prolonged details of her consults for the day to prevent Arizona from asking. And when she was finished laying out all the details, Amelia was just about to proceed with asking her for a quick lunch at the cafeteria, when her blabbering mouth had been silenced when she found Arizona leaning steadily on a nearby shelf, the minute Amelia made her way to the same aisle where she was.
There was something about the way Arizona looked at her that piqued Amelia's curiosity to ask. Because Arizona was giving her that knowing look, and she was smirking and God - she already had enough of those dimples, and yet Amelia still found herself transfixed on her face. "What?"
"Does this remind you of anything in particular?" Arizona perkily lifted her head around, a smile imprinted on her features as she took a few steps closer to Amelia. "Well, surely - supply rooms here are rather more spacious compared to the ones we had at Hopkins." And she was coming onto her, and Arizona's intentions were pretty much clear as day, but Amelia couldn't help but quiver for the sudden warm familiarity of being holed in the same situation for the very first time in years.
"Okay, Ms. Flashback Friday –" Amelia found herself taking a step away from her to downplay the sudden proximity, as her back unabashedly made contact with another nearby shelf. She tumbled slightly, as a few boxes of surgical gloves, and face masks, dropped on her feet. "You're remembering too much all at once, I may eventually need to stop you." She teased, as she instantly went down on her knees to pick up everything that resulted from her clumsiness. She thought of how sharp Arizona's memories were, how a night of sleeping under the same bed, made her bring up Mich, and her sweatshirt, from what happened between them at the kitchen sink- and now the incident at the supply closet.
She found herself still kneeled on the floor, momentarily squeezing her eyes shut as she tried to put her chest back to its steady rhythm - completely and in any form, no denying that Arizona was still oh so capable of literally making her weak on the knees.
"Yes." Arizona added, without throwing any hint nor context to her abrupt response. Amelia found herself looking back up at her, with creased eyebrows as Arizona simply gave her hand out for Amelia to tug herself up on her feet once again.
When she did, instinctively, it would have been Amelia's cue to remove herself away from Arizona. But Arizona had been resistant, as she was still holding her hand longer - with so much intent, and soft and appealing blue orbs still continued to examine her whole damn face, making it even more overwhelmingly difficult for Amelia to simply let go either.
"I don't understand –"
"Call me little Ms. Flashback Friday - but I also remembered you that day, when you asked me if it bothered me to know that Matt Andrews was having sex with you. And I didn't answer you then because - " Arizona's voice faltered, as she then went on to bite her bottom lip. She scratched her hair in frustration, and despite the lack of context, Amelia just knew - and she somehow found it hard to believe how it all could have been this easy. But she wanted to be sure.
She needed it to hear from her more than anything else.
"Arizona –" Amelia softly called her attention, and Arizona fixed her gaze back on Amelia, and her eyes were gleaming and yet her shoulders have been slumped forward, as if she was rather disappointed in herself.
Arizona furrowed her eyebrows as she then glanced down on her feet, for some reason, finding it more interesting to look at than Amelia's face. "I was not sure if I was allowed to say, yes."
Oh.
And Amelia could no longer contain the blush of red that was already forming in her cheeks, the sense of fulfillment that Arizona felt things, that had been difficult for her to admit then - and it was hypocritical of her to be happy with that fact alone, when she did just that to her for years and yet she still found herself smiling by Arizona's sudden confession. Her heart felt as if it wanted to leap out of her ribcage - because fuck, Arizona had been jealous of her once.
"You don't have to say anything… I just thought you should know since - you brought up Mich last night and I just remembered every single thing - and how we were, then… and we somehow lost that link between us, and I wanted that back, wanted you… I mean, I just wanted you to know - that." Arizona rephrased herself, as she frantically waved her hand as she explained.
And she was already looking uncomfortable, and suddenly timid - as if she wished there was a way she could take all her words back. Which was kind of cute. Amelia had always found herself smitten whenever she would sense Arizona's anxiety kick in as she silently watched her fidget. "And I remembered how you looked at me that day, and how I had a feeling you wanted a clear answer, and I found myself stalling because I can't give you that, right there and then."
Amelia thought of kissing her, at that very moment. How she wanted to pull her in and shove her to a nearby wall to kiss her senseless. To prove to her that she had been in that same situation for the longest time, and that she was not alone - and God, to show her just how much she wanted her. How she was waiting for the right moment, but had been delayed so many times, filled with so many different reasons. Because time had never been in their favour, it seemed that could somehow be changed today.
Arizona was looking at her in all honesty, and she wanted to contain herself at least for a short while, just to be completely sure if she was able to comprehend Arizona's words correctly, or was she only filtering out what she really wanted to hear from her.
She thought of instantly telling her how she wasn't alone - how she had been irrationally jealous of Mich and literally everyone who even dared to flirt with her at Hopkins. How last night was another testament that Arizona could still unconsciously make Amelia feel jealous. How she completely lost it when Andi swooped in beside her and was looking at Arizona as if she was already undressing her.
Thought of the complexity of their situation when Arizona was still with Mich and the Mich that she was able to talk to on the phone, willing her ass to just get on with it. With Arizona Robbins.
Because things were different now, and yet her feelings had still remained the same…
She wanted to say, let alone do more and she was thinking of doing just that all at the same time, when Maggie unexpectedly barged into the supply room, with the widest smile - "There you are!"
"You've got to be kidding me." Amelia whined and Arizona found herself chuckling, giving Amelia a soft nudge on her shoulder. "Hey, be nice to your sister." She reprimanded her as she switched her attention back to Maggie who was still talking unbelievably fast.
"Didn't you get my text? I told you to come to work early because I wanted you to meet the new resident!" Maggie leaped with joy as she both dragged Amelia and Arizona out of the room by grabbing them both at the wrists.
"Maggie -"
"She's interested in cardio - so she's basically mine. But I don't have any surgeries scheduled today, and I looked at the OR board and you have one booked later today at 4. And I thought you could use some help! See how good she actually is." Maggie was talking at full speed and Arizona was somehow still looking amused, and Amelia wanted to playfully question her how she would even think it was completely okay for her sister to walk in on them just like that.
When she believed they had other more important things to actually talk about.
But Arizona was no longer smiling and was relatively looking somewhat shocked as her smile had been replaced with a sullen look on her face.
Maggie led them back to the OR board, leaving them for a slight moment to call the attention of the new resident who recently joined the program. "Dr. Robbins, Dr. Shepherd, I want you guys to meet –"
"Murphy?!"