A/N: Thank you all for your reviews. I'm glad to see you are enjoying this story. It looks like it's going to be pretty short. Maybe one more chapter. Of course, I want to know what you guys think. I hope this chapter lives up to what you thought about the last two!
Derek eased the door to their apartment open and slipped inside, making as little noise as possible. He breathed a sigh of relief when he wasn't immediately bombarded with his wife's fuming. The short hallway to where their bedroom, office and bathroom were located was completely dark, as was the living room where he was now standing. The only light was coming through the dining room from the kitchen.
The only thought in Derek's mind was whether Addison was standing in the kitchen waiting to bombard him when he came in late.
"Addie?" He called softly to her back.
"It is two in the morning," Addison whispered, her voice cracking, "It is December 26. I spent Christmas with your family; I saw you once. Something doesn't seem right about that."
"I had to work, I had patients who needed brain surgery," Derek launched immediately into his defense.
Addison whipped around, fire flashing in her eyes, "This wasn't just any day you abandoned me. It was Christmas, Derek!"
"I saved lives today, doctors can't put that on hold just because of a stupid day," Derek snapped.
It was about that time than an elegantly wrapped cardboard box hit him square in the chest and Addison went running from the kitchen. He winced when the box made contact and barely caught the item. It took him only a few seconds to register that it was Addison's Christmas gift to him, no doubt selected with painstaking care months before and clutched in her hand for hours in anticipation of presenting it to him.
The thought of the disappointment he had caused her made him ache. He followed the path she'd taken but stopped in the living room next to the Christmas tree and called out to her.
She had come out of the bedroom, her face was wet with tears, and announced that they would put off their fight to another day. She wanted to celebrate Christmas, belated or not, with him. Derek had agreed and they had shared gifts, eggnog, laughter and some much overdue intimacy.
It would always be one of Derek's favorite Christmases because it had proved to him for one night that, no matter what their troubles were, they could still be happy. The watch soon became representative that their love could work through anything. He was still wearing it when he left New York for Seattle after he found her in bed with his best friend.
It was Thanksgiving, and dinner had been anything but cheerful and full of thanks and appreciation. Addison had taken off early to fix dinner, but it was impossible to make turkey in the small trailer so she'd settled on two chicken breasts. They'd gotten cold by the time Derek got home so they had eaten the micro-waved chicken in silence because she'd quit yelling at his overachieving hours years ago.
After Derek who had never once attempted an apology had cleared dinner, he had sprawled out on the small floor space in the living area with his laptop. Addison, who was lying on the couch reading a medical journal, assumed he was doing paperwork. Both were blatantly not speaking.
"I didn't tell you, but I talked to my sister on the phone a couple of weeks ago," Derek broke the silence.
Addison set the medical journal aside and looked down at him, "I would assume you talk to your sisters often, Derek."
Derek sighed and sat up so he was leaning against the couch, "Please, Addie, I'm trying."
Her first thought was to retort with a sarcastic comment about how he would only try when it was convenient for him. But the look in his eyes was genuine, and she figured it couldn't hurt to give it a shot.
"Sorry," She smiled sheepishly and seriously considered kissing him on the forehead but thought better of it.
"Anyways, it was a couple of days after Em called," Derek began again, "I had the day off, and I needed to escape this trailer. I can't think in here. I went out there, and I called Sarah."
Addison studied his face, hoping for some clue to what was going on in his mind. Sarah was the easiest of Derek's sisters to talk to; she gave advice without ever passing judgment. A conversation with Sarah usually ended in you spilling your soul and finding some resolution. She just wished she could tell what resolution Derek had come to.
"I was feeling really lost," Derek explained, "I needed help sorting out things."
"Me?" Addison wondered quietly.
Derek didn't answer for several long seconds, but he corrected her, "Us."
Addison didn't smile, but she did offer a raised eyebrow.
"I guess I called her because I needed to tell someone," Derek explained, "I told her that I remembered what it was like to love you, but that it was painful to look at you, difficult to touch you and impossible to like you."
Addison winced, Derek certainly wasn't sugarcoating things, and, even if she deserved it, it was painful to hear.
"I had-have a list of a million reasons to hate you," Derek explained, "But she asked me the question I don't think I've ever even considered."
Addison blinked quickly to stifle the tears, "What question is that?"
"Why I had you stay," Derek answered.
Addison swallowed the lump in her throat, "What-what did you tell her?"
"Because you're Addison," Derek explained.
Addison looked at him, nodding her head to prompt an explanation.
"It's hard to explain it better than that," Derek shrugged, "You're Addison. You're 12 years of my life. You're the only person who can hold herself with my sisters; you're like the 5th Shepherd sister. I guess something in me didn't want to give that up."
"If that's enough to keep you from signing me away, shouldn't it be enough to make you see me as that person," Addison countered.
"Sarah said something like that," Derek smiled, "And, honestly, I think it should. She told me that if I look a few years into the future and you're the person I see standing by my side then that should be enough to fight for. I've been thinking a lot about that."
Addison looked away from him, she couldn't look into his eyes if he was going to break her heart, "And what have you decided? Do you see me in the future? Do you want to see me in the future?"
Derek motioned for Addison to sit up. When she obliged he scooted himself onto the couch next to her. He looked at her face, showing all the fear and pain he knew she was feeling, and he realized she wouldn't allow her eyes to look at him.
"You betrayed me, Addison. But I wasn't perfect, either; I know that. I want to see where this goes because I don't think we're done yet; I've always imagined it would be you facing the future with me. I'd rather not face it alone."
It was lukewarm sentiment, not exactly something that would melt a heart, but it was something. She let her eyes drift to his, "You're going to work on us?"
"I am going to work on us," Derek agreed.
Addison allowed herself to smile, and Derek took the opportunity to kiss her on the forehead. He brushed a stray lock of hair from her face and flashed her one of his patented smiles.
"I want to go to Christmas," Derek told her, "Christmas is a good holiday for us."
"Yeah, it is," She agreed.
He leaned over and stretched out to grab the laptop. He hoisted it into his lap, "Look here."
Addison glanced over, curiously, "What?"
"We can take the Red Eye out after our shifts on the 22nd. We can spend the 23rd just the two of us in the city and Christmas Eve and Christmas with my family. We can fly out on the 26th," Derek showed her the flight he had been looking at.
"This is what you were doing?" Addison wondered with a curious smile.
"Yeah," Derek answered, "It does mean we have to take a lot of time off of work, but I think Richard will be lenient."
"Me too," Addison inhaled deeply, "Thank you Derek."
Derek nodded and he tapped the screen so that she could see the hotel he was planning on reserving. She nodded appreciatively, and he got up to get his credit card so he could book it.
Addison watched him walk away, her heart a little bit warmer because he was finally starting to care. Derek was finally making an effort, and they would be spending Christmas together.