*Steps out from behind a red curtain*
Ahem, hello people. Now this is normally the part where I start out with a joke but today is different. Personally I don't like that I have been doing so many serious episodes in a row; you need comedy as well as drama to make a good story, the lighter moments to balance out the darker moments. But I am not going to shy away from this particular episode because it means a lot more to me then you might think.
Today's episode will be a send out to everyone who has suffered traumatic experiences in the past and those who suffer from various forms of mental illness, especially post traumatic stress disorder and depression. This is going to be a serious episode that focuses also on how cruel people can be to those that are different from themselves and the help people need at times even though most people won't willingly give them any for various reasons. Now this episode will likely push the boundary of the T rating of this story so you have been warned, nothing sexual though. I will not be holding back in the slightest and that means in parts of this episode I am going to rip MonStar to shreds which is a difficult feat without sounding pretentious, so let me know if I do ANYTHING wrong.
Now, you are all probably wondering why this episode means more to me then you might think. Well... when I got out of college I couldn't find a job and I had few friends as my college mates had split apart due to a bad rift leaving very few that I knew. I had also made some major mistakes in the last two years of college making me believe I had wasted my time and couldn't recover, including losing more then 25,000 dollars to an online scam and nearly assaulting a kid at a summer camp I was working at due to remnantle anger issues. I think (now this may be me being a whiny little bitch, take my words with a grain of salt) I suffered from borderline depression due to the sheer hopelessness I was facing at times. That changed however on June 27th of 2017 when I published my first chapter of "A Tale Of Moon And Monsters" giving me a sense of purpose to my life. Within a matter of months I had gotten a full time job that I love even if it may not be permanent, joined with a volunteer fire department, and joined up with a second circle of friends to play role-playing games like D&D. If you want to help people with depression, aside from having them see a professional therapist, my suggestion is not to make them happy but to give them purpose. Find something that gives them fulfillment, be there for them to talk to when they need help, and then they may just heal.
If you want to make a good impact on my life all you need to do is just drop a comment on what you think about my story, I read all the comments and from this point on I will respond to every single one if possible, can't do guest comments for some reason. Oh, and anyone saying "Get over it" or think along the lines of "why don't they just cheer up?" you haven't felt depression have you; that empty void inside of you that leaves you feeling numb knowing you should be happy but don't know why. Well, I'm not gonna try and change your minds as you are likely just trolls trying to get a reaction, so whatever.
I hope you enjoy the episode.
Star woke up from her nightmare too terrified to scream only giving out a pale gasp for air shielding her face from the non-existent threat. Blinking she looked around seeing that it was very dark still and checked the alarm clock Marco had gotten for her with it reading 1:00 am. She began reaching for a box on the night stand and held herself back for a few seconds.
"I don't need it. I don't need it." Star sobbed and shivered violently before finally pulling something that looked like a cigar out of the box and lighting it with her wand inhaling deeply. She had fought off the need to take one of those since the nightmares started but now her anxiety and fear overcame her will power at long last. She let the effects of the smoke calm her down somewhat realizing she wasn't going to get any sleep tonight at this rate. "Why now, why now of all times?" Star asked herself before she began crying.
Marco woke up yawning and trying to get his bearings stepping out of bed in full length light blue pajama pants and holding onto a light blue pajama long sleeve shirt. He looked at the shirt and rolled his eyes still not sure why he still tried wearing it as he always wound up too hot in his sleep. Slinging it to the side he moved forward only to run into something big, hard, and made of wood. He looked up rubbing his head to come face to face with some sort of demonic Tiki statue that looked furious making him scream like a little girl and scrabble away. Coming fully awake he heard noises coming from outside that sounded like a jungle and saw a few vines creeping in under the door. Creeping over to it he pulled the door open and looked out into the hallway to see more vines all over the place with more of those statues and a few black ravens with blood red eyes staring at him.
"Ooook, this is a weird morning." Marco stepped forward to the stairs leading down to the living room. As he moved downstairs he saw a vast steaming black and grey jungle swamp with strange shrieks and howls emanating from it. "Very weird." As Marco stared out across the jungle Star came up beside him wearing her custom made fuzzy turquoise full body pajamas looking out into the landscape. "Say Star, you wouldn't have happened to make this jungle would you?" Star looked at Marco a bit shocked and shook her head violently before replying.
"Nope, nu uh, no idea what you're talking about. I can clean this up for you though so we can get to breakfast." Star smiled at him with Marco knowing something was off right off the bat.
Star looked exhausted which was EXTREMELY unusual for her as she could go up to three days without sleep before falling into that state. Star also had an air of worry and anxiety around her like a subdued hum a good deal of the time but now it seemed to vibrate like a strong earthquake. Star's eyes were also usually green but now they had a tinge of yellow to them like Star was expecting a fight soon or had just finished one. And to top it all off Star was discreetly rubbing on her tail which indicated something was making her nervous.
Marco spoke up, "You know, if there is something wrong-" Star cut him off quickly.
"Nothing is wrong Marco." Marco raised his eyebrow in suspicion making Star's face fall slightly. "Well… I spent the last few nights playing this new video game I found called "Sid Mires Civilization 4" instead of getting some sleep. I tried sleeping last night but for some reason I couldn't get comfortable and just laid awake all night." She then thwacked herself in the forehead. "Congratulations Star, you played yourself." Marco decided to let it slid for now and chuckled in a good natured fashion at Star.
"Ok, I get that. Just try not to push yourself so far next time." Star smiled and nodded at him the nervous air dying down around her a little. As Star turned and cleared out the swamp-jungle Marco looked on in concern wondering what was going on with her.
Marco was barely asleep having already thrown off his shirt and kicked off the quilt of his bed to try and get some air. He would have kicked off the sheets but he needed something over him to make him feel comfortable despite the heat it brought. Marco groaned in annoyance coming fully awake to pull off his pants, his parents would have killed him if they found out about that considering Star was in the house, but he was stopped by the sound of magical energy. Getting up in concern Marco opened the door to see magical light flying out under Stars door with some spells getting out swirling across the floor. The green light gave off strange twisted shadows that seemed to warp the spells coming out from Star's room making Marco shudder in worry.
As he moved across the hallway to Star's room to see what was going on some sort of blue colored tiger sized jungle cat leapt out at him from the shadows. Marco reacted and bent backwards into the limbo position as the cat passed over head missing him by a few inches. Marco came to a battle pose turning on the cat to see it had a snake for a tail and its face looked a little like an Oni's for some reason. It leapt at him again with Marco twirling and kicking the side of its head with the impact feeling like he just hit a tree. As Marco staggered the cat stumbled slightly and lashed out with its claws tripping Marco to the ground with the cat attempting to bite him. Thinking fast Marco slid forward under the cat's belly aiming for its groin receiving a much more satisfying feeling from his kick. The cat yowled in pain with Marco wincing in sympathy as the cat leapt vertically and attempted to slam both front paws down on him unsuccessfully. As Marco stood up from his fire escape roll ready to fight again he heard a scream that wasn't blood curdling or bone chilling, but so full of horror and fear that Marco shook to his core. The cat and Marco grabbed onto each other in fear as the scream died down clearly coming from Star's room. The two stood there in fear looking at each other in worry before Marco started towards the door with the cat in tow.
"Star, are you ok?" Marco called out softly with no answer coming. "Star come on, open up." Marco was getting worried now that there was no response and pulled out a bobby pin to pick the lock. However the moment he inserted it he was shocked by magical energy. "Clever girl." Marco whispered to himself before yelling out. "Star, PLEASE RESPOND!" The cat seemed to not like how this was going and leapt at the door caving it in quickly. Marco looked at the cat impressed. "Um thank you." He stepped into the room looking around. "Star, what is goi-" He was stopped cold when he saw Star on her balcony smoking what seemed to be a cigar with her eyes a bleak grey-green color. Marco came over as Star looked up with tears in her eyes and a look of bleak hopelessness on her face. "Star, what is that?" Star closed her eyes sobbing slightly as she walked over to her nightstand.
She pulled out what appeared to be a box that, when she opened it, contained what seemed to be two dozen of those cigars and a note. Star took out the note and handed it to Marco with him reading it and his shocked face growing more intense by the second.
To my precious little Monstar,
I know things have been going well for you mostly but with the two recent events at the football game and at that party we got concerned. I know you don't like the idea of these Star but we are following Dr. Montgomery's prescription advice and sending you Duck Nip to help you out. Take one only if you are having a particularly bad day or have a nervous attack but be willing to take it if you need it. I hope you do not need it but better to be prepared. We love you so much and are so proud you have come so far in life our precious little guiding morning MonStar.
With love,
Mother
Marco looked back up with Star staring at the cigar she was holding with a bleak expression on her face tinted with disgust.
"Star, why didn't you tell us you needed medication?" Star hung her head low as she responded in a whisper.
"I was hoping I didn't need it. I was hoping against all hope that I wouldn't need this in order to keep myself going. I was hoping I could just DO it like everyone else can. I was hoping to be able to live normally under my own power." Marco came in hugging Star with the jungle cat hugging them as well with Marco speaking.
"There's no shame in needing medication Star, a few people need this stuff all the time on our world." Before Marco could go on however Star wriggled free of him and pushed both him and the cat away taking a few steps back before sobbing.
"Of course there is shame in this! I don't know what kind of medication you guys need but this stuff is addictive if you don't hold yourself back. Hundreds of people have lost everything trying to get more of this addictive stuff into their bodies all over Mewni. I can't even get through a few nightmares without it now for some reason." Star sobbed silently for a second as Marco tried coming in close again. "I'm going to be a drug junkie before I can legally become queen at this rate." Star took a swig of the cigar before grasping onto Marco and crying into his arms. As they stood there for a minute with Star letting off the stress Marco pulled her face up and looked her in the eyes seeing that they had turned into a pretty but saddening bluish-green color.
"Look Star, that's not going to happen. All we need to do is contact your parents and…" Before he could finish however Star tackled him to the ground pinning him down.
"No Marco, they'll take me away from here and put me back into Therapy. Doctor Montgomery will poke and prod at my memories and suggest a stronger dose of this stuff which my parents will likely agree to. And even if they don't I don't want to trouble them for nothing just because of a couple of nightmares. I can solve this Marco, I need to… stand on my own." Star looked at him with desperation that made Marco pity her, but he saw no other way to fix this. Unless…
"Star, what if I was you psychiatrist. I could help you find a solution to these nightmares." Star blinked in what appeared to be hope as she stood up rubbing her tail while looking at the floor.
"You… can do that?" Marco smiled at her before he replied.
"Of course I can, watch." Marco began twirling in a circle as Star and the cat watched. "Book, glasses, sweater vest, notebook; Dr. Marco PHD." Marco came to a stop wearing a white button up shirt, glasses, brown pants, and a red sweater vest while holding a note pad, pencil, and a book saying "Psychology for dummies". Star and the jungle cat applauded slightly at this with Marco striking a pose.
Star asked, "What does PHD stand for?" As Marco was about to answer Angie came up to the door.
"Pretty handsome dude." Marco blushed slightly looking at his mom annoyed as she looked around in concern. "I must say, what is going…" She then saw the cigar in Star's hand with her eyes narrowing and her voice growing hostile. "Star, what is that?" Marco held up the note to his mom talking to her.
"It seems this is a type of medication for Star. She's been having nightmares and I am going to see if I can help before contacting her parents." Angie read it and her hostility turned into sympathy as she went over and hugged Star closely before speaking.
"Oh Star, you don't need to hide this stuff from us. In fact it's more of a problem if you do hide it from us as we might assume it was… something else." Ange pulled back rubbing Star on her head before walking off. "I'm going to back to bed, good night you two." Angie closed the door behind her while the jungle cat turned the lights on with a flick of his tail as Marco started talking.
"Alright Star, I am going to delve into your mind and find the source of these nightmares so you don't need that stuff at all. Now I can only bring the truth out and offer advice, you are going to need to overcome it yourself in the end, got it?" Star nodded looking at him with eager hope on her face. Marco knew she would rely on him for more than that but her self-worth seemed a little shaky at the moment so he decided to make her effort seem like it mattered more than it did. "Now if you will take a seat so generously provided by our feline friend… wait why am I not allergic to this guy, I'm allergic to cats?" Marco gestured at the cat who was pulling up a therapist sofa it had gotten… somewhere.
"Well, he's not an earth house cat so maybe that's what plays into it?" Star smiled at him before laying down on the sofa looking at him. Marco sighed and pulled up a random chair in Star's room sitting down on it before addressing her.
"Ok Star, when did these nightmares start? " Star laid back looking up to the ceiling as she talked slowly.
"This is the fifth night of their occurrence and they seem to be getting stronger. I don't remember what exactly happened in them but I can tell that it is the same dream over and over again. What do you make of that?" Marco tapped the pencil against his chin in thought for a moment before responding.
"It seems your subconscious is trying to tell you something. Recurring dreams only occur when a message is trying to be sent out to you but you're not getting it. Do you happen to have any memories of this dream at all?" Marco looked at Star as she tried remembering shuddering slightly.
"Well… I remember a great building that something bad happened in, a land without color, shadows *shudders* writhing all around me mocking and jabbing at me, and a song… a horrifying song of running." Marco wanted to interject but Star seemed to be on a roll now. "So I run and run and run and run but something always catches me and…" She shuddered curling up into a ball before whispering. "… kills me." She shuddered looking up at Marco. "I try to fight it every single time but I can't… I just can't." She bowed her head shuddering slightly before Marco spoke again.
"Hmmmm, let me see what my dream translator has to say about this." Marco opened his book and looked through it for a minute until he found the page he wanted to find and read over it. When he was done he looked up with Star fidgeting nervously as she watched him do his thing. "From what I can tell, you suffered some great traumatic stress in the past that is even now sucking the life out of you. Trying to run away from it isn't going to work like it did in the dream as that will only make things worse." Star nodded understanding what he meant. "I get you are scared Star, but you need to confront these events once again in order for me to help you do anything. So I am going to need you to tell me about any traumatic events you remember from the past; excluding the *ahem* lynching incident, I already know about that." Star nodded shivering slightly before responding.
"I'm sorry Marco but... it's just not the things I like to remember." Marco held out another one of the cigars towards Star who looked at him in shock as he nodded to her.
"I know you don't like them Star, but it will help you keep a cool head through this. Once we are done, I can help you come back together." Star looked at Marco nodding as she took the second one and used the first one she still had to light it. As she finished off the first one she stared at the ceiling in contemplation before beginning.
"Well you know of the first one already, so let's move onto the second one…"