Love Don't Come Easy
Disclaimer: I'd love to own them, but I have a feeling that four mutant in my house could really wreck the place, so it is just as well they don't belong to me.
Chapter Fourteen: Breaking up is hard to do
She had chosen the one person she felt was right for her, though it hadn't been easy to come to the conclusion, nor did she care to face the one she was turning down simply because she knew they may not stay friends and it would be very difficult to say goodbye to some one so wonderful. She had also taken Cathy's advice picking the one person she felt that she could live with, but couldn't live without and more importantly she had decided what she had wanted for herself, not making the choice on what was best for the clan. It made sense really, the Clan wasn't going to marry or be with the one she picked,even if they may have to deal with her partner to some extent.
Much as she didn't care to, she also was aware that she had to inform Leonardo of her decision because the jilted partner just might decide to cause trouble for the Clan. Rama sighed grimacing, she'd sooner tell the person first and then tell Leo, but she knew that they might have to make plans to be one step ahead or alert to danger. She shook her head, 'May as well get it over with.' She smiled to herself, 'but first there is one more thing I have to do.'
As she passed through the lair on her way to talk to Leo, she saw Jessie, enjoying a late lunch in front of the TV, he looked up and smiled her way. Rama ducked her head trying to ignore his friendliness and avoid his gaze. She wanted to do this right, because she had messed up so much lately and her emotions had been in turmoil a great deal, she really didn't want to get in any deeper, ' Enough is enough. It will only make things more difficult, and I'm not going fall for that again.'
She tossed her hair back and with a determined stride passed out of the room. Jessie watched her hoping for some sign of Rama's decision, even a welcoming or friendly look would be far more appreciative then the cold shoulder he received. He grunted a bit with disgust ' That's it she has gone for Steven and now ...'Jessie bowed his head, he knew if that was the case the only thing to do was step aside and accept her decision, 'At least we can still be friends. But I want more then that. It will hurt so much seeing her with him. Still I guess, if she's happy with him, that is what truly matters.' Jessie sighed miserably realizing he was only trying to fool himself and not doing a great job of it either.
Leo sat back in his chair, "Are you sure Ramiela?"
"I'm positive, that is what I want and who I want." Rama returned with conviction, "Why do you think I'm making a mistake?"
Leo gave a cryptic smile and arched an eye ridge "Time alone might decide that. You have to be careful what you wish for, sometimes when you get it, then you realize it wasn't what you truly wanted."
"Like Karena isn't what you wanted, or Uncle Raph didn't care about Sara." Rama smirked, "Sometimes if you search for something long enough, when you get it you value it all the more. I know what I want in my heart. I know what sort of relationship I long to have and I feel the man I've chosen to be with answers that more than the other."
Leo nodded "As you wish then and as I said before time will tell."
Rama scowled slightly "You don't care for my choice, but my choice had nothing to do with the Clan, but with me!"
"As the future leader Ramiela you must always put yourself last, in everything." Leo replied, " The good of the Clan comes first."
Rama bristled, "By choosing the one right for me, might be better for the clan in the long run, then taking the one who isn't. Last I checked the clan did not go into arranged marriages. It has always been that you married who you loved and cared for," she pointed out. "How things work depends on how much one might be willing to risk and commit to."
Leo smiled "Exactly Ramiela, that is why only the future knows what truly lies ahead of you. I approve of whoever you choose."
Rama sat back in her chair and crossed her arms over her plastron pouting slightly "You were just testing me or something to see if I was sure" she accused, but she smiled a moment or two later, "Thank you Master." She bowed.
"You're welcome Ramiela." Leo responded returning her bow.
XXXX
Hours later, with darkness closing in Rama went to Steven's apartment tapping on the balcony doors. She knew he'd be waiting and though she had rehearsed what she was going to say numerous times, she knew that real life almost never followed rehearsal guide lines. Besides this wasn't going be pretty, not when she told him what she had to.
Steven opened the doors and gestured Rama in, "Ramiela, I'm glad you wanted to talk. I thought you wanted to take our relationship further and..."
Rama stepped towards him and rested a hand on his "It's all right, I did. I didn't mean to give mixed messages or play you along Steven. I just sort of got cold feet at the last moment, but that isn't really what I wanted to see you about. I didn't mean to play you or hurt you in any way Steven" Rama insisted.
Steven reached out touching her cheek with his hand, and Rama leaned her face into it savouring his touch, the warm caress, she turned and kissed the palm of his hand "Rama love, it is all right. When the time is right we will come together."
Rama smiled sadly, "Perhaps, and maybe you might decide otherwise Steven" Rama found saying the words was harder then she expected, it was almost as if she had to force each word out, she stepped back and away from Steven. "I admit I'm confused and uncertain but a lot of that has to do with other things that has come up recently Steven," she gasped her breath hitched and she took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm herself, "You're not going like what I have to say Steven."
Steven arched an eye brow up "Ramiela, you aren't here to blow me off are you?" he asked his voice suddenly tight and his eyes growing hard narrowing a bit.
Rama sensed his irritation and winced at his choice of words " Breaking up is hard to do, but if that is what you mean by blowing you off yes, though I wouldn't have chosen quite those words."
Steven narrowed his eyes, "Is it someone else?" He demanded briskly.
Trust a lawyer to be so in tune with things like this, Rama mused. "Yes, there is someone else. I didn't mean to be with him, things just sort of happened and..."
"So you sleep with him but not me!" Steven growled.
"I haven't slept with him at all" Rama retorted in fury, "I'm not like that."
"It is that Jessie fella isn't it?" he stalked towards Rama.
"Yes, it is Jessie. But Jessie and I only started to have feelings for one another in the last few weeks." Rama declared.
"Right" Steven hissed, " You have quite a record of lying and misleading people Ramiela" he remarked sharply, "Your record speaks for itself. But I'm supposed to believe you, hadn't been with him all along?" You lied to me before and now you have done it again."
Rama stood up straighter holding her head high "You can believe what you want to believe Steven. I never meant to fall for two people. I would have been happy to have just one man in my life. Things change, life doesn't always go according to plan. I was feeling like a fool, and playing you for one too, when I ended up falling for Jessie. I knew loving both of you was wrong, I hated it! I despised myself and yet at the same time I couldn't turn him away as I should have." Rama shook her head in frustration, " I care about you both, for different reasons and those things that are unique to just you, appealed to me. They were things no one else could give me. I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to be shut of me and have nothing to do with me but I still want you in my life as a friend."
Steven glared "If you want me in your life get rid of him!"
"What?" Rama asked, incredulous, "You mean tell Jessie that..."
" You won't see him, or hear from him, or..." Steven raged, "nothing more to do with him! I won't have it!"
Rama shook her head " I don't think so. I'm not going be controlled or ordered about. I would not get rid of Jessie just to sooth your hurt feelings." Rama gave a soft snort of disbelief, "If that is what it takes to keep you in my life. I don't want you in it anyways. Not if you are going give me a it's him or me ultimatum."
Steven clasped a hand tightly on her arm "No you are mine. I had you first."
Rama pulled her arm away breaking his grip with ease, "I'm sorry you feel that way Steven, but I'm no one's possession. Good bye Steven I wish you well." with that said she used all of her training to dodge his next move to block her and made her exit the way she had come at quick speed. Her heart pounding as she made her escape and her vision turning blurry from tears that were forming. She had never seen that side of Steven before, true a lot of it could have been due to the news she had given him, added to his anger and jealousy over it. Still it was frightening to see one she thought she knew turn so dark and sinister. While she could have stayed, she had a feeling that removing herself was probably for the best.
' Things could have gone a lot better too.' She mused as she paused on a rooftop, bowing her head sadly, she sunk down to sit on the roof and began to sob. Even though she knew she had someone else to love, that knowledge did little to ease the pain of losing Steven.
XXXX
Rama found her way back home feeling tired, distressed and depressed. Her eyes were red from all of her crying, and her face slightly puffy. She felt worn out and frazzled, longing to crawl into bed wrap the covers about herself and sleep. Blissful sleep, where she wouldn't have to think, of course she'd still have dreams that would probably intrude on whatever bit of peace she might find in slumber's refuge. she slumped against the door with a heavy sigh.
After a moment she shuffled towards the kitchen to get herself a drink, before she slunk off to hide from the world and wallow in sorrow. As she neared the kitchen she caught the unmistakable scent of roses, for some reason the smell of roses, now, always reminded her of that alternate world and Mike Angelo's home in California, and Riahna's garden with all the roses and their fragrance mingling in the warm air. It was a happy memory and one that always made her smile. Course she had loved roses long before then, they had always been her flower of choice. But the rose garden where she could pick fresh flowers every few days had given all new meaning to it.
She closed her eyes and inhaled the perfumed scent, sighing almost contentedly, she could easily picture the bees that buzzed around, the smell of dirt near by and hear Riahna telling her how to care for her flowers or arrange them to be more appealing. slowly Rama walked into the kitchen, shaking her head a bit to clear it from the memory, on the table was a vase with yellow roses, mixed in with the yellow was a single red and a single white rose. On the table was a card with her name on it.
Rama,
I knew you were with some one else, so maybe I shouldn't have encouraged what happened between us. But I loved you then, and I love you still.
I didn't want to hurt you, and yet it seems that is what I'm doing. Making things difficult for you. I'm sorry. I guess, it wasn't my intention. I know you have been thinking what to do, how to solve this dilemma and I want you to understand; that while I love you I know it is your choice. If you take Steven then you must feel he is right for you, and much as it hurts I will abide by your choice.
I want to stay your friend Rama. Rather then lose you all together. Please forgive me.
I hope we can stay friends,
Love,
Jessie.
Rama sank down into a chair pillowed her head in her arms and found herself crying again, her chest heaving with her sobs. This was unexpected and she was all ready feeling vulnerable and hurting. Wondering why love, which was supposed to be a wonderful thing could be so painful.
She felt a hand touch her shoulder but she didn't dare raise her head, she just sniffed and tried to gain control of her turbulent feelings.
She heard a soft tsking noise and a sigh of almost frustration that bordered on caring. Heard footsteps as the person moved away to the kitchen counter and pulled a glass from the overhead cupboard, then to the fridge to get ice cubes, and cold water. Then the footsteps returned, the glass sat down near her, she could feel the coolness of it lightly touching her skin. Rama finally raised her head, to see it was Jessie.
"I...I'm s...sss...sorry Rama." he stuttered uneasily.
"No Jess, I...thanks" Rama murmured as she removed her bandanna and wiped her eyes, "It isn't you Jess. It's me."
"Yeah but maybe if I had stepped back. I mean I knew" Jessie spoke slowly to insure he didn't stammer his way.
"I knew too. I should have stopped it Jess, but I couldn't fight how I felt for you then or now." Rama insisted as she took the glass and took a leisurely sip of the cool liquid, she reached her hand out to take Jessie's hand in hers "You said you'd abide by my choice. Do you know how much that means to me? So many others in my life might try and make me second guess my decision just to see if I mean it or, well you know. Jessie"
Jessie looked into her face, some stray strands of hair clung to her dampened face, he smiled a bit, liking the slightly disheveled appearance it gave the usually calm and collected ninja Rama normally was, "Just know if it don't work uh..."
Rama smiled a little, "Jessie, I want you to stay my friend and so much more. I " Rama bowed her head taking a deep breath, "Broke up with Steven tonight. He wasn't too happy, not that I blame him. I wasn't expecting it to hurt like this though." She gestured to the flowers, " These help a little I appreciate it."
Jessie looked at her his bottom jaw dropping and he shook his head as if denying what he heard "Yyyy..You wwwww...want to bbbbbb...be with me?"
Rama nodded, "I felt that you just had a little more of what I was looking for. Remember you told me once I might find Devon's counterpart here..."
Jessie pointed to himself.
"Yeah" Rama agreed nodding a small smile playing across her face.
Jessie smiled hardly daring to believe his good luck but his thunderous joy was quickly reined in "Rama I understand you need time first. Take what you need. I'll be waiting when you are ready. Right now I think you need me as a friend more." He saw the fresh tears well up in Rama's eyes and came around to take her into his arms to hold her and comfort her as a friend should. But he knew that soon, their relationship would grow but they wouldn't leave behind their friendship.
TBC