Author's Note: So I hope it didn't cause too much trouble for you guys when I merged the Author's Note chapters into the other chapters. I know it made the total number of chapters go down, which was probably weird, but I figured it would work better in the end. Sorry for any confusion it caused.
Not long after that Zuko and Iroh found themselves out on the ocean in a small Water Tribe boat. It might have been safer to avoid the connection to the tribe in case they ran across other Fire Nation soldiers, but the boat had a much better chance of safely making it to land than any other possible method of travel. Plus it could hold the various supplies that they had been given. Blankets, food, and water were all included in the packed supplies and Zuko couldn't help but feel a strange mix of gratitude and guilt. He wasn't really sure what he had done to deserve the kindness that they'd been shown at the Northern Water Tribe. Perhaps it had more to do with Uncle, he and the old waterbending master were clearly in the same pai sho and flower group and Yugoda had been friendly with Uncle as well. So that might explain it better. That eased the guilt some, but not completely.
He pushed that away for the time though and settled down to wait out the next part of their journey. He had a lot to think about after all, but before he could truly get comfortable he took notice of how his uncle was acting. The older man was visibly fidgeting, which basically never happened, so something was clearly eating at him. Zuko waited for several minutes, closing his eyes and pretending to meditate, but his uncle made no attempts to speak despite the fact that Zuko could still practically feel his unease. So, after about five minutes Zuko sighed and opened his eyes, turning to face his uncle more fully with a slightly exasperated expression.
"What Uncle?" The older man froze with an expression not unlike a small child with their hand caught in a cookie jar on his face.
"What, what Nephew?" he asked, clearly trying to seem innocent, but failing horribly. Zuko scowled at that.
"You clearly have something you want to say," he told the older man, irritated "You've been fidgeting since we got on this boat. So what is it? It's obvious that neither of us are going to get any rest until you get whatever it is off your chest." To Zuko's surprise, Iroh flushed slightly at that and glanced away.
"I was just thinking," he tried to explain away his behavior, but Zuko wasn't having it.
"Then perhaps you want to talk about what is on your mind?" Zuko asked dryly, folding his hands in his lap and giving his uncle an unimpressed look. He was rather gratified to see his uncle let out a sigh and a defeated gesture. He didn't often win any arguments with his uncle, not really.
"Very well Nephew," he replied in defeat, but he didn't really sound upset, so Zuko didn't feel bad about pressing "I find myself a bit caught up on the fact of my involvement in a...less than neutral group. And that you've been aware of this fact for quite some time. I admit I am a bit embarrassed that you saw through me so easily. I had thought I covered my actions fairly well." Zuko blinked in surprise. He hadn't expected his uncle to still be so caught up on that.
"You weren't obvious if that's what you're worried about," he said after several beats of thought "I doubt any of the crew figured anything out. If they didn't already know. I just..." He flushed and looked away, uncertain how to word what he had to say without sounding...weak or creepy. Eventually, he pressed on regardless "You were there and I...wanted someone to look up to. At least a little. I knew you were a great fighter and general. So I watched you. Plus I'd like to believe that I knew you fairly well from before we...left the Fire Nation. So I picked up on things others wouldn't." He shrugged somewhat helplessly "Plus I'm pretty good at being places without people noticing me. So I tend to overhear things I'm not supposed to." He risked a glance back at his uncle, but the other man merely looked thoughtful at these new facts. So he looked back out at the water, not sure what else to say. After several long beats of silence his uncle spoke up again.
"The Order of the White Lotus." Zuko looked back at him, blinking in confusion at the seemingly random statement "That's what the group is called." Oh. That made more sense. "We are...guardians, I suppose you could say, of the balance in the world." His uncle was watching him intently as he spoke, gauging his reaction most likely, but so far Zuko wasn't really surprised by anything his uncle had said so he simply listened. "It isn't uncommon for the Order to work with or under The Avatar, though we don't always," his uncle continued after a beat of silence "Over the last hundred years the Order has mostly been trying to end the war." He fell silent at that, simply watching Zuko, so Zuko took a moment to gather the information given to him and examine it mentally. Most of it was what he'd already know, or guessed, but it was the first time he'd had it all laid out for him like that. After several minutes of thought he only really had two questions, but one was more pressing in his mind.
"What would you have done if I had managed to capture The Avatar?" His uncle was clearly against the war, against the Fire Nation winning the war, but he'd helped Zuko work towards capturing The Avatar. That made no sense. Nor did the almost fond, no, the fond smile that his uncle was giving him. Was there some pride there too? Whatever for?
"I would have helped you return him to the Fire Nation," he replied simply, holding up a hand to stall Zuko before he could ask the questions that bubbled up at that response "That way I could be sure you were back where you wanted to be, safe. Then I would have gotten The Avatar out. Perhaps I would have retired somewhere away from the public eye and simply faded from the minds of most people or perhaps I would have done something more drastic. I can't be certain. It would have depended on the situation that The Avatar was in after bringing him there." For several long moments Zuko could only blink in shock, but then he managed to get his voice to work.
"But, why?" he asked, trying to understand and failing miserably "Why put yourself through so much trouble? Wouldn't it have been easier to simply keep me from catching him? Or letting him go before we got to the Fire Nation properly?"
"It would have been," his uncle replied easily with a calm nod "But that would not have helped you. I would not abandon you or betray your trust." Zuko suddenly found it hard to meet his uncle's calm, caring gaze and he looked away again, back at the water.
"You shouldn't have done that," he managed to get out after several moments, blinking hard against a stinging in his good eye. He was finding it hard to speak past a lump in his throat "You were putting yourself in danger. I'm not wo-"
"Zuko!" The sharpness in his uncle's tone caused Zuko to jump and look at the older man, startled. He hadn't heard his uncle speak to him like that in a long while. Nor glare at him like he was now. What had he done? A short moment later his uncle's gaze softened, leaving him even more confused. "You are more than worth it." The simple sincerity in that statement stole Zuko's breath, but his uncle wasn't done "You will always be worth it. And I won't hear you say anything different. Do you understand?" His expression seemed to say that he would only accept one answer so Zuko made himself nod and was rewarded by a warm smile from the other man "Good." His uncle sat back at that and Zuko only then noticed that his uncle had leaned forward in the intensity of his earlier statement. "Were there any other questions you had?"
Iroh wasn't sure if he had pushed too far, Zuko wasn't meeting his eyes anymore and his shoulders were visibly stiff. He hadn't meant to set his nephew on edge, but he hated how the young man often talked down on himself. He couldn't let that statement be without correcting it. He could only hope that his nephew would eventually come to understand his own worth despite what Ozai and Azula had tried to beat into him. Yes, Iroh was very aware of where most of his nephew's lack of confidence stemmed from and he often caught himself having very dark thoughts aimed at his brother, but there was very little he could do besides try and slowly undo the damage. But it was always hard to do when Zuko closed up at any hint of praise or ill thoughts spoken about Ozai. Though that second part didn't seem to quite be the case recently, so Iroh could only hope that he might have a better chance at making progress now. Unfortunately, the fact that Zuko still hadn't spoken or looked at him did indicate that he may have spoken too openly a moment ago. He was trying to gather his thoughts to change the subject or calm his nephew down when the young man caught him off guard.
"Thank you, Uncle," the words were quiet and Zuko wasn't looking at him still, but it was more than Iroh had expected to get. Knowing better than to comment on that he simply gave the young man a warm smile in reply. They were both quiet for several minutes after that, a more comfortable than awkward silence thankfully, before Zuko looked back at him. There was still a light flush on the boy's neck, but his voice was calm when he spoke again. "So...what now? I can't imagine you're going to just drop out of your...Order now that we won't be traveling around like we were. Will us trying to find somewhere to settle down make things harder for you?" Iroh couldn't help the rush of pride he felt at the obvious concern Zuko had for him. He knew it was audible in his tone as well when he spoke.
"I will be fine whatever we do Nephew," he told the young man reassuringly "I don't need to be traveling to do my work with the Order." He paused before adding "And it will be simpler now that I have no need to hide my actions from you. It was never something I enjoyed doing." He paused again and watched his nephew visibly relax at that. He couldn't help but smile again at that. His nephew really did have a kind heart when he wasn't trying to smother it down.
"That's good," Zuko said, looking back out at the water. Less avoiding looking at Iroh and more relaxing and thinking. For that Iroh was grateful. "What about the crew?"
Iroh shrugged slightly "We'll see what they want to do. It's possible we'll all settle down in the same place, but it's also possible we will not. But none of them are members of the Order if that's what you're asking." Zuko nodded slowly, visibly taking that in. Iroh can't help but take in his nephew's new attitude. The boy seemed calmer than he had been in a long time, not quite at peace, but not tense and ready to snap. Less stress perhaps? He was clearly allowing himself to take a break for the first time in a long while and wasn't pushing down the emotions that he deemed 'weak' as he had been over the last three years. He was very grateful for these changes. Especially since Zuko didn't seem to be hurting from them. Despite everything he still had an air of life around him. Determination. Drive. Iroh wasn't certain what this new drive his nephew had taken to was for. It clearly wasn't for capturing the Avatar or returning to the Fire Nation. And it wasn't anything that had him spending every waking moment working on some new plan. He honestly had no clue what it might be, but he figured that Zuko would tell him about it at some point or it would become obvious enough so he left it alone. Instead, he broached another thought he had.
"Zuko..." he wasn't entirely certain how to phrase his question, but he could tell that he had his nephew's attention just from speaking his name, which was slightly unusual in and of itself "You knowing about the Order will make it so I don't have to hide the fact I am going to meetings from you, but I will not be able to share with you what I learn from those meetings." Zuko didn't seem surprised by this, he'd clearly thought that far ahead already, but Iroh pressed on "But that wouldn't be the case if you decided to join yourself." He was pushing here and he was well aware of it. His nephew immediately became visibly uncomfortable, grimacing slightly.
"I don't think that's a good idea Uncle," Zuko replied quickly "I'm no good at cryptic phrases or parables. And I'd grow tired of speaking about flowers really fast. Plus I'm no good at Pai Sho." He paused for a moment, visibly hesitating, and Iroh waited him out with patience born from years of practice. When Zuko continued his voice was much quieter and he couldn't quite meet Iroh's eyes "I...mean no disrespect Uncle. But...I don't think I could turn against my country like that. I can't go home, but they're still my people." He was clearly worried about how Iroh would react to this, but Iroh only smiled with obvious pride.
"And there is nothing wrong with that," Iroh told his nephew firmly. It was one of the reasons why he felt the boy would make a wonderful Fire Lord one day "But I fear I may not have made things completely clear. The group is working against the war of course, but we aren't working to harm the Fire Nation. Not truly. The war hurts Fire just as much as it does the other nations. Even if the people of the Fire Nation don't know it. I don't see my actions as a betrayal to the Fire Nation. To the Fire Lord, yes, but not the Nation." He paused to let this sink in. He could see the uncertainty on his nephew's face as he took this in. He knew it was hard to separate the Fire Nation from the Fire Lord. It went against what they were all taught from a young age. And Zuko had spent so much time working for his father's approval the thought of working against him was certainly a very hard one. But his nephew was a smart boy, he was certain he'd work it out in the end. As it was he wasn't surprised by the answer he got.
"I don't know Uncle..." Zuko hesitated before meeting Iroh's gaze again. He was visibly uncertain and almost seemed to be asking for...approval? Understanding? He wasn't entirely certain what it was Zuko wanted from him, but he gave the boy a warm smile in reply. That seemed to help at least and Zuko relaxed some before finishing his thought "I'll think about it. I'm not sure if I'm ready for something like that. I might never be. But...I'll think about it." Which was more than Iroh had expected this early on, to be honest. So he was more than happy to accept it.
"Of course Nephew," Iroh told him with warm understanding, reaching over to grip the young man's arm briefly in affection "It is not the kind of decision to make lightly. Take the time you need." The grateful smile he got in return caught him off guard for a moment, but he pushed back his surprise and sat back. A moment later he grinned "I just wish they had thought to pack a pai sho board in with our supplies. Or some tea. I could go for a good cup of tea right about now. I fear this is going to be a very boring trip." Ah. There was that scowl he was so used to, but he couldn't miss the amusement dancing in his nephew's gaze as the young man grumbled in reply. Iroh grinned back at him. They were going to be just fine, of that he was sure. More so than he had been in a long time.