Hello again.  Sorry this took forever.  There has just been too much happening now.  Just a heads up, I am going to write about self-mutilation in this chapter.  If that freaks you out, please just skip it or don't read.  Please no flames about it.  I understand why some would not be comfortable with this topic.  I hope you enjoy.

I don't own the hanyou.

Kagome's Lost Soul

Chapter 4

Make the Pain go Away

"Moo" - talking

'Moo' - thinking

            Kagome found herself awake a few hours later by her father pounding on her bedroom door.  Within seconds, the door was thrown open and she was suddenly aware of herself being pulled out of her bed by her hair.  She felt the throbs of her sore body as she was drug down the stairs.  Every time she hit a step, she became aware of just how bad of shape she was in.  She could start to feel her broken ribs ebb their way closer to her lungs and threatened to cause severe damage.  She dared not struggle too much for fear of what he would do next to her.  He drug her to the kitchen and shoved her face to the floor. 

            "You worthless bitch!  You missed a spot of blood."  Kagome's eyes started to cross as she tried to focus on the blood and not on her pain.  "You are so utterly useless.  You can't do anything right.  Not even something as little as cleaning up a mess.  I don't why your mother tolerates you.  If it weren't for her, I would have kicked your pathetic ass out in the real world and let you see how tough this world really can be."  He released her head and stormed away, muttering under his breath about worthless women.  Kagome silently stood up, grabbed a wet rag and quickly cleaned the spot of blood up.  Her thoughts constantly went back to the words he said to her.

            'He's right.  I am worthless.  I can't do anything right.  How many times has Inuyasha told me the exact same thing?  It's only now sinking in though.'  Kagome started to walk back to her room when her father interrupted her thoughts. 

            "Hey, bitch!  Get me a beer."  Kagome released a heavy sigh and slowly walked back to the kitchen.  Her head was throbbing not to mention the incredibly sharp pains she got all over her body every time she inhaled.  She returned to him with a soda in her hands.  "What the hell took so long?"  Her obedience was rewarded with his hand to her face and her suddenly meeting the floor.  She slowly got off of the floor and tried not to let him see her cry.

            "S-Sorry papa."  She started to walk to her room, but detoured at the kitchen.  'I can't take this anymore.  This is just way too much for me to handle right now.'  She could feel herself slipping into the darkness, but was too tired to try and put up a fight.  'There is nothing I can do.  I can't tell mama, it would break her heart.  I can't tell Inuyasha, it would only reinforce the fact that I am weak.'  Kagome grabbed a carving knife and proceeded to her room, yet again.

            She locked her door behind her and sat down heavily on her bed.  She stared at the gleaming metal in her hands with longing.  'Just this once…just to ease the pain a little.  I won't do it again after this.'  She held her arm out and rolled up the sleeves on her pajamas. She pressed the cold steel against the bare skin on top of her arm.  A sigh was released from her lips as her mental anguish started to ease.  She added more pressure to the knife and slowly drew it across her arm.  She felt it pierce her flesh and the blood start to emerge as if by magic from her skin.  She reveled in the wonderful pain that it brought, and she started to feel relief.  She drew it across three more times in the same manner, each getting easier and feeling better with every stroke of the blade.  When she was done she set the knife on her desk and lay down in her bed to sleep it all off. 

            When Kagome awoke, it was after three in the afternoon.  She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and headed to the bathroom for a nice long shower.  She turned the water on and took her clothes off.  She stared at her bruised body in the mirror.  "How am I going to hide these from Inuyasha?  I can't wear my school uniform, but he will get curious if I wear anything else.  What am I saying?  I am acting like he actually pays attention to me.  If anyone asks, I will just say my uniform is in the wash."  She stepped into the shower and hissed as the water hit her bruised body.  "Maybe I should just take a bath."  She turned the shower off and ran the water out of the faucet to take a bath.  She eased into the water and sighed at the warm water on her painful skin.  She soaked in the bath for over and hour, just soaking in the soothing water.  She cleaned her skin and her hair and got ready to return to Inuyasha.  She put on a pair of jeans and a long sleeved tee to cover herself up with, and a little make-up to cover the bruises on her face. 

            She packed her bag and quietly snuck out of the house, aware that her father was passed out on the couch.  She stepped over the rim of the well and leapt in.  She was emerged by the familiar blue light and then the sun above her head.  She climbed out of the well slower than usual and had to rest when she did make it out.  She tried to force her mind to stop thinking about the pain that continually wracked her body.  She closed her eyes and tried to will the pain the ease. 

            A quiet hanyou observed her all the while.  Her odd actions did not go unnoticed by him and he was actually starting to worry why she hadn't moved yet.  He leapt over to where she was leaning against the well and waited for her to acknowledge him.  She looked up at him and their eyes met briefly.  He could see the unshed tears in her eyes and wondered what could make his wonderful Kagome cry.  Of course he would never admit that he considered her his and that he thought she was wonderful n every way.  He held his hand out to her and she gratefully accepted it.

            "Why are you wearing those funny clothes?"  Inuyasha looked at her with questioning eyes.  'She smell way too clean.  And is that blood that I smell?'

            "My uniform is being washed."  Inuyasha decided to leave it at that and she couldn't help but feel relieved at that.  They silently walked back to the village.  As they approached Kaede's they made out the forms of Miroku and Sango leaning on the side of the hut. 

            "Hi, Kagome.  I was just going to take a bath, would you like to join me?"

            "No thanks Sango," Kagome forced out a fake yawn, "I'm really beat…I mean tired.  I'm tired.  Just going to go lay down."  She started towards the hut entrance. 'Calm down Kagome.  Don't ramble.'  Her ribs had started to throb on the walk to the village and her headache had started to grow to a migraine.  Her back ached from her bag and she was having a hard time getting enough oxygen into her body.  'It feels like I am having a panic attack.  I can't seem to catch my breath.'  Shippo suddenly appeared in the doorway and let out a squeal as his eyes landed on Kagome.  The fur ball jumped onto Kagome like a freight train and she could feel her ribs cracking even more.  A yelp escaped her lips that was heard by Inuyasha.  Her breath caught in her lungs.

            'Oh gods.  That hurt so much.'  She tried to catch her breath but it just hurt too much.  She quickly put her "everything-is-ok" mask back on and put Shippo on the ground. 

            "Kagome will you play with me??  Please!!"

            "Shippo, I'm sorry but I am just too tired right now.  Maybe later."  She patted him on the head and entered the hut to lie down, leaving behind her a very bummed kitsune and confused Inuyasha. 

            They headed out looking for jewel shards the next morning.  Kagome still wore her jeans and long sleeve shirt.  She walked in the rear of the group, eyes downcast.  Thought swam through her head and every once in a while she had to restrain tears from flowing out of her eyes.  Inuyasha looked behind at her when he smelled the salt of her tears.  He noticed she was steadily getting further behind from the group.  He leapt back to her and stood in her way. 

            "Oi, wench.  Hurry up will ya!  You humans are so slow and worthless."  Kagome looked at him with tears in her eyes.  He was taken aback by the look of utter pain in her eyes, like her soul was in pain.  She just walked right by him, not even acknowledging that he had said anything. 

            'What's the matter with her?  Why didn't she sit me?  And why is she crying?  She knows I hate it when she cries.'  He quickly caught up with her and grabbed her arm to make her stop.  A slight wince made it's way from her lips, but he was too busy trying to make her stop to notice. 

            "He bitch, what's the matter with you?"  'That should get a rise out of her.'  When he looked into her eyes though, he noticed there was no sparkle, not even a tint of anger. When she finally spoke, her voice was quiet and even.

            "Your right, Inuyasha.  I am too slow and useless.  I am only a shard detector, and I'm not any good at that half the time."  She pulled her arm free of his grasp and continued to follow the others, leaving Inuyasha with a quizzical look on his face.

            "Just a shard detector?  What would make her think that's all she is?"

            'Because you tell her that almost everyday stupid.'

            As they made camp, Kagome announced that she was going to wash up.  As the entered the near-by hot spring she could feel her bruises start to ease.  She let out a long sigh and was rewarded by a sharp pain in her chest.

            "Why does it hurt so badly?  He must have broken some of my ribs completely.  I just thought they were bruised or slightly cracked." 

            "Kagome?  Are you here?"  Sango appeared out of the bushes.  "I thought that I would join you."

            Kagome submerged her body up to her neck in the water.  "Hi Sango.  Come on in."  Sango climbed in and immediately relaxed. 

            "Kagome, why are you under the water like that?" 

            "Oh no reason.  Just like the warmth."  Sango looked at Kagome quizzically.  A moment later the moon appeared from behind the clouds and cast an eerie glow on the two girls.  Sango noticed the dark bruise on Kagome's face as the light hit it just right. 

            "Kagome, what is that on your face?"  Kagome's hand instinctively went to her face, which revealed the cuts on her arm.  A gasp escaped Sango's mouth.

            "Kagome!  Your arm.  What happened to you?"  Sango grabbed her arm for further inspection. 

            "Oh Sango, I had an accident.  That's all."

            "This couldn't have been done by accident.  Tell me what really happened.  We've all noticed something has been going on with you.  Even Inuyasha.  He is really worried about you."  Kagome released a defeated sigh, which turned into a hiss of pain. 

            "It's my dad.  He's back." 

            "But I didn't know you had a dad.  You never talked about him."

            "He's been in jail.  He's been gone for five years.  When I was younger, her used to beat me out of frustration.  I never told my mother though.  I didn't want her to be upset.  And now he has been cleared of his charges.  He hasn't changed though.  In fact, he seems worse now, like I was the one who put him in jail."  Kagome slowly emerged out the water to let her friend see her bruised body. 

            "Kagome, this is terrible.  You can't go back.  And you need Kaede to look at these injuries."

            "I have to go back or Inuyasha will get suspicious.  Please don't tell anyone Sango.  I promise I will let Kaede look at me if you don't tell anyone."

            "But Kagome…"

            "Please Sango."

            "Oh all right.  But you have to let Kaede look at your wounds soon.  You can take Kirara when you go back to camp, and I am going with you."  Kagome gave Sango a warm hearted smile and nodded.

            "Thank you so much Sango.  I could not ask for a better friend."  They both relaxed slightly and after a few moments of silence, Sango could not her questions in any longer. 

            "Is this why you have been so distant lately?"

            "Distant?  I am fine, just a little sore."

            "Kagome, even Inuyasha has noticed.  You didn't even fight back with him earlier today."

            "It's just that I finally understand why he calls me worthless and all those names.  I can't do anything right.  I don't even help when we fight.  I just stand around and Inuyasha is always having to save me.  I am a burden to everyone here."
Tears started to spring to Kagome's eyes as she finally released her feelings.

            "Kagome you don't really believe that do you?"

            "I don't want to talk about this anymore Sango.  You wouldn't understand.  I will meet you back at camp."  Kagome got out of the water, dressed, and disappeared into the bushes.

That's all for now guys.  I hope you liked it and I am going to update soon, but we all know how well that has been.  Please review, it does help. 

Bbhm