Helloz! *sweatdrops* Yeah..It's been a really really really long time since
I've put up a chapter. I'm so sorry. =( I'm not sure how long it'll be..
I'll try my best.
Life has been pretty tiring and hectic lately. *sighs* I'm really too tired to reply to all your reviews.. but I'm really grateful to all the people that have reviewed, and I've read every single one! Honest. ^_^ I'm glad that there are people who actually read this.. I just want to thank you all for waiting for such a long time.
Ehehe.*is too lazy to use Japanese phrases anymore. I get it all mixed up, so I guess from now on, it'll all be in English except for a few exceptions.like "san" and "sama" and all that.
To anyone else in Form 3, Malaysia: ONLY 50-something DAYS TO PMR!!!!!! PANIC! ;_; I don't like PMR.. and my Grade 6 piano exam is coming very very soon. and I'm not ready.. and there's lots of homework, school is tiring and boring, I get irritated easily.. *will stop ranting now*
Oh yeah.can anyone of you teach me how to do italics and bold? HTML doesn't seem to work..*sighs* Help please?
**** signify thoughts.
Chapter 6
Yaone was tired. She didn't know what of but she was tired. She was sick and tired of thinking, of waiting, of worrying about a man who never returned his love.
"Kougaji-sama.." she whispered softly. In her mind's eye, she could see him clearly. His beautiful golden eyes, his long, red hair that looked like it was on fire, but most of all, his expressive and sensitive face.
She was kneeling down beside a small stream from which she got water to cook and clean for Hakkai and herself. As usual, thinking of Kougaji made the ever-ready tears rise steadily in her eyes. She visibly wilted, and her whole body drooped low.
Hakkai, watching in the shadows frowned. He hated seeing women cry almost as much as Goyjo did. He sighed, pain filling him. She looked too much like Kanan. Being with her brought back memories he would have rather kept hidden or forgotten. He clenched his fist, angry at the man that made Yaone cry like that, just like Kanan had cried before she died, tears devoid of life and hope.
Though he had made no sound, somehow, Yaone sensed him. Her back stiffened and she spun round. Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw Hakkai.
"Oh," she said, not knowing what to say. She hastily wiped away the tears and lowered her head in an effort to conceal her red eyes, swollen from crying. "Hakkai-san."
Hakkai's eyes softened and though many minutes passed, they never left her face. He saw Yaone's attempt to hide all traces of her tears. ****"A beautiful person like you shouldn't cry like that."**** Those words sprung up to his mind, almost betraying him by escaping through his lips but with a great force of will, he managed to control himself
His thoughts confused him. ****What is happening to me?**** he asked himself. Lately, all he had noticed was how beautiful, how lovely and wonderful Yaone was. Ever since his dream of the glorious angel bearing her face and form rescuing him, his feelings towards Yaone had undergone a significant change. He was not sure what was going on, but he was aware of heightened feelings of concern and warmth towards the frail maiden who knelt there crying.
"Are you alright?" he asked her softly.
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She liked Hakkai, but right now, when her feelings were all in turmoil, she would like to be alone to sort them out.
Hakkai knew that Yaone would not speak, and sensed that she wanted to be left alone at this point in time. "I'll go and collect the firewood Yaone- san," he said gently.
Yaone nodded mutely, her emotions numb as she watched Hakkai walk away. He was still weak, and stumbled once in a while. Her heart gave a strange little ache watching him. Part of her wanted to run after him, to ask him to stay with her and keep her company in her misery, at least for a while. The other part just wanted to be alone, so that she could cry her heart out. She continued watching Hakkai until he was out of sight. Her thoughts were messed up, confused. She did not know what to think at all. She didn't want to think anymore. Pain was growing within her, a sharp, gnawing pain that was impossible to ignore. "Love," she said aloud, infusing all the anger and agony she felt inside into that one syllable. "I wish it never existed."
--------------
Nightfall.
The crickets and frogs sang their songs of praise the cold stars shining down on the mortals that walk on the face of the earth. The stars see so many things. Hurt, pain, anger, hatred, fear. all these the celestial bodies in the heaven above have witnessed dispassionately. Humanity, they seem to say, humanity is nothing. Humans and demons live out their tortured lives, one after another. We have seen all there is to see. Your miserable existences only last for a few years. When you die, all is gone. There will be others to take your place.
Hakkai was sitting by the mouth of the cave. He leaned back onto the rough stone walls, lost in his own thoughts. Light from the gibbous moon shone into the cave, illuminating his features, softening some points and sharpening others. He looked at the forest. The silvery light of the moon seemed to have sucked out all colour, leaving only pale silvers, ethereal greys and fathomless blacks.
"That's all the world really is, isn't it? Variable shades of black and gray, and that's all. During the day, the proud sun brings illusion, colouring up our lives, filling it with temporary warmth and false promises, strong and harsh. I like the night. It tells no lies. It gives you everything straight." Yaone had come up to the mouth of the cave, and she stood beside Hakkai, her expression emotionless and inscrutable.
Without turning his head, Hakkai said, " True, but all of us, humans and demons alike, we like filling ourselves with false illusions don't we? Life would be unbearable without a few fantasies and dreams."
"Illusions are only a form of escape. We should see reality as it is, bleak and hopeless, not under the glaring sunlight that brings colour to distract the eye, to give false hope."
"What do you mean by false hope?"
"Light brings an inborn feeling of joy, and hope. All these are deceptive. There is no joy, and no hope. All the people who think they are happy and contented are actually deceiving themselves."
"Yaone-san, I'm sorry to say, I totally disagree with you."
"Why so?"
" There is happiness and joy. Hope does exist. And coming back to the topic of illusions, it is night that has illusions. Everything is shrouded in shadow, and nothing is really clear. It is in the day that everything is placed under bright light, and nothing is hidden. Shadows disperse and everything is as it truly is, with flaws at and all. At night, shadows shroud everything, hiding and concealing things from the eye."
"But that is the world as it truly is, dark and depressing, with dangers hiding in every corner, ready to bring you down."
Hakkai sighed, and drew his legs closer to him. "Your view of the world seems pretty bleak."
"That's because I see the truth."
"And the people who have happiness, all they see is lies?"
"Yes."
"Yaone-san, you are proud."
"In what way?"
"What makes you think you see the truth and others don't?"
Yaone sighed. Her head was aching, and she was not really in the mood to discuss anything. She dropped down beside Hakkai, and drew her legs up to her body. She spoke not, reflecting on the conversation she had just had with Hakkai.
Respecting her mood, Hakkai continued watching the sky.
Yaone's feelings were in a tumult. She was confused over the dark and depressed views she had just pressed upon Hakkai. Normally, she was happy and cheerful, not all down and unhappy like this.
***What's happening to me?*** she thought. "Hakkai-san?" she said aloud.
"Yes?" he said politely, still not looking at her.
"Do you think I've changed?"
There was no reply. Yaone turned her head so that she could see him properly. "Hakkai-san?"
None spoke for some time.
"I don't know." His answer came, shattering the silence. "I did not really know you well before this. However," and he finally brought his gaze down to her face. "You seem sadder than usual." He sighed.
Both knew the reason for her sadness, but neither wanted to speak of it.
Hakkai broke the silence abruptly. He suddenly smiled and said, "Yaone-san, I have something to show you. Look." His lifted his right hand, and in it, a small ball of green slowly grew.
Yaone's eyes widened. "You.. you can harness you chi energy again."
"Yes."
"That means you're almost fully recovered."
"Yes."
Yaone did not know why, but that single word cut through her heart. Suddenly, she was struck with a realisation. She did not want this time together with Hakkai to end just yet. She was not ready to go back and face Kougaji. She still needed more time to collect her thoughts and feelings, or that's what she told herself.
Some of that must have shown in her eyes, for Hakkai said, with some sadness in his voice. "We'll have to get back to the real world won't we? Very soon, we'll go on our own separate paths."
Yaone bit her lip. She did not know how to express it, but she did not want to go back. She liked being with Hakkai like this, day in day out in peaceful contemplation. She also enjoyed Hakkai's company enormously. Something about the kind man struck a chord within her. He was a friend, someone who had almost killed himself to save her. She could openly admit that she was quite fond of him. She didn't want this time to end. That thought repeated itself again and again in her head.
Without warning, she whirled to her left and gave Hakkai a tight hug. "Arigato," she said, not sure what she was thanking him for. Maybe everything. "Thank you so, so much."
Hakkai stroked her hair gently, eyes faintly amused. "What are you thanking me for?" he asked.
"I don't know," she said, and a few tears came into her eyes. "I just want to thank you."
Hakkai could not think of anything to say. He just hugged her back tightly.
Life has been pretty tiring and hectic lately. *sighs* I'm really too tired to reply to all your reviews.. but I'm really grateful to all the people that have reviewed, and I've read every single one! Honest. ^_^ I'm glad that there are people who actually read this.. I just want to thank you all for waiting for such a long time.
Ehehe.*is too lazy to use Japanese phrases anymore. I get it all mixed up, so I guess from now on, it'll all be in English except for a few exceptions.like "san" and "sama" and all that.
To anyone else in Form 3, Malaysia: ONLY 50-something DAYS TO PMR!!!!!! PANIC! ;_; I don't like PMR.. and my Grade 6 piano exam is coming very very soon. and I'm not ready.. and there's lots of homework, school is tiring and boring, I get irritated easily.. *will stop ranting now*
Oh yeah.can anyone of you teach me how to do italics and bold? HTML doesn't seem to work..*sighs* Help please?
**** signify thoughts.
Chapter 6
Yaone was tired. She didn't know what of but she was tired. She was sick and tired of thinking, of waiting, of worrying about a man who never returned his love.
"Kougaji-sama.." she whispered softly. In her mind's eye, she could see him clearly. His beautiful golden eyes, his long, red hair that looked like it was on fire, but most of all, his expressive and sensitive face.
She was kneeling down beside a small stream from which she got water to cook and clean for Hakkai and herself. As usual, thinking of Kougaji made the ever-ready tears rise steadily in her eyes. She visibly wilted, and her whole body drooped low.
Hakkai, watching in the shadows frowned. He hated seeing women cry almost as much as Goyjo did. He sighed, pain filling him. She looked too much like Kanan. Being with her brought back memories he would have rather kept hidden or forgotten. He clenched his fist, angry at the man that made Yaone cry like that, just like Kanan had cried before she died, tears devoid of life and hope.
Though he had made no sound, somehow, Yaone sensed him. Her back stiffened and she spun round. Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw Hakkai.
"Oh," she said, not knowing what to say. She hastily wiped away the tears and lowered her head in an effort to conceal her red eyes, swollen from crying. "Hakkai-san."
Hakkai's eyes softened and though many minutes passed, they never left her face. He saw Yaone's attempt to hide all traces of her tears. ****"A beautiful person like you shouldn't cry like that."**** Those words sprung up to his mind, almost betraying him by escaping through his lips but with a great force of will, he managed to control himself
His thoughts confused him. ****What is happening to me?**** he asked himself. Lately, all he had noticed was how beautiful, how lovely and wonderful Yaone was. Ever since his dream of the glorious angel bearing her face and form rescuing him, his feelings towards Yaone had undergone a significant change. He was not sure what was going on, but he was aware of heightened feelings of concern and warmth towards the frail maiden who knelt there crying.
"Are you alright?" he asked her softly.
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She liked Hakkai, but right now, when her feelings were all in turmoil, she would like to be alone to sort them out.
Hakkai knew that Yaone would not speak, and sensed that she wanted to be left alone at this point in time. "I'll go and collect the firewood Yaone- san," he said gently.
Yaone nodded mutely, her emotions numb as she watched Hakkai walk away. He was still weak, and stumbled once in a while. Her heart gave a strange little ache watching him. Part of her wanted to run after him, to ask him to stay with her and keep her company in her misery, at least for a while. The other part just wanted to be alone, so that she could cry her heart out. She continued watching Hakkai until he was out of sight. Her thoughts were messed up, confused. She did not know what to think at all. She didn't want to think anymore. Pain was growing within her, a sharp, gnawing pain that was impossible to ignore. "Love," she said aloud, infusing all the anger and agony she felt inside into that one syllable. "I wish it never existed."
--------------
Nightfall.
The crickets and frogs sang their songs of praise the cold stars shining down on the mortals that walk on the face of the earth. The stars see so many things. Hurt, pain, anger, hatred, fear. all these the celestial bodies in the heaven above have witnessed dispassionately. Humanity, they seem to say, humanity is nothing. Humans and demons live out their tortured lives, one after another. We have seen all there is to see. Your miserable existences only last for a few years. When you die, all is gone. There will be others to take your place.
Hakkai was sitting by the mouth of the cave. He leaned back onto the rough stone walls, lost in his own thoughts. Light from the gibbous moon shone into the cave, illuminating his features, softening some points and sharpening others. He looked at the forest. The silvery light of the moon seemed to have sucked out all colour, leaving only pale silvers, ethereal greys and fathomless blacks.
"That's all the world really is, isn't it? Variable shades of black and gray, and that's all. During the day, the proud sun brings illusion, colouring up our lives, filling it with temporary warmth and false promises, strong and harsh. I like the night. It tells no lies. It gives you everything straight." Yaone had come up to the mouth of the cave, and she stood beside Hakkai, her expression emotionless and inscrutable.
Without turning his head, Hakkai said, " True, but all of us, humans and demons alike, we like filling ourselves with false illusions don't we? Life would be unbearable without a few fantasies and dreams."
"Illusions are only a form of escape. We should see reality as it is, bleak and hopeless, not under the glaring sunlight that brings colour to distract the eye, to give false hope."
"What do you mean by false hope?"
"Light brings an inborn feeling of joy, and hope. All these are deceptive. There is no joy, and no hope. All the people who think they are happy and contented are actually deceiving themselves."
"Yaone-san, I'm sorry to say, I totally disagree with you."
"Why so?"
" There is happiness and joy. Hope does exist. And coming back to the topic of illusions, it is night that has illusions. Everything is shrouded in shadow, and nothing is really clear. It is in the day that everything is placed under bright light, and nothing is hidden. Shadows disperse and everything is as it truly is, with flaws at and all. At night, shadows shroud everything, hiding and concealing things from the eye."
"But that is the world as it truly is, dark and depressing, with dangers hiding in every corner, ready to bring you down."
Hakkai sighed, and drew his legs closer to him. "Your view of the world seems pretty bleak."
"That's because I see the truth."
"And the people who have happiness, all they see is lies?"
"Yes."
"Yaone-san, you are proud."
"In what way?"
"What makes you think you see the truth and others don't?"
Yaone sighed. Her head was aching, and she was not really in the mood to discuss anything. She dropped down beside Hakkai, and drew her legs up to her body. She spoke not, reflecting on the conversation she had just had with Hakkai.
Respecting her mood, Hakkai continued watching the sky.
Yaone's feelings were in a tumult. She was confused over the dark and depressed views she had just pressed upon Hakkai. Normally, she was happy and cheerful, not all down and unhappy like this.
***What's happening to me?*** she thought. "Hakkai-san?" she said aloud.
"Yes?" he said politely, still not looking at her.
"Do you think I've changed?"
There was no reply. Yaone turned her head so that she could see him properly. "Hakkai-san?"
None spoke for some time.
"I don't know." His answer came, shattering the silence. "I did not really know you well before this. However," and he finally brought his gaze down to her face. "You seem sadder than usual." He sighed.
Both knew the reason for her sadness, but neither wanted to speak of it.
Hakkai broke the silence abruptly. He suddenly smiled and said, "Yaone-san, I have something to show you. Look." His lifted his right hand, and in it, a small ball of green slowly grew.
Yaone's eyes widened. "You.. you can harness you chi energy again."
"Yes."
"That means you're almost fully recovered."
"Yes."
Yaone did not know why, but that single word cut through her heart. Suddenly, she was struck with a realisation. She did not want this time together with Hakkai to end just yet. She was not ready to go back and face Kougaji. She still needed more time to collect her thoughts and feelings, or that's what she told herself.
Some of that must have shown in her eyes, for Hakkai said, with some sadness in his voice. "We'll have to get back to the real world won't we? Very soon, we'll go on our own separate paths."
Yaone bit her lip. She did not know how to express it, but she did not want to go back. She liked being with Hakkai like this, day in day out in peaceful contemplation. She also enjoyed Hakkai's company enormously. Something about the kind man struck a chord within her. He was a friend, someone who had almost killed himself to save her. She could openly admit that she was quite fond of him. She didn't want this time to end. That thought repeated itself again and again in her head.
Without warning, she whirled to her left and gave Hakkai a tight hug. "Arigato," she said, not sure what she was thanking him for. Maybe everything. "Thank you so, so much."
Hakkai stroked her hair gently, eyes faintly amused. "What are you thanking me for?" he asked.
"I don't know," she said, and a few tears came into her eyes. "I just want to thank you."
Hakkai could not think of anything to say. He just hugged her back tightly.