DisclaimersI do not own any of the Saiyuki characters, and I don't own that wonderful song, That's Why , sang by Michael Learns to Rock. Wish I did though. )

Epilogue

Kougaji held his breath as he looked at the stunning girl before him.

"Yaone?" he whispered, hardly daring to believe that she was really there – that she had really returned to him.

She looked at him mutely, and his happiness withered away inside him. Something was wrong. His mind knew, but he refused to acknowledge what it was screaming to him. Her eyes, once so full of love for him had changed inexplicably. They were filled with… sadness.

"Yaone…" He said again, her beloved name rolling off his tongue.

She stood perfectly still, and she bowed her head before him. "Kougaji-sama," she said. Her musical voice was low and unsteady.

Baby won't you tell me why there is sadness in your eyes
I don't wanna say goodbye to you
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
But there is something left in my head

"Why won't you look at me?" he asked, not really wanting to know the answer. He knew. Deep down inside, he knew. His golden eyes searched her face, mutely begging her not to give him the answer he feared.

As he watched the silent youkai who stood before him, his mind went back to the day when they first met, the day he had saved her life.

She would have been sent to the Hundred Eye demon, to be raped and almost certainly killed.

He remembered how her beauty had made him catch his breath. He did not want such beauty to be wasted and destroyed.

So he had saved her.

He could remember watching her, watching as the beautiful demon swore eternal fealty to him. He remembered seeing the sunlight shining down on her glorious purple hair, and he remembered how he had sworn, in his heart, that he would protect her forever.


You're the one who set it up
Now you're the one to make it stop
I'm the one who's feeling lost right now
Now you want me to forget every little thing you said
But there is something left in my head

"What's wrong?" he spoke again. The silence between them was overwhelming. Not knowing what to do, he reacted almost instinctively. He reached out to her, and drew her close to him. "Finally," his mind whispered. He had been longing to do that for a very long time.

He bent his head down, and captured her lips with his. Slowly and tenderly, he tried to savour it. Their first kiss.

Yaone was limp in his arms. She did not pull away, but neither did she respond.

Kougaji pulled away. "Yaone?" he said, his tone confused, and slightly hurt.

He stared straight into her eyes, and saw them fill up with tears.

His heart gave a sudden, sickening wrench.


I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feelings so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know

"Kougaji-sama," she repeated again. The tears spilled from her eyes freely. They gazed at each other, and his grip on her tightened, as if by holding her closer, he could somehow keep her with him.

She was lost to him. He knew it and she knew it, but right now they were trying to come to terms with that. It was such a sudden change from the love – though unspoken – that they had once shared.

It was a strange sort of love, the love between a master and his "servant", for in a sense, that was all she was. She had sworn allegiance to him, and she was his – his to command and his to dispose of had he wished it so.

They had known that they loved each other, but there had been no need to reveal that love. After all, there was still so much to do, and still so much to accomplish.

Now it was too late.

You were never satisfied no matter how I tried
Now you wanna say goodbye to me
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
But there is something left in my head

She could only repeat his name. There was nothing else that would escape these suddenly mute lips of hers.

"Why are you here?" he said suddenly, his voice harsh. He pushed her away, and was once again the aloof master she remembered. "Weren't you with Cho Hakkai?"

She fell down on her knees before him. Shocked though he did not show it, he gazed down at her.

"Kougaji-sama," she said. "I have sworn to serve you until I die. I will not go back on my word." The words came out as if forced, as if she did not want to say them at all…as if she held back what she really wanted to say only through sheer strength of will.

He saw this. He wanted to yell at her, yell at her to make her leave. He knew where her heart truly lay…but something stilled his tongue in his mouth. A little twinge of selfishness within him whispered to him. "Keep her by your side...after all, she has made her choice…"

She knelt there, head bowed. She did not want to see the clashing emotions on his face as he made his decisions.

His fists were clenched. He knew what choice he would make. He could not keep her by his side while she loved another. It would be unbearably selfish. And he loved her too much to cause her so much pain and distress.

"Go…" he said, anguish filling his soul. "Go to the man you love."

He turned, not willing to look at her anymore – the woman he loved and lost.

He heard her get up, and stifled his sigh. She would go, and he never wanted to see her again.

He gasped in shock as he felt two cold hands around his clenched left fist.

"Kougaji-sama…" she said.

Kougaji gritted his teeth, steeling himself. I love you, don't leave me! his mind screamed, but he did nothing.

Yaone could feel his slight trembling as she held his hand. He stood cold, stiff and unmoving, but he was trembling. Was it rage? Anger? Or…fear?

"Don't chase me away again," she said, as the tears continued to fall from her eyes.

He finally turned. "You don't love me," he told her bluntly, his golden gaze unreadable.

She did not answer.

"You love Cho Hakkai. And yet you return to me?"

"I will stay by your side forever." These familiar words fell onto Kougaji's heart and seemed to rend his soul to pieces. They were so toneless…and said as if with great loss and sadness.

"So is this Cho Hakkai's revenge?" he asked bitterly. "He returns you to me, but I have to live with the fact that I can never truly make you mine? Your heart belongs to him now. I can see that clearly."

Yaone was silent.

Kougaji's bitter laughter rang through the room, echoing and resounding, until it sounded like there were a dozen mocking sprites laughing.

He stopped as hope began to flutter its fragile wings in his heart once more.

"Yaone chose to come back to me," he thought. "I might still be able to make her love me." It was a slim, almost impossible chance, but a drowning man would clutch at any straws.

As he stared at the beautiful girl who just knelt wordlessly there, Kougaji slowly felt his hopes brighten slightly.

There is always hope, he thought. And as long as there is hope, life goes on.

"I can make her love me again."

Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There is so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you
There ain't so much for me anymore

Miles and miles away, Hakkai looked up to the blue sky that had only a few small puffy clouds to mar its perfection. It was a beautiful day.

They were driving along in the jeep. Goku and Goyjo had fallen asleep after a tiring day of squabbling, and Sanzo was smoking peacefully by his side, with his eyes half closed.

Feeling alone, Hakkai's mind was free to wander as it wished. "I wonder what she's doing now…" he mused aloud, too caught up in his thoughts.

"Talking to yourself Hakkai? That's the first sign of insanity you know!" Goku had woken up. Grinning, he clung onto the tall youkai from behind. "That long journey of yours messed up your brain, ne?"

Instantly, Sanzo whacked the monkey on the head. "Baka saru. Shut up and go back to sleep."

"HEEEEY! SANZO! YOU HIT ME WITH YOUR FIST!" Goku started to tear up. "YOU'RE SO MEAAAAAAAAAN!"

"Ugh, you woke me up you stupid monkey!" Goyjo attacked Goku with a headlock. "WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHUT UP?"

"Maa maa," said Hakkai, smiling slightly to himself. It was another normal day.

Everyone eventually settled down again, and the jeep rattled on. They were bathed in warm golden sunlight, but cool breezes blew past them, ruffling their hair. The other three seemed to have dozed off, and Hakkai experienced a rare moment of peace.

"Take care, my love…" he whispered to the winds. Like the clouds they would meet and part, never knowing when they would see each other again…if they did meet again, that is.

I'll be thinking of you.

The jeep rattled on, moving further and further down the road, chasing the horizon, as their journey continued.

Finis.

Author's comments: So how was it? P Dissatisfied with the ending? It's the best I could think off… hope you guys liked it. It's been…THREE years! But I'm done now….makes me sad, and also happy too… Thank you to my readers, especially Rook who has been reading since the beginning….thank you for your comments and support etc… a big hug to all