No More Goodbyes
She gazed up at the fairly modest but beautiful home as she approached it. It wasn't at all what she would have expected of him, she mused, but it was somehow warmer, more welcoming, more human than any of the houses she'd imagined he'd live in. She ascended the steps to the porch, lifting her hand to knock, but an invisible force seemed to stop her, and she brought her hand back to her side awkwardly after nervously tucking her hair behind her ear.
She stared at the door, frozen in place, and she suddenly found herself wondering whether she should have come here at all. Exactly what did she intend to say when he came to the door and asked her what she was doing there? Would she be able to find the words that she was looking for? As she stood there, she thought back to a few months earlier, when things had seemed so much simpler.
It was spring once more in her mind, graduation day, the day she had to say goodbye to her home for the past seven years. Her parents were there, smiling at her while she gave her speech about moving forward, not looking backward, but still remembering fondly all that Hogwarts had taught them, the impact it had made on their lives.
Her sister was there too, scowling as usual, and Lily could tell that she was uncomfortable, that she would prefer to be anywhere else. If hearing about Hogwarts made her miserable, being there made her livid, and she glared hatefully at all the freaks around her, brooding about being the only normal person there. Lily was sad that Petunia couldn't be more supportive, but she wouldn't let her sister ruin this day for her. It was a sad day already, the end of an era, and she was determined to remain cheerful.
Her smile faltered slightly when she glanced around only to gaze upon James Potter laughing with his friends. She took pleasure in seeing him happy, in seeing the delight in his hazel eyes, but it brought her heart sorrow to know that she may never get the chance again. She thought back over the year that they had spent as Head students together, and a melancholy smile graced her face at the thought of all he had done for her.
While she had been expecting a lazy and rebellious co-head, he had been the perfect compliment to her worrying and obsessive organization. He had always been willing to do his part to help out and to lend ideas. And more importantly, he had always known just what to say to make her laugh. He had eased the burden more than she could have ever imagined, and he had been the friend that she had never known she'd needed. She loved her girlfriends dearly, but somehow it was different, and though she couldn't quite pinpoint why, she had a sneaking suspicion that she preferred to ignore.
She continued to watch him interact with his friends, and for a moment she found herself envious of them, because when it came down to it, they wouldn't have to say goodbye to him at the end of the day. She felt a solitary tear slip down her cheek, and she quickly wiped it away, chiding herself. She had promised herself that she wouldn't cry today.
"Are you okay?" Lily was startled to hear the voice of her best friend Alice, who had evidently caught her moment of weakness, and she started a little before turning around and putting on a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
"Yeah, it's just a little sad to be saying goodbye to Hogwarts. I'm fine, really."
"Okay, well your parents are looking for you. They, along with my parents, want to get some pictures of us together."
"Okay, I'll be there in just a minute," Lily replied. Understanding and respecting Lily's need to compose herself, Alice briefly touched her shoulder supportively before dashing off to notify their parents that she had found the missing Head Girl.
Finally, Lily tore her gaze away from James and headed towards her family, where she proceeded to pose for numerous photos, in between which she would laugh and inquire as to whether they had enough photos to fill an album yet. During a particularly long break where Lily's parents were changing film, she glanced over once more at James, this time longingly. When she felt the tears welling up in her eyes, she looked at the ground and blinked them away, taking a breath to calm herself before turning to her family, surprised to see Alice heading back towards them with James in tow.
"I wanted a picture of the Head Boy and Girl together," Alice announced when they had joined the others, and she nudged James slightly, who took the hint and moved to stand next to Lily. She felt his arm encircle her waist, and she closed her eyes, savouring his touch and his scent and wishing that he wouldn't leave her side in a few moments. Feeling slightly daring, she leaned her head on his shoulder as her best friend snapped the photo, and she took her time moving it away afterwards.
He turned to face her, looking like he wanted to say something but couldn't quite find the words, and she tookthat timeto memorize his features before he leaned over and placed a tender kiss on her cheek and whispered softly, so that only she could hear, "Goodbye, Lily." And suddenly he was gone, and she felt empty again.
Now, as she stood on his porch, she remembered the afternoon, a few days later, when Alice had come over to watch a movie. Just before she had gone home, she had pulled an envelope out her purse, and wordlessly handed it to Lily before smiling her goodbye and exiting the house. Lily had remained rooted in the same spot for a few moments before turning to the stairs and heading up to her room.
She lay down on her bed and opened the envelope, revealing a beautiful photo of her and James, smiling on their graduation day, with her head on his shoulder. And now she remembered how that photo had gotten her through many nights without him, how she would retrieve it from under her pillow when she missed him or even when she was sad because her relationship with her sister was still falling apart.
Remembering that photo brought a smile to her face, and it gave her the courage to do what she had come here to do. She took a deep breath and reached up her hand once more, but she was once again stopped, this time not by her own uncertainty, but by the woman who opened the door before she had the chance.
She could plainly see the woman's resemblance to James. She was beautiful, with the same hazel eyes and the same smile, but she had softer facial features and much neater hair, and Lily guessed that James' father was the source of his messy black hair and strong jaw.
"Oh!" she gasped in surprise at seeing Lily there, but her stunned expression quickly melted into a friendly, welcoming one. "Can I help you dear?"
"Um…" was all that Lily could get out, but she continued to stare wide-eyed at his mother. Suddenly, recognition dawned on Mrs. Potter's face, and she exclaimed, "Oh! You're the Head Girl, from Hogwarts, right? Are you here to see James? Hang on, I'll go get him."
Suddenly she was back in the house and the door was closed, and Lily tried to figure out what had just happened, but her brain would not process anything that fast. She wondered if any of that had actually happened or if she had imagined it, but before she could come to any real conclusion, the door was open again and she was face to face with James Potter.
"Lily?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows, obviously surprised and confused to see her on his porch. "What are you doing here?"
She opened her mouth to respond, but she couldn't find her voice, so she closed it again and swallowed nervously. She was tempted to turn around and run away, but her feet wouldn't move, and for once she was glad that they wouldn't. She couldn't say goodbye to him again. Finally, her brain kicked into gear, and words started spilling from her mouth.
"I start a new job tomorrow, and it finally hit me last night that you aren't going to be there. You won't be there to turn my hair green or to distract me when I'm supposed to be working. You won't be there to complain with me about the incompetent people who sign my paycheck but have no clue how to do their own jobs.
"You won't walk around aimlessly with me while we're supposed to be looking for students out of bed. You won't make me laugh with pointless conversation that I pretend to hate but secretly look forward to every day. You won't turn off my alarm clock so I'll sleep in when I've stayed up too late studying, and then bring me the notes from my classes so I won't miss anything. You won't take me to the kitchens when I'm hungry because I missed dinner, or bring me soup when I'm sick in bed. I came here because I can't live another minute without knowing that I'll see you every day for the rest of my life."
He stood in the doorway looking shocked for a few moments, and she was afraid that he would shut the door in her face, but eventually hisexpression softened to a look of love, and he pulled her into his embrace and kissed her. She felt warm and safe, and she kissed him back with everything she had, trying to convey everything else that she wanted to say but couldn't put into words.
Eventually, he pulled back and they just stared at each other for a few moments before he spoke.
"Maybe I won't walk around aimlessly with you during patrols, or shut off your alarm clock and take notes for you, or take you to the kitchens so the house elves can stuff you full of food.; but I'll cook you dinner myself, and I'll still bring you soup when you're sick in bed, and I'll always try to make you laugh. And maybe I won't be at work with you, but I want to be the one waiting for you when you get home, and I want to spend the rest of my life letting you know how much I love you."
She wanted to laugh and cry and scream all at the same time, and it was confusing, so instead she wrapped her arms around his neck and lifted herself up onto her tiptoes and brought her lips to his. The kiss on her cheek at graduation had been a kiss goodbye, but this, this was a kiss full of the promise of the future, the promise of many more. As she pulled back, she touched her cheek to his and softly whispered in his ear, "I love you too."
This is dedicated to my reviewers of my last one shot, Window Sill. I had no intention of writing another, but your wonderful reviews inspired me. Thank you so much.