*Omnitraxus is shown standing on a stage in a tuxedo... somehow holding a diploma with the WH coming out and accepting it.*
WH: Thank you so much all the fans who pushed me onward to perfect my craft of writing. I would also like to thank The Spongebob Narrator and Janna for in their own way pushing me onward as well... I think. *Janna shrugs in the audience while the SN cries a little* But I have a confession to make... after this episode. Enjoy it by the way.
A fancy pink carriage was being pulled by… something that couldn't be seen through a dark nighttime wasteland of sorts. Inside several people were talking to each other in a borderline squabbling manner with one voice in particular ringing out, Ponyhead's voice.
"Ok people we need to like focus and make sure this is perfect." Alexis and Starfan13 responded to that.
"Right!"
Inside the carriage Star watched the three apply makeup to someone while Kelly stared off out of the carriage window listlessly. Star's smile fell when she turned towards Kelly speaking up.
"Say Kelly how are you…" Kelly responded back so quickly it could have been considered sharp.
"Oh yes I'm fine. Mmmmphm. Nothing wrong here." Star blinked in confusion before speaking again.
"You answered rather quickly after having stared outside with a bleak tone for the past hour. Are you sure you wanted to come with us?" Kelly sighed and nodded before responding in a softer tone.
"Yup everything is fine Star, no need to worry." Star stared at her a second with Kelly turning towards her. "So why are you staring at me like something's wrong?" Star grabbed her tail before replying.
"Well you're usually not this quiet and with the recent foot down with Ta…" Kelly shoved her finger into Star's face shutting her up before responding.
"Don't mention that bitch of a mop head! I don't want to hear his name ever again." She then rustled her hair as if scratching something before going back into her 'staring out a window' pose. Star stared at her second before Ponyhead spoke up.
"And we're done." The five girls turned to look at Marco who was in his Turdina outfit with the hair extensions and having makeup on his face to a perfect if excessive degree, looking like a doll more than anything else. Marco opened his eyes and spoke up.
"How do I look?" Star giggled and held up a mirror for him replying.
"A bit excessive for a rebel princess free of the hierarchy, but super pretty." Marco groaned and shoved his face into his hands with everyone getting concerned looks. "Don't like it?" Alexis and Starfan13 nodded and went to change it but were stopped by Marco.
"No it's not that, I may be one of the few guys who can pull off this look to be honest." He looked up at everyone with smudged makeup. "I gotta come clean to everyone." Starfan13 spoke up at that.
"Come clean with what, the fact that you like to dress in drag and wear make-up? Not a big deal these days." Marco rubbed the majority of his makeup off on his dress continuing.
"Not that, although there are plenty of people who hate that. I'm talking about the Turdina thing with the princesses." He pulled into his dress, specifically where his bra would be if he needed to wear one, and pulled out a diploma. "They're giving me a diploma for going to that school and I'm not a princess, I'm not even a girl!" Alexis rolled her eyes at that before responding.
"Dude the second half of your reason directly ties into what Starfan said so I think that doesn't count." Ponyhead spoke up then.
"But if you tell them you're not a princess they will rip you to shreds." Starfan13 spoke up.
"She's right; you're a symbol to them. You can't leave them now." Marco groaned again putting his head in his hands with the carriage suddenly stopping and throwing everyone around. Ponyhead growled and stuck her head out of the carriage to yell.
"Hey goats, just because you're invisible don't mean I can't hurt you! Oh we're here. Time to move on out ladies." Everyone began filing out with Marco getting caught in the door due to his poofy dress. Marco struggled for a second with Star speaking to him and smiling coyly.
"You're having a princess problem."
"*sigh* I'm having a princess problem." Star nodded and got serious.
"Ok back straight. Hands forward. Exhale." Marco exhaled and Star reached in pulling him out in one smooth motion.
"Well, guess you've done that before." Alexis spoke up them.
"Star actually taught me how to do that as well." All conversation stopped however when they heard sounds of celebration from up ahead.
Up ahead was St. Olga's school illuminated in bright lights some of which were Christmas lights strung out over the outer walls. A few spotlights were even projecting light into the thick clouds overhead illuminating the school even more. It was the strangest of images with the bright lights and noises of an eternal party clashing with the dour grey of the old school walls. The drawbridge for the school began lowering and Marco took a step back with his breath hitching as he spoke.
"I… I can't do this people." He turned to run but a spotlight fell on him with multiple voices speaking up.
"Hey Turdina where're ya goin?"
"Sign my poster."
"Sign my cat."
"Sign my FACE!" Marco looked around nervously as the princesses went to crowd the bridge but they were all fended off by a group of 5 princesses acting as security guards. A pixie, a sheep girl, a rat girl, and a four armed girl held the crowd off as a human like 8-year old with purple hair girl spoke up.
"Ok ok folks give the girl some room." She walked up to Marco and company bowing to them. "Princess Turdina, it's an honor to meet you again." Marco blinked and spoke up actually remembering who the girl was.
"Honestly I should be thanking you. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have gotten Star back." He gestured towards Star with her waving to the girl speaking up.
"Hello." The little girl smiled even more widely and stood back up speaking.
"Oh it was nothing sister in arms. Now come, I want to show you what we've done with the place." She grabbed Marco's arm and began dragging him towards the school with the others following them. Star looked at the girl dragging Marco and couldn't help but giggle at how cute he looked being led by the little girl. As Star smiled and watched Starfan13 spoke up to the others.
"Um, Star's doing it again." Alexis blew a feather out of her face as she replied.
"Oh yeah, like you don't do that to Star."
"I do not."
"You're doing it right now!" Starfan13 shook herself out of her fangirl stare and blushed slightly. As they followed them Alexis noticed Kelly's mood getting darker as she watched Star watch Marco. 'Weird' Alexis thought to herself as they entered the main entryway/hallway of the castle with the little girl speaking up.
"And welcome to the NEW St. Olga's."
The group looked around in shock at what had happened to the former intimidating prim and proper entrance to said school. The chandelier had been turned into a swing set of sorts, the wide staircases had been turned into slides, arcade and club games had been set up to the sides, and piles of dirty laundry and other refuse were dotted here and there. In a hallway along the back the group saw a pair of princesses riding on some sort of demonic hound while other princesses were scattered here and there interacting with each other. Ponyhead and Starfan13 gazed across the place in awe speaking up.
"*sniff* It's so beautiful." Alexis smiled and commented.
"Welp, definitely an improvement." Star stepped forward tentatively and opened a random book lying on the pile to find a slice of pizza had been stuffed in there.
"*sigh* Rest well sweet written work." She ate the pizza and was about to restore the book with magic but then saw it was titled 'Proper breeding: how to choose the right prince for a good bloodline' by Etheria Butterfly. Growling a little she set the book alight watching it burn with glee as a princess or two cheered her on in the background. Kelly on the other hand just looked around the room with disinterest shrugging her shoulders. Marco looked around and smiled, in a somewhat forced manner, at the young girl and the entourage of princess 'guards' before replying.
"This… is… really something. Kind of hard to find the right words for it." The princesses chuckled happily with the little girl speaking up.
"Well if you think this is something then you should see-"
"Rico!?" Everyone turned at Kelly's words and sure enough Rico was in laying on a pile of refuse being startled awake by Kelly.
"Wha- what happened huh?" Rico noticed Marco and company and the group of princesses who had noticed him so he spoke up. "Oh right I'm at St. Olga's. Well hello there gals, how's it hanging?" He pulled out what looked to be a switch blade that turned out to be a comb which he used to comb his hair back although it didn't seem to make any difference.
"Um, what are you doing here?" Alexis noted that Kelly's words seemed to have a hint of accusation in them for some reason. 'Ok, something is off with that girl today.' Alexis thought in confusion as Rico answered.
"Just hangin in the best place in the cosmos, the school of freedom. Yeah!" He pumped his fist with the young purple haired girl spoke up.
"Actually Turdina we should show you Rico. Rico, this is the princess who started it all. Turdina, this is Rico the bad boy to beat all bad boys." They led Marco over with rat girl whispering into his ear.
"He's quite a catch and single as well." Marco blushed at this with the girls giggling at his reaction as Rico spoke up with his voice faltering slightly.
"Hey Turdina… nice to see you again." He held out his hand in a fist bump with Marco returning it a little reluctantly while the princesses gasped hearing they had met each other before. Ponyhead and Starfan13 were staring at them eagerly as if awaiting to see them 'play their part' for Turdina. Kelly looked away a bit annoyed, 'seriously what is up with Kelly?' Star was looking at Marco with a more unreadable face then she probably should have. And Alexis was chuckling to herself knowing they could get out of this but it would be fun to watch them do so. Marco replied haltingly as the princesses stared at them expectantly.
"So… this is where you have been hanging out man." Rico nodded with a slightly awkward silence falling on them for a second. "So what do you think."
"Well man I like the new digs…" Rico seemed to be thinking a mile a minute before he seemed to get an idea. "…it gets me in good with the ladies, you get me." He winked at Marco in a more knowing way with Alexis chuckling as she grasped what he was getting at. Took Marco a second though.
"Well yeah… I'd have to agree with that." Marco then pointed over to the sheep princess that was with them. "I mean she's a cutie that I would go for any day." The princesses all blinked in shock as it was 'revealed' that 'Turdina' went for girls. Ponyhead and Starfan13 sighed in disappointment at the instant deflection of their shipping, Kelly's mood did not change, Star got a brief smile before going back to unreadable, and Alexis was laughing internally. Rico chuckled and spoke up to Marco.
"Hey you tryin to nudge in on my chances gurlfriend?" He nudged Marco with Marco chuckling and nudging back.
"If I was 'nudging in' you wouldn't stand a chance 'bad boy'." At this the sheep girl spoke up.
"Well she does have a point here. Turdina you go gurl, show them that a princess doesn't need to take a boy for her family." A few of the princesses looked at her oddly. "My family is a bit… repressive of me." As she got support from the other princesses Marco spoke up.
"Say weren't you guys showing me around here?" The four-armed princess spoke up at that.
"She's right, let's show her the rest of the school, she's gonna love it!" The five important princesses led Marco to the next part as Rico heaved a slight sigh or relief. It was at this point a palpable silence broke as other princesses who had been listening in on them went back to what they were doing. The group of friends moved off while Alexis stopped by Rico for a second who spoke to himself.
"Man that was uncomfortable." Alexis chuckled and punched him in the shoulder speaking up.
"Oh I knew you guys would get through it; still fun to watch… especially since you did have a crush on her once." Alexis waggled her eyebrows as Rico groaned and chuckled at the same time.
"I can understand that. See you later." As he moved away Alexis caught up with her friends with Kelly still looking sour and even casting a glance at Alexis… 'Ok I think that will need to be addressed. Shit I suck at dealing with anyone's baggage except for Star's.' Alexis thought in frustrated confusion as they emerged to the next part of their tour with the young purple haired girl speaking up.
"Behold, out brunchatorium." She waved her arm showing off a group of princesses eating various breakfast food items, mostly pancakes. "These girls are pushing for their brunch final as here we don't believe in grades, only pancakes." Star smiled eyeing the food as she spoke up.
"I can get behind this class." Marco spoke up at Star's words.
"Say what classes do you guys have?" The four armed princess spoke up pointing to a 'schedule' on the wall.
"This here is our schedule for required courses here at St. Olga's." On the law was listed 10:00am-7:00pm brunch and 7:00pm-10:00am partying which prompted Ponyhead to speak up.
"I LOVE this place." Alexis commented on it also.
"When do you guys sleep?" The pixie princess replied to her.
"Don't worry about that, we've managed so far. Have you considered coming here by any chance; school has always been open to more than just princess royalty." Alexis shook her head replying quickly.
"Oh no, as much fun as this place could be I am needed elsewhere." The purple haired girl got them moving again.
"Come on now this next area is awesome, our party arena!" She showed them a large area that was deserted except for a large stage with one princess on it fiddling with some sort of DJ system. As they watched a tumble weed passed through the area with Marco and the gang looking at the princesses with confusion thinking the same thing. "I know it looks abandoned but when 7 comes around this place will be LIT! This is where the greatest parties in the multiverse are hosted. And also where Turdina will be given her official DIPLOMA!" The princesses, Ponyhead, Starfan13, and Alexis sent up a cheer with Kelly still looking indifferent and Star's look flickering on the edge of unreadable. "Now then, two more things you will want to see." The group was led through a few hallways to one of the burnt out gardens except this one, unlike the others they had seen, had been replanted with more benign plants. Out in the garden there were multiple small groups of princesses whispering to each other making the garden sound like a field of reeds with wind rustling it constantly. "This is the whispering garden our designated gossiping area because a princess's voice shall not be silenced." At this the four-armed princess spoke up.
"O.M.G. did you guys hear Beatrice and Alfred broke up again." Most of the two groups got into this instantly with Starfan13 replying.
"I don't know who they are but tell me more." Alexis rolled her eyes as gossip really wasn't her thing and saw that Star was whispering something to Marco. 'Interesting' She also saw Kelly looking particularly annoyed at the gossip of couples. 'Also interesting.'
"Star, I don't know if I can do this." Star took Marco's hand reassuringly as she whispered back.
"Come on Marco it's best to just let them know." Marco sighed and watched as Ponyhead began talking in the main group responding to Star.
"But what if me telling them reduces all this…" He waved his hand around. "… to nothing. I mean these girls are happy. Maybe not in the best of positions but happy." Star was going to respond but Ponyhead's words interrupted her.
"Oh and did you all hear, Kelly is back together with Tad after breaking up with him for…" Kelly's voice immediately rang out.
"We are not together!" This got most of the garden to look at Kelly who was now scratching at her head like back on the carriage with Ponyhead speaking up.
"Gurl, you refused to kick him out of your hair so it's pretty much settled." The whole garden of princesses 'oohhh'd' in interest and turned towards Kelly with Kelly getting more flustered.
"He is not in my hair." Star and Marco looked at each other in concern as the pixie princess spoke up.
"Oh so that's the little blob that's sitting inside the nest on your head." Everyone looked at her in confusion. "We pixies have very good heat vision; I can see it moving around in there… barely moving but still moving. She was just scratching at it." At this Kelly stammered which prompted Alexis to speak up.
"Wait… you're continuing to let him live up there." The princesses all chuckled at that. 'Oh boy that's not good.' Star thought to herself as Kelly grew livid.
"Fuck. You. ALL!" She flipped them two middle fingers before storming off leaving the gardens in silence for a second before the conversing resumed ten-fold. Star and Marco looked at each other again in concern with the sheep princess speaking up.
"Say are you two together?" She motioned to their clasped hands with Star speaking up.
"Oh nononononono." She let go of Marco's hand with him blushing and Ponyhead speaking up.
"Well you two might as well be with how close you are." The whole garden gave a slight 'ooohhhh' before resuming making both Star and Marco blush noticeably.
"Well enough of that," The purple-haired princess took Marco's hand again. "We have one more thing to show you." As they pulled Marco away Alexis spoke up to the three friends.
"Someone should go after Kelly." Starfan13 nodded and agreed with her.
"Yes you should." Alexis double took at that with Star doing the same. "Go make sure Kelly is alright while we go with Marco." She moved off with Ponyhead following her.
"Oh yeah I am not missing anything earth turd is going through." They moved off with Alexis calling after them.
"Um guys, I didn't mean… *groan*" She buried her head in her hands speaking to herself. "I am bad at dealing with this kind of shit." Star put her hand on Alexis's shoulders and spoke to her.
"You helped me out all the time, what's so different here?" Alexis groaned again at looked at Star annoyed.
"Because you have actually dealt with terrible shit, Kelly's is rather small and petty. She refuses to kick out a boyfriend with who she can't even realize her relationship with is terrible!" Star thought for a second on this as Alexis fumed and got an idea from, of all people, Marco.
"Say Alexis, I kind of have to follow Marco because I think he needs support. The whole Turdina truth thing and what not, but here's some advice you could give Kelly that might help you get the point across. Ask her how Tad fits into her life and what it would be like without him there." Alexis got a thoughtful look on her face and nodded.
"You know what, I'll try it. But if Kelly starts breaking things because I was not 'delicate enough' then don't come crying to me." Star shrugged.
"Eh, Marco's really the only guy among us who is good at that and he's a little preoccupied right now with dealing with himself. Can you do therapy on yourself because that would be rather useful?" The two giggled and parted ways. "I'll see you at the award ceremony."
"Likewise." Star moved fast catching up with Marco and the group as the purple haired leader was introducing the next section.
"And now behold, The Hallway of Turdina." A pair of big double doors was opened revealing a long hallway with Turdina merchandise and images of Turdina all over the place. Marco and company muttered a 'wow' the princesses began showing off aspects of the hallway. "This hallway has everything a shrine to you could want."
Pixie: "The first image of you ever hung up…"
Sheep: "All of your t-shirts and merchandise…"
Four-armed: "A poster of your upcoming movie…"
Rat: "And even a lock of your hair gifted to us by a strange beanie wearing human girl." Marco responded to that.
"Wait, a beanie wearing human had my… you know what I don't even want to know." Starfan13 looked around in awe speaking up.
"This makes my Star shrine look like child's play." Star on the other hand focused on the poster for a second.
"Ok, I definitely need a dvd of that." She went back to Marco's side with him speaking up.
"This is… too much." The sheep girl replied to that.
"Oh of course not; you helped us show the world that we didn't need to fit into the same mold and that we can be more than just rubber stamps. We owe EVERYTHING to you." The other four nodded and spoke up at the same time.
"Everything." Marco smiled at them as the four-armed princess spoke up.
"And that's why your graduation ceremony is going to be THE BIGGEST PARTY WE'VE EVER THROWN!" The group cheered with Marco's increasing in size as he responded.
"Ok that does sound pretty awesome." Star tugged on his sleeve whispering to them.
"Um Marco, I think now would be a good time to tell them you know." Marco nodded and sighed. As he went to speak however a random princess burst in yelling out.
"It's here, it's finally here." At this the princesses immediately got excited and grabbed Marco pulling him out into the courtyard that once held the Tremorfidian crystal. Not sure what to expect Ponyhead and Starfan13 rushed behind them while Star followed a bit more slowly. Out in the courtyard exactly where the tower had once stood was a gigantic statue of Princess Turdina with the plaque 'It's not criminal to be an individual' beneath it. Around said statue was a crowd of princesses with the purple haired princess getting up in front of it on the shoulders of the four-armed princess.
"This was supposed to get here two days ago but better late than never. Princess Turdina, on the site where we truly broke our shackles we have decided to commemorate this statue to you, our hero!" The crowd began cheering with Marco looking up at it in awe and whispering to himself.
"This is too much… but it's so beautiful." The sheep princess spoke up standing next to Marco.
"I hope you like, it took a lot of work saving up enough for this." The rat princess spoke up as well.
"We took janitors jobs on the weekends for extra cash." The pixie princess spoke up at that.
"But it was all worth it, because you showed us the way to live free!" She then shot a beam of magical light into the sky with it going off like fireworks. As the crowd cheered the princesses pulled Marco in close to the statue taking pictures of themselves with him, in particular a big elephant like humanoid who said 'camera phone' every time a photo was taken. Starfan13 spoke up to Star and Ponyhead as this was going on.
"Actually if you will excuse me there's… something I need to do." She bounded off with Ponyhead speaking to Star.
"Isn't this awesome B-fly, the gurls are living it up all thanks to the earth-turd. And he's actually popular for probably the first time in his life." Star's look however was turning sour as she watched Marco living it up. 'Is he… enjoying this?' "Yo B-fly, what up with the sourpuss face?" Star replied to Ponyhead a bit miffed.
"Why is he enjoying this, the Turdina thing is a lie. He should tell them the truth like a decent person would." She moved towards Marco with Ponyhead speaking up behind her.
"Oh are you jelly gurl, cause if you are don't ruin this for him or the others." After extracting Marco from the crowd, rather easy considering the girls were obsessed with the pictures they had just taken, she spoke to him pleadingly.
"Marco, you're running out of time to tell them the truth." Ponyhead busted into the conversation.
"Don't listen to her Turdina, these girls worship you… literally." Star retorted.
"Yeah, but they're worshiping someone that doesn't exist. I get this all started because you wanted to break out Ponyhead and put this place down but it feels like you're just living it up now."
Think of the parrrrties!" Marco inhaled and exhaled over the two friends points and turned towards Star.
"Look Star, do you know how much effort they've put into all this? If I tell them the truth and they take it badly it'll crush their spirits beyond belief." Star rolled her eyes.
"Did you not tell my mom 'It'll take a lot more than that to crush their spirits'?"
"That was a fake confession Star, this is different. This is like… not telling the kingdom we're dating because people might try to kill me level." Ponyhead nodded in agreement.
"Earth turd is making complete sense right now as strange as that may sound." Star scoffed at the two and focused Marco down in a glare akin to what Toffee usually threw around.
"This and that are completely different things. Do you have no decency about this?" Marco flinched at her stare but stood his ground.
"Star, this is for them. I'm not going to break their spirits simply because you view a single white lie as wrong." Their argument was interrupted by one of the princesses calling out to him next to an ornate litter(carrying device which people used to carry nobles).
"Oh Turdina, it's time." Marco sighed and turned back to Star.
"I'm going with Ponyhead's advice this time around. As strange as it may sound." Marco walked away with Ponyhead cheering and Starfan13 returning, but now dressed just like Turdina.
"Oh hey Star, by the way depending on what happens I'm going to go by the name Turdinafan13 when this is over." As she rushed off Star groaned and face palmed at this noticing Marco wave off the litter and just walk with the other princesses. 'Damn it Marco, this is wrong. I hope Alexis is having more success than I am.'
WH: And now it's time for...
Audience: Guest reviews. (Come on just tell us the confession)
The Book of Eli: Crazy for everyone both good and bad. A short section of break before things get heavy.
Unnamed guest: Don't worry about going fast... I'm not right now.