Chapter 20 - Finding Peace

DISCLAIMER: We (unfortunately) do not own Star Wars. :P

Author's Note: This arc was supposed to be only one chapter. It's not. It ended up being like three, and this is the second. Lol. Anyways, you'll be getting another chapter this month. ;)

~ Amina Gila

Vader's brain whites out entirely, all thoughts and feeling vanishing the moment he feels Anakin's hand on his shoulder. He feels it, real and warm and human and… gentle. And he wants more. It's been – it's been years since he's been in contact with another person. He's grown used to the aching, gnawing loneliness, but he was wholly unprepared for this. He should have expected it though because they have always been very tactile by nature.

He reaches up with his right hand, laying the metal of his prosthetic on Anakin's hand, covering it, pressing it closer. Pressure hurts, it always hurts, but he's too desperate for more to even care.

"What is it?" Anakin asks, brow furrowed, nudging him through their bond, undoubtedly trying to understand Vader's feelings.

"I – I don't…" He doesn't even know what he's trying to say, and he pulls Anakin closer to him with his left arm. "Touch me." It's as much a plea as it is a command.

Anakin studies his face for a moment – it bothers him that his expressions are so visible now after years and years of wearing a mask which kept him hidden – before realization flickers through his blue eyes. He doesn't say anything though as he gently winds his arms around Vader and holds him. "I don't want to hurt you," he murmurs, pressing his forehead to Vader's as best he can, staring into his eyes.

"You won't. You aren't," Vader answers after a pause where he scrambles to recollect his thoughts. All he can think about is how he's being touched by another person, by someone who isn't trying to hurt him, by someone who loves him, no matter how undeserving he is of that love. It doesn't even matter to him that he's technically being touched by himself, another version of himself, anyways. The feeling of skin against his own is… heady, and he doesn't ever want it to stop.

He wraps his arms around Anakin, pulling him closer, as if that's even possible, and silently revels in the feelings coursing through him. "Does it hurt when I touch you?" Anakin queries, not resisting even though Vader's grip is tight enough that it might hurt – he can't make himself let go even if he should. Anakin lightly brushes his organic hand over Vader's back, fingers ghosting around the damaged skin where his spinal prosthetic implants are located, trailing them upwards and touching the back of his head. He's so gentle that Vader could cry.

"It does not matter," Vader answers, knowing that if he lies Anakin will know. "Don't – don't let go." For as vulnerable as he is at the moment, he doesn't have the brain power to care.

"I'm not," Anakin promises. "I'm not."

And he doesn't.

As the minutes tick by, Vader starts to relax slowly, bit by bit, melting entirely into the feeling of human contact. He doesn't want or need anything other than this. He doesn't want to think about what Anakin said earlier, about what he said about how Vader deserves to feel better. It doesn't matter right now. Nothing does but this.

Kix clears his throat sometime later as he approaches. "General," he says, waiting until Vader opens his eyes – when did he close them? – to look at him. "I have the results of your blood tests. You are currently on three drugs, the purpose of which I do not understand. They seem to be doing more harm than good, and I suggest that I wean your body off the drugs and find something more suitable."

"My – Sidious told me that I need them to stay alive," Vader manages to say, the bone-deep ache in his body feeling so much closer to his conscious awareness than usual. He's tired, so very tired, but he can't sleep; he is incapable of true sleep anymore. He wishes he was, because with the gentle way that Anakin is touching him, he thinks that he might be able to sleep.

Kix's expression doesn't change, but Vader feels a sharp spike of anger from him. "He lied," he replies flatly. "One of the drugs appears to actually enhance pain receptors. The second dampens the parts of the brain that are involved in rational thought. The third enhances the parts of the brain that feel anger."

Vader's first thought is denial, because no way, that's not possible. His master told him that he needed those drugs to keep him alive, that they were the only thing giving him strength and decreasing his constant pain. He – he lied, then. But then again, this would hardly be the first time that Sidious lied, would it. If not for the way that Anakin is holding him, he would probably have lashed out violently.

"Take him off the drugs," Anakin orders, vibrating with a barely concealed rage.

Kix nods briskly. "I can make those modifications while the General is in a bacta tank."

Anakin shifts, beginning to pull away from him, and a strangled, desperate sound escapes from him before he can stop it as he tightens his grip, refusing to let Anakin pull back. "Vader, you need the treatment," Anakin prods. "Please? I'm not going anywhere. I want you to feel better."

He hates that Anakin is right, and he forces himself to let go of the younger, though he aches with the loss of contact, yearning for more. Anakin touches his cheek for a moment, before stepping back, out of Vader's reach and nodding to Kix, who begins to attach the equipment to Vader so he can be lowered into the bacta tank once he's secured and his limbs are removed. He only doesn't complain, because he's not a child, and he's angry at his own neediness.

Besides, Anakin is right. This won't last forever, and soon enough, once they arrive at Kamino, he will have to come out. And then… well, like Anakin said, he isn't going anywhere. Vader won't let him.

**w**

Anakin doubts that Vader has actually forgotten about how he doesn't want to be healed, at least partially, but it's not weighing on him anymore now that he's been touched again. Touch has always been important to both of them, especially if it's from those they care for as a demonstration of affection, and he cannot begin to imagine what it would like to go for years without being touched by another living being, by someone who cares. He isn't surprised by how desperately Vader was clinging to him, silently begging for more without actually asking, and he hadn't wanted to let go, but he knew it would be beneficial.

Vader has gone without proper treatment for long enough already.

He stays next to the bacta tank the entire time, never straying from Vader's side and helping Kix make the necessary adjustments to Vader's suit and the drugs that it dispenses into him as well as cleaning and maintaining it, with Vader giving him directions through their bond.

As they approach their destination, Vader silently demands to be taken out of the tank, and Anakin obliges, because he knows that bone-deep desperation to touch and be touched, especially after extensive battles with so much death and destruction. Being next to another human, no matter who, was always a balm for him. Often, frequently even, it was Ahsoka, and they would snuggle together. Sometimes, it was Ahsoka or Rex or one of the other clones.

Anakin doesn't deny Vader once he's out of the tank, touching his skin, offering him soothing gestures of comfort and affection as he carefully massages a healing bacta cream onto his scars and burns.

The moment ends when they arrive out of hyperspace and with great reluctance, Vader dons his armor again. Anakin can't help but flinch as he feels it, the pain Vader endures as everything is reattached to his body, the pain of moving again after having been freed. And he promises to himself that he will do whatever he must to ensure that Vader is healed, no matter what it takes.

Perhaps, in that way, it is a good thing that they are here on Kamino. If anyone can help Vader and heal him, the Kaminoans can.

**w**

Vader hates being back in his suit. He hates it with a passion so fierce that it's almost a miracle nothing around him was crushed from the fury rolling within him. He especially hates it because no matter how hard he tries, he can't stop thinking about the touch. Anakin was… gentle, so very gentle, and he doesn't deserve it – that gentleness and kindness – but he craves it and he wants more. He hasn't felt anything like it for years, after all.

Still, he keeps his complaints to himself, doing his best to hide the fervent longing within him to stay on the Star Destroyer with his suit off, not only to provide relief from the constant pain, but also, so that Anakin can touch him. Or someone. He hardly cares.

"It won't be long," Anakin murmurs under his breath as they disembark on the landing platform Kamino. It's raining, of course, and with a simple hand gesture, Vader puts up a Force shield around them both to protect them from the rain.

They're immediately ushed into the facility, and Vader can't help but notice how… gracious the Kaminoans are being. No doubt, they're trying to curry his favor. Nala Se, the head scientist, and Lama Su, the Prime Minister, are both present at the meeting.

"You will stop the production of more clones," Vader orders, not even bothering to phrase it differently. Why should he? These… cloners have no regard whatsoever for life. "The Empire does not need an army of cloned soldiers. We need unity. That will only be obtained through draftings. You will, of course, be compensated for the clones who are already in production."

"But, my Lord, our economy is depending on the continued income. We signed a contract with no end date. We have invested much in this project," Lama Su objects.

Vader steps towards him. "Your contract," he intones, "Was with the Republic. There is no Republic any longer. If it is credits that you seek, then it is credits that you shall receive. I am aware that the clones all have accelerated aging. You will be appropriately compensated if you make a serum that can rectify this. I want enough doses manufactured for every single clone, born and unborn."

The two look at each other as if communicating telepathically. "It will be done, my Lord," Lama Su finally agrees, though he does not seem very pleased by the orders. Vader could care less as long as they obey.

"There is something else," Anakin interjects, and Vader's death glare doesn't even faze him. "You are cloners. Would it, theoretically, be possible for you to repair an individual who has suffered extensive organ damage? How would you go about doing so?"

"I did not agree to this!" Vader protests telepathically.

"I'm not making you agree, either, Vader. I am simply giving you options," Anakin replies, not looking away from the duo. "I would never force you to do something against your will, especially not when it concerns your health, but I hope that you will at least think about it." He shamelessly sends a feeling of snuggling, of comfort, of warmth, and Vader shudders inwardly, wanting. He never thought that he could crave human contact this desperately.

The implication is clear, though.

Should Vader agree, it will make it that much easier for him, not only because of the reduced pain, but because he won't struggle as much with being cut off from everyone and everything. Anakin's point has been made, and right now, while he's longing so fiercely, he is almost willing to concede to undergo treatment.

"It would be possible," Nala Se acknowledges. "We have performed a few such procedures in the past. If you would follow me? I can show you the public files of these accomplishments. If you provide more detail about the condition of the patient, I can tell you more. We have the technology to regenerate organs as well as clone them, depending on what is necessary."

Vader can feel Anakin staring at him, the younger's eyes boring into the side of his head, but he doesn't look at him. "Show me," he requests, and Nala Se obliges, rising and exiting the room. They follow behind her as she guides them to a laboratory that appears to be her own. She completely disregards the young girl standing off to the side, doing something on a computer terminal, but Vader does not. Nor does Anakin.

They stop in unison, looking at her.

"Who is this?" Anakin asks, surprised.

"This is Omega," Nala Se answers, sounding almost disgruntled at having to do so. "She is a product of an accidental mutation that occurred when we were producing the clone that Jango Fett requested as payment. She stays here with me and serves as my lab assistant."

Vader can feel Anakin's quiet anger, and he wonders what the younger is thinking. On his part, he doesn't much like the thought of this young child being separated from everyone else. He knows what isolation does to a person, and being the lab assistant of the very person who is responsible for overseeing the production of the clones? It must be a nightmare.

Omega is quiet, not saying anything, but she is watching them both carefully.

"I think," Anakin says slowly, "That I would like to take her with me. I'm sure you can manage without her assistance. She is but a child, and she deserves the chance to have a childhood of her own choosing, where she can be free."

There's a spite of resentment from Nala Se. "That is unnecessary," she objects coolly. "Omega is useful here with me. I can arrange whatever… treatments you require far more effectively if I have her help."

Vader feels the spark of passion, of indignant outrage in Anakin, and his own instinctively answers it. "If it is what Anakin wishes, then it is what I command as well," Vader interjects. "There are many qualified individuals in the galaxy who would be eager to aid you in your scientific research and endeavors. I should like for Omega to come with us. If she is as skilled as you say, she may be able to… help me."

The scientist scrutinizes him. "Is it you, my Lord, who is in need of this treatment?"

For a moment, Vader can't answer her, feeling panicked because he wasn't ready for this. He hasn't even had a chance to decide if it is, in fact, what he wants. It's what Anakin wants, though, and in truth, Vader cannot think of a good reason to deny that aid. It would be a dream come true, would it not, for him to be free – or freer – from his life-support suit?

"Yes," he answers, taking the plunge and hoping that he won't regret it. "Yes, I am. I will have my medic forward you my files so you can determine what you are capable of with the technology you now have."

Nala Se glances at Omega, briefly, before focusing on him, a gleam of curiosity in her eyes. Vader hates how he feels like a specimen to be studied, his fists clenching, but he doesn't snap or lash out at her. It would be pointless when she is willing to help him find healing, something that his master, former master, had all but assured him to be impossible. But Sidious has lied to him already. Who can say that he didn't lie about this as well?

"Once I receive the files, I will get back to you as soon as I can," she promises, "And I will allow you to take Omega with you."

Vader doesn't bother correcting her that if she had resisted, he would have taken Omega by force, if necessary. If Anakin doesn't want this child, who looks to be no older than eleven at most, to stay here, then Vader can trust his judgment. He has no reason not to. Anakin is a better person than he ever can be again.

He watches, equal parts curiosity and something like yearning, as Anakin approaches Omega. "You are to come with us, young one," he tells her. "Do you have belongings of your own that you would like to bring?"

Omega's brown eyes dart towards Nala Se before she mutely shakes her head.

"Then we shall take our leave," Vader decides, turning towards the hall. He glances back, once, and sees what he thinks is Anakin taking Omega's hand in his own as they leave. His eyesight isn't the greatest anymore, and while his helmet can enhance it to an extent, it cannot fix it entirely. It's just another thing that he's lost.

Omega doesn't speak until they're on the shuttle, and then, she's practically glued to the viewport as they take off from Kamino. "What do you want with me?" she asks, not looking away from the outside. Vader doubts that she's ever been offworld before, so he doesn't say anything to her, even as she presses her face against the transparisteel between her hands.

"I want to give you a home, if that is what you want," Anakin answers, suddenly feeling awkward and unsure through their bond. Vader nudges him slightly, silently assuring him that he'll support him, always and forever. "You can get to know your brothers. Have you ever spent time with them?"

It's hardly a question that needs answering, because until now, Vader didn't even know Omega existed. She was a well-kept secret, clearly.

"Not really," she answers, shaking her head, glancing towards Anakin for a moment, a strand of blonde hair falling into her eyes. "I helped with Clone Force 99, though."

Oh. Them. Right.

Vader had truthfully forgotten about their existence entirely; he hardly spent any time with them, after all, and it was so shortly before the galaxy went to hell that it hadn't really stuck in his mind. Besides, he actively avoids thinking about the Clone Wars whenever possible.

Still, from what he does remember of them, they were extremely resourceful. Perhaps he should look into having them transferred to Coruscant so he can send them on missions.

"I'll explain about them later," he sends to Anakin when he feels the younger man's confusion; at this point in time, Anakin probably has never heard of them before. Vader can't remember exactly when the group first began going on missions, but it wasn't that long before the end of the war.

"I – if you would like, Omega," Anakin begins awkwardly, nodding to Vader before looking at her again, "I would like to take care of you. Adopt you, maybe. Raise you. You could stay with us on Coruscant, and you could spend time getting to know your brothers. Would that be agreeable to you?"

The look of delight on her face is answer enough, and Vader feels something inside him twist painfully at the knowledge that, though Anakin may have just gained another daughter, Vader lost his own. He lost both of his children, children that he never knew, children that he never will know. But if this is the alternative, if Vader's loss means that Anakin, who is far more deserving and worthy, will gain, he thinks he can learn to be alright with it and accept it.

That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

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