One slow breath, and then another. The sound pounded against Legolas' delicately pointed ears; deafening in the room's silence.
It was not his labored breathing that echoed so horribly in the stillness.
Thranduil lay on the bed before his son, his form completely motionless except for the rise and fall of his chest.
The fair prince's blue eyes were fixed on the small chamber's only other occupant with unwavering intensity.
It was hardly more than a small alcove off the main healing ward really. There were only three pieces of furniture pushed into its' cramped confines. The bed on which the king lay, and two chairs. Legolas occupied one of those chairs. Until the prince requested that he be left alone, Halynder had taken the other.
But it was private, and that was all Legolas cared about at the moment. He wanted to be alone with his father. The very thought of facing condemning, or worse yet, pitying glances made him cringe.
So quiet. Everything was so quiet.
The healers had tried to keep Legolas from his father's room, protesting that he was wounded himself, and needed to remain in his own bed.
The fair prince had very firmly reminded them that until his father regained consciousness, he was the acting monarch, and as such would decide for himself where he should be.
After that little confrontation, a heavy blanket of silence seemed to have dropped over the entire palace. The healers made no further complaints and did not try to move their prince. Legolas knew the reason why.
Deep down, they were admitting to themselves that there was a very good possibility the King would not awake. He had been so close to death when Halynder had carried him home. The poison had worked quickly, stealing his life away. Long, and many were the hours they had fought against the spider's venom. Finally, just before daybreak, the healers had ceased their frenzied activity. They had done everything they could. The posion had been purged from Thranduil's body, but whether or not he would live was yet to be seen.
Only then did one healer discover the prince. Though he had been told to return to his bed, he had remained with his father all through the night.
"Legolas?"
The fair prince did not even rasie his head. "Go back to your bed, Halden. You should not be up on that leg."
The raven haired elf winced at his friend's flat, emotionless tone. Never before had he heard Legolas sound like that. Gritting his teeth together, Halden slowly limped into the small room and seated himself in the empty chair. "That never stopped either of us before."
The blonde elf's eyes did not move from the king's bed. "If your father finds out, you will get in trouble."
Halden was swift to notice the slight waver in Legolas' voice as he said the word 'father'. The young elf shook his head gently. "I do not believe he will mind this once, mellon nin."
Legolas' lips pressed into a thin line, but he did not respond.
Minutes of silence slowly ticked by, broken only by the sound of the king's breathing. Finally, the prince sighed softly. "I am sorry."
"For what?" Halden cocked his head to the side curiously.
"I should have listened to you." One slender hand slowly reached out and clutched Thranduil's fingers tightly. It trembled ever so slightly.
"So what else is new?" Halden asked dryly, trying to keep his voice light. It pained him to see his friend suffer so. He wanted to comfort the fair elf, but suspected that Legolas was not ready to receive it just yet.
The prince did not even seem to hear his companion. "If I had listened, this would not have happened. He would not have followed me through the woods and been hurt! He saved me by sacrificing himself! Ada!" Legolas' voice had slowly risen in volume until it came to almost a shriek. As the last word fell from his lips, the elf bent his head until his forehead rested on the king's bed. The dam he had so carefully constructed fell to pieces under the onslaught of emotion and his body shook with the sobs that seemed to tear him apart.
Halden had to swallow hard past the lump in his own throat as he gently placed his hand on his friend's back, comforting as best as he could.
"Ada," Legolas whispered into the sheets. "Ada, I am sorry! I did not mean to disappoint you. I am sorry I went after the spiders! Ada…" the young elf's grip tightened convulsively over his father's hand. "Ada, come back…please…" The words wrenched themselves from his throat and fell into the silence of the room, only to be swallowed. The stillness pushed at his ears with an almost tangible force, as if it stifle whatever pleas he made before they could reach his father's hearing. Legolas cried out against it, forcing his voice to fight the overwhelming quiet.
"Come back!"
0-0-0-0
…Come back…
Those words had meaning for him. He had said them himself, very long ago. Kneeling on the ground, he had tried to call back one who was very dear to him. But he had not succeded.
She had given everything for their child, and if she could have, he knew that she would have stayed.
Just as he had given everything. And now here he was, listening with one ear to the cries of the living, and with the other, embracing the waiting silence.
Had she felt this heartbreak, he wondered. Had she experienced the pain of listening to a call she could not respond to? He had called her back, but she could not come. Now he was being called…
And he found that he had a choice that she had not.
He could fight. He could push back the stillness that tried to claim him and return to sound and light. He was caught between two worlds, and could go either way. Part of him longed to see sunlight and the twinkle of stars. The other part only wished to be reunited with the one he had called to so long ago.
'Ada, come back…please…'
Legolas.
'Istalye,…why I did this.'
Elenlor.
Grief threatened to break him into small pieces. Could not even his death be easy? Why must he always be torn in two?
A hand clutched at him, as though desperate to hold him in the world of life. He could barely feel it. He knew that it must be his son, but his attachment to the light was growing weaker even as he wavered in his descision.
Another hand closed over the first.
It was an odd sensation, feeling as if two hands were clasping him at once, and yet only one held him at a time. One hand was young, smaller than his own, but it held the promise of great strength, and it would grow. The other was also smaller…but it was slender. Delicate. Long fingers curled around his in a way he was very familiar with indeed.
This was the hold he felt more clearly.
"I have missed you."
"Iston."
He could hear her voice as if she spoke into his ear. More than that, he could feel her presence. He could almost touch the warm glow of her spirit. His heart ached with longing and tears sprang to his eyes as he realised just how much he had missed her. A gentle hand stroked his cheek lovingly…
Automatically, he reached up, trapping her fingers in place. He held onto her almost desperately because he knew…he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was not to be.
He had a son. And his child was calling for him. Elenlor would understand.
Elenlor did understand. The moment he made his choice, he felt her breath a sigh of relief. She was happy with his decision. Yet mixed within her joy was a deep ache, almost equal to his own.
She missed him too.
"It will not be forever," he whispered softly.
"No. I will see you again, meleth nin, but the time will go slowly." He could feel her draw back from him slightly, even as she offered her strength to help him fight the stillness.
"Not forever," he asserted once more. He could feel her hand in his own, but another's grip grew stronger on him. She was slipping away as he moved towards their son.
Light filtered through the darkness, and the silence was broken by a young elf's tears. For one instant, he could see her clearly.
Golden hair fell around her lovely face, framing her blue eyes.
Legolas' eyes.
Her mouth curled into a smile even as tears gleamed on her cheeks. Her hand slowly started to slide from his own.
Unable to release her so soon, he tightened his grip, even as he burst from a world of darkness into life…
0-0-0-0
Legolas gasped.
Sitting up so quickly he startled Halden, the fair elf stared at his father with wide eyes. Unable to see what had alarmed his friend, Halden glanced from the prince to the king, and back again in confusion.
Legolas did not notice his companion's look. His attention was riveted to the King's hand…where the fingers were now clenched tightly around his own. As exciting as that was, it was not what had surprised the young prince.
For just an instant, he could have sworn there was a third hand holding both his and his father's.
"Legolas…"
The deep, raspy voice broke the silence of the room as his own cries never could have. Legolas' gaze flew to his father's face, and his heart leapt as he saw the green eyes open, and fix on him. "Ada!" Instantly, he shot to his feet, mumbling incoherently about fetching the healers.
Halden seized his friend's arm and pulled him back into his seat. "Stay, mellon nin. I will get the healers for you." Rising, the raven haired elf limped slowly from the room. As he reached the door, a small smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. His father would kill him for putting such strain on his leg…
There was a soft click as the door closed behind Halden.
"Ada," Legolas said softly. "I am sorry. I…I know you must be very angry with me…"
"No," Thranduil shook his head slowly. "No, Legolas, I am not angry. But I was very frightened." He sighed softly. "Why did you go into the woods? Alone? In the middle of the night?" the king's eyed his son and his mouth twisted into a dry smile. "If your intent was to stop my heart, I assure you, you have found a method of unfailing certainty."
The young elf winced, and became extraordinarily interested with the toes of his boots.
"Legolas," Thranduil pushed himself into a semi seated position and stretched out a hand towards his son, gently placing his fingers beneath the prince's chin and lifting his face until the blue eyes met green. "Why?"
"I…" Legolas tried to tear his gaze away, but could not. His shoulders slumped slightly. "I lost one of my knives." The words were so soft they hardly reached Thranduil's sharp ears. "I noticed one was not with my pack…and I could not find it. Halden tried to stop me, but I would not listen to him. I am sorry, Ada. I…I rushed out to find it without thinking."
Thranduil stared at his son, nonplussed. Of all the things… "Legolas, we could have made you another knife." He felt a little of his old irritation rising within him. To risk his life for something so…insignificant! Reckless, foolish, young elf! The king drew in a deep breath, trying to stem the anger that started to build up within him. Again. The boy had nearly thrown his life away again for something totally meaningless.
"You are angry with me." Legolas eyed his father uneasily.
Let it never be said that the prince of Mirkwood was unobservant. "Now I am." The fair king drew in another deep breath. "Legolas, this was foolish."
"I know." The prince bit his lip hard, and turned his face away. "But I had to find my knife."
"Why?" The word was almost growled.
For several moments, the young elf did not answer. When at last he spoke, the words were barely more than a whisper.
"Nana gave me those knives."
Thranduil felt as if all the air had suddenly been squeezed from his lungs. His anger left him in a rush. Gently, he reached out and touched his son's face, pushing golden hair behind pointed ears. His fingers brushed the bandage wound around the prince's forehead, and he shuddered. He had come so close to losing his child…and his words still hung between them.
Legolas flinched slightly at his father's touch. His blue eyes watched the fair king almost warily, as if expecting harsh condemnation. "Ada, I am sorry…"
Thranduil could have wept at the look on his son's face. "No, Legolas. No. I am sorry." The Elvenking let his hand fall. "I am sorry I hurt you with my words."
Legolas' eyes widened. It was not often his father apologized, and he knew that he had deserved to be chastened for his rash act. However, the words had wounded him. "I am not a burden to you, Ada?" The sentence was asked anxiously. He was truly worried that his father did not look on him with love…but as a load to be carried on his already heavily weighted back.
Now it was Thranduil's turn to be surprised. "A burden?" The fair king was so taken aback he could not speak for nearly a full minute. "A burden! Legolas!" Ignoring the fatigue in his abused body, the Elvenking slowly sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Reaching both arms out, he took his son by the shoulders and looked deep into his eyes. "Ion nin, you have never been a burden to me. Rather, you were the refuge I fled to when my spirit seemed close to collapse."
Tears slowly formed in Legolas' eyes as he stared at his father.
Thranduil smiled, and pulled the young elf into a strong embrace. "I was frightened, Legolas, when you came back wounded with Halden leaning against your shoulder. And it made me angry to know that you had risked your life for something ridiculous. Not only because you are so precious to me…but because…" The words caught in his throat and choked him. Could he tell his son? Could he tell him what had happened so long ago? Tears blurred his own vision and slowly slid down fair cheeks. "Legolas, your life was bought at a high price."
Legolas pulled back, looking at his father in astonishment. The king met his son's gaze steadily, and forced himself to continue. "I have not regretted paying it," he said softly, "and neither did your mother."
If the fair prince had been surprised before, it was nothing to what he was now. Though he knew of his father's love for his mother, the king very rarely spoke of his wife. It caused him great pain to remember her absence.
"I have something to tell you that I should have told you long before," Thranduil said clearly. "About the day your mother gave you her knives."
0-0-0-0
Years later
0-0-0-0
"Legolas, I bet you I can kill more deer than you!" The young elf to the prince's right threw out the challenge, his dark eyes gleaming with the promise of a contest. "Come on, it's been ages since we have had a wager." He flipped his long dark braid over his shoulder, awaiting the fair elf's answer eagerly.
"What is the matter?" Legolas responded with a friendly taunt. "You can not stand to let a century pass without being soundly beaten?"
A derisive snort answered him. "I did not expect you to actually go in search of a spiders' colony."
"But we did," the prince's voice flattened at the memory of the dark day. He shook of his momentary gloom impatiently. He was on a patrol through the paths of his home and did not wish evil recollections to cloud his good time. Shooting a sideways glance at Halden, Legolas saw his friend's mouth tighten into a grim line. Obviously the dark haired elf remembered that bet as well.
"Well?" His challenger dug a sharp elbow into the fair elf's ribs. "Do you accept?"
"What boundaries?"
"Anything caught off the path and beyond the enchanted river."
Immediately, alarm bells sounded in Legolas' head. "We are not supposed to cross the river today, Tinev." The elven prince stepped up his pace, hoping his friend would drop the matter, or rearrange the boundaries.
"Afraid, are you?" Tinev smirked as he lengthened his stride to match the prince.
"There is nothing to prove by disobeying orders," Halden said gravely from Legolas' right side.
Ignoring Halden, Tinev quickly stepped in front of Legolas, halting the prince. "Come on, Legolas. It will be fun." He grinned mockingly. "Unless you want everyone in the warriors' hall to think that the Prince of Mirkwood is a coward…"
Legolas temper flared up quickly. He opened his mouth to accept the challenge…and choked off his reply before it reached is lips. Out of the corner of his eye, he could just see the hilt of one of his knives. His mother's knives. He was reminded of what had been sacrificed for his life.
It was too high a price to gamble.
With cool dignity, the fair prince stepped around Tinev and continued on. His head was held high, even as he heard the other elf's laughter. Though the mocking sound pricked his pride, he kept up his pace. He had duties at home, and his father was waiting for him. A small smile tugged at the corner's of his mouth. He glanced to his right to see a matching grin playing across Halden's features. The dark haired elf noticed Legolas was looking at him and allowed his face to break into a wide smile. The fair prince could not help but respond in kind.
Let the fool think what he wanted. Legolas knew his worth.
He had been bought with a star of gold.
THE END