Jacqueline was grateful she didn't pass anyone during her flight from the White Tower. No one was around to witness the mess she had made of herself as she all but ran to her chambers, heels echoing loudly through the empty halls. She didn't stop running until she was able to slam her door closed loudly behind her. Going to the window, the one she had nearly fallen out of as a child as she looked to the stars, Jacqueline let out a shaky breath as she willed herself not to cry. A late summer breeze swept through the open window, pulling at her hair as she looked out over Blackwater Bay with unseeing eyes. She rested her hands on the edge of the window, letting the sunshine caress her fingers. The breeze in her hair reminded her of Jaime's fingers, causing her stomach to twist.

She hated it. Just as she hated the drying wetness between her legs that was evidence of what they had done. Of what Jacqueline had sought out and enjoyed. She had been weak, as she always had been. In her loneliness she had forgotten the crimes the Lannisters had committed. The sins of the man she supposedly loved. Jaime had laid with his sister, fathering bastards that Cersei had passed off as Robert's, as her nephews and niece. But none of that seemed to matter to Jacqueline. She had been so willingly blind. She had shamed herself, as well as her house.

For a moment, she considered continuing the path she had started on as a young girl and letting herself fall from the window. But the sound of her door opening stopped her. The feel of the stone beneath her palms reminder her that night on the Blackwater when she had bloodied her fingers while gripping the edge of the wall to keep from strangling. In the moment, her blood turned cold. "Get out," Jacqueline said, not needing to turn to know who it was. The Lion of Lannister had followed after her.

"Jacqueline," Ser Jaime's voice was soft, almost apologetic. Still, she didn't turn to face the knight. That didn't deter him. It never had. "Jacqueline, please."

She turned at that, looking up into his eyes. The green eyes that had comforted her as a child when she had lost her way in the Red Keep. The green eyes that had lured her to bed and enchanted her into dishonoring herself. The eyes that she believed herself to be in love with. Cersei's eyes. "You shouldn't be here, ser. People will talk." Jacqueline could feel her heartbeat ringing in her ears but managed to keep her voice was cold and even.

Somehow, Jaime found the courage to smirk. "Let them talk," he said, crossing the distance to Jacqueline who remained at the window; his heavy boots quiet against the dark carpet.

Jacqueline narrowed her own eyes at the golden knight. "You may have lost a hand, ser. But your sister still has both her ears." The smirk dropped at mention of both his missing hand and his sister. Jacqueline forced away her own smugness at the effect of her words. "Now pardon me, ser, but Prince Oberyn is expecting me." That was a lie; she wasn't due to meet the Martells for a few hours. She went to step around him but the Kingslayer continued to block her path with an outstretched arm.

She watched his perfect face twist at her words. "Oberyn? Are you fucking the Viper now as well?" He kept his voice down but his tone was not one she had heard before from Jaime. It was the sound of betrayal.

He was angry with her. It was clear on his face. But he had no right to be. "Maybe I am." Jacqueline watched Jaime's face grow darker as he towered over her. "Maybe I'm not. Either way it doesn't concern you." The knight opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off. "You are not my husband, and I am not your wife. You have no claim on me, as I have none on you. We have made no promises or vows to each other. So don't you dare judge me in such a manner. If it is a woman you desire so badly, I'm sure your sister would be more than happy to fulfill your needs. As she always has." His jaw clenched. "Now, get out." Still, he didn't move.

Wanting him gone, Jacqueline shoved him hard in the chest but the knight kept his place. She tried again, only for Jaime to take hold of her by the forearm and pull her closer. He may have spent over a year in captivity and lost his hand along the way but Jaime was still strong. His green eyes looked her over, searching for answers to some unspoken questions. Another breeze blew in from the open window, jostling Jacqueline's already disheveled hair. "Why did you come to me?" He finally asked after a moment of silence.

Her resolve was growing thin; she didn't even try to free herself from his grip. "I wanted to apologize for leaving you behind. For my inability to ransom you from the Starks." He didn't believe that. He had always managed to see though her insincerity when no one else had. She also knew he wouldn't leave until she spoke the truth. He stood there in front of her, in her room, refusing to move or look anywhere but her. The weight of his glare crushing her. "And because I missed you." The tears fell this time, slowly down the curve of her cheeks. "Because I was foolish." Jaime's face softened and Jacqueline hated him for it.

Jacqueline turned away again and Jaime finally released her arm. "I'm been so foolish about everything!" She sank to her knees and hid her tear stained face in her hands. She wanted to disappear between the stones of the floor or perhaps flee out the open window. Instead, she rested on the floor and cried as the Kingslayer put a comforting hand on her shoulder. He was still waiting for an explanation. As if she could ever reasonably explain her behavior.

"I wish we had never gone to Winterfell, that Jon Arryn had never died. Everything has been a mess since then. All my life I've tried to do the right thing, to do what was expected of me. And where has it gotten me? You wanted to know what happened to me? King Joffrey happened." Your son happened, her mind screamed. "He wants me dead. During the Battle of the Blackwater, he sent Ser Boros Blount to my chambers. They killed Ser Antario before dragging me through the keep by my hair. He took me up on the wall overlooking the bay, he put a noose around my neck and pushed me over the edge. Joffrey meant for me to die, as an insult to my last brother as if my death could ever dissuade Stannis from anything. But I didn't die and now I have to pretend to be accepting of the monster who did this to me. I had never wished any ill will on Joffrey or spoke unkindly to him, why does he hate me so?" Jacqueline used the sleeves of her dress to wipe the tears from her face. Jaime remained silent behind her.

"I have been pulled in some many directions, there's barely any of me left. After Robert's death, Renly left me. Fleeing to the Tyrells who gave him a crown and an army. And now I'm suppose to be nice and duteous to the family that got him killed? That abandoned him so quickly after his death?" She let out a hollow laugh at the humorous less situation. "And then I made a foolish promise to Ned Stark to protect his daughters. I can't even protect myself. In all his wisdom, Tyrion sent me to the Riverlands to ransom you, only for me to discover that Robb Stark believed himself in love with me. He asked me to stay with him and I refused and now he's dead and I can't help but feel as though it's my fault." Jacqueline hadn't spoken these thoughts to anyone and she doubted Jaime Lannister was the best person to confess to but the words had poured out of her mind like the flow of the Trident. "I've been so stupid," she whined more to her self than the knight, burying her face deeper into her hands.

The room fell except for the sounds of birds outside her window. The crying had stopped by the time Jaime knelt behind her, hand still resting on her shoulder. "Cersei said you slept with him." His voice was quiet but the previous tension was gone.

Stop saying her name, Jacqueline wanted to yell but she settled for a roll of her eyes, even through he couldn't see her. "A part of me wishes that I had. Maybe it would have kept him alive."

"No, it just would have been you killed at the Twins instead of that Westerling girl."

Perhaps, but Jacqueline wondered if she could have convinced Stannis to join Robb if she was his wife. She should have at least tried. She should have gone to the Stormlands with Catelyn Stark. There was a lot Jacqueline should have done. "Then I would be dead and I wouldn't know any better." Jaime stiffened at that, catching the meaning of her words.

Before Jaime could speak again, Jacqueline continued. "Oberyn is just a friend. Ellaria too. I've never had any friends. I've been so alone, Jaime, ever since Stannis deemed me too old for a septa. Ser Antario is dead. Robert's dead, and I know how much hated him but he was my brother. Renly is gone. Stannis has never had any use of me. It wouldn't do anyone any good to befriend me. I am alone in this life, perhaps I always have been." Using the window edge for support, Jacqueline rose to her feet but kept her back to the Kingslayer. "I've only been with you," Jacqueline confessed, voice low. "Maybe that's been my biggest mistake of all."

A hand found its way into Jacqueline's own. It was familiar, despite the addition of more scars and callouses. Jacqueline remembered that her own hands had accumulated their own set of scars as well. Jaime pulled on her hand until she turned around to face him, only he had yet to stand, remaining on one knee before her, holding her hand. Thin scars lined his once smooth face, making him look a bit older than his actual age. The short hair made him look less like his sister but his green eyes were still bright, like deep pools of emerald water. Outside, a mockingbird whistled in the sunlight as Jaime brought Jacqueline hand to his lips.

The knight didn't release her hand when he finally spoke again. "No one else is going to hurt you, Jacqueline. I won't let them."

Jacqueline's heart swelled with happiness but she forced the emotion down with a shake of her head. "Don't make promises you can't keep, ser."

Jaime stood at that, still hand in hand. "I can and I will." The strength in his voice made Jacqueline believe his words. But she couldn't force him to take on that responsibility.

"The wedding has everyone distracted. But once that's over. . .," Jacqueline struggled to keep the tears at bay. "That's why I have to leave." Jaime's brows furrowed. "Prince Oberyn has offered me a place in Dorne after the wedding."

"Dorne? Jacqueline - " Jaime took her by the shoulders with both hands; one golden, the other not.

She didn't want to hear his objections. "There's no one there who wants to hurt me. I won't be a traitor there."

"You're not a traitor here."

"Am I not? Joffrey and Cersei would disagree. Probably even your father." Jacqueline sighed, daring to rest her hands on Jaime's chest. "If I stay, I worry I'll end up in the black cells or without a head. I think it would be best for us both, if I leave."

With his good hand, Jaime caressed her face, wiping the remaining tears from her cheeks. "I don't agree with that."

"You don't have to agree with it." Jacqueline kept her eyes on her hands, her slender fingers against the white leather of Jaime's jerkin. She could feel his own fingers in her hair, casually untangling the loose knots. Lowering her voice, she continued. "You love her. That's the only reason you would have risked so much." Jacqueline didn't need Jaime to confirm her suspicions so she went on without his input. "I'm not her, Jaime. I can't be her. I'm just a distraction."

She knew he was going to deny that, but she couldn't bare to hear him do so. It would broke her resolve completely. "I don't care, Jaime." She wrapped her arms around the knight's middle but kept her eyes down. "There's still a few weeks until the royal wedding. If you still wish to see me, I'll be here. But I cannot stay." No matter what happened in the days ahead, Jacqueline would be leaving King's Landing and Jaime Lannister behind.

Wrapping his own arms around her, the man sighed before tucking a strand of her messy hair behind her ear. How different they looked, Jacqueline thought to herself. Jaime was golden with his sun colored hair and vibrant green eyes. Even his skin held a golden tint that was common to those born along the western shore of the realm. Jacqueline's own skin was pale, with her night colored hair doing little to add any color to her features, and her eyes a dark blue, like a stormy sea but without the intensity. They looked nothing alike, just as her and Cersei looked nothing alike. "I'll just have to use our time together to convince you to change your mind and stay." Jaime finally said. She could hear the smirk on his face in his voice.

"Don't waste your time, ser." Jacqueline let herself laugh and finally look up at the man in her arms.

But Jaime wasn't smirking; he was smiling. A smile that reached his eyes as he looked down at Jacqueline, his good hand resting on her cheek. "You could never be a waste of time, my lady." He kissed her again, this time on the lips with a hand twisting in her hair, forgetting all the work it had done earlier to untangle the mess. Folding her body into his, Jacqueline returned the kiss with the understanding that her days with the man she loved were numbered. She would have plenty of time later to regret and atone for her actions. But Jaime was with her with now and in the moment that was all that mattered.

Two updates in less than a month? An actual miracle.

Also, I'm starting to revise some of the earlier chapters. Nothing will change plot-wise but I started this story six years ago and I think I'm a much better writer now and I want the whole story to reflect that.

Thanks again sticking around and reading! Love y'all.