Chapter 7:

"Professor Walsh set you up?" Saff asked, appalled that her cousin had almost died, again. "I knew there was something dodgy about her" she muttered to herself. Her thoughts then turned to Graham. They had had a good night and she had felt happy enough when they were together. Could he have had a part in plotting against her cousin? She was deep in thought, only half listening to the plan that was forming among the rest of the group.

"Come and boogie at Xander's hideaway" Xander said, and Saff did a little dance as a joke, which made him smile, "See? SP is ready to boo-gie" as he put his arm around her neck to try and convince the others that hiding at his place would be a good time. The conversation continued and was only interrupted when Riley and Graham stormed into Giles' house, they had obviously heard about what had gone on with Buffy.

"Did you have anything to do with this?" She glared at them both and tried to make herself look as menacing as possible, with her hands on her hips. They both said they didn't know anything, and she knew they were telling the truth. This satisfied her, and the others watched with confusion as she softened, they probably weren't going to trust her to interrogate anyone again after that performance. She stepped back and subconsciously stood in front of where Spike was sat, which ended up bringing more attention to the vampire.

"Is-is that Hostile 17?" Graham asked, confused as Riley looked over too.

"I'm just a friend of Xander's" Spike started off in a horrible American accent, "Bugger it. I'm your guy"

"Uh, Gray. That's Spike" She said calmly still stood between the two, "Spike, Graham" she continued to introduce them as if they were at a party. As Riley and Buffy were discussing the same thing, Spike made sure everyone knew he was bad and got up and made his exit, not before telling the commandos he supported them if they were trying to kill the Slayer.

"What the hell, Saff?" He angrily whispered, trying not to make a scene in front of the rest of the group.

"Look, Graham, he's really not a threat"

"You're protecting that-that Hostile. Is this some fucking English thing?" Graham exploded, "It needs to be detained"

"Oh yeah, you got me. We're all infiltrating the Initiative and selling your secrets to the British association for zapping demon brains and running around with big guns and pretending we're very important" Saffron snapped, as the others watched her with concern. She looked at the rest of the room, and added quietly to Graham, "You saw him, his name's Spike. He has feelings and he hasn't hurt anyone since"

"You're too soft, that's your problem. I can't deal with this" Graham turned and left without looking back, and Saff watched him go. Riley, however, stayed for Buffy and explained to her exactly what he had seen at the initiative. Saffron was upset and had left to hide the tears that had started to fall in Giles' bathroom. While she was dabbing toilet roll under her eyes, Buffy was asking Riley what he knew about 314 and what their next move would be. Saffron sniffed, and wished she wasn't as sensitive as she was. She had ruined things when it had been going so well for once, by protecting someone that had tried to kill her. There was a soft knock at the door, and Saff panicked as she didn't want the others to know she had been crying.

"Saffy? You okay?" Willow asked softly through the door. Saff unlocked the door and returned to where she had been stood in front of the mirror. Her hair had been twisted into a bun and her mascara was still all around her eyes as she sighed at the state of herself. Willow slowly pushed the door open and walked in to see Saffron in a state after her argument with Graham.

"I don't know why I defended him, Will. I shouldn't be so sensitive. I should have just apologised to Graham"

"Don't say that, he was just wigged. You didn't lie, you just didn't get around to mentioning it."

"But he was supposed to be my boyfriend, you were right at the start when you asked if I thought he was not to be trusted, I should have just trusted him"

"What he said was harsh, you're kind and empathetic and we all care about you, Saff" She tried to reassure her. Saff had inwardly laughed when she had called her empathetic and just wished she could be normal with a normal boyfriend and a normal college experience.

xoxoxo

Saffron was in her oversized grey t-shirt and her fluffy snowman pyjama trousers that she tended to wear all year round. She was wedged between Anya and Willow on the sofa in Xander's basement as they stared at the screen that was playing morning cartoons. Saffron wasn't really watching, she was thinking about Graham. She started to pick at her nail varnish as it was all chipped and she hadn't had time to grab any nail varnish from her room.

"Who wants bacon?" Xander asked, walking down the stairs from the upper level of the house.

"You have anything less slaughtered and meaty?" Saff asked, cringing as she could feel instantly that the others were uncomfortable at her choice of words, "uh, but I don't mind you guys having it" she quickly added feeling the odd one out, again. She hadn't eaten meat for a long time, since she was very young. When she had eaten meat, she had always felt uncomfortable and sad. On reflection, Saffron now attributed this to her abilities to feel the intuitive emotions of others, including the death of these animals. Her parents had supported her decision and her mother especially had encouraged her and Saffron wondered if she had known all that time ago.

Xander went upstairs to sort out breakfast and when he returned, everyone was finally up. He handed around the breakfasts and he had found Saff a yoghurt from the back of the fridge which she made a point of thanking him perhaps too enthusiastically as she still felt guilty about her earlier comment.

"You two really have the worst luck in relationships" The group turned to look at Saff and Buffy.

"Must be a family curse" Saffron rolled her eyes thinking about her past relationships that had all ended badly.

"You know, you really should get yourself a boring boyfriend. Like Xander."

"You can't have Xander" Anya added quickly.

"That was the idea. Riley was supposed to be Mr Joe Guy. We were gonna do dumb things, like hold hands through the daisies going "tra-la-la"." Buffy explained, looking to Saffron to see what she thought about her and Graham, but she just didn't say anything. Saffron didn't know what she thought about Graham at the moment, she had never trusted his job but he had been very nice to have around as a boyfriend. She decided to go for a morning smoke, she wrapped herself in a black dressing gown took the new lighter she had bought to replace the one she had lost and left through the back door. Everyone started to nag at her to stop smoking as she walked out, which she ignored as she usually did.

While Saffron was outside smoking, talk inside Xander's basement room turned to the girl that had left for her smoke. They had noticed that she had seemed off recently, her emotions seemed to be on her sleeve and all of them had seen her cry at least once recently; None of them had seen her crying properly since high school, as she had always hidden from them when she had been upset since.

"Uh, has anyone noticed the emotional fainty-ness of Saff recently?" Xander asked the room as the others nodded.

"Um, yes, she has appeared to swing to and fro with her emotional state as of lately, but I didn't know if it would be pertinent to query her on the matter" Giles added, his glasses were off his face and he was cleaning them as he frowned with concern for the girl that he was very fond of, he often thought of her as if she were his own daughter.

"We all have a lot to deal with right now, what with the demon on the loose, being a target of the Initiative" Buffy put her hand on her hip, "And on top of that, Saff and Graham are having demon-sized problems themselves"

"But Buffy, she was fainting and crying before that" Willow pointed out.

"I think Saffron is having emotional surges, I knew a demon that had a collection of beings with strong emotions. They can go for a lot of money in the underworld" Anya thought about the money, before snapping out of it and smiling at Xander.

"Emotional like pms-ing?" Xander asked unhelpfully as the rest of them ignored his addition to the conversation.

"If it was something big, she would have told us already. If there is something, we'll just have to wait until she's ready" Willow defended her, as the door started to open and Saffron returned looking determined. While she had been outside, she had decided she needed to talk to Graham and meet him to discuss what had happened. She needed to be brave now, she told herself. When she walked back in she noticed a silence as everyone's eyes were on her. She smiled and curtseyed theatrically which made them smile fondly before asking Xander if she could use his phone. Before she had walked up the stairs, Buffy made an empowering speech to rally the scoobies and everyone had the tasks they needed to do in mind. Saffron's priority was to meet with Graham first then go and find some volumes to research on the Polgara demon.

Graham had agreed to meet her on his lunch break in the college canteen. He didn't have long, but he had wanted to see her. He had cooled off since the other day and greeted her politely and sat down with a banana for his lunch.

"Look, we are so different. We were always going to hit something like this" Saffron explained quickly, not able to bear the silence, giving him the opportunity to end things quickly if he wanted to.

"You're right, Saffron. You're different. You're the most unique, caring person I have met and I don't want to lose you over this" he said, closing the gap between them, "But I can't risk my job"

"I'm sorry. I understand and I'm not asking you to"

"So we'll keep going? Take it slowly?" He asked, as she smiled tightly and nodded, she felt that he genuinely wanted her around and she liked Graham. He was a safe bet, and that's what she wanted at the moment when everything seemed to be changing around her – even her own identity. She had noted that he hadn't apologised for his anger, which made her question him slightly. He checked his watch and kissed her forehead quickly, he needed to get back to the Initiative and he promised to take her out later. She was sat with her grilled cheese sandwich untouched in front of her, she felt empty and she didn't understand why when everything had just worked out between them. She was sick of her gut always making her second-guess everything now.

xoxoxo

Saffron had a lit cigarette between her lips as she was trying to fasten her large silver hoop back in her ear as it had started to fall out. She had set up in the corner of one of the college rec rooms. There was a Foosball table set up in the opposite corner and there were a few people milling around, but no one had really come to her for a reading. A few of the girls that were sat near her had been whispering about her as she had shuffled her cards, she had felt her cheeks tinge pink, but she turned to stare hard at them. They stayed for a few more minutes before they packed up their stuff and left rather quickly. As Saffron watched them leave through the door, she noticed a familiar face walk in and stand in the middle of the Rec room. She had really nice silver tinted hair that hung in front of her face as if she was hiding from something and she was wearing cord trousers and long sleeved jumper.

"Hey, it's Tara, right?" She called over to Tara with a little wave.

"Y-y-yeah" she smiled shyly as she edged towards her table slightly.

"Please don't tell me you've gone back to that Bitch group since?" Saffron asked, as Tara shook her head and Saffron nodded, glad to know she wasn't subjecting herself to that 'Wicca' group. Tara seemed to be stood awkwardly looking around the rec room, glancing at Saffron every so often as if she wanted to ask something.

"Oh, are you here for a reading?" Saff sat up straighter and stubbed out her cigarette in the ashtray on the table.

"I saw the flyer on the college pin board, I wanted to look into it" Tara said, playing down her interest in Tarot. Saffron beamed warmly, pleased that the flyers that she had handwritten had got her more business.

"Then step right up! It's usually $10, but since you're dating one of my best friends, and making her very happy, you can have your first one free" Tara blushed and thanked Saffron and then sat down in front of her. "From what I've heard, you're good with the magics and the tarot, how come you need to consult me?"

"Um, I just thought it would be good to find other people that-that are interested in the same things"

"Well, I know when Willow is more comfortable, you'll get on with the whole gang. Buff can be a bit bossy at times, but it's part of the chosen one's charm" She laughed, before going red at calling Buffy the chosen one in front of her. Tara just smiled, which suggested to Saff that she already knew a lot about the rest of them from Will. She started to shuffle the cards with an obvious ease, she wasn't trying to show off, but she knew what she was doing.

"Are there any specific questions you would like to ask the cards, Tara?" She inquired, a line she frequently found herself saying. Saffron could feel her anxiety as she shrugged and ducked her head. "Tell you what, T, I'll do you a past, present and future reading, is that okay?" Tara nodded gratefully as Saffron shuffled some more. She asked Tara to split the cards randomly and laid them face-up on the table.

"You have drawn the cards entirely from the cups, this can be significant. The suit, as I'm sure you know, deals with emotional conflicts, personal relationships and creativity" she smiled warmly at Tara as she mentioned that she probably already knew. Tara was focusing on the cards, but Saffron could tell that she seemed to be warming up to her as the reading went on. "For your past, the eight of cups, you have felt a great disappointment and a-an abandonment of sorts which you have not fully moved on from. The present, the ace of cups. This suggests love, either romantic or platonic that are blooming suddenly. It can also indicate that new relationships are formed that make you more comfortable as an individual. Finally, for the future, the three of cups. This indicates a celebration which can relate to an acceptance and continued friendship is a big theme for you as you will collaborate with new people which may bring you out of your comfort zone."

When she finished speaking, she felt a cold shiver down her spine. She had never felt that before after a reading, especially such a positive one, it was as if someone had walked over her grave. She looked up at Tara, who had thanked her and was starting to gather up her books and leave. Tara had stopped dead. Had she felt it too? Was she feeling it because Tara had? They looked at each other, waiting to see if the other would mention it. Instead, Saffron stood up too and something made her hold her hand out to shake Tara's. Their hands met and the same feeling came back, a freezing cold shiver was shared by them both and they both felt a horrible fear and pain that made them both pull their hands away. Saffron's knees buckled and she fell to the floor, she felt weak as she looked up at Tara who had tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry" Is all that Tara said before she ran out of the deserted rec room. Saffron didn't know what to make of what had just happened. She could tell that Tara didn't have any malicious intentions, so she needed to figure out what that feeling they had shared was.

xoxoxo

Saffron wrapped the cheetah print jacket she had borrowed from Buffy around her, to protect her from the cold night. Buffy was smaller than her, but luckily, she had bought it a few sizes bigger and she had appreciated this as she took it from her wardrobe. Ever since she had made up with Graham, she had felt there was something missing. She had still felt weak from her meeting with Tara earlier that day and keeping her empathic abilities from her close friends was taking its toll on her mind. She hated secrets. Lots of thoughts were spinning around her head and, with a steak in each pocket, she went for a walk through the streets to try to clear her head. Her head was down as she pounded the pavement, past one of the many cemeteries in Sunnydale. She suddenly whacked her shoulder on something she hadn't noticed in her path, it felt like she had collided with a brick wall.

"Ow, watch it" she heard a familiar British accent as she looked up to say sorry. She stared, open mouthed at Spike's face as it had been badly beaten she started to reach up to his face but stopped herself quickly.

"What happened, Spike?"

"This? Nothing to concern you, love. The other guy's dust" he lied, as he shrugged casually pretending he wasn't bothered about what had just happened. "Where are you off at this time of night, offering yourself as a tasty snack for something big and bad?"

"Just walking." She replied, neither of them wanted to leave the other but they didn't know what to say. "You?" She added.

"Been run out of my crypt, so I'm looking for a new one" He rolled his eyes at this and winced as it opened a cut on his face. Saff noticed this and frowned, feeling sorry for him.

"Let me sort your face out spike?" She asked, "I have some vodka in my dorm" she added.

"You're drawn to danger, aren't you honeysuckle?" he smirked cockily at this invitation, "Inviting a master vampire into your room, what will the rest of the white hats say?"

"I'm offering my help, Spike. Take it or leave it" She shrugged and started to walk towards her dorm and he quickly caught up and matched her pace. They walked the whole way in silence, but he kept his eyes on her the whole time. He felt elated that she cared that much she would want to tend to his wounds.

When they arrived at her dorm, the lights were off and she quickly flicked the switch and took Buffy's jacket off and put it on her bed. Spike walked in casually, no invitation needed as it was public property. Hayley was out for the evening, Saff recalled that there was a party she had been invited to in the next dorm over. She hadn't been in the mood for a party after everything and promised Hayley they would go out another time. She started to root in one of the drawers in her room for her medical kit as Spike made himself at home. He had sat himself on her bed and started looking around at everything in the room.

The Bed sheets were plain white and had been made that morning. Her bedside table had a glass of water, a pack of tarot cards with a clear crystal on top and her contact lenses on the side. The essentials. On her desk, there was a circular mirror and perfume bottles with a lot of makeup left from that morning where she had used it as a vanity table. There was a large clear case in the corner packed with nail varnishes in lots of different colours. Silver jewelry was on almost every surface and a black velvet jewelry box was open and jewelry was spilling out of it. It looked as if she had put her makeup and jewelry on in a rush, but she often left things around which Hayley often picked her up on; She usually talked her way out of tidying it all up though. She said she knew where everything was when she left it like that.

On the walls were posters of different punk bands, both older and more recent, which Spike looked at with interest. On the chest of drawers nearest the door they had entered, there was a small, black tv in the corner and a well-used CD player was next to it with a large stack of CDs that had been neatly ordered next to them. She had a lot of books on her shelves, many were for her college courses but there was quite a few that she appeared to be reading for fun. Her side of the dorm room had been made her own, and he noticed that the other side was a complete opposite of hers. The boy bands of the week were plastered all over the walls and there was a lot of pink everywhere. Pink bed sheets, pink clothes in the wardrobe that had been left ajar – the only thing misplaced in the whole of that side of the room. He wondered if she got on with her roommate or not. He decided that he liked being inside her dorm room, and felt comfortable on her side, and it smelled of lavender which is what she usually smelled like. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, noticing that he couldn't hear her in the room anymore. He opened one eye and realised he was alone in it.

She came back in with a bottle of vodka and some antiseptic cream she had borrowed from next door; she had run out, after all the scrapes she had gotten into recently. She came in and sat next to Spike who was leaning back casually but still holding his side. She passed him the bottle of vodka before she started to sort out the items she needed.

"This will probably sting a bit" She said as she started to dab at his wounds to clean them before applying the cream. Spike tried his best to act like the pain wasn't affecting him but Saff could feel hints of pain snaking around her arms like vines as she made contact with his skin. When she was satisfied that she had done all that she could, she packed up everything she had used and put it on the floor.

She took the bottle off Spike and took a massive drink, that made even Spike look at her with concern for the amount she had taken in one gulp. She wheezed slightly at the sensation of the alcohol that went down her throat but recovered quickly. She was sat near her pillows with her legs crossed under her for comfort and she was facing Spike who was still sat where he had been since he had entered the room. They drank for a long time, finishing the bottle and talking. They both felt comfortable in the others presence, and there was no need to trade insults as they were alone here.

xoxoxo

Saffron got up from her position on the bed where her and Spike had been laughing about one of the demons they had seen recently that he said had looked like Maggie Thatcher, and it had made Saff laugh at the resemblance to the old hag that had once run her home country. Spike hadn't laughed like that with someone in a long time, her laugh was infectious, and it made him want to make her laugh a lot more. She had got up to grab another bottle of alcohol that she had hidden in the bottom of her wardrobe as her and Spike had quickly finished the first bottle between them. As she stepped onto the floor, she had forgotten that she had left some bottles on the floor from when she had cleaned up Spike's face hours ago and she stumbled into them almost falling. Spike still had quick reflexes as alcohol didn't affect him as much and he grabbed her arm to stop her from falling to the floor. He left his hand there longer than was necessary to keep her from falling and she looked back at him thankfully before carefully making her way to the wardrobe, trying to focus on walking in a straight line.

She looked in the bottom of her wardrobe for a few minutes before returning with a bottle of white rum that had already been opened but it was still mostly full. Her good mood had seemed to change in the short space of time it had taken her to walk from the wardrobe and take her place back on the bed. Her thoughts had turned back to everything that was going on. The biggest worry she had was the feelings she couldn't escape from and there was only so much she could find out to reassure herself from looking online. She had observed that since her and Spike had been in her room she hadn't felt anything that wasn't her own since she had touched Spike's face, anyway. Still, she was deep in thought when Spike interrupted her, taking the bottle from her hands slowly.

"What's going on in that mind of yours, honeysuckle?" He said as he tapped her temple with two fingers. He watched her expectantly as she was considering what to say. He had been bold to ask, but she had already let him know about her sight, maybe she wanted to share more with him.

"It's just- I'm- it's nothing, spike" She finally concluded with a sigh, but Spike wanted to know now, so he pressed again.

"Come on, love. I'm not stupid, I can see something's eating away at you even if the others can't"

"I, uh, I think I'm an empath" She whispered after hesitating again. Spike's eyebrows furrowed, he had heard of this word before but he couldn't remember what it meant in terms of abilities. "I, uh, can't stop feeling everything other people are feeling. Do you remember when I fainted a while ago? It was from everyone else's fear. I don't want to tell them, in case- in case" She didn't finish her sentence and Spike could see that she was upset.

"What about soldier boy, does he know?" Spike inquired, hoping she had told only him.

"Hardly! He'd be the first to shop me to his superiors!" She raised her voice as if he had asked a stupid question.

"Sounds to me like he's holding you back, pet" He said casually as he took a big swig of the rum, as a tear started to roll down her cheek that she quickly wiped away, hoping that he wouldn't notice while his focus was on the bottle. He had noticed but didn't mention it as he looked back to her. They were both in deep thought about the other and still passed the bottle between them every now and again.

"What happened to your face, Spike?" Saffron suddenly said, breaking the silence.

"Told you, just a vamp. No match for me, obviously"

"Did I mention that I can spot deception, it's a very specific emotion" She grinned smugly which made Spike take a big, unneeded breath before answering.

"Bloody tossers started on me, didn't they? A man can't even have a pint of your lot's finest in his local anymore" he sulked.

"I was feeling sorry for you up until you called it my lot's finest" She smiled, not scared by his turn of phrase anymore, "Why can't you drink there now?"

"Big ugly bastards don't like that they're in my sights, only thing I can hurt ain't it?" He explained. They continued to drink together and share more about what they had been thinking, until the sun was almost up and Saffron had got tired from staying up most of the night.

xoxoxo

It was early in the morning and Saffron and Buffy were sat on Buffy's bed in her dorm room. They had big mugs in their hands as Saffron had made and brought hot chocolate for Buffy and a coffee for herself so they could talk like they used to over breakfast in the Summer's home. Saffron had decided to survive the day on coffee after her late night and hadn't bothered to do her makeup just to walk to Buffy's room. Buffy was in her fluffy sushi pyjamas still and had been woken up when Saff knocked on her door. She was surprised to see that it was Saff as she wasn't usually an early riser, she had thought that Willow had forgotten her key again. Admittedly, she had been relieved when she saw that it was Saff, ever since they were younger Saffron seemed to absorb her emotions and make her feel better or at least helped her collect her thoughts. Buffy had once joked her superpower was caring for others. Willow wasn't in and her bed hadn't been slept in, probably at Tara's Saff thought. Buffy had been catching her up on everything that had happened at the Initiative, seeing as Saffron hadn't been around much.

"Adam?" Saff asked dubiously, "They should have called him something more robot-y like The Adam-o-tron 2000"

"He's not a robot, Saff. He's got bits of everything in there, his arms are made of the Polgara that I helped them capture" Buffy looked upset at this and Saffron put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"And Riley?" Saffron asked with concern.

"He's in some military hospital probably having tests done on him"

"Hey, don't think like that Buff. I can call Graham up, see if he can check in on him for you" Saff asked and Buffy nodded, leaning on her cousin. They bickered often, but Buffy was pleased that she had Saffron to share things with. Saffron could feel Buffy's sorrow strongly and she hated it when her cousin was upset, her own eyes started to water as she blinked hard and willed herself not to start crying. She wanted to help Buffy, not make it about herself. They stayed together for the rest of the morning as Saff tried her best to ease Buffy's worry and upset. She planned on calling Graham later and hoped he wouldn't mind her being involved in his job again.