Chapter 3: White Flag

I guess y'all's wondering why I'm talking about all this here when I've been known not to talk bout much of anything. That's one beef I've heard from practically everyone over the years. Now here I am talkin bout pretty much all the stuff that I've been tryin to hide. Yeah, hide. I love Jack fierce enough so that happiness and pain make good bedfellas but I'm hella protective of my privacy. I don't rightfully understand it myself about why I couldn't tell a lot of this stuff to the folks in my life. Well, I know, but I didn't wanna admit to anything yet. I know I cause a lotta friction in all (hah, all, what a grand total of two?) of my relationships simply cause I don't tell the other person the things they need to hear even though I show it to them everyday. I wanna say it's cause I think people nowadays are too free with their feelins and that gets them hurt faster or other lofty things but the basic fact is that I just don't like talkin much. Aw, fuck I don't like PEOPLE in general much, pardon my language. That kinda got blown outta the water when I met Jack, but lotsa other things changed those feelins very slowly. That bar thing being one of them. At the time, after the initial discomfort wore off, I'd just brushed off the whole thing as some strange page in my already complicated-by-far-fuckin-too-much life story. Lookin back though it really did change the way I lived the next few years of my life and not for the most plain to see reasons either. Notice I didn't answer as to why I'm talkin now. Man's gotta have some secrets.

By the way, Clyde is my next door neighbor back in Riverton if you can call it that. He lived a couple of roads down and was being raised by his cousin. Why I'm tellin y'all this now will be apparent in a few moments.

While Ennis was on display for all of the bikers to look at, Jack was having a long distance battle with Lureen. She had already called a garage and tow to get his truck off the highway and it was at the garage overnight. Jack was grateful though he was leaving the truck to Lureen and Bobby even if she thought it was a piece of scrap.

"So yeah, you guys can keep the truck to drive about in. May been scrap but it's been good to me." Jack said over the pay phone.

"Wish I could say the same about myself." Lureen replied acidly. Jack wiped his forehead.

"We did all our best Lureen but you know we've been drifting away...'

"Don't give me that bullshit Jack. Plain and simple you have someone else on the side. How am I gonna explain to Bobby that his daddy ran out on his family just cause he got tired of his momma?" Lureen said with far more control than what she felt at the moment. She didn't want to have it out long distance with Jack but all of their conversation seemed to going in one direction.

"Did Bobby get my letter?" Jack asked wanting to end the conversation.

"Yeah. That's why I'm asking you how to explain this to him cause I sure as hell don't have a damn clue what to say to him."Jack felt really small right now. The odd part was that when he announced the divorce over the phone both he and Lureen were really amicable about the whole thing. Just then a hearty laughter could be heard over the sounds of the bar and the jukebox which was playing "Sweet Home Alabama". "Jack, are you at a bar right now?" Lureen asked with a strong note of irritation.

"To be calling you, yeah."

"How the hell did you get to that place, anyway?"

"Aw, Lureen I told you already that Ennis was taking care of me now...til I get back on my feet." Jack added the last part post haste.

"Hmph, you got one friend in the world and you swirl around him in orbit like a moon. May as well marry him instead those floozies you messed around with that I pretended not to notice."

Ain't gonna happen. Jack thought with a hairline fracture running down his already fragile heart.

"Jack Twist, ya know I can't even look at you right now!"

"Yer not lookin at me, I'm on the phone."

"I mean I can still picture you in my head! I gave you everything. All of me! Here I was trying to get blood from a stone."

"Lureen..."

"I loved you. Loved. YOU. I'd never be thinkin you'd be the type to play anybody false much less your wife."

"Go and find someone else. Someone who can cherish you and take care..."

"IT WAS YOU! You were that someone. You were...you. All happy go lucky and bright. Shone brighter than me even. I took a chance and...we...I don't know anything anymore. Way to go cowboy, I'm stranded going nowhere." Jack noticed that Lureen wasn't crying but she sounded tired and defeated. He couldn't even apologize since he wasn't even remotely sorry. He had to end this phone conversation before they got further because she deserved to have this painful talk face to face. And certainly not over "Hot Child In The City" which was now playing. Lureen's voice ran clear and cut a swath over the distinctly loud and punchy chatter of the bikers. What were they laughing at so hard anyway? "Jack."

"Yeah?"

"Even if it's in a letter or a scrap shit postcard..."

"What?"

"Tell me why. Tell me who it is. Or tell me...what I did." Lureen said the last part plainly almost like a child who didn't understand the words she just spoke of. Jack couldn't take it anymore.

"It's Ennis." Jack burst out. Holy fucking mother of God...forgive me.

"What about Ennis?" Lureen asked sounding confused. Keyword was "sounding" because deep in the pit of her stomach the reality of things was fast coming up her body almost ready to expel itself.

"I...I love Ennis Del Mar." Fuck, fuck, FUCK. Plan A about having a face to face conversation was neatly being obliterated with each and every word spoken.

"Wha..love? Like 'I love Brian Piccolo' from Brian's Song?" She knew. Right off the bat she knew but honestly even for a brief moment she wanted the illusion of their lives still intact. This wish was shared by Jack. Never mind the fact he wanted to spend his life with Ennis.

"Er, um he was going through a lot with his divorce and everything so yeah I wanna be there all supportive like..."With him riding me like a bronco buster. Jack thought with mild disgust.

"Can we talk later...alone?"

"YES! We can talk and talk and talk. I'm sure if we haven't talked before we'll talk now...er, I mean later." Jack said all flustered. The parties on both ends wanted to be somewhere else and not experience the deconstruction of something they joined together with their own hands.

"Okay, see you then." followed by a very abrupt dial tone. Lureen sank down to the floor on her knees slowly. Even after all of that...even after how you just seem to have forgot me...

She remembered they way he laughed. She remembered he hated his sausages with jam on them, the way she liked it. She remembered his bad harmonica playing and even worse singing and how she'd loved it when he did those things cause it made him happy. I can't even try and attempt to hate you. I can't do it, you stupid bastard. I need you and you don't need me.

And the tears never came because they had nothing to hold on to.

While all that was going on Ennis was in an uncomfortable situation that strangely enough had nothing to do with the bikers who were circling around him like scavenging vultures. "The Stag Kings" was the name of the gang and it wasn't their lewd comments or insinuations that bothered Ennis (okay, it DID bother Ennis but he had his stone cold poker face on as not to show it) since they made equally lascivious (yet subtle) comments about their own activities that did make Ennis laugh a couple of times. No, the comfort level dropped when someone he knew from Riverton was among the pack.

"Now fellas you know better than to tease Mr. Del Mar like that." said a young soft spoken voice. One Ennis didn't think to hear in a roadside saloon. Ennis turned around frantically.

"Clyde Brown?" he called

"The same. You remember me?" Clyde said.

"Nah! He just calls everyone Clyde Brown, I bet." some random guy hollered. Clyde flushed red at his own stupid question. Clyde was a real beauty, in a totally different way than Jack was. He was of medium height and skinnier than a ten foot pole. His hair was long, deep red like a nail rusted over with blood and his skin was pale, white as a sheet. He dressed like some poor white trash with a denim jacket and pants all tore up with holes in them and a deep blue bandana wrapped around his forehead and a red bandana tied fashionably around his arm. He also had several chains wrapped around him for seemingly no purpose. Of course this was different from when he last saw Clyde a couple of months back when he had the same kind of ranch clothing Ennis wore. He also seemed a great deal younger. Clyde's age was confirmed when Ennis noticed he was drinking a soda pop among the burly, rank men swigging beer and whiskey.

"Suppose you never thought you'd see me here. Alone." Clyde said nervously. He sat down by Ennis and surprisingly enough the mass of overweight, stinky smelling men actually eased up to allow some privacy.

"That's one hell of an understatement. Where's Howard?" Ennis asked. Clyde's parents ran out on him when he was little but his older cousin Howard stayed and took care of him.

"Howard ran out on me and wants to become a priest."

"Shit, I'm sorry to hear that."

"I'm not mad or anything. He gave me the address for the rectory he's staying at and he even asked if I wanted to join him. I guess we parted cause I didn't hear the call. I know exactly where he's at and how to get there I'm just taking my time."Clyde sipped some more on his soda.

"Is that why you're running with this pack?" Ennis asked referring to the bikers.

"I was hitching a ride with them out to California to see Howard but I think I might want to build my own life before I meet up with him first. You know become a better, stronger person so I won't embarrass myself when we finally meet again." Clyde then wiped his mug with the napkin cause he didn't like the condensation on his hands. "I just can't see myself in a long distance relationship with him of all people. We saw each other everyday, laughed together and a had some really great times which was a miracle considering how my parents treated me." One thing Ennis forgot or even failed to notice about Clyde was that he spoke whatever was on his mind. Even at a young age when he was eight or nine Clyde was like that. "I mean, I understand why he left and I even said it was okay but I really am not looking forward to seeing my only friend once or twice a year for a few weeks. Or maybe I am and I just don't wanna admit it." Ennis for his part had been guzzling the beer he was drinking and was unavailable for comment. Roger a middle aged man that dressed strikingly similar to Clyde tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey, want your song?" he asked.

"Go for it." Clyde said. Roger signaled to someone at the Jukebox and then the song was "Hot Child In The City." by Nick Glider. Clyde gave the thumbs up to both guys. Roger grinned and went over to play a game of darts. Ennis felt very closed in right now for reasons he didn't want to go over with himself, almost as if he were very slowly shutting down. "Anyway before I was interrupted I was gonna ask do you feel the same way bout some people you want to see badly, Mr. Del Mar?" Again Ennis was drinking his almost empty beer and was still unavailable for comment. Clyde plowed forward anyway. "I suppose everyone feels that way at some point with having one group of people they set up with and coming to find out they all wanna be with a completely different set of people. But I suppose you're too mature for that huh?" Ennis let out large belch. Clyde laughed. "Hey, I can do that too!" Clyde was now making strange noises making himself try and burp. Ennis remembered when Clyde and Howard were at the grocery store one time. Clyde was very well behaved but you could hear him babbling on everything from the latest issue of X-Men to stuff that happened at the State Fair two years back all throughout the store. Alma commented that Clyde would be the kind of boy that Ennis would be stuck with if he had a boy instead of girls. Meaning: the complete opposite of Ennis. Ennis gave a little smile. Least the kid's consistent. He thought not unkindly.At this point Jack arrived at the bar looking more than a bit frazzled and snatching the beer that Ennis ordered for him before Ennis drank it. Speak of the devil.

"How did it go with Lureen?" Ennis asked. Jack noticed Clyde and smiled at him. Clyde nodded patiently awaiting introduction.

"Truck's in the garage. Bobby got my letter. Lureen asked why I left her and she probably thinks you're terminal...or pregnant." Jack muttered sarcastically taking a long pull of the bottle. Ennis turned to Jack immediately since the movie reference flew over his head but before he could say anything Clyde chimed in.

"Wow, pregnant and dying all simultaneous like! That's a cute trick, how'd you manage it?" Clyde asked being a smart ass while drinking his soda.

What the fuck? Was the only thing Ennis, Jack and ultimately Lureen, two states over, could really think of in this moment in time.