A/N: If there's a bustle in your hedgerow don't be alarmed now...it's just a spring clean for the may queen.
Ficlet Eighty-Two: Your Face?
Neville looked over at Dean across the common room. "Dean..what time is it?"
"Time for you to get a watch," Dean replied.
"Why are you so mean?" Neville's lip quivered.
"So is your face," Dean stated simply.
"....that doesn't work in this situation..."
"Are you mental? 'So is your face' always works," Dean gathered up his stuff and walked slowly across the room. He quickly leaned over and smacked Neville before running off to the dormitories. Neville cried.
Ficlet Eighty-Three: The Cheese is Gone?
"Man," Ron stated, "I so want some cheese."
"I had some cheese earlier!" Harry said excitedly. Then his tone changed. "But it's gone now..." Harry appeared sad and forlorn.
"No worries, my friend," Ron patted Harry on the back. "Your cheese will return to you. Just as sure as the sun will rise."
Harry looked up at his tall lanky friend with great big tears in his eyes. He gave a great sniff and rubbed his nose with his sleeve. "Thanks, dude," Harry coughed regaining his composure. "Yeah." He playfully punched Ron in the arm.
".....ow"
Ficlet Eighty-Four: Random Extremely Long Ficlet?
It was a dark and stormy Halloween night. All the kiddies of Gryffindor along with Draco (who broke in, receiving the password after relentlessly pummeling it out of Neville) sat listening to Sirius and Remus tell scary stories...
"Have you kids ever heard the stories about the candy factory in the far outskirts of Hogsmeade?" Sirius asked, his face eerily lit by the flames. The children all shook their heads and Fred found a can of Beanie Weenies and levitated it into the flames to heat.
"Well..." he started rubbing his hands together. "It all started about 30 years ago. The candy factory used to be open for all to enter. But people tried to steal his secret recipes for his candies. He closed the gates and the factory went dormant. Nothing happened for years. Then suddenly, he started putting out Chocolate Frogs again. The lights in the factory came on again. But the gates were never opened...."
Suddenly Filch came through the common room with a push cart. "Up the airy mountain," he said. "Down the rushing glen. We dare not go a hunting, for fear of little men. You see, nobody ever goes in, and nobody ever comes out!" Filch's cart creaked down the hallway.
"Well...." Remus replied as he sat randomly braiding Sirius's hair. "That was random."
"Yes....quite..." Sirius replied. Suddenly, Fred's can of beanie weenies exploded into a brilliant flying massacre of bean and pork. Everyone jumped; Harry, however, couldn't seem to suppress his fears and screamed like a girl as particles of wiener splattered across his face.
"Oh....ma bad," Fred said wiping the beanie weenies off of his face.
After the frightening mood of the story was broken, the group cleaned the last morsels of pig from their face and went to sleep, dreaming of the smell of pork and of the Chocolate Factory along with what mysteries lay behind its large iron gates. While everyone dreamed of the Chocolate Factory, Neville tossed and turned with nightmares of Draco pummeling him and lots of beans on him.
The next morning, Ron noticed Neville's condition. "Hey Neville...what happened? Didn't sleep well?"
"Not really...no," Neville replied. "I had these dreams....Draco...pummeling. Beans.....flying. And then it felt like someone shoved a bun cake ring down over my head. And then it all went up in flames and all the raisins turned into demons. And I put my hands up and I yelled 'DEMONIC RAISINS, I REBUKE YOU!!!!!'" Neville breathed heavily for a moment.
"Wow...." Ron said. "That's special."
That day, Snape monotonously droned in class, pouring substances mindlessly into a giant black cauldron which cast a hot smoggy steam through the class, turning it into a sleep-worthy sauna. Even Hermione was fighting the urge to pass out onto the table...when suddenly a wormy, acne-ridden student came pouncing through the door.
"Woody Weinenheimer's opening the factory!!" The student squealed--on normal circumstances, had it been another student, Snape would have been furious...but being that the boy was a Slytherin, however, he remained intrigued.
"What's going on?" Snape asked as he stroked his newly acquired goatee. Everyone in the class snapped to attention except for Ron, who was busy making a formidably sized drool pool on the black desktop.
"Woody Weinenheimer! He's opening his Chocolate Factory for kids who find his picture in a Chocolate Frog! Whoever buys them gets in and a life time supply of chocolate!"
"Class dismissed!" Snape shouted as he grabbed his cloak and made his way out the door. Ron sat up at this.
"Did he just say......what I think he said?" He asked.
"Yes...." Harry replied. He eyed Ron skeptically. Ron jumped about 5 feet in the air.
"Whoo hooo!!!" He ran out of the room. Harry and Hermione ran after him down the hall to the one eyed witch passageway to make their way to Hogsmeade. They came up in the basement of the candy store and ran upstairs to the counter. They were disappointed to see the shop already filled with children. They were finally second in line with large armfuls of chocolate frogs. Suddenly an announcement came over an intercom somewhere in the ceiling.
"Attention Honeyduke's shoppers! It has just been revealed to me that the last winning chocolate frog was located less than five minutes ago in Diagon Alley. Please, however, continue buying candy and have a super fantastic day!" The voice buzzed and disappeared. Hermione, who was being a lame ass and was only going to buy one chocolate frog anyhow, flung the candy to the floor in fury.
Ron hit the floor and skid over to where the frog hit. He picked it up and cradled it to himself. "Hermione...how...how could you?" He looked up at her with watery eyes. "How could you hurt an innocent chocolate frog like that? Chocolate frogs are friends not food." He hugged it closer to himself. Then changed his opinion and ate the frog. Then he cried for the loss of his chocolate frog friend.
Hermione, feeling slightly bad for her obviously retarded friend, handed him a Sickle. "Here ya go, Ron. A penance for the loss of your frog."
"Poo on a stick," Ron said looking at all of the chocolate frogs still scattered about the floor. "Oh well! I've got a Sickle, I've got a Sickle, I've got a Sickle, hey hey hey hey!" he sang while doing a funky little jig. Ron continued to dance out the door and all around outside when his eyes locked on the epitome of all that is heavenly and good across the street in front of Zonko's Joke Shop.
"A MECHANICAL PONY!!!" he screeched with delight upon spotting this. He started running towards it when Hermione grabbed him by the back of his robes.
"No, Ron! Don't do it! Don't give into it's powers!!"
"Hermione," he said turning and removing her hand from his robe. He put his hands on his hips and tried to look at her in a serious way. "I know what I'm doing. And I know that you are like secretly in love with me. Heck! I'm so sexy, I'm almost in love with myself. But it never would have worked between us darling." He turned from her. "I'm sorry." He made his way across the busy street to the mechanical pony. Hermione just stood there and shook her head. Ron made his way through the crowd of people. Time seemed to stand still as he walked over to the pony. A lone light shone down upon it and it looked beautiful and angelic and it's greatness. Once he made it over to the pony, he ran his hand along the saddle and examined the detail in the painting on it. Then he looked up.
"Hey, buddy," he said to the janitor on the ladder with the light. "Could you not shine that on the pony anymore? It's kind of annoying me."
"Oh, sure thing, pal. Nox," the janitor said waving his wand to off his light and descending his ladder. Ron looked once again at the pony. Now not engulfed in it's lone beam of light, but nonetheless beautiful and magnificent. He sat on the pony and held his Sickle up in the air.
"To victory!" he yelled as he stuck the Sickle into the slot. The pony began to very unrealistically move up and down. "Wheeeeee!" he squealed in delight. Harry and Hermione watched him, completely disturbed from the outside of Honeyduke's.
"I don't know him," Hermione said.
"Know who?" Harry smiled at her. They laughed and made their way over to Ron and the pony. Slowly but surely Ron's pony ride came to an end. He looked up at his two friends with big teary eyes.
"Gawd, I love this pony," he said sniffing and rubbing his eye.
"I'm sorry, Ron. There will be other rides. Next time you earn a Sickle we will bring you back and you can ride it again. Okay? Are you ready to go?" Hermione asked patting him on the head. He looked up at them with his big watery eyes. He gave a great sniff and rubbed his nose before nodding and rising from the pony's saddle. Ron slowly trudged back to Hogwarts with his hands shoved in his robe pockets. None of them said much as they made the trek back to the common room.
When they finally reached it, they all flopped down on couches and Ron fell over and rest his head in Hermione's lap. She messed with his hair. The twins sat in the corner talking quietly. Planning something obviously. But the silence was too much for Fred to handle.
"Hey you guys!" he said as he developed a scheme. "Let's wander aimlessly about in the forbidden forest for lack of better amusement!" Nobody else had any ideas so they went and grabbed cloaks and lanterns and set off across the grounds to the dark, creepy woods.
As they walked across the grounds, George saw a moose in the distance.
"Hey look guys, there's a moose!" he said, and everyone stopped to stare in wonder and amazement.
Then another moose joined the first.
"Now there's another," he said, "Is the plural of moose, meese or mooses? Since the plural of goose is geese, would the plural of moose be meese? And more importantly, why do my underpants feel oddly wet and squishy?"
"Perhaps," Fred said, attempting to answer his brother's queries, "your underwear are oddly wet and squishy because you are sitting in my pudding...."
George turned and looked. He inspected his sitting arrangements. "Yes," he said stroking his chin, "this would appear to be a large cup of pudding....but the question is, 'how did I get here?' and more importantly, 'who the hell are you people?!?!'," he asked, pointing at two eskimos that had joined the group.
"Oh," one of the eskimos replied with a thick Canadian accent, "we're just on our way to go see some hockey....but did you happen to see two meese come this way?"
"See!!!" George said hopping out of the pudding, "I TOLD YOU IT WAS MEESE!!!" The eskimos shrugged and walked off.
A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update, I really couldn't think of anything to write at all. So I hope this lives up to it's predecessors. Much love to you all. And Happy Chrismahaunakwanzaka to you all!