A/N: So…we meet again. I bet you thought you'd seen the last of the elusive Majik Beaver. But alas! You were wrong! Foiled again! Bahaha and you now know you will never truly escape. But until you finally accept the fact, read this and review on it. Or face the consequences.

Ficlet Eighty Eight: Sheep Bladder?

Harry sat coughing at the smoke billowing out from his cauldron. He peered up through the gloom at a fuming Snape glaring down at him. Slowly, a huge, impish grin spread across his soot covered face.

"Potter," Snape said as he massaged the bridge of his nose. "Do you not recall how I specifically asked you…no…pleaded with you not to convey your stupidity throughout the classroom." With a wave of his arm, he gestured to the students coughing and gagging in the smoke. "Now we are suffocated by it."

Snape stalked over to Neville who was sitting perfectly still and trying not to be noticed. Snape clapped a hand to Neville's shoulder causing the poor boy to promptly pass out. "Even Longbottom didn't screw up. What could you have possibly been trying to pull?"

Harry held up his unsliced sheep bladder in silent response.

"POTTER! THAT IS THE MAIN INGREDIENT, YOU IGNORANT FOOL!"

"But sir," Harry said, "behold it's magnificence! It is slick. It is cool. Slimy, lovely, pink, delightful…" He looked up at Snape with enormous eyes. "SHEEP BLADDER!"

Snape drew his lips tightly together in a grimace and pointed at the closet. Harry, with sad air and his head held down, made his way to the closet and locked himself inside.

"Ron, your eyebrows are on fire," Hermione said as she fanned away the smoke.

"I love grapes." Ron smiled.

Snape bitch slapped him.

Ficlet Eighty Nine: Geiko?

Ron ran down the halls, pummeling first years, knocking poor Flitwick down a flight of stairs, and leaving a trail of misery and chaos as he went. He screamed at the Fat Lady and with a squeak, she flung open the portrait.

He skid to a stop in front of Harry's chair in the common room.

"Harry," he panted. Harry glanced up over his glasses at his winded friend. "I have really important news."

"Is that so?" Harry asked without looking up again.

"Yeah…I just saved a load of money on my car insurance by switching to Geiko." With a huge smile, he clapped Harry on the shoulder, knocking his glasses askew.

"You know, Ron…I hate you lots sometimes." Harry straightened his glasses and gave Ron a look of utter distaste.

"I know, Buddy. And that's why I love grapes."

Ficlet Ninety: WTF?

Draco sat uncomfortably rubbing Blaise's back as the boy hunched over sobbing.

"Wow, Blaise…" Draco said, glancing about for an exit. "I had no idea you had such a rough childhood. Having to sell yourself to buy your 'Sing Along With Barbie' tapes when your parents refused to pay for them."

"Yeah," Blaise mumbled. He blew his nose on his tie. With glistening eyes and a great sniff, he continued with his story. "The man pulled up to the curb and told me to get out. He stuffed a five in my hand and gave me a shove. But I said 'Bitch…not for my services. Make it ten.' And when he forked over the other five I got out."

Just then, they heard a knock on the door and Ron walked in.

"I love grapes!" He announced with a grin. Then Elmer Fudd shot him and drug his lifeless body down the hall.

"Dude," Malfoy said, gaping at the open door and the trail of blood. "Wtf?"

A/N: I love grapes. Now review.