A/N: I forgot to thank Megs063 and the guests who have left friendly reviews over the past month or so, feel like I never shut up about asking for feedback but it's really nice to hear from people enjoying the story!

Right, so, I tried something different for this chapter! It's only a one off xoxo

Chapter 23:

Tara and Saffron were sat opposite each other in Tara's dorm that she was sharing with Willow. Willow had gone out to the Bronze that evening and Tara had invited Saff over, she had felt happier since her family had left, Saff could feel it. Tara was still practicing her tarot reading, she wanted to be as good as Saffron was, so Saff asked her to do a reading for her. Saffron watched as Tara shuffled the cards and asked the usual questions. Saffron placed her hand on top of the deck and split the pack, taking the top card and laying it face up in front of them both.

"The reversed ten of cups" Tara said quietly, she knew Saffron wanted to help but she couldn't help feeling nervous doing a reading for her.

"Go on then, tell me what it means" Saff said, leaning back in her chair. Saff could hear the voice in her head telling her, but the whole point was for Tara to have a go at tapping into her intuition so she kept quiet.

"It's family…" Tara started and Saffron nodded encouragingly, "It can mean a dysfunctional family or a l-lack of stability…" Tara tailed off as Saffron snorted. She realised Tara must have thought she was laughing at her, which she quickly put right.

"Sorry, T. It was just, well, my family origin story is probably the most lacking in stability. The cards are being boring today" She joked, before quickly deflecting the attention from herself, "So, family, huh? Speaking of, I'm glad you're twat of a brother has gone, I couldn't stand him"

"Me too" Tara gave her a small smile before realising what Saff had done, she decided to ask, "What was your family like, Saffy? Do you have any horror stories?"

"Family has always been a complicated one. I love my family here and I don't, uh, usually like talking about England. I feel like I have so many secrets my head will burst" She tried for humour, but it came out sounding sad and Saffron could feel that Tara thought so too. She could feel her pity as she collected her thoughts and she hated it. She hated being seen like that.

"In what way?" Tara finally asked. Saffron decided, seeing as Tara was one of her closest friends, maybe this was the chance she needed to talk to someone about everything.

"If I tell you, will you keep it a secret, T?" Tara nodded and promised. She took it one step further as she offered to do a binding promise spell that would ensure she wouldn't physically be able to tell anyone Saffron's secrets. They both braced themselves for the shocking cold sensation they were about to feel as they touched the tips of their fingers on each hand to the others. They still weren't sure what the feeling meant but they had decided to look up some books at the magic box together. Tara whispered the spell, promising to never break the sacred bond of trust. Purple and blue sparks shimmered around them, snaking around both of the girls arms as the spell took effect. Saffron could feel the bond and smiled at Tara, she decided to tell her everything.

Okay so, welcome to my life story. I'll split the family into separate parts, so it's logical. I should probably start by admitting a few things. Number one: I'm in a relationship with Spike. We've been together since the start of last summer and-

Tara, this is my monologue. I wouldn't interrupt yours. Thanks, yeah I am happy. Okay, where was I? Oh, number two: Dawn is the key. And Buffy's the slayer, but you know that-

Ok, I've never seen you so chatty, T. There'll be a chance for questions at the end, I need to keep talking or I'll get lost. And if I get lost everyone will be bored by my very important life story. Oh, and lucky Number three: My parents died in a car accident that I caused.

xoxoxo

Joyce was one of the first that I told about Spike. She knew that we were in a relationship and she asked to have him over for dinner. I asked her if she was okay with it and she said she worried about mine and Buffy's taste in men, but she said she mostly wanted me to be happy.

You know auntie J, kindest heart in the world. She made a full course meal and shipped Dawny and Buff away for the evening. Buffy still doesn't, and can't, know. Remember you've promised, T. Joyce even set tea, uh, dinner to you, for 8pm after the sun had set.

Spike came with a bunch of flowers in his hand. He smiled at me, that way he does-

What? Oh, sorry. I wasn't bloody drooling! It's a sort of slight grin that he does, like he owns the fucking place. He looks at me sometimes like I'm the only person in the world and that he'd prefer it if it was just me and him. Yeah, so he had a bunch of flowers, they were pink and purple ones that he said were for Joyce. I had asked him if he'd got them from a grave and he looked at me as if I was being an idiot, but with him you never know. He can have the best intentions but get it completely wrong sometimes. Like, the other day, this Kordolak demon looked at me funny and he thought killing it and draining it's blood was the right way to win my affection. I'm a fucking vegetarian and the demon looked like a massive armadillo. He assured me that he had nicked the flowers from a garden on his way past, which I let slide because J had already seen the them and it had put him in her good books.

Anyway, Spike comes in and addresses J as Mrs Summers, those old school manners were not lost on her and she, predictably, told him to call her Joyce. Which, I need to add, he had already been calling her years ago when they had first met. So, we go to the table and J has set everything up. Conversation was polite at first but he had to start talking about his 'glory days' didn't he? Joyce had said that he was a lot better than some of the guys I had brought home before, which I actually found rude. I mean, Buffy has brought all sorts back to the house before and I mean mine just had a lot more piercings and bad dye jobs.

Joyce mentioned one guy in particular that she hadn't taken to from my second year at Sunnydale. Spike seems to be thinking while he listened to her speak. After a long pause he casually says that he thinks he killed him. I must have gone bright fucking red at that. He said, "Longish, black hair? Pale skin? Experimenting with eyeliner?" I nodded, completely shocked, "Yeah, ate him. Me and Dru" and do you know what auntie J said? She just shrugged and said, "That's why he stopped calling you, honey" which, now I think about it, totally makes sense.

I was fucking lost for words, T. He not only casually mentions his own ex at the dinner table, but he brazenly admits to eating one of mine! At the table! I told him, play down the murderous blood lust, but did he listen?

I reminded everyone, especially Spike, that the chip was in and he was harmless. He started to complain that he was still bad but I shot him a glare. He shut up after that. I left the table at some point and I heard that they were talking in serious voices, but I couldn't quite make out exactly what they were saying. I'll ask Spike when I see him next.

Spike came to find me and gave me one of those smirks, telling me he's a crowd pleaser. That man is so self-assured, I think he uses special bleach that sends extra confidence into his brain. Is there a confidence receptor in there?

Anyway, he catches me in the hall and wants to sneak a kiss or two, but I tell him that Auntie J will know exactly what he's doing. Which, she told me later, she had a suspicion. I told him that dessert was ready and he looked at me to suggest that I was his dessert and then he-

Sorry, T. I won't go into detail about what happened, I know you'd be all ears if he was a she. So, Auntie J made my favourite, apple crumble, for dessert. And she offered to warm Spike's blood up in the microwave which he thanked her for. He's actually quite well-mannered when he cares. Which, I'll admit, he doesn't often. When she brought the mug of blood to him he poured it over his crumble as if it was custard. I almost threw up, T and he looked at me proudly like he had just invented sliced bread or something.

After he left, I asked her how come she got on so well with Spike and not Angel, that's Buffy's ex. He was a vampire too, but he had a soul-

Oh, you knew that. Has Willow written you a handbook or something? The big fat Scooby guide to slaying and gossip?

Anyway, Joyce explained, "Well, Angel never brought beautiful flowers to the door and promised on his own grave to look after one of my daughters" which almost made me cry. Auntie Joyce never said stuff like that when I first came because my parents were my parents. But as J brought me up since, it's like she's my second mum and that works for me. Also, her being fond of Spike has made me feel better about admitting everything to everyone else. You seem okay with it... you are... right?

Spike told me afterwards that he knew that Joyce liked him more, he said, "I'm undeniably irresistible, Honeysuckle" I told him to stop using big words because it didn't suit him. He still calls me Honeysuckle, even though he'd originally used it to remind me of the bite, I think it's nice he calls me something no one else will. But, don't ever tell him that. You've done the bond-y spell now, so you have to. No take backs, T!

xoxoxo

I look at Dawn sometimes and I can't believe she hasn't been with me my whole life. Now, even more so. All of those memories from when she was a kid and she couldn't sleep. Buffy used to say that she had to learn not to be scared of the dark but I smuggled her a night light for her room. When she had gotten a bad report card, I had swapped her with one of my old ones because Auntie J was still nervous to be angry with me the year I arrived. I bought her a book on tarot cards to read through, so she could learn what I was doing when I used them so often. When I lost my pack, Dawn drew me a whole deck. She used crayon and cut them out of old cardboard cereal packets that Joyce had wanted to recycle.

I look at Dawn now and I see the same girl, the same memories. I can't escape them and I can't even begin to believe they're not real. She was the one that told me that Spike had a crush on me last year, she noticed he was hanging around a lot. How else would I have known he liked me and eventually confessed my feelings back if Dawn wasn't here? I mean, she doesn't know that she helped with that, but I can't imagine a time without her.

She had thanksgiving dinner with us all and she wanted to try being vegetarian because of me. She spent that whole thanksgiving just fucking staring at the turkey that G had carved up. I told her to bloody have some, but she wouldn't listen, she was convinced I was testing her. I just wanted her to have a nice time! She finally broke her vegetarianism on new years eve. She looked so guilty when she started to tell me I couldn't help laughing.

Did I ever tell you I barely spoke to anyone when I first arrived? I was so mad with the world after what had happened with my parents. I hated everything about myself and I hated them for dying. I bonded first with Buff when she used to take me shopping and we had accidentally stayed out after dark and a vampire had attacked us. I was even more hopeless than I am now, if that was even possible to imagine-

You're very kind, but I really am fucking hopeless at fighting. Give me slayer strength any day and it'd be easy as anything, just whack them one and bam, they're down. Buffy has it easy. Well, you know what I mean. Easy with the fighting. Anyway, Buffy slayed the vamp, fangs and all, and I ended up being the first one she trusted to tell she was a Slayer. So, for the first time since everything that had happened, I opened up to Buffy about everything that had happened and how I killed my parents. Me and Buff have been close ever since that day and the thought of losing her over Spike scares me. She was the one that kept me going when I felt like I couldn't carry on and she was the one that showed me I was a part of the family here in Sunnydale.

I learned that I had a place in this world. Buffy taught me to grow up, to be strong and to look cute doing it. She's the best older cousin ever.

Oh and T? I swear if you ever tell her I admitted that her being older matters I'll curse you myself. I've got major mojo going on now, you know.

xoxoxo

My parents were Ted and Ali Page. They were kind parents; I was their only child and I never knew if that was out of choice or not. There's so much I'll never know. I've decided that Mum must have had the abilities that I inherited, though.

It was 3:15 in the afternoon and we had all crammed into my dad's battered silver car. It was on it's last legs but he wouldn't swap it for anything. There was a song playing, I'm not sure if you know it, it's called The Passenger by-

Oh, you do? I'm impressed, T. It's by Iggy Pop, yeah. Well I can't listen to that song anymore. It's the fucking song of death.

We were driving on the motorway, we used to camp in Wales, it was always a long drive but dad would bring a shit load of cassette tapes and mum had a beautiful singing voice and she'd sing for us in the car. Sometimes she'd read my palm for me and teach me about the different lines and their meanings. As I grew up, I decided I was way too cool to go camping.

I was about Dawn's age, you know? Where you feel like the sky will fall on your head when something goes wrong or you miss something important in school? Well, this particular year I had finally been invited to a party by this guy I fancied. But it was during the first week of our holiday. He had seen me sneaking a fag behind the bike shed and invited me to come to this party. My parents were having none of it though, they said there'd be time to party after our holiday. I lost it, I had been in the worst mood since we had got in the car and I hadn't spoken to either of them since the night before. I'd told them I hated them for making me miss the party and that I had never enjoyed the holidays we'd had anyway. My mum knew I was lying and she told my dad this, but it made me angrier that she wasn't listening to me.

Mum tried to read my hand like she used to, but I snatched it away. I screamed at them, calling them horrible names and telling them they were selfish. My 14-year-old brain decided that them wanting to spend time with me was selfish. I tried to open the door, while the car was speeding down the motorway still, to jump out. I don't know why I thought that would bloody end well. The back was locked and I started to kick the door as hard as I could. My mum tried to calm me down by leaning back from her seat in the passenger seat and touching my shoulder, but I stared her down and her hand jolted. I think she felt my anger. The kicking and shouting had distracted Dad and he swerved into the barrier between the two sides of the road, we were going fast and our car collided with other cars. There was a lorry driving next to us and I can still hear the brakes squeak now as it tried to stop going into us. It turned and tipped oil over the roads and eventually… fire. It happened so-

Sorry, T. It-its hard…

It happened so fast. Our car ended up rolling over and it started the fire. My parents were trapped in there and so was I. The smoke was so thick-

I was blindly trying to find the door handle but I think I must have blacked out. This firefighter came and got me out, I think. Never saw him, I was just told what happened next. My parents couldn't be reached in time, they were trapped in a fiery ball of flames. They were taken to the hospital after me, but they had sev-severe burns.

Since I found out about being an Empath, I've never been surer that I caused it. I probably filled them with anger and hate and they died feeling that way.

I could still hear the song playing and it didn't stop playing until I left England on that plane almost a year later. Ironically, I got back to the town I lived in at the time a day before that stupid fucking party. I didn't go in the end.

I have a gran who lives in England, I think she's still there today. She set the funerals up, I wasn't to get involved. She hated me, Gran. I know she blamed me for the crash as much as I blamed myself. I heard her talking on the phone about me being a child of the devil. She was deeply religious, and she hadn't liked that mum had taught me the cards. She was my mum's mother and mum had always said my Grandad was the only reason she stayed in that house past 16. He died before I was born. One day Gran had tried to throw my Tarot deck into the fire, but I caught them in time and that was it. I tried to run.

I only returned the night before the funeral. All of my stuff was in the garage and I slept there before I arrived at the church my parents had never belonged to. St. Augustine's. There were white orchids on every surface and acoustic versions of hymns were playing. My parents would have hated it. Gran pretended that we were best friends at that funeral, doting over me and sending me to the bar at the function with cash in my hand. Gran whispered to me that arrangements had been made to send me away. I was thinking nuns and rosaries.

But what I got was Buff, Dawn and Auntie J. It was as if they were sent from the Gods. I'll never stop being grateful to Auntie J for agreeing to have me. I could only recall meeting them once on a trip to where dad had grown up. We'd never had much money but one year we did visit America. At the time, I was glad to come home back to England.

xoxoxo

These days, I feel at home when we have a Scooby meeting. I see you and Willow sharing glances and holding hands under the table. It makes me smile how much you love each other. I trust you both so much. You're the most caring and kind person, T. I'm so glad you're here to stay. I mean it, babe. You're family and I know we all feel it now.

I've always liked Xander and Anya. Xander likes to think he protects me, but it was mostly the other way around in high school. He's like an older brother, and I know he isn't going to like hearing about Spike. He's the one I'm most worried about. Anya messed us all up at first being a vengeance demon, but I really like her now. She doesn't really get the need to sugar coat shit and I admire that about her.

When I first met Giles, I felt like he didn't like me. I think it was the accent. It put me off. But as things went on, I know he has a good heart and he cares. If I'm honest, he's like a second Dad. You're all family and I couldn't imagine my life without any of you now. It would fucking break my heart to lose anyone.

Tara had tears in her eyes throughout the explanation Saffron had about her parents and her extended family, here in Sunnydale. They had hugged after Saffron had finished and she thanked Tara for being someone she could talk to. She had stayed for a while longer as they chatted about other things over freshly brewed peppermint tea. Willow eventually arrived back at their shared room and Saffron made up her excuse to leave. She made sure to hug both girls tightly before she left and when back to Revello to recover from revealing so much, but she was glad that she had.