Prolonging the Inevitable

His time with Kolyat left him exhausted. Shepard and the others had yet to return, but EDI assured him all was well. After escorting Kolyat back off of the Normandy, Thane returned to Life Support to meditate on the day's events. He felt certain the conversation left Kolyat just as emotionally drained. The fire and fight he'd met his father with evaporated, leaving his shoulders slumped and his eyes dull by the time he left. They could have continued to talk until Shepard arrived, but after nearly two hours, Kolyat insisted he needed to return to his hotel to call Rone and Kelena before it became too late on Kahje, but he promised he'd call Thane the next day.

Thane gave himself an hour in the silence of Life Support, Kolyat's face etched onto the backs of his eyelids, voice echoing in his ears as he churned over the conversation they'd had. Oh, how his life had changed, so drastically, so irrevocably in the span of a few short weeks. All because of one, wild, human woman with hair the color of rubies and beautiful eyes, rivaling the most brilliant of emeralds. Only a siha could so completely upend his life and, so it would seem, prolong the inevitability of his passing—possibly twice over. What if the doctors determined he was fit for the transplant lists? Did he truly wish to expose himself to even greater pain and suffering as was certain to come with enduring such invasive surgeries? And to what end? They wouldn't cure his illness … but they would give him a few more years to make things right with Kolyat.

Taking a deep, steadying breath, he rose to his feet and headed to the elevator. He rode up to Shepard's cabin, informing EDI along the way that he intended to feed Shepard's fish. When he arrived, the door to the cabin slid open for him, and EDI directed him to where Shepard kept the fish food. He glanced at the label, and it suggested he use his fingers to pinch out the appropriate amount of food, but he didn't dare disrupt the tank's pH by introducing his venom into the water. Instead, he lifted the lid to the aquarium and opened the small bottle of food, gently tapping the flakes out over the water's surface.

Closing the aquarium once more, he stood there for a moment, watching the fish dart to the surface to nibble at the flakes floating atop the water. He replaced the cap on the bottle of food and glanced around Shepard's cabin before turning and putting the fish food back where he'd found it. He sucked in a deep breath, fighting off the urge to stroll through her cabin and look over her things again. It would be a violation of her privacy, though, and he respected her too much to do anything like that, regardless of his desire to learn more about her.

Instead, he turned back to the door and called the elevator back up. When it arrived, he hit the button for the second deck. It was time he fulfilled his promise to Kolyat. He thought Mordin might be better equipped than Dr. Chakwas to tell him whether or not he was a suitable candidate for the transplant lists. Taking the elevator down to the second deck, he smiled and dipped his head to Kelly when she glanced over her shoulder at him before making his way to the Tech Labs.

Mordin looked up from his work when the door opened. Blinking a few times, he tilted his head to the side and smiled. "Thane, pleasant surprise."

"Hello, Doctor." Thane returned his smile, crossing the floor to stand in front of the salarian's workstation. "I wonder if I might have a moment of your time."

"Of course." Mordin closed the lid on a centrifuge. "Good timing. Samples need to process." Meeting Thane's gaze, he asked, "How can I help?"

Thane brought his fist to his mouth and cleared his throat. "Might you be able to perform the necessary exams to determine whether I might be placed on the transplant lists?"

Mordin blinked again. "Surprised. Was under impression you prefer to let illness run its course."

"I—things have changed." Thane waved a hand before tucking them both behind his back.

"Hmm. Suspect other drell on Normandy influenced decision. Familial connection apparent. Supraorbital ridge. Nasion. Facial plate fusing patterns. Son?" Mordin must have seen Thane's surprise because he blinked a few times and said, "No matter. Happy to help. Should go to Med Bay. Will need to undress, use exam table and equipment."

Thane took a deep breath and nodded, shaken by the salarian's ability to make such an accurate deduction. He turned back towards the door as Mordin rounded the table. "I would prefer if you refrained from discussing with anyone else any presumed familial connection between myself and the young man you saw today."

"Not a problem." Mordin waved a hand towards the elevator when the Tech Labs' door opened.

Thane offered the doctor a smile, grateful he'd accurately gauged Mordin's willingness to hold his confidence. "My thanks." He pressed the elevator call button and waited with his hands behind his back.

Together they rode down to the third deck and made their way to the Med Bay. Once Mordin explained the intrusion to Dr. Chakwas, she offered her assistance and supplied Thane with a hospital gown. He held the cloth in a fist, staring down at it for long seconds, feeling as if it were the worst kind of omen. He never wanted to die in a hospital, in a bed surrounded by machines, and yet there he was, preparing himself for what seemed like the exact inevitably. Taking a deep breath, he draped the gown over the edge of the bed and began to undress.

Once he had his gown tied into place, he turned back to the doctors and tucked his hands behind his back, one of them balling into a fist despite himself. He fought to remain calm, fear tickling at the back of his mind. Even with years of training—and he truly was one of the best—with his battle sleep suddenly gone again, he found it difficult to keep his emotions under control. Something, some part of himself, wanted nothing more than to run and hide, but he'd already done far too much of that in his life. He closed his eyes and lowered his head, listening as Mordin and Dr. Chakwas spoke quietly to one another across the room.

He stilled his mind as their footsteps approached, preparing himself for the feel of strange hands poking and prodding at his flesh. Prepared for the bright lights and overwhelming sounds of scans, invasive questions, and the sting of needles. He took a deep breath and pulled himself onto the exam table, turning his arm out to Dr. Chakwas as she tied a tourniquet around him, gentle, sure fingers searching for a vein. Mordin opened his omni-tool, the orange glow sweeping over Thane; the first of many scans, no doubt.

It wasn't long before they brought out more advanced equipment, performing other types of scans. They looked into his nose and throat and listened to his heartbeat. They handed him a device and asked him to breathe into it at varying rates, and then twice more, as hard as he could, after filling his lungs to capacity. The test left his chest aching, but it was nothing worse than he'd grown accustomed to after strenuous exercise. When at last they were finished, the two doctors retreated, affording Thane some modicum of privacy to dress once more.

"I'm sorry, Thane." Dr. Chakwas moved back to him as he pulled on his jacket. "Your scan results certainly aren't good. However, they don't appear to be significantly worse than your initial exam when you joined the Normandy."

"No need to apologize, Doctor. I am well aware of the severity of my condition." Thane tucked his hands behind his back, ready to hear the entire thing was nothing more than a waste of time. He knew Kolyat would be disappointed, but if there was nothing to be done, then there was nothing to be done.

"Blood oxygen levels low, but still within functional range." Mordin closed his omni-tool, crossing the room to stand in front of Thane as well and blinked. "Damage to lung tissue moderate, auxiliary damage to bronchial and nasal passages also moderate. Mild mucus accumulation in lungs. Mild heart enlargement, pancreatic inflammation. Can prescribe medications to reduce inflammation, may help prolong pancreatic functioning. Medications to aid in thinning and expelling of mucus. Recommend daily breathing treatments." Mordin paused to suck in a deep breath. "Will make calls, have you placed on transplant lists."

Thane's lips parted. It wasn't the answer he was expecting, not at all. "You think they'll allow me to be placed on the lists?"

Mordin smiled. "Will if I call."

"I—I see." Thane lowered his head, a multitude of emotions swirling through him, building up to a maelstrom threatening to consume him completely. "Thank you, Mordin." He'd been so ready to embrace death, so ready to let himself slip away from the galaxy, secure in his belief that his son was safe and he'd made the right decisions. But then … Shepard. Perhaps the most unsettling, was the small part of him, a part he tried very hard to not acknowledge, felt almost … hopeful.

"Happy to help." The doctor turned, walking out of the Med Bay when Thane looked up.

Not Dr. Chakwas, though. She stayed next to him, her eyes kind and gentle. "Are you sure this is what you want, Thane?"

He swallowed and shook his head. "No, but I have made a promise, and I will keep my word."

She frowned but nodded, turning her back to him and making her way over to her desk. "Would you like for me to start you on the medications Mordin recommended?"

"Ah—yes." He took a deep, pain-filled breath, trying to still his racing thoughts. He didn't want any of it. He wanted … he wanted to die by his own accord, he didn't want to prolong the inevitable. But he also wanted to spend as much time as he could with Kolyat … and Shepard. "My thanks."

"Alright." She glanced at him over her shoulder, a sympathetic smile on her lips. "Give me time to review your tests again to determine the proper dose." She turned away, looking down at the datapads on her desk. "I'll have EDI notify you when they're ready for you to pick up."

"Thank you, Dr. Chakwas. I'll be in Life Support if you require any more tests." He dipped his head at her when she met his gaze again.

Leaving the Med Bay, he realized the others were gathering for the evening meal. He intended to keep moving, make his way to Life Support and spend his time alone, in the silence, weighing out his thoughts and feelings on the new development, but instead, he stopped when Tali called out to him. He turned, watching her approach with curiosity, fighting to shove aside his other concerns for the time being.

He smiled when she came to a stop in front of him. "Good evening, Ms. Zorah."

The quarian chuckled, a light, titter of a sound. She waved her hand. "You don't have to call me that, you can just call me Tali."

Smile growing, he dipped his head. "Very well, Tali."

She glanced at the Med Bay and then back to him again. "Is everything okay?"

No, everything is certainly not okay.

He turned a little, glancing over his shoulder at the Med Bay door. "Ah. Nothing to be concerned with, just … routine exams."

"Oh. Well, come eat with us." She waved her hand towards the serving counter, a smile evident in her voice and the squint of her eyes behind her mask. "You spend too much time locked away in Life Support."

Thane chuckled. He did tell himself he was going to make a point of being more social, spending time with the rest of the crew. Perhaps taking some time to calm down before thinking on the idea of his health and future might allow him to approach the subject with clarity. He held his hand out, inviting her to lead the way. "As you wish."

He followed her over to the queue where they waited for their turns to collect their trays, and then he walked with her over to the tables, taking a seat across from her. A moment later, Grunt dropped down on the bench next to Thane with enough force to rock the entire bench and everyone sitting around the table. Thane suspected it was a deliberate act, but it wasn't one that bothered him in the slightest.

"Keelah," Tali muttered, eyeing Grunt, but the krogan only laughed. She turned her attention back to Thane. "So, you were born on the hanar homeworld?"

"That is correct." He nodded, removing the napkin from around his eating utensils and settling it in his lap.

"But the drell aren't from there originally; you lost your homeworld, too," Tali said, situating her dishes and preparing them for sterilization.

"Indeed, though the circumstances are rather unlike those of the quarians." In a concession, he tilted his head before adding, "However … I suppose the drell are every bit as responsible for our fate as the quarians."

"The quarians are not responsible for losing Rannoch!" Her words hissed through the air, vehemence so thick in her tone, it nearly dripped across the table. "We were attacked and chased off of our homeworld by the geth!"

He stilled, running through his statement once again to understand what exactly triggered her ire. "My apologies, I only meant that it was the quarian's decision to create the geth which eventually lead to your losing Rannoch." He waved his hand, hoping his words would placate the young quarian. "As it was the drell's decisions to allow our populations to grow unchecked, to allow our lands to become polluted, stripped bare of resources. I didn't intend to cause offense."

Tali watched him for a moment, the soft, reflective glow of her eyes through her mask portraying a quiet indignation. It seemed he still didn't quite understand the nuances of polite conversation. She turned her attention back to her tray, running her food through the sterilization process.

"Tali," he said, but she didn't look up at him again. "I truly meant no offense. I sympathize with the plight of the quarians. I understand it wasn't the intentions of the quarians to create AIs, and certainly, your people had no intention of being betrayed by those same creations in such a horrific way."

"It's alright." Tali's gaze flicked back to him, and she tilted her head to the side, shoulder twitching up towards it before slumping back down once more. "I'm probably being too sensitive."

"If the quarians miss their homeworld so much, they should go take it back from the geth," Grunt said between shoving forkfuls of food into his oversized mouth.

She scoffed, turning her attention to Grunt. "Some of the quarians are already pushing the Admiralty Board to declare war on the geth and retake Rannoch."

"You don't sound as if you approve of this idea." Thane picked up his fork, using it to spear some sort of cylindrical, green vegetable on his plate.

Taking a deep breath, she let it out in a low, weary sigh. "I want us to return to Rannoch, nothing would make me happier. But the reapers are coming. We can't really afford to start a war with the geth right now."

"Ah." Thane lifted the fork to his mouth but before taking the bite, he asked, "Where do the quarians stand on the reapers? I understand the galaxy has remained largely skeptical of Shepard's claims."

She snorted, the sound indelicate and derisive. "It's worse than that, the Council declared Sovereign to be a geth construct." She met his gaze. "Which means, even though nobody is saying it officially, the quarians are being blamed for Sovereign's attack on the Citadel. This puts even more pressure on us to defeat the geth and reclaim Rannoch. As for the quarians, we know Sovereign wasn't a geth construct, but as a people, we are no more resolved on what exactly Sovereign was than any other species."

He furrowed his brow as he chewed, absently noting the almost nutty flavor of the vegetable, waiting to swallow before speaking, "That's illogical. Even were Sovereign a geth construct, the quarians can hold no responsibility for what the geth have done in their absence."

"Yeah, well, tell that to them." She waved a hand, the movement jerky, conveying agitation, but at least it wasn't directed at him. "So, what about the hanar and the drell? Where do you stand on the reapers?"

"It's unclear. Shortly after joining the Normandy crew, Shepard shared everything she had on the reapers with me, and with her permission, I forwarded it to my contacts in the Illuminated Primacy." He used his fork to gather up more of the vegetables, finding their taste quite pleasant. "I don't know what they will do with the information, but I suspect they will consider it closely."

Just then, Garrus passed through the mess hall, heading back towards the Main Battery. Excitement—knowing Garrus' presence meant Shepard's return—washed through Thane, taking him by surprise. He cleared his throat, turning his attention back to his plate, putting aside the urge to go find her and listened as Grunt spoke to Tali of fighting two wars at once. Thane needn't have bothered, though, a few minutes later Shepard found him. The sound of footsteps and the shift in the air behind him alerted him to her presence. He glanced over his shoulder, spotting her instantly. Her gaze met his, and her face lit up, spreading his lips with a smile.

She stopped next to him, resting a hand on his shoulder and glanced down at his plate. Lifting her eyebrows, lips turning down at the corners, she tilted her head to the side. "Doesn't look bad." Her gaze sought his out again, and a soft smile spread across her lips. "I was going to grab a tray to take up to my cabin, I have some reports to look over, but I wanted to take a minute to debrief with you since we didn't get the chance earlier. Feel like coming up for a few when you're done?"

"Certainly." He dipped his head to her, heart stuttering in his chest as she squeezed his shoulder.

"Great." She stepped back, letting her fingers trail a way down his back as she let him go. "I'll see you in a bit, then."

He watched her as she made her way over to the serving counter, the line already having dissipated. When he turned back to the table, he found Tali watching him, the squint to her eyes telling him she was smiling. He returned her smile. Undoubtedly, she believed the rumors floating around about his and Shepard's involvement. He might say something, put an end to them, but he didn't feel as if it was really his place … and with what he felt for her, perhaps some part of him didn't want to disabuse the crew of the notion.

He finished his meal, doing his best not to appear too earnest. After taking his tray back to Gardner, he made his way to the elevator, keying in the top deck. Heart quickening, hands feeling restless at the thought of spending a few stolen moments alone with her again, he tucked his hands behind his back and shook his head at himself. The elevator opened, and before he'd stepped out, the door to her cabin slid open, bringing a foolish smile to his face.

Making his way inside, he glanced towards her desk, finding it empty. He headed down the stairs, spotting her sitting on the couch, her legs tucked beneath her as she read over a datapad. Her meal tray sat on the coffee table, her dinner only half gone. She glanced up, shock flashing over her face before shifting into a smile. She leaned forward, dropping the datapad on the table next to her tray.

"Hey, sorry, I didn't hear you come in." She waved her hand at the couch. "Have a seat."

"My apologies, the door opened for me, I thought you realized I had arrived." He dipped his head at the offer, moving to take a seat on the couch not far down from her.

"I told EDI to let you in when you got here." She turned sideways on the couch to face him and shrugged. "I just didn't hear the door, and you move so quietly."

He chuckled, relaxing back against the couch cushion. "I'll try to make more noise next time."

Grinning, she propped her elbow up on the back of the couch and threaded her fingers through her hair, resting her head on her palm. "I'm not sure I believe that's even possible for you."

"It does take effort," he said, returning her smile.

She hummed, the smile drifting away, and he could almost see her thoughts shifting. "I should probably apologize to you for snapping at Kolyat today. I thought maybe if I gave him someone else to hate for a minute, it might make it a little easier for you to get your foot in the door, you know?" She sucked on her teeth. "And … his attitude was grating on my nerves, so, sorry."

He let out a soft, humorous huff, understanding completely. "Indeed. It seems your ploy worked, however. He remains less than fond of you, but we spent some time talking. I think it was good." Simply being in her presence eased him, soothed the storm brewing in the back of his mind.

"Yeah?" Lifting an eyebrow, a soft smile teased the corners of her lips. "Do you think things are going to be okay between the two of you?"

Turning an empty palm out, he said, "I think we have made a good start."

"Good, I'm happy to hear that." Smile widening, she did sound and appear genuinely pleased for him, something that still marveled him. "So, you'll keep in touch?"

"Indeed. He intends to call me tomorrow. I—we … he's agreed to stay on the Citadel so that when I have finished helping you with the collectors, I might spend what time I have left with him." He lowered his gaze to the space between them, debating briefly on whether he should tell her of his visit to the doctors, but he swiftly realized there was no question. Of course, he would tell her, they'd both already shared so much with one another. "He was rather displeased with me when he learned I'm not on the transplant lists. He didn't understand how I could choose to allow myself to die instead of fighting to prolong the inevitable. I … I agreed to allow Dr. Chakwas and Mordin to examine me, to see if I may be placed on the lists. Kolyat required it of me if I am to have a relationship with him."

He expected her to say something, but silence lingered in the air. Lifting his gaze to her again, he found her staring off at nothing. The look in her eyes carried the familiar, haunted cast he'd seen from her in her darker moments. It pained him to see, but he knew what would bring her back from the edge of that chasm.

Tilting his head to the side, he reached out to her, setting his hand on her knee. "Jane?"

She blinked, turning her attention back to him and smiled, but the phantasm that tortured her didn't retreat entirely. "Sorry, it's been a long day. My mind wandered. You were saying something about an examination?"

He left his hand on her knee a moment, watching as the darkness slowly receded a little further, and offered her a sympathetic smile. "That's quite alright." He pulled his hand away again, letting it rest on the cushion between them. "Yes, I allowed Mordin and Dr. Chakwas to examine me, so my name might be placed on the transplant lists, for Kolyat's sake."

She pursed her lips. "But not for your own," she said, but it was not a question. She wrapped her arms around herself, a gesture he'd seen her do before while feeling disquieted, and it only made him want to open his arms to her. "You said before the Kepral's advanced too far for transplants to do you any good."

"I believed it had." He lifted his hand from the couch to gesture at nothing in particular before letting it drop again. "Mordin, however, seems to believe it is worth pushing things through for me, so perhaps I'm mistaken."

Hope flashed in her eyes, bright and burning, so startlingly beautiful before she blinked it away. "So, if you get these transplants … then what?"

He didn't want to answer the question, knowing the truth of the matter wouldn't be what she wished to hear. "Then … I'll likely live at most a few years longer, but eventually, the disease will take its toll, and I will go to the sea."

She blinked, but tears still welled in her eyes. She turned her gaze away, running a knuckle under her eyes, and sniffed. "A few more years with Kolyat is a really good thing. I hope it works out for you."

He brought his hand back to her knee. "I've upset you."

She turned her attention back to him, offering him a sad smile, the flow of tears already stopped. "No, no. I'm fine." Her gaze dropped to his hand on her knee, and she covered it with one of her own, giving his fingers a gentle squeeze.

He turned his hand beneath hers, letting her palm settle against his and brushed his thumb across the back of her hand, offering her the anchor he thought she needed … and perhaps he needed as well. "Siha?"

She smiled at his use of the term and met his gaze again, the darkness nothing but an echo in her eyes. "Yeah?"

"I … I'm sorry if the thought of my death causes you pain." He wanted to reach out and pull her into his arms, hold her and comfort her as he had the night she came to him in tears, but he contented himself to hold her hand a moment longer before pulling it back to his lap. "I'm not used to having anyone care about me, there being anyone who might mourn my passing. You said you've come to care for me." He swallowed, the words sounding false in their simplicity in his mind, but he said them nevertheless, "I have come to care for you, too. I don't wish to be the cause of your grief."

I only want to bring you joy.

She watched him for a moment, lips parted as if words sat there just on the tip of her tongue. Then, she licked her lips and smiled. "That's what happens when you let people into your life, Thane. I've lost a lot of people I cared about over the years, but it doesn't stop me from opening my heart up to new people. Yeah … it also means opening myself up to the possibility of more grief, but it's worth it to me."

He felt ashamed. He'd spent years doing the exact thing she said she refused to do herself, closing himself off from others.

Even now, I fight to keep her out.

"Whatever time I get to spend with those I care about, no matter how short … it's worth it to me. Especially now, after everything I've been through." She shrugged, rubbing her arms. "I shouldn't even be here; I shouldn't be able to spend any time with anyone, anymore."

He took in a deep breath, relieved it didn't bring an ache to his chest as it had after his examination. "I fear you are far braver than I have been."

"I'm Commander Shepard. No one's as brave as I am." She smirked, reaching across to lightly tap his shoulder with her knuckles. "But you're being brave now."

Not brave enough, perhaps.

He chuckled, the playful gesture pleasing him. "You are too kind."

She gave him an odd look and then scrunched up her nose the way he'd seen her do once before as they talked about the pets she kept in her cabin. "I'm really not." Her features relaxed, shifting back into that soft smile she seemed to reserve for him alone. "I'm serious, though. It was really brave of you to put yourself out there to stop Kolyat from making such a huge mistake today. Brave to try to fix things with him after so much time. And … all things considered, I think it was brave of you to come to me to ask for help."

"Ah. Thank you, siha." He let his gaze trail over her face, taking in the sparkle of her eyes, the soft curve of her cheeks, the angles of her frill-less jaw. "I am more grateful to you than I have the words to express."

Her smile widened into something mischievous, and her eyebrows twitched up. "You could try."

He laughed, rubbing his palm over his leg before turning on the couch to face her more completely. "Jane … you have not only given me a cause, a way to redeem myself before—a way to leave the galaxy a brighter place, but you have helped me to see the error of my ways and given me back my son. I told you before that I was prepared to die on Illium. I didn't feel like I had anything left to live for. But now … I feel as if I owe you everything. Anything you would ask of me, if it is within my power to provide for you, name it and it is yours."

"Hmmm. I kind of like the idea of having the galaxy's greatest assassin willing to do whatever I ask." She chuckled, her gaze drifting away from him, a light blush spreading across her cheeks. "But you don't owe me anything." She met his gaze again. "If it helps, consider us even. Afterall, I did rope you into what's being called a suicide mission. And, you were willing to listen to me about the reapers, hell you even passed the intel along to someone who might actually be able to do something to help the galaxy get ready. You definitely earned a detour to the Citadel."

Something wrapped a fist around his heart, tugging it down into the pit of his stomach. "I don't—I don't want us to be even. Please, siha, allow me this." He needed her to understand how truly important her actions were to him, how much … how much she had saved him. Despite himself.

She watched him for a moment, lips parted, eyes wide before she licked her lips and gave him a slight nod. "Alright."

Seeing her tongue dart out again made him crave to know what it would feel like in his mouth. He glanced away from her, clearing his throat. "I should," he said and then cleared his throat again, "I should return to Life Support, I have much to think about."

"Sure, alright." She pushed herself up from the couch and stepped aside, clearing the way for him.

He rose to his feet, stepping out from between the couch and the table, stopping in front of her, hesitating as his gaze caught on her lips again. She smiled, something about the curve of her mouth calling to him, and he swallowed.

"I'm really glad you're talking to Kolyat again," she said, drawing his gaze back to hers.

She stepped forward, hands reaching for him, moving in that slow way of hers that she used with him in particular, allowing her body to announce her intentions to him, preventing any regrettable acts of reflex. Yet it still took him by surprise when she didn't just stop with her hands on his shoulders, but instead, she slid both arms over him in an embrace. His breath caught in his throat, feeling the warmth of her against him, face resting against his frills. He slid his arms around her ribs and waist, hands splaying out against her back and pulling her in closer. She stayed there, body pressed against his for several, long seconds, and he wished it'd never end. Then, she turned her head and kissed his cheek as she separated herself from his grasp. Stepping back only two steps, she met his gaze again and smiled.

Only Arashu knew what came over him, but he couldn't bear the thought of that distance growing. Lifting a hand to her face, he cupped her cheek and leaned in, lips barely grazing over hers before retreating once more. He blinked, afraid to meet her gaze, and dropped his hand. "I …."

She reached out, fingertips brushing over his jaw, flooding his frills with heat. Her eyes … her eyes were filled with so much desire—so much life—when he met her gaze again, it took his breath away. His heart pounded in his chest, hands trembling, mind hazy. She leaned closer, pushing up on her toes, and before he could make sense of what was happening, her lips found his. Tender, warm, and inviting, they closed over his lower lip before slipping away again. Fingers tangling in her hair, he urged her back to him, all sense of reason abandoning him completely. All he knew, all he understood in the moment, was he wanted her. Her mouth opened to him, and he took the invitation, tongue sliding past her lips to twine with hers. A moan slipped from her throat, arms wrapping around him, pulling him closer, body pressing against his with so much warmth and … and … and it was too much. Head spinning, images of Irikah slamming against the brittle walls of his consciousness, he tore himself away, stumbling back.

Pain, the biting sting of rejection, flashed through her eyes as she backed away from him, unshed tears turning her eyes to glass. He brought a shaking hand to his mouth, lowering his gaze, the look in her eyes carving a deep fissure in his heart. Taking another step back, his heel hit the couch, and he threw his hand out to stabilize himself.

"I'm … I'm sorry. I don't know—I shouldn't have …. My apologies." He turned on weak legs, all but running for the stairs.