Hope

Thane listened to her breathing, the steady rise and fall of her chest pushing against his side. She slept with her head in the crook of his arm, face pressed against his chest. Her hand rested on his sternum, and she'd thrown one of her legs over his as if even in her sleep, she feared he'd leave her again. The scents of their lovemaking lingered in the air, mingling with the floral smell of her hair splayed out over his arm and shoulder, filling his nostrils with each breath.

With the heat of the moment past, passion dwindled down to burning coals, the doubts and fears began creeping back in. He wouldn't—couldn't—back away from his feelings, from her, not again, but he worried it was something they'd both come to regret when the alpha shift started and they needed to leave the quiet solitude of her cabin once more. What did she plan she tell the rest of the crew? What would he say to Kolyat? Might their relationship jeopardize the mission? What would become of them once they completed the mission, assuming they survived? He'd told Kolyat he wanted to spend what time left to him with his son, but doing so necessitated leaving Shepard. The thought pained him, made his chest ache and his throat tighten.

He sucked in a shuddering breath, and she stirred in his arms. Rolling off of him and onto her other side, she tugged the covers along with her, leaving him bare. He smiled, fighting back a chuckle, and eased himself from the bed. Moving on silent feet, he made his way up the stairs and into the bathroom. After relieving himself, he turned on the shower, keeping the heat low to avoid the steam and stepped under the shower spray, turning his face up to the water and closing his eyes.

After a moment, he glanced over the bottles lining the shelf in her shower, at a loss as to what most of them were used for. Finally, his gaze snagged on one which read 'body wash', and he picked it up. Opening the bottle, it pleased him to find the soap gave off only a light scent, nothing too fragrant or floral. He used it to clean himself before spending another minute just standing under the water, letting it run down over his neck and shoulders as he watched it spiral down the drain. He shut off the shower and grabbed a towel hanging over the rack, wrapping it around himself before stepping out onto the mat.

As he dried off, he heard her call out to him, the fear in her voice turning his blood to ice. He reached out, opening the door. "I'm here, siha."

A moment later she appeared at the top of the stairs, the light from the aquarium and bathroom catching in her eyes, letting him see the panic there. Her gaze found him, and the fear started to subside. "Hey." She smiled, and then yawned. "You're still here."

"I am." He resumed drying himself off, returning her smile. "I hope you don't mind, I used your shower."

Her gaze roamed over him, slow and appraising, another soft smile tugging at her lips. "Not at all. Having trouble sleeping?"

He turned, taking his time hanging the towel on the rack, still feeling her gaze on him. "I suppose I am."

"Thinking about running again?" She moved into the doorway, leaning against the frame, meeting his gaze in the reflection of the mirror.

Turning back around, he closed the distance between them and rested his hands on her bare hips, tugging her to him. He kissed her, soft and chaste before saying. "I still have my concerns, but I have no intention of running, Jane."

She held his gaze for a moment before nodding and wrapping her arms around his neck. "Good." Pressing her lips back against his, she lingered there a moment, his lower lip trapped between hers. When she pulled away again, she smiled and ran her hands over his shoulder and down his chest. "You done in here? I need to use the restroom."

"By all means." He reached up, brushing his thumb over her cheek and kissing her again before leaving the bathroom. Giving his eyes a moment to adjust, he made his way down the stairs and gathered his clothing from the floor. He was pulling on his pants when he heard the bathroom door slide open again.

"Leave the shirt off?" she asked.

He glanced at her, finding her standing at the top of the stairs. "As you wish."

He folded the shirt over his arm instead, watching her as she moved down the stairs, the soft light of the aquarium against her bare skin giving her an ethereal glow. It stirred something inside of him, watching the gentle sway of her hips and breasts as she moved, making him want her again. She stopped, squatting down to gather up her own clothes before standing back up. Moving closer to her, he dropped his shirt on the foot of the bed and reached out, running his fingers over her waist. She glanced at him over her shoulder, and he tugged her clothes free from her hand, tossing them aside next to his shirt.

A slow smile lifted the corner of her mouth, and he pushed her hair aside, skimming his lips over the back of her neck. She leaned against him, giving him an approving hum as she rolled her head to the side, exposing more of her neck to him. He wrapped his arms around her waist, hands flattening against her stomach, pulling her flush against him. Running his tongue over her skin, he stopped to kiss just below her ear, nuzzling against her before shifting lower to nip at her delicate skin. She sucked in a breath, holding it for a second before letting it out in a soft moan.

Arching her back, she pressed her backside against him, the gesture feeling as much like an offer as a request. He cupped her breast, trapping her nipple between his fingers and nipped at her neck again. Breath stuttering, she lifted a hand to wrap around the back of his head, fingers weaving between the ridges of his crest. He rolled his hips a little, feeling himself starting to grow against her backside.

She turned in his arms, sliding her hands around his neck and pulled him to her, tongue reaching out to meet his before their mouths even made contact. Her fingers slid over his frills, her kiss every bit as hungry as before, the strength of her desire stealing his breath. Kneading at her hips and backside, he pulled her flush against him once more, his own urgency rising up to meet hers. He turned, guiding her back to the bed, wishing he didn't bother to put his pants back on.

She sat on the edge of the bed, pulling him closer to stand between her thighs, tongue trailing over his abdomen as she tugged at his pants, pushing them down. Her hand wrapped around him, and she took him into her mouth, a completely unexpected but entirely pleasant surprise. He moaned, the wet heat and suction making his throat constrict and his mouth dry out. He cradled the back of her head in his palm and looked down at her, watching as her lips slid up and down his length.

After a few more passes, tongue swirling around him, she released him. Voice low, hungry and seductive, she said, "Lay down." She pushed herself back on the bed, clearing the space for him and held out her hand.

He wrapped his fingers around hers, letting her guide him down to the mattress before reaching for her. Moving to her hands and knees next to him, she kissed him before lifting one of her legs over him to settle back onto the bed next to his hip. He cupped her breast, the other hand sliding down along her side to grip her backside before reaching behind her to take himself in hand. Using the tip of his erection to spread her open, he slid along her slick folds until he found her opening, and she pressed down, easing herself around him. Once she sat flush with him, he gripped her waist with both hands, lifting his hips as he pulled down on her, burying himself even deeper. She let out a soft whimper, muscles tightening around him as she started to rock back and forth.

She whispered his name against his lips, sliding her arms beneath his to wrap her fingers back around his shoulders, resting her weight against him. He held her close, one hand splayed out over her back, the other resting on her head, stroking her hair as she tucked her face in against his neck, nuzzling and kissing his frills. She rolled her hips, rocking herself up and down on top of him; movements slow, drawn out as if savoring the feel of him. All the same passion and desire which made her frenetic and demanding earlier was still there; he felt it in her tense muscles, the strength of her grip on him, but her movements remained deliberate, controlled, fueled by something else.

He closed his eyes, and he thought he felt her soul reaching out, searching for his. So, he fought against his instincts, dropping his barriers and opened himself to her. He gasped, feeling her soul wrap around his, washing away years of pain like the warm waterfalls on Kahje. He surrendered. Surrendered to her and to the love he felt for her, again and again, every time some stubborn part of him insisted on trying to erect a wall between his heart and hers. The emotions sweeping through him were so strong, tears sprang up in his eyes, and they weren't so easily blinked away.

She let out a soft, contented sounding sigh, pushing herself up enough to kiss him, tender lips forming perfectly around his. He opened his mouth, tongue exploring hers in slow, gentle sweeps as he lifted his hips to meet her movements, soaking in the feel of her around him and on top of him. She pulled her hands free, shifting her weight to one side to bring her hand to his face, wetting her fingers in his tears as he traced the lines of his scale plates and the ridges of his cheek. She moved down over his frills, palm pressing against them as she cupped his face and neck. Mouth leaving his, her thumb took its place, brushing across his lower lip. She nuzzled back in against his neck, licking and nipping at his throat, pulling a moan from him, and she started to tighten around his length, hips moving a little faster, grinding against him a little harder.

Breathing shifting into soft pants, she moved her hands to the bed beside him, pushing herself up, sinking down on his length completely. He brought his hands to her breasts, lifting and kneading, tugging at her nipples. Lips parted, a moan vibrated deep in her chest. She bucked her hips, her body clenching at him before releasing again, over and over, pulling him closer to orgasm. She started to lose her rhythm, movements becoming more erratic, and he knew she danced on the precipice. Dropping forward again, her lips crushed down on his, tongue pushing into his mouth. He moved his hands back to her hips, grip tight as he lifted her, helping to steady her movements, pushing back up into her, guiding her over the edge.

Her breath caught in her throat, thighs locking tight around him, her insides spasming wildly. He took over for her, moving her on top of him, lifting himself into her until the waves stopped crashing through her, and she collapsed, breath ragged, on top of him. Holding her close, he rolled, sliding her beneath him and kissed her. He brought a hand to her face and felt tears against his scales. He didn't question them, he understood all too well. Brushing her tears away, he kissed her again, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, moving against him as he rocked into her, made love to her.

"Jane." Her name left his lips, unbidden as his flesh took over, driving him to move faster, deeper inside of her.

She clung to him, curling herself around him, her hips lifting up in an offering, allowing him to sink himself as deep inside of her as possible. Starved for air, he tore his lips away from hers. He pressed his forehead to her shoulder, sucking in ragged breaths. Her name slid from him again as he plunged into her one last time, the spring so tightly coiled inside of him snapping, muscles working to pump out every last drop.

Her hand stroked his head, fingers brushing between the ridges of his crest with gentle sweeps. She turned a little, pressing her lips to the side of his head and let out a happy sounding hum. He smiled, kissing her shoulder before lifting up enough to look at her, the light in the cabin just barely enough for him to see her features. She was truly beautiful. Stroking her thumb over the ridges of his cheek, she lifted her head from the pillows, bringing her mouth to his.

When she broke the kiss again, he pulled out of her, shifting to lie on the bed next to her, fingers brushing over her stomach. She rolled to her side, pressing her back against his chest, and he slid his arm all the way around her, pulling her even closer. He listened as her breathing started to level out, his own taking him a little bit longer. Her fingers brushed over his arm, and he kissed her shoulder, the moment feeling so perfect and peaceful, he knew he'd revisit the memory many times. Closing his eyes, he felt sleep tugging at him, and he settled his face in against the back of her head.

I love you, siha.

Morning came far too soon, forcing her out of his arms. Her hand brushed over his face, lips pressing against his briefly before disappearing again, and he opened his eyes, taking in the sparkle in her gaze. "Stay here," she said, voice soft, "get some more sleep."

Reaching out, he pushed hair behind her ear and ran his knuckles along her jaw, and she smiled, her whole face lighting up at his touch. "Are you sure? I can go with you if you wish."

She shook her head a little. "It's a thing for Samara, we're on Omega. I want to give Mordin and Garrus the chance to check in with people here if they need to, but if I go traipsing through Omega with too many people, Aria might feel threatened. I don't have time to stroke her ego."

He chuckled, leaning in for a kiss, letting his lips linger against hers for a moment. "As you wish."

She left him, the sound of the shower starting in the bathroom lulling him back to sleep. He stirred a few times, as quiet as she was, no longer used to hearing the sounds of someone moving around the room while he slept. Still, he slipped back into unconsciousness easy enough. He wasn't sure how long he'd slept when he awoke again, but he felt well rested. Perhaps better rested than he had in years. He rolled over, stretching his arms out over his head, a smile on his face.

"Good morning, Thane," EDI's voice filled the cabin. "You've missed breakfast being served in the mess hall. Would you like for me to ask Yeoman Chambers to bring something up for you? Shepard suggested you be allowed to make yourself at home in her cabin."

"Ah. Good morning, EDI." He let out a soft laugh, throwing back the covers and sitting up. "Thank you, but no, that won't be necessary."

Making his way to the bathroom, he relieved himself and then turned on the shower, needing to wash away the residue of their lovemaking before spending time with the rest of the crew. He stepped inside and closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of the slightly warm water sliding over his scales. He still struggled; still worried about how wise it was for the two of them to become involved in such a close fashion, but at the same time, he hadn't felt so hopeful and content, happy even, in years. He washed, hearing the sounds of her soft sighs in his ears once more. Waking up next to her, even if only long enough for her to slip away, felt like being at home again. Perhaps he should feel ashamed for experiencing such feelings about Shepard after never having stayed with Irikah in the home she built for him, but his night with Shepard left him feeling anything but ashamed.

Leaving the shower, he dried himself and went looking for his clothes again. Shepard left them folded on the coffee table for him. Odd for something so simple to bring a smile to his face, but it did. He dressed and then went to the bed, intent on making it for her before leaving her cabin, but as he glanced over the sheets, he realized they really needed to be changed after their night together.

"EDI?" he asked, glancing towards the AI's access node next to the door.

The blue hologram sprang to life. "Yes, Thane?"

"Do you know if Shepard keeps clean bedding in her cabin?" he asked.

"Yes, in the cabinet near the floor to your left."

"Thank you." He moved to the cabinet and retrieved fresh sheets, setting them on the nightstand before stripping the bed. Once the clean sheets were in place, the bed remade, he gathered up the dirty ones and took them to her laundry chute. "Did Shepard feed her fish this morning?"

"Yes, I reminded her." EDI sounded almost proud, and it made Thane chuckle.

He stopped to look around her cabin once more, taking in the model ships and her orderly desk before leaving. When he stepped off the elevator onto the third deck, he felt relieved no one lingered in the halls to see him. He felt like an unruly teen, sneaking into Life Support in the late hours of the morning wearing nothing but his sleeping clothes. He slipped inside and grinned as the door slid closed behind him, wondering if the giddy thrill he felt was normal for others in such a situation. He quickly dressed in something more presentable, taking a couple of minutes to collect himself before going in search of food, his stomach rumbling as if he needed the reminder he'd slept well past meal time.

The mess hall stood empty, no one around at all. He glanced toward the Med Bay and saw Dr. Chakwas through the window, sitting at her desk. As if feeling his gaze on her, she glanced up at him and smiled. Returning her smile, he dipped his head to her before making his way to the refrigeration unit. He settled on a couple of pieces of fresh fruit, likely procured while they were on the Citadel. He didn't want to eat too much, not with lunch in a couple of hours.

He sliced the fruit into a bowl and then sat down at one of the tables, but he wasn't alone for long. The door to Miranda's office slid open, and she stepped out, gaze fixed on a datapad in her hand. Thane watched her as she moved to the kitchen area and put a kettle of water on the range. She turned, her gaze finding him, and she blinked, surprise flitting over her face for a moment.

"Thane, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there." She glanced at the kettle and then back at him, lifting an eyebrow. "Would you care for a cup of tea?"

Ah ….

"Yes, please." He dipped his head, despite his unease, the idea of sharing tea with the Cerberus operative making his scales itch. Perhaps more so since it felt like a foundation of sorts for his relationship with Shepard. "My thanks."

She smiled, turning to the cabinet. A few minutes later, she brought two, steaming cups over, datapad tucked under her arm. She sat across from him, setting one of the cups down within his reach. She sipped her tea, watching him over the top of her cup before saying, "I'm told you spend a lot of time with Shepard. How is she?"

Thane blinked, pausing with the cup halfway to his mouth. He set it back on the table. "Perhaps this is something you should ask her."

Miranda let out a soft huff. "I've tried." She waved one of her hands before bringing it back to her cup. "She won't talk to me about what's going on with her, and I'm concerned. I'm responsible for her. I need to be certain she is stable for this mission. There are a lot of lives at stake."

"I—I'm not sure I feel comfortable discussing Shepard without her present." He propped his elbows on the table, clasping his hands in front of him. "I don't believe she'd approve of your asking me to, either."

She studied him for a moment, eyes narrowed, lips pinched. Finally, she sighed and took a drink of her tea. "I should've expected as much. She's Shepard, the woman blinks and has the loyalty of everyone around her, even me," she said, sighing and waving her hand again, "I suppose. The Illusive Man wouldn't have put so much into bringing her back, otherwise." She took another sip of her tea. "Just tell me … has she said or done anything you know of that I should be concerned about?"

"I'm sorry, Ms. Lawson," he said, spreading his hands before clasping them once more, "I don't feel as if this is appropriate. If you have concerns you wish to address with Shepard, I can let her know you wish to speak with her."

Miranda huffed. "What do you think we have EDI and Kelly for?" Datapad in one hand, the cup of tea in the other, she stood. "Enjoy your fruit. I'll leave you to it." She turned, dismissing him completely as she made her way back to her quarters.

He returned his attention to his meal, letting the silence settle back in around him, feeling decidedly less relaxed than he did a few moments before. Certainly, Shepard had her struggles, but she'd shown herself to be competent enough on the battlefield, hadn't she? What reason did Miranda have to think Shepard wouldn't be fit for the mission? Surely the operative just felt the need to be cautious, keep an eye on Cerberus' investment.

He finished his meal, carrying his plate and cup back over to the kitchen area to wash his dishes before returning to Life Support. He spent an hour in meditation, centering himself, before moving to the table and placing a call to Kolyat. It took so long to connect, he began to think his son refused to answer. Just as he decided to give up, the screen flashed and Kolyat appeared.

Thane smiled, the sight of his son filling his heart with joy. "Hello, Kolyat."

"Hello, Father." Kolyat dipped his head, features remaining neutral. "I'm glad you called. I suspect you will hear soon enough, so I would rather tell you myself. C-Sec found Joram Talid dead in his apartment not too long ago. I had nothing to do with his passing; I did not send him to the sea."

"Ah." Thane took a steadying breath. "That is unfortunate, but I am not surprised. The man who wanted Talid dead seemed quite … incorrigible. Shepard won't be pleased to hear as much, I suspect."

"Shepard, of course." Kolyat frowned, eyes taking on an icy cast. "I know there's something there, Father. I can see it written all over your face. You love her, don't you?"

"I—we …." He couldn't bring himself to lie to Kolyat. Before, it seemed easy to brush aside Kolyat's assertions; nothing yet passed between him and Shepard, but after spending the night with her, to deny what they shared would be a blatant lie … and it'd feel as if he dishonored her. He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "We are still learning one another, but … yes, there is something more between us." Thane shifted forward, resting his arm on the table. "Does this anger you?"

Kolyat remained quiet for a minute then let out a weary sigh, shaking his head. "No, Father. It doesn't anger me … just disappoints me."

It wasn't what Thane expected. He lifted a brow ridge and asked, "Disappoints you?"

Kolyat let out a harsh breath, shaking his head. "Forget it, it's not important."

"It is to me." Thane waved his free hand, the heavy weight settling in on his shoulders forcing him to lean a little closer to his omni-tool.

Kolyat sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, his voice sounding weak, defeated when he said, "Let's not talk about this now, please."

"As you wish." Thane lowered his gaze, feeling a little frustrated at how difficult he found carrying on a conversation with his own son. "I spoke with the Normandy's doctors yesterday after you left. Dr. Mordin Solus is having my name placed on the transplant lists."

"He is?" Kolyat sounded genuinely surprised, and when Thane met his gaze again, he saw hope in his son's eyes.

"Indeed," Thane said, dipping his head. He prayed it was a sign Kolyat might be forgiving him, truly making the attempt to mend bridges and move on with his father a part of his life.

Kolyat smiled. "I'm pleased to hear this."