Chapter 36:

She walked slowly through the graveyard, her ponytail scraped high on her head. She was freshly showered and had picked out her leather jacket and leather pants, she kept checking behind her, making sure she wasn't being followed. She knew where she had to go. Second crypt on the left. There was a wave of nerves washing over her as she wondered what he would say when she got there. She stopped, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. She wrenched open the crypt door and walked in with purpose. She walked straight up to Spike, who had been stood drinking his blood, and stopped in front of him. Her hands were on her hips as she stared at him, waiting for him to say something.

"Anything?" She finally asked impatiently.

"Not since the last hour you dropped by, Slayer"

"She's missing, Spike. Do you have any clue where she could be?"

"If I did, I'd be with her wouldn't I?" he shrugged and took another sip of his blood. He couldn't hide that he was anxious to find her as well, though. She had been fine with him the last time they spoke, it wasn't like her to disappear. Concern was reflected on both of their faces.

"I just don't get it. How could she be so horrible?" Buffy asked, slowly sitting herself on the left side of Spike's sofa. Saff's spot, he thought.

"Well, she has the whole sodding weight of the world on her shoulders, slayer" He said, defending her despite everything.

"Who doesn't? Drinking herself to death isn't going to change that" Buffy said, eyeing Spike's own collection of empty liquor bottles.

"Way I see it, she isn't looking to change it. More like burn out before it has a chance to involve her" Spike said, sitting himself down next to her on the sofa, an exasperated look on his face. He missed her. They both stared forward, towards the tv that wasn't on. They were in their own thoughts.

"You should have seen her, she screamed at everyone. There isn't one member of the group she didn't insult"

"She thinks you're all better off without her, Slayer. She thinks that the powers, in their infinite wisdom, are picking you all off one by one. Hurting her, testing her. Making sure she's the real, good-hearted deal" He said, gesturing with his hands as he spoke. Buffy listened, thinking about it. It did explain it, but she didn't get why she would think that.

"That's just… not true" She said quietly, with a frown that seemed to be fixed on her face.

"But she believes it" He said. He yawned, he had barely slept since she had been missing. He looked at Buffy, the only person that seemed to still believe in his girl, "I'll be out again as soon as the night falls, you know I will" as Buffy nodded and got up. She needed to go and make sure Dawn was safe. She turned to leave, her mind spinning. Why was everything so complicated?

Saffron looked around the ruin of her old high school. She had taken herself and a bottle of alcohol to where the library had used to be, knowing nobody would expect her to go there. Hopefully the Hellmouth will swallow me up, she thought. She knew she had ruined everything, deciding it was better for everyone this way. She wasn't ruining everyone's chances at life, because if she wasn't with them, the powers couldn't take them away.

So why did she feel so horrible?

She wished she could be in Spike's arms, it had been the only time she felt safe. But she couldn't go back to him. She had disappointed him too, his eyes were always sad when he saw her now; the way William had looked at Cecily. She drank some more to get rid of that thought. But no matter how much she drank, she couldn't get the situation out of her mind. No matter how much she drank though, he was a constant in her mind. She loved him more than anything and couldn't forget the way he felt when he saw her after she let the vampire have her. Every so often, someone's emotions or face when she said those horrible things would flash in front of her eyes. She had told herself it was the right thing, to spare them from the poison. But all it was doing was causing more pain.

"Saffron" a distant voice called to her. She kept silent, unsure who it was. Surely nobody would be looking for her after everything. The voice called for her again and she tried to focus on blocking it out, "You can't get rid of me, Saff" the voice stated, the voice lacking its usual sing-song quality. Saffron screwed her eyes closed and sat still, hoping it would pass. When she opened her eyes again, she was no longer in her old high school.

Saff was sat in the corner of her childhood home, the familiar yellow sofa and the crackle of the static on the tiny tv in the corner. The ugly patterned carpet she had always hated, complete with the scorch marks where she had 'accidentally' set it alight one Sunday morning. A sob caught in her throat, it felt so real.

"Let me show you how important you are, sweetheart" a voice chimed from behind her, Saffron didn't dare look behind her. Instead, she spoke clearly, pretending she wasn't bothered.

"What are you? The ghost of Christmas bloody past?" She asked, nobody replied so she carried on, "God, there's a high staff turnaround up there, can't you pick a spirit guide and stick to them?" she asked as the figure moved into her line of sight, she gasped at the sight. Could it really be?

"Sweet girl, is that the first thing you wish to say to me?"

"Is it-is it really you?"

"As real as I can be in this realm"

"Mum" she whispered. She hadn't seen her in so long, her beautiful brunette hair hung to her waist and no matter how much Saff tried, she could never make hers look as good. Her piercing emerald eyes, like polished gems. She wore a long, white dress. Something she would have never worn when she was alive. "No. You're not real. Leave me alone" She screwed her eyes up again, not allowing the moment of hope to continue. She stayed like that for a while, silence had fallen and all she could hear was her own heart beating. She slowly opened her eyes again, looking around the sunlit front room that she remembered so vividly from growing up. It even smelt the same, like sandalwood and incense. She took another gulp of her drink, wondering how to get back to high school. Something she never thought she'd say. Ever.

"You always were a stubborn one, baby" Her mother's voice came to her again, as she sat on the chair opposite her, "This isn't what I wanted for you" she said gesturing at the bottle in her hand.

"Is this the best you can do? Send a spirit with a mask of my mother's flesh to put the fear of the powers in me?" She threw the bottle at the spirit, not waiting for a reply, trying to get her to leave. As the glass smashed, the scene around them cracked and tumbled to the ground. She was back in the wreck of Sunnydale high. The spirit had evaporated before the glass touched her and her mother appeared next to her.

"It's me, sweet girl" Ali confirmed, and Saffron looked up at her. She wanted it to be real. The familiar scent of her mother's perfume filled her nose and she did everything in her power to stop herself from crying, "I need to show you what will happen" Ali continued.

"Are you disappointed?" Saff asked quietly, hiding her face in her hands.

"Your path is not yet decided, I need to show you" Her mother continued, taking her hands from her face and holding them softly. Saffron was surprised, she could feel her hands.

They were whisked into a tornado-like portal, the whole scene completely changing around them as her mother started to show her what could be if she carried on down the path she was on. Quick flashes of scenes, hard for anyone to watch. But worse for Saffron. She felt responsible, she felt the pain and emotion from each scene.

Dawn was dead and Glory had won, "With you gone, Buffy wasn't ready. She was distracted, always looking for you that she forgot to keep an eye on the key. Glory took her, opening the portal to the dimension, it was Willow that managed to stop it, but not before it was too late. For Dawn" Her mother added. Buffy sat on her own, nobody around her as she tried to get the strength to leave the house. She was so alone in everything. The weight of the world crushing her.

There was a sad Willow sat by herself, her hair had been dyed black and her eyes were like saucers, "Where's Tara?" Her mother just shook her head sadly, "After you left, tensions rose. Willow and Tara broke up and she wasn't needed in Sunnydale anymore"

The worst scene was where Buffy had gone when she managed to leave the house. Sunnydale was a wreck, a shell of what it once was. The streets were littered and the houses were abandoned. Buffy slammed the crypt door, moving straight to Spike. She plunged a wooden stake straight into his chest. Saff whimpered, in the same way that Buffy did as she knelt in front of the ash that was once Spike. Killing him hadn't made her feel any better, in fact it made her feel worse – Saff could feel it. Spike had been her only link to Saff since she left and it felt strangely intimate before she had staked him, "You're right about him, you know" Her mother said as she stared at the floor. Saff looked up, "I know" she confirmed.

She showed her a street. Not one Saffron recognised, but the sea of bodies littering the ground choked her up. Innocent people were dead, "None of them were ready for the corrupted. He won as there was no contest, Buffy was an emotional wreck and it only helped the Corrupted manipulate her. He split the world, his side reigned. Everywhere turned into a Hellmouth"

"Giles left for England, unable to think of any of you, his life in Sunnydale. He took guest lectures at the council until the corrupted came. He knew that he would be a target, after owning the remaining prophecies. He didn't stand a chance" Her mother continued, as Saff let out a sob. No matter if she lived or died people were still suffering.

Xander and Anya were sat together, cradling a baby. Saffron could see wedding bands on their fingers. They had gone underground, hiding from the corrupted. Xander said he was leaving to go to the shops, but never returned. Anya was left, with their child, and had gone back to her vengeance demon ways to protect them from being killed at the hands of the corrupted. Everyone felt trapped.

They spun back out of the scenes as quickly as they had entered, Saffron felt as If she would be sick.

"You want me to believe that all of this is because of me? How do I know some of this won't happen anyway?" She turned to her mother, unconvinced that she could make that much impact.

"You don't. But you have to fight for the world you want to live in. Things will always be hard, honey, they always are, but you can't leave them like this" Saff nodded at her words, they lit up her insides, the courage to continue flowing through her. Her mum took her palm in her own, she studied it closely, before nodding and smiling. "It's your heart, it's theirs as much as it is yours" She faded away slowly, and Saff looked down at her hand to see what she could possibly be looking at. It all made sense. She knew what she needed to do. A newfound will to survive coursed through her as she got to her feet and rushed back to her life, hoping she could salvage the broken pieces.

xoxoxo

Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara were sat around the kitchen table in Xander's apartment. The four of them had been having meetings like this more often since Saff had been drinking. Buffy was always too busy trying in vain to protect Dawn from Glory, and she had been out night and day looking for Saff. What she had said had hurt them. Deeply. But none of them could help the worry in the back of their minds as they thought of her being drunk and walking around Sunnydale, demon capital of the world. Didn't mean they went out looking though. None of them wanted to mention her, they had barely spoken since the girls had arrived. Except Anya. She had told them everything she was thinking. Xander started to make hot drinks for everyone and they were in silence apart from Anya telling them that at least with Saffron gone, there's more money in the till for her to look at. She hadn't arrived for any of her shifts in the last three weeks and no one had been surprised. Xander started pouring hot water into mugs as there was a sharp knock at the door. He looked over to the girls, wondering who it could be. Dawn was with Giles, Buffy and Spike had split up to cover more ground and look for Saffron. Xander grabbed the baseball bat he left next to the counter and opened the door a fraction. His eyes widened when he saw who it was, she looked rough.

Her eyes were bloodshot, any makeup she had been wearing had either been cried off or smeared. Her hair was down, she didn't remember when that had happened, and it looked matted and unkempt. She had lost one of her silver hoop earrings and she only had a few rings left on her left hand. She seemed to be dirty, as if she had been lying in mud for the past few days. Her exposed skin was marked and thick with dirt and she was visibly cold. She was wearing a t-shirt that had been ripped up, as if she had been caught in a hedge or barbed wire or something. He looked her over again, appalled at the girl that stood before him. She noticed she was only wearing once shoe and he frowned and closed the door behind him, standing with her in the hall. He didn't want the others to see her like this.

"I'm really sorry" Saff croaked, clearing her throat after she spoke. It was as if she had been screaming, her voice was cracked and hoarse. She couldn't look him in the eye.

"Sometimes sorry doesn't cover it" Xander replied, waiting for her to say more. Explain herself.

"Who is it?" Willow called from behind the door, as it started to creak open. Anya was on the other side, poking her head around the door. She opened it wide when she saw who it was, letting Saffron see that Willow and Tara were sat at Xander's kitchen table. The girls didn't look back at her for long.

"You look homeless" Anya stated bluntly. Saffron looked down at herself, noticing that the green sock she had been wearing was now brown. She looked back up at Anya, clearly embarrassed. Usually she would have made a joke or just glared, but she looked genuinely ashamed of herself.

"I know what it looks like, but I'm not-"

"You hurt everyone and made us all sad inside. You made us all feel your pain and everyone was already hurting because of Joyce" Anya said.

"And I shouldn't have done. I know it looks like I've been on a serious bender, but I had this vision-"

"A vision?" Xander asked, crossing his arms over his chest. He was thinking the worst. His eyes stared into her, unwavering. She could feel he was mad at her. He had the right. She was getting desperate now, she needed them to trust her.

"Please, I'm not going to touch the drink again, I promise" She said, her voice cracking as she sounded as desperate as she felt. She was begging and they were embarrassed of her. Xander decided she needed to go.

"Why don't we believe you?" He said, wrapping his arm around Anya and leading her inside, closing the door without looking back.

Saffron, although not surprised, was upset at the reception she had received from the Scoobies. She had never seen that look in Xander's eyes and she never wanted to see it again. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to keep herself warm but it was impossible in the cold of the night. Goose pimples were evident on her exposed skin. She decided to cut through the graveyard, it wasn't one she walked through often but she knew it would get her back to Revello Drive quicker. The gravestones were tightly packed in rows that didn't seem to have a cohesive order and Saffron weaved between the stones to get to the gate on the other side of the densely packed field. She heard a cough from several paces in front of her and her head whipped up from her feet, where she had been carefully watching her step. She had given up on hopping her way through the streets and carried on walking. She could barely make out the figure in front of her but as she smelt smoke and a familiar scent she still hadn't managed to put her finger on, she smiled to herself and quickened her pace. She walked from behind Spike, smiled at him and started to kiss him. She had missed him and she wanted to show him as she trailed some kisses along his chiselled jaw.

"Love, not like this. Not when you're-" Spike started, halting her in her tracks. He held her by the shoulders to stop her from planting another kiss on him. She looked like she hadn't slept or washed in a while, and while he loved her, he knew this meant she had probably been drinking too.

"Completely sober babe" She smiled. He held her in place, searching her face to see if she was being honest. He decided to trust her, but he still kept her at arm's length. They needed to talk. She sighed, wanting more than anything to be held in Spike's strong arms instead of being set in place, asked to explain herself. She had barely been sober 8 hours and she was already reconsidering her newfound quest for redemption. She hated being vulnerable, but she knew she owed it to everyone. Spike especially. She hadn't chewed him out as she had with the others, but she had been far from present. She'd go so far as to label herself winner of the worst girlfriend award '01.

She quickly explained to Spike about the vision and how it had changed everything. She was more determined now than she ever had been to focus on the prophecies. The ones that had survived the fire, anyway. She needed to focus on looking after Dawn. She had vowed to herself to quit drinking, cold turkey. "So what? It's all better now? One vision and it's happily ever after you're welcomed with open arms?" Spike asked, unconvinced by her miraculous change in attitude. It was exactly what he had wanted to hear, which is what made him waver, unable to make himself believe her despite the look in her eye.

"No. They won't even look at me, they think I'm lying" Saffron said, in a tone that made him search her face. She didn't seem defeated in the slightest. He scrutinised her closely, moving her towards him, their faces agonisingly close for both parties. They both couldn't remember a time in recent history where they had been this close and not able to pull each other into a passionate embrace. His crystal blue eyes ran over her face, stopping when he met her own. He seemed more curious than unconvinced and Saffron could feel that he desperately wanted what she was saying to be true. She knew it didn't seem plausible, but she meant it.

"Pulled a pretty shitty trick back there on them all. I'm almost impressed at the level of destruction you caused, I couldn't even dream of it love" He couldn't stop staring into her grey eyes, that sparkle of determination, it was back. He had missed it.

"You were always right, Spike. I'm a Honeysuckle, filled with poison. I obliterate everything I touch" She explained, biting back more tears that wanted to flow desperately. She had accepted what she felt, whilst choosing to fight. Fight to live. Fight to survive. Fight for her friends, for Spike. Fight to protect Dawn and to help save the world (again).

"Love, that's never what I meant by it. You don't need to be explaining yourself to me" He looked at his feet, sad that he had played a part in the way that Saffron had felt about herself that had been triggered by her experiencing another loss.

"Thank you, Spike. For everything. You never left" She tried to send him how lucky she felt because of it. She had been accepting every emotion she felt, her own or otherwise since she had been back.

"Wouldn't leave you for anything, pet" He stroked her cheek, but couldn't help adding, "You did, though. Me and big cuz were worried sick"

"I needed to see" She nodded solemnly to herself. Spike's eyes widened, that vision had really put her through it. She moved her arms, which had still been in his vice-like grip. A grip which showed her what she already felt for him, his desperation for this to be true. For her to be back to how she was. He loosened the grip when he noticed and she moved to run her hands up his chest, slowly moving across his clavicle and resting on either side of his face. She looked up at him, her face determined as she stared into the eyes she had been lost in since they had spent the evening together in Giles' bathroom. When she felt the pull, the feeling she was meant to be with him, although she didn't know what the feeling meant at the time. She closed her eyes, letting him feel everything she had experienced. All of her grief, her past, the prophecy. The way he had let her in before. It almost knocked Spike off his feet, but Saff's hands still placed, cupping his cheeks, grounded him. He knew from things she had said what had been going on, but feeling it was another matter. Saffron let the tears run down her face as she relived it all over again. She needed to feel it. She needed him to know her like this. Tears filled Spike's eyes as he felt it, barely keeping the water from spilling over and staining his cheeks, in a way that would have rivalled hers. He moved to wrap his arms around her and she collapsed into him, he continued to hold her close to him. He wished he could do more to take away her pain. He knew she was cut up inside, he didn't need her abilities to understand the emotions of the woman he loved.

"I love you, Saffron" He whispered, kissing the top of her head as she leaned into him.

"I love you too, William" she replied, without a second of hesitation. The most honest words she would ever speak, knowing that this moment would be one she would cherish forever. They both fully accepted each other, and their love was as strong as ever. She was letting all the emotions back in again, and now she was in physical contact with Spike again she felt his love lifting her up. She let the warm acceptance envelope her, as she made sure he could feel it from her too. She looked up from where she had been resting on his chest and moved to kiss him again. This time, he accepted her advances. Their kiss was soft and slow, full of feeling. Their lips moved in perfect sync with each other, as if they were meant to do this. It was as if they were kissing for the first time, discovering the other on a deeper level. Saffron moved to run her hands down Spike's back and he moved her so that she was pressed against one of the concrete mausoleums. Their lips barely left the other as they expressed their love. Spike's firm grip on her thigh encouraged her to wrap her leg, the one without the shoe, around his waist as she was further pressed into the side of the concrete. A fiery heat was igniting between them, the lost time becoming more and more apparent as Spike's mouth dominated hers. It had been too long.

What the pair hadn't noticed, was that they were being watched. Xander had come across them from the dimly lit street and was behind a bush watching the passionate exchange. It wasn't a sight he had enjoyed seeing before but the protective streak in him flared when he saw Spike press her against the wall of the mausoleum in the state that she was in. Xander had been on a walk to clear his head, an axe in his hand hoping there was something easy for him to take his frustration out after seeing Saffron. He had only come across them as they had started to kiss from his place in the trees. He was angry with Spike. He was upset with Saffron, but ultimately he knew she had a problem and all he could see was Spike taking advantage of that. He believed all Spike cared about was himself. He needed to warn him to leave her alone, especially now.

xoxoxo

When she finally arrived at Revello, she didn't know what to do. Should she knock? Use her key? She decided to let herself in, the first person she met was Willow. She could feel that she was hurt, and Saffron didn't need three guesses as to why. It was her doing. She tried to greet her warmly, but Willow didn't seem pleased to see her. She explained that Buffy and Giles had gone on some kind of soul-searching trip. A lot of that going around, she thought. But Willow didn't stick around, that was all that she said to Saffron before ignoring her and heading upstairs to her room. Saffron debated following her but knew that she would need some time. Tara had given her a small smile when she had seen her and whispered in her ear. Saffron nodded solemnly and watched Tara slowly follow the path Willow had taken up to their shared room. She caught sight of someone she really needed to talk to and ran over to the kitchen to see if she could convince her to hear her out.

Saffron was following Dawn through the house, begging her to stop long enough for her to listen. They had already done one and a half laps of the entire house. Both stories. They were in Dawn's room now and Saffron hadn't given up trying to talk to the littlest Summers.

"Dawn, please. I'm so sorry. I thought keeping my distance was the best way to keep you safe" She said, trying to explain the way she had been thinking. After seeing everything in context, she felt pretty stupid about the way she had justified her destructive behaviour towards the people she had been closest to. Dawn swung around at her words, calling bull in her own way.

"Liar! Your pants are totally on fire! You weren't thinking about anything except your bottle of alcohol! I've never seen someone being so overdramatic and I go to high school!" She shouted, guarding her emotions, although Saff knew that Dawn was beyond upset with her. She could feel it, it was as if she was drowning in the younger brunette's imaginary tears.

"Dawny, I know what happened with the drinking was bad. Way bad. But I'm completely sober now, and trying my best to stay that way. I know I was being a complete idiot, but I'm trying. There was this whole vision, very A Christmas carol, you would have loved it" She tried to appeal to her cousin, but her emotions were too strong. Dawn just folded her arms, unmoved by her cousin's little speech. She had heard it before.

"The things you said hurt me" She stated, not looking at her cousin, who she had once idolised.

"I'm sorry, Dawn light. I'm working on making it up to everyone. You're my number one priority" Saffron said, hoping Dawn knew she wasn't giving up. She used one of the pun nicknames she used to call her. Saffron had wanted to say more, but Xander ran into the house at that very moment. His shouts made Dawn push past Saff and descend the stairs in a hurry, with Saff close behind her. Everyone was gathered in the living room now as Xander started to speak.

"It's Spike, he's been taken by- what's she doing here?" Xander cut himself off as he saw Saff stood in the doorway.

"I, uh, do live here… and obviously, I'm on my quest for redemption. Won't be as brooding as Angel though, promise" Saff tried to be light-hearted.

"Spike's been taken by Glory's people" Xander continued as if Saff hadn't spoken, but she didn't mind for now. Not when she heard Spike had been taken, she was scared of what might happen to him, "I was telling him to back off, I saw him taking advantage of- well, I saw him with Saff" He muttered as Saffron's eyes went wide. He still cared. He had gone to warn Spike away from her, but it meant he still cared. She had a small glimmer of hope lighting up in her chest. At that moment Buffy ran in, Giles close behind, her mouth dropped when she saw Saffron standing in the middle of the room and stopped herself from running at her and hugging her. Xander got in too quickly anyway, explaining that Spike had been taken and he knew that Dawn was the key. This worried everyone and they quickly stocked up on weapons.

"We need to find them before Glory finds out Dawn's the key"

"He wouldn't say anything about Dawn" She stated, having complete faith in Spike.

"I find that increasingly unlikely, considering the way he blamed us for your sudden disappearance" Giles said coldly, a tone he had never directed towards Saffron before. She shivered at his words and ducked her head in shame. They didn't trust her, and although she knew they had good reason, it still hurt, "Stay here" Giles told her, taking the mace off her and putting it back in the chest of weapons. Saffron looked deflated at what he said but didn't bite her tongue as she had planned to.

"You can't bench me, G. It's Spike. I need to come" She insisted, her feelings for Spike outweighed her plan to make amends. She had to get to him. Now.

"Of course, that's all you have ever cared about. The bloody vampire" Giles said plainly.

"That's William the bloody to you" She snapped back and winced. She hadn't meant to say it out loud. She was trying to apologise, not widen the rift between them.

"Giles, she's coming" Buffy said and Saffron gave her cousin a tight smile to thank her, but Buffy didn't return it. "Just take a weapon and don't do anything stupid" Saffron shrugged, that was the best she could have hoped for. She grabbed a pair of Dawn's trainers and followed the rest of the gang to where Glory had Spike.

The battle had been hard, but they all got through it. Saffron had found Spike and tried her best to be involved in the fighting. She was a lot better than she had ever remembered, despite her downward spiral not leaving much time for practice. She watched as Giles and Xander took Spike back to his crypt. She wanted to follow them but knew better than to be alone with the two men that were least convinced by her new attitude to sobriety and honesty. She walked back with Buffy and the others, not saying much in case she felt their hurt again. A lot of what she had said cut her raw with emotion when she was reminded of the way they had all felt when she said it. Saffron knew she had a long way to go with everyone, but she was determined to prove that she meant what she was saying now.

Buffy slowly walked into the crypt. Even she winced at the state that Spike was in, but she had to know. She had to make sure that Dawn was safe.

"What did you say about the key?" She hissed, coming over to him.

"Nothing" He tried to shrug, but everything hurt. Buffy wasn't convinced. "It would destroy Saff, she's on eggshells as it is. I love her, slayer" He replied through his swollen lips.

"I know" Buffy nodded, acknowledging that he loved her. Spike nodded at her words glad she had finally accepted it.

Saff walked in but stopped short when she saw them both. Her eyes instantly landed on Spike. His face was swollen and cut. She had tortured him. Her eyes watered at the sight of him, she wished she could rush over to him and make it go away. He had done that for her and for her family. Buffy nodded at her somberly and left the crypt. Saffron rushed to Spike's side, asking if he was okay and if he needed anything. She stroked his cheek softly but stopped when he winced. She was in deep thought and looked back towards the door after where her cousin had just left. She seemed conflicted and Spike looked at her and smiled slightly.

"Go and have the whole touchy-feely talk with big cuz, I'll still be just as bumped and bruised when you get back" He croaked, adjusting the way he was sitting. She searched his face, making sure that he really could be left alone. She didn't want to leave his side again, but she needed to talk to her cousin.

"I'm coming straight back. I promise" She whispered, leaving a quick kiss on his lips, making sure to touch him lightly with them. She then ran through the exit her cousin had taken.

"I've heard that one before, pet!" He shouted after her, reminding her of how she had left and not returned very recently. She smiled, Glory hadn't broken his sense of humour. Only thing she hadn't hurt though, she thought angrily. She managed to catch up with Buffy easily, her cousin was sat by herself on one of the mausoleum rooves. Buffy had been crying and Saffron wasn't sure what to do, she barely ever saw her cousin crying. Here goes. She walked into Buffy's line of view and sat on a gravestone opposite the building she was sat on.

"Fancy meeting you here" Saff said, trying to break the silence. She sent a feeling of calmness to wash over Buffy, trying to help her through her sadness. Buffy stilled when she felt this and thanked her cousin. Buffy jumped from the building and stood nearer to Saffron.

"I feel like a broken record but, uh, I hope you know how sorry I am"

"Are you gonna prove it?"

"Huh?"

"Are you gonna prove you're really sorry? All I wanted, all any of us wanted, was for you to be okay. We could all see how much you were hurting, Saff. I wish you spoke to me instead of majorly overdoing the drink-a-thon"

"I wish I stopped myself. You all gave me so many chances and I just-"

"You messed up. But there isn't one of us that hasn't. I can't say anyone's convinced yet, it's been… four hours since you decided to be good again" Buffy reminded her, after checking her wrist as if she was looking at her watch.

"Four hours since my life-altering vision that shocked me sober, you mean? Gotta love a Hellmouth-induced come to Jesus moment"

"Just prove to us you're who we thought you were, Saff. Deep wounds heal slowly" Buffy added.

"I'm trying. The lying it ends now, I promise. You're gonna love the new me!" She posed as if her physical appearance had changed and managed to get a small smile from Buffy. She could tell that Buffy was still uncertain, but really wanted to believe her. Buffy was still hurt although the trust hadn't been totally broken, and Saffron was determined to gain it all back. She loved Buffy and she wanted the girl she had shared so much with back. Saffron had never seen herself as a liar, but after everything that she had kept from those she was closest to in the recent past, she had to accept that this was how everyone saw her. They parted ways and Saff turned back to the crypt.

When she entered, she saw that Spike had managed to move himself onto the sofa, but he didn't appear to be conscious. She panicked and ran to kneel beside where he was lying on the sofa. He wasn't dust, so that was a good sign.

"I knew you would never tell Glory" She whispered, stroking his hair softly and sighing at the state he had got himself into. He had so many cuts and bruises she didn't know where to start.

"I knew you'd come back to me" He croaked back, his eyes still closed, a hint of a smile on his swollen face.

"Hey, hush now, babe. We'll do the gushing when you're on the mend" She whispered, planting a soft kiss on his forehead that he seemed to melt into. He didn't know what he would do if he didn't have her here. She was glad that he took comfort in her being there, she could feel it from the slight contact. But, overwhelmingly, she could feel sharp shocks of pain that dug into her like a taser. She jerked when she felt it but made sure she didn't break contact with him. Her hand stroked his arm lovingly, hoping that it was soothing him. She was willing to go through this for him. She stayed knelt there for a long time, stroking him and offering him the comfort she could. She whispered how much she loved him and tried her best to let it flow through to him. Eventually, she explained she wasn't going anywhere, but she needed to get some supplies so she could start to patch him up. She opted for water and a towel, it was all she could find in close range. She couldn't leave him for long though, she was worried about the state he was in. She tried to wipe off all of the dry blood that was thickly caked on his skin. His clothes were in rags and she tried her best to remove most of them so she could reach the wounds. She couldn't stop herself then, the tears. Spike was concerned, he tried to ask her what was wrong, but she just shook her head and picked up the towel she had been using to clean him up.

"This is where I'm supposed to be, Spike"