Side Effects

Thane sat in meditation in Life Support. The breathing treatments the Normandy's doctors prescribed left him feeling light-headed and jittery. In turn, the mild disorientation created unease and paranoia, making him uncertain of his surroundings and increasingly distrustful of the ship's crew. Particularly those bearing a Cerberus insignia. Dr. Chakwas assured him the feeling wouldn't last long.

He prayed she was right.

In the meantime, meditation proved useful in calming the turbulence of his mind and the racing of his heart. The idea of making the breathing treatments a part of his daily routine—perhaps indefinitely—was a daunting one. He would do it, nevertheless, he gave Kolyat his word.

Admittedly, it was overwhelming to think he might actually be approved for organ transplants. Pain and suffering aside—he would endure, he always endured—he simply didn't know how to approach the concept of his life extending beyond a few more months. He'd prepared for death, made his final plans. What would he do with himself? After receiving transplants, would he be able to continue to work? Even if his health permitted, continuing on with such a dangerous life would be irresponsible, wouldn't it? Putting his life at risk after receiving such a gift—a gift that might've saved the life of another—seemed ungrateful and disrespectful, dishonoring the life of the one who provided for him. Unless, perhaps, if he found a way to use his skills to save innocent lives the way he did while working with Shepard.

Ah, but that would be unfair to Kolyat.

Kolyat. His son. Sweet Arashu, he had a future to look forward to with his son, even if only a brief one. He had much to learn about his son and being a father to a grown man; perhaps he might succeed with an adult where he'd failed with a child. It was foolish to consider any of it just yet. He didn't know when an approval might come in for a transplant, and by the time his name reached the top of the list … he'd likely already have gone to the sea.

The door to Life Support slid open, and he turned to look, a smile spreading across his lips when Shepard stepped inside. Pushing himself to his feet, he smoothed down his jacket and held a hand out to her. "Hello, siha."

"Hi," she said, eyes lighting up as she stepped further into the room, letting the door slide closed behind her. Crossing the floor, she slipped her hand into his, smiling as she leaned in and turned her face up to him.

He kissed her, savoring the soft feel of her lips against his and pulled her in closer. Humming, she smiled and brought a hand to his frills, tongue cool to the touch as she traced his lower lip in invitation. He opened to her, finding hints of something sweet lingering on her tongue as he brushed over it, taking her into his mouth. The woman evoked so many conflicting emotions, fear and love, doubt and hope washed over him. Consumed him.

She pulled back, meeting his gaze, hand still caressing his frills. "I was a little afraid you wouldn't still be here when I got back," she said, voice soft as she gave him a sheepish smile.

"I'm not going anywhere, Jane." He brought his hand up to her face, cupping her cheek.

Hand drifting down to settle on his chest, she asked, "So, no regrets?"

"Only that I hurt you and gave you reason to fear I would turn away from you again." Leaning in, he rested his forehead against hers. "I intend to do my best to make it up to you."

She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Well, in that case … I was thinking it'd be really nice for us to do something together … off the ship."

"Indeed." Lifting his head, he held her gaze. "Do you have something in mind?"

She shrugged. "I know Omega isn't exactly ideal, but we're here, and I think there has to be at least one semi-decent restaurant in the Tuhi District."

Chuckling, he brushed his thumb over her cheek. "Omega is a dangerous place."

She grinned, eyes sparkling with mischief. "We're dangerous people."

"That we are." He smiled and dipped his head. "However, if you don't mind, I'd like to wait a little longer. I'm still recovering from the side effects of the breathing treatment Dr. Chakwas administered."

"What side effects?" Brow creasing, she took a step back and glanced over him. "Are you okay?"

"I am." He tightened his grip on her, a silent request not to pull away from him completely. "One of the medications is a steroid, and it left me a little light-headed as well as increased my heart rate. I feel weakened, and I have a slight tremble, but Dr. Chakwas assured me it will pass soon."

"Oh. Well, we don't have to go out." She leaned back into him, giving him a quick kiss. "I'm happy just to be with you. We can have dinner in here or in the cabin if you'd rather."

"Not at all. I would very much like to take you wherever you wish to go." Using the hand still resting on her hip, he urged her to turn with him as he leaned against the edge of the table, pulling her in closer. "I just need a few minutes more."

"Take as long as you need." She tucked her head in under his jaw, pressing her face against his neck and clasping her hands behind his back. "I'm in no rush."

It warmed his heart, such an affectionate gesture, and one that somehow felt completely right. He felt loved and needed, something he hadn't experienced in a very long time. Rubbing his hand along her back, he hummed, tilting his head to rest his cheek against the top of her head, amazed at just how close they'd grown and over such little time. "I trust your mission went well?"

"Mmm." She shrugged. "Disturbing, but what mission we go on isn't these days? Samara got what she needed, though. She's fully committed to taking down the collectors now."

"This is good news." He stroked the back of her head, running her hair through his fingers. "It's unfortunate the mission disturbed you, however. Do you wish to talk about it?"

She hesitated only a moment before shaking her head a little and saying, "I don't really feel like it's my place. It was a personal thing for Samara."

"I see." Letting her hair slip through his fingers once more, he settled his hand on the back of her neck. "I won't ask you to break her confidence, but should you decide you do need to talk about it—or anything at all—you needn't worry about my saying anything to her or anyone else."

She pulled back to meet his gaze and smiled. "I know. Thank you."

Sliding his hand to her face, he brushed his thumb along her cheekbone. "I know Omega better than I care to admit; is there something, in particular, you'd like to eat?"

"Hmm." Her grip on him loosened and she shifted to lean against the table next to him, leaving one arm around his waist. "I don't know. Any recommendations?"

He considered it for a few seconds, running his hand along her shoulder. "There is a place called Afterthought. They serve a variety of levo dishes from asari and salarian cultures. I've enjoyed meals there before."

"Sounds perfect." She let out a soft hum and leaned into him. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better," he said, relieved to realize it was completely true. "I do believe we can go now."

Tilting her head back, she looked at him, eyebrows raised. "You sure? Really, if you're not feeling up to it, I don't mind staying in."

"Indeed." He pushed himself from the table, letting his hand trail down her back. "Shall we?"

Smiling, she straightened herself, looping her arm through his. "Yeah."

They left Life Support, and immediately, he became aware of various crewmen following them with their gazes. Whispers, soft and just beyond his range of hearing, pulled at him, making him apprehensive. As if feeling the weight of their judgment, too, Shepard tightened her grip on his arm, but she kept her head held high, meeting the gazes of each person to look their way as if daring them to say anything about her choice of companion. They turned their heads, cowed, burned by the fire in her eyes.

When they reached the elevator, she pushed the call button with her thumb, idly brushing the fingers of her other hand back and forth over the sleeve of his jacket. He wondered if the gesture was meant to be a soothing one, and if so, whether she intended to soothe him or herself. A moment later, the elevator doors opened, and they stepped inside. As the doors closed around them once more, she turned to him, pushing up on her toes to surprise him with a kiss. He smiled, cupping her jaw and trapping her lower lip between his for a moment. The elevator stopped, doors opening up on the CIC, and they broke away from one another, stepping out arm in arm.

Ms. Chambers glanced up, her gaze flicking between the two of them as a broad smile spread across her lips. She turned her attention back to her console, the smile still clear in her profile. "You have new messages at your console, Commander."

"Thanks, Kelly." Shepard nodded at the yeoman's back as she continued to walk by, leading Thane by the arm. "I'll check them later. We're headed out for a while."

"I'll notify Miranda she has the ship," Ms. Chambers said.

Heads turned away as Shepard and Thane met the gazes of those working around the CIC, soft whispers chasing them as they made their way to the airlock, just as they had on the third deck. Mr. Moreau turned his chair around to face them as they passed the cockpit, a sly smirk lifting the corner of his mouth, making the skin around his eyes crinkle. Reaching up, he grabbed his hat, tilting it a little as he met Shepard's gaze.

She grinned at him and winked, lifting her free hand in a small wave. "Joker thinks if you and I are sleeping together, you're less likely to kill everyone on the ship," she leaned in to whisper, her voice light and airy, humor dancing in her emerald eyes.

Thane let out a soft chuckle, bringing them to a stop in front of the airlock. "I'm not sure he understands the nature of the assassin profession."

The airlock slid open, and she stepped outside, a wide smile on her face. "Oh, he doesn't really think you're going to kill anyone on the ship, he's just a smartass."

The sounds and stench of Omega, the cesspool that it was, welcomed them as they made their way down the hall to the entrance of the asteroid's station. They fell into a comfortable silence, and he needn't look at her to know her gaze roamed the masses crowded around the entrance to Afterlife, taking in the faces and movements of each person, vigilant for a threat—just as he was. He led them to the taxi stand at the far end of the platform, and after summoning a cab, he turned to face her, allowing him to keep an eye on the people behind her.

She smiled, her hand slipping away from his arm only for him to scoop it up in his before she could drop it to her side. Lifting her hand to his mouth, he kissed her knuckles before brushing his thumb over her fingers. The skycar arrived, settling down on the platform, and he opened the passenger's door for her before moving around to the other side.

He entered the coordinates for Afterthought and waited for the skycar to lift into the air before shifting in his seat enough to look at her, taking in her beauty. In the dim light, her hair became indiscernible from black to his eyes, her pale skin taking on an almost ethereal quality. He smiled when he sensed a rise in her body temperature, the blush to her cheeks barely visible.

Reaching across the seat, he took her hand again, running his thumb back and forth across her knuckles. "I spoke with Kolyat again today. I hope you don't mind, but he asked if I have feelings for you, and I couldn't be dishonest with him … not after everything else I've put him through."

"Of course not," she said, squeezing his hand. "I don't expect you to lie to him—or anyone else—about us. How'd he take it?"

"No, Father. It doesn't anger me … just disappoints me."

He took a deep breath, turning his other hand palm up as he said, "I'm not entirely certain, he declined to discuss his feelings on the matter aside from saying he was … disappointed."

"Ouch." She grimaced and glanced out the window. "Disappointed?"

"Indeed." Rubbing his thumb over her knuckles, he wondered whether her desire to be a part of his life extended to wanting to be involved in his son's life as well. He found it difficult to imagine Kolyat being willing to include Shepard when he so barely accepted Thane's presence. Truth be told, he wasn't entirely certain how he felt about the idea of those two worlds blending together.

The huff of air she let out caught a few strands of her hair, making them flutter around her face before settling against her cheek. "Well, I knew I wasn't going to be leaving a very good impression on him … but disappointment?"

A soft chuckle slid past his lips, and he hummed. "I suspect it has far more to do with my becoming involved with someone else after my failure as a husband to his mother than it does with you personally."

Laughter followed her scoff. "That doesn't sound as reassuring as I think you intended." Still, she tightened her grip on his hand and offered him a smile. "It's alright, though. I understand. So, how are you with everything?"

"I am … still coming to terms, but I am hopeful." Hope. There it was again, such an unusual and cruel feeling. Yet, he found he wanted to embrace it when he was with her. "There have been many changes for me lately, between you and Kolyat, seeking medical treatments and organ transplants … it's a lot to take in."

"It is a lot to take in," she said, scrunching up her nose. "I'm a little terrified."

Surprised, he let out a laugh. "As am I."

They arrived at the taxi stand nearest to Afterthought, and the skycar settled to the ground.

"Shall we?" he asked, and she nodded, so he opened his door and stepped out of the vehicle. He moved around to the other side, intent on opening her door as well, but she was already stepping out of the cab. Smiling, he reminded himself just who exactly it was he'd allowed himself to fall in love with and held his arm out to her.

She slipped her fingers around the crook of his elbow and smiled at him, letting him lead the way to the restaurant. It wasn't a large establishment, but it was the closest thing to tasteful to be found on Omega. A soft, biotic-blue glow lit the sign above the entrance, welcoming them inside. Just within the door, an asari stood, her black and white suit complementing skin the shade of the sea. He smiled, dipping his head to her.

"Welcome to Afterthought, feel free to sit wherever you like. A server will be around shortly to take your orders," she said, gesturing further in toward the dining area.

"My thanks." He dipped his head again before leading Shepard to the table with the best view of the exits, one which would give them a modicum of privacy. "Does this suit you?"

She glanced around before meeting his gaze again. "Perfect."

He smiled, pulling the chair out for her before claiming his own seat. Taking a moment to glance over the menu in case it changed since his last visit—which it had not—he quickly decided on a dish asari called seramatan, comprised of boiled grains, fish, and leafy, green vegetables from Thessia. He turned his attention back to Shepard, watching her as her gaze scanned the menu, lips lightly pursed as she considered her options. Memories of the way her lips felt against his, against his frills and scales, started to push their way forward, so he gently cleared his throat and set them aside.

Glancing up at him, she smiled. "Do you already know what you want?"

"Indeed," he said, letting the corner of his mouth lift into a seductive smirk.

Her grin widened and she sat her menu aside, propping her elbows on the table to lace her fingers, resting her chin on top of her hands. "Mmm, and what's that?"

He leaned forward, clasping his hands on the table and lowered his voice, hoping she might still hear him over the din of the crowd. "The taste of you on my tongue and the sounds you make as you come undone echoing in my ears."

A blush spread across her cheeks, trailing along her neck, and she blinked a few times. "Oh, that does sound good. I think I might want the same thing."

Heat flooded his frills, and he let out a soft chuckle. Opening his hands to extend a palm to her, he brushed his thumb across her smooth skin when she placed her hand in his. "Shall we consider it dessert?"

"I like the way you think," she said and then turned to glance over her shoulder when his gaze shifted to track the approaching asari.

"Welcome to Afterthought. My name is Venia, I'll be your server." The asari didn't bother to even look at them as she spoke, her gaze fixed on the datapad in her hand. "Can I start you off with something to drink?"

Pulling her hand from his, Shepard sat up straight, attention fully on the server. "I'll have a glass of iced rahada, unsweetened, please."

Venia glanced at Shepard and then narrowed her eyes, head tilting to the side After a moment, she gasped, eyes widening. "Goddess … you're … you're … but you can't be, you're supposed to be dead."

Thane fought back a wince, watching the color drain from Shepard's face. He cleared his throat, the act demanding the asari's attention. "I will have the same, thank you."

Giving her head a slight shake as if clearing the thoughts from her mind, Venia smiled again. "Of course, I'll get those for you right away. Are you ready to order or do you need a moment longer?"

He glanced at Shepard, heart aching to reach out and pull her to him, to chase away the hollow, haunted look to her eyes. She licked her lips and nodded, trembling fingers touching the menu again, though she didn't pull it any closer to read. She gave the server no other response, however, her gaze fixed on the table in front of her without seeming to actually see the metal surface.

"I can come back if you're not ready," Venia said, her face a tight mask of regret and sympathy.

"No," Shepard said, squaring her shoulders as she looked up at the asari, but still, her eyes looked lost to the memories of her death. "I'll have the flaked halpendia."

"And I will have the seramatan," Thane said, still studying Shepard.

"Excellent choices," Venia said, her voice carrying a timid edge at odds with the pulse of Omega. "I'll be right back with your drinks."

He waited for the asari to retreat before holding his hand back out to Shepard. "Are you alright, siha?" he asked, keeping his voice low.

The smile appearing on her face seemed forced, but she settled her hand into his and squeezed. "Yeah, I'm good."

"We can leave if you'd rather not be here." He didn't want her to put herself in a position where she'd be constantly reminded of her time on Kalahira's distant shores just for the sake of spending time with him. Especially not when he would happily spend time with her anywhere she wished. "We can find another restaurant, or return to the ship if you'd prefer."

"No, no." She squeezed his hand again, another bleak smile crossing her face. "She just took me by surprise. I still want to stay and eat."

He dipped his head. "Very well, as you wish."

It wasn't long before Venia returned with their drinks, her gaze downcast as she sat the condensation-coated glasses down before them. Keeping her gaze averted, she retreated from the table once more. By the time their meals were delivered, the darkness receded from Shepard's eyes. It seemed he wasn't the only one to pick up on the change as Venia dared to meet Shepard's gaze again and offered her a smile, which Shepard returned with ease.

Thane wasn't exceptionally skilled at making small talk and even less skilled in the art of dating, but Shepard didn't seem to mind in the slightest. She smiled and laughed with him, attention seemingly so focused on him—despite his knowing she never truly stopped paying attention to the masses any more than he did—it left him feeling as if they were the only two in the restaurant. Certainly, the only two who mattered.

"Tell me about Kahje?" She scooped halpendia onto her fork, meeting his gaze again before putting the bite into her mouth.

The question brought a smile to his face, and he quirked a brow ridge. "What would you like to know?"

She shrugged. "Anything."

He thought about it for a moment, considering what she likely already knew—what was general knowledge and what she might've learned through her research into the drell. "There are many islands scattered throughout the seas of Kahje, though only a handful are large enough to sustain drell cities. Of those, only three contain the natural resources necessary to support adequate flora and fauna to provide for our people, and so those three islands are primarily responsible for producing food and materials for our entire population."

Waving his hand, he took a moment to steal a drink from his rahada. "Naturally, we supplement heavily from the sea, but as much as the sea provides, drell have dietary needs which cannot be met through the life found in the salted waters. We also wish to avoid consuming the fish and other sea creatures which serve as the basis for the hanar diet."

"Surely, with the planet being primarily ocean, there's more than enough of whatever the hanar eat for drell to have some, too?" She'd stopped eating a moment to watch him as he spoke, her forearms resting against the edge of the table, fork and knife poised in her hands above her plate.

"Indeed." He tipped his head in concession. The oceans of Kahje teamed with life, and the species the hanar preyed on were some of the most populous. There truly was no necessity for the drell to avoid those same species. "I suppose you might say it's more of a desire to honor those who saved us by being as little of a burden on them as possible."

"I read that only about three hundred and seventy-five thousand drell were rescued from Rakhana." Her gaze flicked to him while she picked at her plate, preparing her next bite. "Why such a small number?"

"The hanar were the first encounter the drell had with an alien race. We had yet to develop the capabilities for space flight." He hesitated a moment, debating on exactly how he wanted to word his response. "I imagine many drell feared the hanar, were distrustful of their intentions." In fact, he knew their histories well, and when the hanar first arrived, they were not welcomed with open arms by the drell; not initially. That was another conversation, however, and not one well suited for dinner. "Many others simply didn't wish to leave their homes, despite the strife living on a dying, war-stricken planet created. It took ten years for the hanar to rescue as many as they did, and during that time, the conditions on Rakhana only worsened. Now, there are but a few thousand drell left alive at any time living on Rakhana. The planet simply cannot sustain a larger population, and those who do manage to survive there live in nomadic clusters."

"Where was the Council through all of this?" Lifting an eyebrow, anger, like a spark of fire looking for kindling, lit her eyes. "Why didn't they step in and help?"

He waved a hand at nothing in particular. "Surely as a Spectre, you are aware of the Council's policies on uplifting species after the disasters of the Krogan Rebellions?"

"Of course, but we're not talking about providing the drell with advanced tech, we're talking about making sure a species didn't die off. They could've helped with the evacuation, set up drell colonies on uninhabited planets …." She shook her head, the spark finding a patch of dry grass in his words and flaring into a hungry fire, ready to consume whatever else he might have to offer. "They did nothing? Doesn't that piss you off?"

"They allowed the hanar to remove as many willing drell as possible and take them to Kahje but nothing more." He agreed it wasn't much. He didn't wish to defend the Council's actions, but he also didn't want to ruin their pleasant dinner by encouraging her rage at the injustices done to his people. "It … wasn't ideal, but neither is it something we can change. Without the hanar, the drell would be all but extinct at best, completely extinct at worst. For this, we choose to be grateful."

Lips pressing into a tight, thin line, she shook her head again. "Sometimes I really, really hate the Council. They've made me question the decision to accept the title of Spectre from the very beginning, and they still make me doubt they care about anything beyond saving face politically."

"Indeed, which makes me believe the galaxy is truly lucky to have you and others like you fighting for us." He smiled, tilting his head to the side. "I'm truly honored to be a part of your team, Jane."

Almost instantly, the fire in her eyes died down to something warm and comforting, no longer wild and fierce, and she smiled. "Thank you. I'm glad you feel that way, and I'm so happy you agreed to join us. Even if things didn't go the way they are now between us … you've been a truly valuable member of the team."

"You are too kind, siha." He smiled, relieved they appeared to find their way back to more comfortable territory, and used his knife to scrape the last of the boiled grains onto his fork.

Letting out a snort of laughter, she shook her head. "No, you're just too humble, Thane."

He chuckled, a wide grin on his face. "Perhaps, but I've learned the opposite can cause quite a bit of trouble."